Between parents, is to understand, unrelated patience ZZ

Whenever someone tells me: "You are very patient with the child!" "When, I always think of my gold necklace, when more and more people say, the more I want to find out, I find the search, the more impatient but not find, that a gold necklace from my 18 years old that year has been worn on my neck until the daughter two years old, no matter how much jewelry I have, I have never won it, Lately I've been trying to get this necklace back.

I remember my 18 birthday that day, on campus I specifically from the school home, 18 years old, can test a locomotive driver's license, can also learn to drive, this a birthday to me meaning extraordinary, but that day, no one in the home remember my birthday, until the end of dinner, I am angry for a very small thing, A mess of anger, at the end of my mother crying and shouting and said: "Even you do not remember my 18 birthday today!" 』

That day, I hid in the quilt crying, I do not remember how long, my sister took a box to me, said mom and her to pick, I opened the box with the name of the jewelry store, see a thick gold necklace with a simple pearl, I looked at the necklace, I cried more serious.

In fact, I want to be my mother remember my birthday, I want is a simple blessing, never want any gift, mother gave me a heavy gold necklace, heavy to my life I remember her love .

Once I went to an activity, met a mother, she pulled me said: "I often read your article, but I have never you that kind of patience , I work three shifts, the children to granny Belt are spoiled, once I took him to the department store, after the toy counter, he actually lying on the ground crying to toys, I was so angry that I thought I would never spoil him, so he went home and beat him to death, and if it was you, what would you do if you met such a child? "

I looked at the mother and wondered, how could I be a patient person? While observing the other side, I can not tell whether she wants to listen to my opinion, or to seek my approval of her? or provocation? I asked her softly, "Do you want to hear my opinion?" The mother collapsed her shoulder and nodded.

I saw her armed behind the helpless, just asked her: "Children at night to wait for the mother to go home, or go to school when parents need to attend the occasion, mother to work, when the child wants to find his mother," How did granny talk to the child? 』

The mother wanted to say: "Mother to go to work to make money." 』

I went on to ask: "After that there is no answer, MOM to work to make money, can help you buy toys?" 』

The mother flatly said: "Even I often told him that mom didn't make money how can help you buy toys." 』

I tilted head thoughtfully asked: "There is no possibility that children go to school to see others have toys, or, see other children have a mother pick-up, children will also talk to friends, my mother to make money, so I can go to school, buy toys?" Children with adults to his words, survived the miss of the mother, but mom did not buy toys back to him, when he passed the toy store, insisted that want to buy a toy, it is not possible for the child is not the toy itself, it is important to prove by toys to mother really love him, To prove what an adult said to him, not to deceive? "

The mother was immersed in meditation, I also quietly do not speak, until I want to leave, I just whispered to her: "If you know the child's mind may be so, I think you should be able to fight, you do not have to buy toys to him, but you can give him a very deep hug, Tell your child that you are not paid enough to buy such an expensive toy, can you do it in a different way? Or a different toy? Or just hold him and tell him that mom has no budget to buy this toy, but I really love you, even tell the children, I respect you beg not sad mood, but, I think this way forcing me to buy things really make me uncomfortable, can I change a method? Or, your child might actually want that toy, but learn not to restrain the desire to buy, that is what he should learn, but also the mother should accompany him to understand, your child is not spoiled, he just used the wrong way to express his mood, even do not understand their mother is not to buy toys, adults cheat him, or toys really important to him. 』

That day after I left until now, I have regretted the answer I gave her, I always forget to leave when I saw her in the car, the entire armed people have collapsed, I think I was too cruel.

　　The hardest thing about a mother is to see that she has a slap in the face when the child's hands open and ask her to hug.

I know a lot of mothers in the child, in fact, their hearts are very painful, still adhere to the "I do not spoil the child" and the whip left the mother all the strength, when the later found that the child is not spoiled, but with a humble way in the mother to love, but was beaten a meal feeling, the mother's heart must be more painful.

　　we are too old to forget ourselves when the child's mood , forget sometimes children like a insecure lover, always forcing each other to buy gifts to themselves, with gifts to prove that they are loved, affirmed, with gifts to prove their efforts and pay have been seen, Also forced the lover to implement the original commitment to their own, to prove that they are valued, rather than have been cheated.

Before the son, the family has the newborn, the daughter often when the brother is held, also want to hug, I always find a more comfortable place around to hug a, if not willing, I will also gently refused, but the husband did not have that patience, often dad once to hold two dangerous and aroused impatient temper, father and daughter have been emotionally unable to secure.

Later I thought, will the daughter misunderstood a lot of things, or do not understand, even if we did not hug her when, in fact, is doing her thing? Behind these movements, there is love in fact?

One night I held my son to ask her daughter: "Baby, is not when I hold my brother, you think mom love brother, so you will want to hug?" 』

Fast six-year-old daughter nodded and said: "Yes!" 』

I continue to say: "But you have not thought a little, brother so small, regardless of mother to help him do what things to hug him, breast-feeding needs to pick up a brother, change diapers also to hold up bed can change, coax sleep also need to hug, but, mother hug you is simply hug, And then when I was on the computer, I was probably helping you arrange things to play, when cooking is cooking you like to eat things, cleaning is in fact to let you can lie on the ground to play also not afraid of dirty, even when I exercise, only to want to let oneself more healthy more time with you grow up, I love your way not only by hug. 』

My daughter listened to want to not talk, I also continue to busy to help my brother to sleep.

The next morning, I cooked my daughter's breakfast in the kitchen, vaguely heard my son's sober voice, my daughter volunteered to say: " I go to accompany my brother!" ", when I do breakfast, I enter the room to see my daughter is playing with my brother, I said:" Baby, Mom help you do breakfast, go eat it! Mom helps her brother change diapers and nurse. 』

The daughter opened her hands to hug me, I also give her a hug, the daughter said: "Mom Thank you for helping me make breakfast, I know you do breakfast also love me." "At that time I knew that the child actually understood."

And then I held my son, watching the daughter sitting on the table to eat breakfast, a person is very comfortable not alone do not insist on my accompany, I think of my gold necklace, I think of me in the temper with the mother to love, when the mother bought is not cake, not let me smelly face to look at their own cake to get back to sing Happy Birthday song, Angry and embarrassed in front of the whole family, the mother saw that I was in love, and she used a heavy gold necklace to prove that she had seen my mood .

My mother did not insist on not "spoil" me, which has a temper and can get a birthday gift? How can a noisy child only have sugar to eat? She used the gift that was very precious to me at that time, and went back and forth to my mood.

The necklace at the two-year-old daughter, I held her lying on my chest biting play, not long I can not find that necklace on the pearl, no pearl gold necklace A short time, I can not find it back, because put in the box of the necklace, how there is no such a heavy in my impression?

Over the years, I and my mother noisy, sometimes close sometimes quarrel, hurt each other a lot of opportunities, until today, when the mother so many years later, I understand, then that necklace, representing the mother with which attitude to respond to my mood, so many years, I understand the mother's love, The mother was telling me that she knew me .

And I also through the understanding of the child's difficulties, let the child understand that the original, is not a hug is love, that a breakfast, the child ruthless want of the fluffy skirt, the clean floor, the touch of her face hand, that little bit is love.

　　When my mother understood that I was trying to make love, instead of throwing tantrums, she didn't have to be patient with my temper, just thinking about how to respond to my feelings of love.

When a mother understands children lying on the ground crying for toys, not spoiled, but hard to use the wrong way to be seen in their difficulties, the mother may not need to have patience to endure the child's disgrace.

When I understand the plight of my daughter, I just a few words to help her daughter to determine the idea, let the daughter understand that parents love is not just hugs, our little bit is love, there is no need to patiently endure the child "I am busy still to find me trouble."

Now I understand, the most impatient how can I not beat scold? Just because for me, upbringing is about understanding the child, comprehending the child's thoughts, and providing a way to help.

To me, the parent-child, only depends on the understanding or does not understand, how to give love? How to respond to love?

Until now I understand, the mother gave me the necklace, is telling me, I understand your mood.

　　Between parents, for me, is to understand and do not understand, never have patience and tolerance.

Between parents, is to understand, unrelated patience ZZ