How does it feel to talk about the day to death?

Li Yinyi

I am a reflex arc longer person, say good point, call sedate, say nasty, call to stay, for example, a group of people say jokes, I always that the finale smile, others laugh in the first half, I laugh in the second half, do not understand the people will feel as if very wise thoughtful look, in fact, I just ate a big loss.

Just a few months of work, the boss look at my eyes as sharp as a strong communication skills, often take me to attend some official occasions, adults are very tolerant to the workplace, even if the wrong words are often forgiven, until once, I chat to the day chat dead.

1

At noon that day two important guests, one of whom was my alumnus, as the Boss Secretary and the future work of the docking person, we four people together for lunch. Eating is happy, the alumni asked me: "Teach you contemporary literature is not XXX?" "I said yes." She went on to ask, "How's he doing in class?" ”

I think, it is time to express oneself is an interesting and have views of the person, so Balabala: "He is a good teacher, but too boring, his class half sleep, half of people read novels, he also has a most paradoxical problem, each session to pick the most beautiful girls in the class reading" Paddle sound Qinhuai River ", ha ha, how , do you know each other? ”

My loud "hahaha" still floating at the table, she has spit out a few words: "He is my father." ”

My boss took a deep look at me and did not speak; the Alumni ' companions hastened to find the topic interrupted.

Do not guess, the project for docking people, good start is half the success, bad start is also unsustainable half, this a fall into your wit, I understand the complexity of social relations, superficial communication is very difficult to judge the opposite people have how interpersonal relationships, hate, it is difficult to know Ta really like who, and who have Liangzi.

Young people have laughed at the cautious adults, think "language is not surprising death" cool, eat a loss to gradually understand that those who seem to talk uninteresting, not stay, but they understand the standard answer to the importance of the workplace.

True cleverness does not need to shake too much baggage.

And clever, is ethereal, the important moment, often cannot press the scene.

Later, I went to the newspaper to do reporters, write financial and character interviews, began always not a decent manuscript, because I and interview objects have no words to say, I always like "art life" as asked: "The most difficult time to think of giving up?" "How did you feel then?" "What is your wish?" "Do you think so?"

These questions talk to the end of the day, can only be changed to "yes", or "not."

2

Until later, I interviewed with my master.

She is very good at chatting.

She is always talking about some details, such as: Gee, your office wall This word interesting, "static depth Flow", why do you like this sentence? Another example: I read a few of your interviews, but today I think you are better than the interview, you have any tips? There are even: I heard you like the constellation, you are Leo, I am the big shooter, Haha, are fire signs.

Compared to the way I talk about my thoughts, and finally ask "What do you think", Master understands the value of chatting--the people who chat are not to express themselves, to show their cleverness, wisdom, and knowledge, but to form a benign interaction with each other, and finally reach a consensus to solve the problem, let the other party say Cool first, You can get the message you want.

Therefore, she first harmonious atmosphere, each meeting will break the ice, with details to tell each other she is concerned about and try to understand TA, pull into the psychological distance, the heart relaxed, words to let go.

She made me understand that the people who spoke the most were not the most popular, and that saying a lot and "talking" was two concepts altogether.

So, I carefully pay attention to those who are praised "high eq" people, they may not be able to articulate their own, but are particularly good at listening to others, they understand that effective communication is to achieve consensus, rather than do a question.

Even though I know so much from master, I still can't restrain my desire to talk, I like to argue, to express myself in the argument and to enjoy the thrill of the upper hand.

At that time, my words were usually like this:

Others: The new Hong Kong-style tea restaurant near the newspaper is good, try it together at noon?

Me: Have you? The city center is good, the newspaper next to the pineapple bag has a peculiar smell.

Others: Why don't you like Korean dramas, women watching Korean dramas is like men watching martial arts play games is relaxed.

Me: I still like to have a bit of a plot, responsible writers, you have finished the American and British dramas will never want to see Korean dramas.

Others: "Pulitzer News Award" is very good-looking, news events and the context of the work is relatively clear, shooting skills and the analysis of the reasons for the award is in place.

I: do not see this so-called domestic experts to write a big synthesis, really want to see the chat skills is not as "Oprah talk show."

I used to be such a person who can chat, good at three must kill skills: a word blocking the dead, I am better than your cow, you are mentally retarded. A lot of the sentences came to me and became no more, and even, I could hear the conversation falling on the ground.

On one occasion, I argued with Master about a topic that had long been forgotten, and she gave me a scornful glance: "Now we're going to be a defense, no one to let anyone see how much you can win." ”

The first time I found that she was so able to speak, I finally was qiangbai to be speechless and angry, but can not find the right excuse to vent, and even a kind of gas to burst the feeling of tears.

She poured a glass of water in front of me: "Does the argument make sense?" Life in which there are so many cardinal worthy of the fight, you think the usual people do not speak is to serve you? They are either not and fools talk about the length, think talk with you waste time, or is considerate of you, do not have the heart to really say you defeated, rather own wronged. You've been fighting so much, what have you got? ”

Yes, what did I get?

After the days of talking to death, often the road also blocked dead.

3

Since then, I've tried to change, even if it's sometimes bubbling.

　　 I practice not to answer words too quickly, so that I have no time to think carefully, do not say too much, let others lose the expression of the room, do not always retort, to block the death of each other's words, do not arbitrarily publish some ideas, opinions, even if the publication can not casually deny, sarcasm one side and affirmation of the other side.

The surprise is that after the change of language, my mentality is slowly changing, from grumpy to quiet, from argument to speculation.

Later, I left the department to the advertising department, Master sent me a message:

The Wright brothers invented the plane, a large through these reporters to interview them, not to say a few words of shocking words to go back to write a manuscript, the elder brother thought, said, as far as I know birds are the most likely to talk is the parrot, and the parrot is never fly high.

This is the real cool.

Perhaps, we have all been a non-pleasing young people, so-called wisdom is only the traces of survival, and a fall into your wit precipitation.

How does it feel to talk about the day to death?