30 flirting jokes

1. The construction team was too irresponsible for house decoration, so my boyfriend and they had a quarrel. I saw a rush to persuade me.
Boyfriend: You're here, standing up against the wall.-You saw it. It's called Ping! Do you dare to name the tiles on your walls ?!!!
Construction Team :......

2. A girl in the building lost her bra. Angry! Then, on the blackboard downstairs, I asked myself not to believe that my e-cup bra can still be worn by girls in the lower floor ?!
As a result, the bra hangs on the door of the dormitory that night ......

3. In the office, the tutor shouted, "the current college students are too inferior. I copied the hair clips on my computer and cut them !!!"

4. The train for the Spring Festival is too crowded. A mm next to it cannot help me. I asked if I could squeeze for a while. Three people have four seats, and the gap between seats is full of people. In other words, I can't stand in such a small place ...... I'm hesitating. mm is really tired and doesn't care about anything. "Too tired. Just sit on your lap !" Then I sat down. To avoid embarrassment, she joked while chatting with me: "In fact, this is also good. You can also mix a soft seat ......" Before the voice fell, MM got up and shouted, "Dizzy, it seems very proud too early-'Soft seated 'changed to 'hard seated !!~~~"

5. The blackboard on the floor says: 1983.11.11. Today is the birthday of Aoi. Various dormitories can hold a film festival to commemorate its 25 th anniversary.

6. glamorous girl: Can I have a seat? I am pregnant ~
Tsinghua male: Oh, well, sit down.
Female: Thank you!
Tsinghua male: How many months have you been pregnant?
Enchanting female: probably... About 50 minutes!

7. MM: I got angry with you a few days ago!
Me: Why? It seems that I haven't provoked you ......
MM: that day, I asked you to select only one person between 5 million and your lover. Which one did you choose? You chose 5 million, so I got angry!
Me: Sorry. What then? I seem to have not apologized to you yet?
MM: No, but I thought about it later. I will select 5 million, so I will forgive you ~
Me :......

8. GG (NERVOUS): Do you have a feeling for the elders in the bedroom?
Mm (local): No.
GG: So -- do you have feelings for the second child?
MM: This... Yes... Or not?
GG: Isn't that clear to you?
MM: Oh, no!
GG: How do you feel about me?
MM: No!
GG: This... Yes ......
MM: No ~

9. Lying in the dormitory bed lazily with mm, the voice in the Yixue advertisement said: "Are you happy ~"
"Ah, that's great! Come on, let me plug in the Manager !"

10. After the first intimacy, I asked mm how she felt, but seeing mm blushing and taking out a McDonald's coupon, I was so happy ......

11. MM sent a text message asking: Do you think Japanese ninja is poor or Japanese ninja turtles are poor?
12. During the interview, HR dismissed and said, "I have all my resumes from Tsinghua North University. What do you mean to show off when you break through Zhejiang University ?" MM confidently pointed to his chest and said, "Zhejiang University is Zhejiang University. Are you sure you want to take it ?!!"

13. three months ago, I got a girl from the company. She was pretty, and she was always on the phone every day. At first glance, there was a bunch of chasing girls. The company gave her a bunch of bachelors, I am the only one to ignore her. When I got off work this day, my girl finally couldn't help it. She ran over and lowered her voice and said something that made me unforgettable-She said, "Big Brother Huang, don't blame me, if you are physically ill, you have to handle it early ~"

14. Shared rent by xuejie and a gay. When I came back one night, xuejie was in a very depressed mood. Then the gay gave her a bowl of noodles. At the moment she gave her a face, she suddenly felt very warm, so she was very touched and said, "If this is not the case, we just have to deal with it ~" I didn't expect gay to jump up from the stool and throw her in a row: "No, no, that's not. You don't have a man to ask for it. I have a man to ask for it !"

15. One mm went out for exercise at five o'clock and early morning. At that time, the sky was just bright and the sky was still quiet ......
Suddenly, a strong man ran from the opposite side and asked, standing! What are you going to do?
I don't want to mention that Tsinghua students have a fast mind-mm is afraid of meeting a hacker and doesn't want to be hijacked. Then he said, "borrow money ......"
"Why do I borrow money ?" The strong man asked fiercely.
Mm was afraid of being grayed out and said, "no money to cure sexually transmitted diseases ......"

16. A female's shoulder twisted, so she took two roommates and wanted to go out and find a place for professional massage. She had never been to this place, so the three sisters bumped into a red house on the street. I didn't expect a sister dressed in a sexy bedroom to be sitting there watching TV. She looked up and down with surprise for half a day and asked awkwardly, "you... Are you also here to apply ?"

17. Buddy A: Hey, my colleague Tom said today that I am a big wolf!
Buddy B: Why, are you bullying her?
Buddy A: No, she said I had her milk last night ......

18. Buddy A and his new girlfriend came back to open the room and showed off to buddy B: "My sister-in-law is at least 20 times more beautiful than your sister-in-law !"
B counterattacked and said, "What kind of food can I eat? Do you have a second degree of technical skills to compare with the talented women I have graduated from ?"
At this time, C slowly turned his head to help his glasses, and looked at him with a blank face: "What then? Are you x her brain ?"

19. At 10 o'clock in the evening, a couple rubbed at the door of the community.
Girl: "What romantic gift have you prepared for my birthday today ?"
BOY: "I want the opposite building to light your light. How about all the cars playing your flute ?"
Girl: "deceiving people ~ Are you so competent ?"
I don't know where the boy picks up his legs and clicks on the side of the road ~ In the silence of the night, the sound was exceptionally loud. All the sound control lights in the opposite building were shocked, and the whole building was brightly lit. The alarm of the private car parked downstairs was shocked by a scream.
As a result, the girl smiled and moved into the boy's arms happily ......

20. In the evening, a female walked out of school. Suddenly she found a wallet on the ground and bent over to pick it up. At this moment, the thief who was hiding behind him cut the gold necklace on her neck with a special pair of pliers in the night, and then turned and slipped away. When the female picked up her wallet and found that there was nothing in it, she threw it to the ground. When the thief went back, he was very happy and thought that it had been issued. The heavy gold necklace was at least half two. So he went to the gold store to sell it. Who knows when the guy looked at it, he threw the gold necklace out of the door and said: "Do I buy 198 for TV shopping? Fake !" The thief's self-esteem has suffered a lot of harm. The more he wants to get home, the more angry he is, the more angry he can't sleep at night. The next day, the thief took a fake necklace to the school gate to block the female student. The thief slapped her up without saying anything. Then he threw the necklace to the ground and pointed to the female. He shouted, "What about a student? You said you were greedy and vain, what the fuck are you doing!

21. My surname is Gao and my girlfriend is Guo. I said, "In the future, our children will be called" High Pressure Guo (POT !"
His girlfriend asked why and replied, "both giving the child a name and showing the parent's surname are both beautiful and beautiful ~"
Hey, my girlfriend !!

22. I went to the office to answer questions. I saw my teacher listen to the Buddhist music and asked why. I replied, "It is easy to show mercy when I listen to the Buddhist music. Otherwise, all these rabbits fail!" -.-

23. Younger Brother: Brother and brother, hurry up. There are a lot of art testers out there. Let's go out and have a full eye!
Brother-in-law's head does not go up: No way not to go, didn't you see that I am working hard? After graduation, I will find a good job and make money. I will go to the nightclub to find them every day!

24. MM asked the subject: How much does it cost to host a wedding?
Married to: Not necessarily. Generally, the more handsome the groom, the higher the charge!
Mm was embarrassed to pay 10 yuan and handed it over. The main wedding person looked back at the groom, and then calmly looked for 9 yuan and gave it back to mm ......

25. last night, I met mm, which I hadn't seen for a long time. When I asked her whether she and her new boyfriend were "that aspect", she sighed: "Alas, my boyfriend runs F1 ......"

26. After waking up at home at noon, I ate two oranges. After my fingers were yellow and yellow, I went to school without washing my hands. In the afternoon chat, a classmate said, "how are you so disgusting? After pulling your finger and sticking it to it, you will not wipe it !" I said it was not a shit. It was done by eating oranges at noon. After that, I gave it a finger. In less than two days, the whole school knew that there was a pub in our school who wiped his ass with his fingers. after doing so, I licked my fingers and said that there were orange-flavored students ......

27. MM angered me, and shouted at her. "You are so bad now !"
As a result, she replied with confidence: "nonsense, like a painting hanging on the wall !!"
Me :......

28. It was still a small mm. I went out for exercise when the day was not bright, but this time it happened at Jiaotong University.
At the door of a boys' dormitory, he suddenly encountered a fierce, sound-like gangster, eight feet in height, and muscle figure.
The gangster lit up the weapon and shouted in a lower voice: "Don't shout, don't do it! Pay the money out, or I will lose you !"
MM pretended to be blank: "What are you talking about? Can you speak louder? My ears are bad !"
The gangster was helpless and said loudly, "I said-Don't shout, don't do it! Pay the money out, or I will lose you !"
The sound was so harsh on the cold winter morning that students who were sleeping in the middle school heard that someone was hanging up on their school's mm, and they rushed downstairs without wearing their underpants ......
A few hours later, the gangster squatted and climbed up from the ground. Then, he limped his ass and came to the police station to report the case, saying that he was raped by a student at Jiao Tong University ......

29. I chatted with my sister about a boy who had never been in touch for a long time.
Me: Now you both have reached the contact list. You have to take the initiative to pursue it ~
Xuejie: I am so big, don't harm the family ~
Me: Come on, maybe he is looking forward to your harm now ~
Xuejie: I am now cold ing ......
Me: when cold water is thrown into a quicklime, it will also generate a huge amount of energy!
Xuejie: Alas, I cannot cook water in my life ......
Me: You need to find quicklime, that is, Cao!

30. Zhang Yimou: Do you want to attend the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games I directed?
MM: Incorrect background!
Zhang: absolutely give the camera!
MM: If you don't see your face, you can just cut it. I don't want to do it!
Zhang: you have been playing for more than an hour!
MM: I won't come if I am standing!
Zhang: Make sure you are jumping!
MM: so good? Well, I agree ~
After the unspoken rule, MM jumped for two hours in the open-door welcoming cheerleading team. Then she came back and cried.