Chapter 2 key to getting along with others 1 understand the views of the other party

Source: Internet
Author: User
1. Understand the views of the other party

Carnegie's artistic experience is not only manifested in self-understanding, but also requires understanding of each other's points of view. Because only by clarifying the views of the other party can we find appropriate countermeasures.
Carnegie card goes fishing in Maine every summer. He personally liked strawberries and milk fat as bait, but he found that fish prefer worms. Therefore, every time he goes fishing, he does not want what he wants. He wants what the fish wants. Carnegie's Hook does not contain strawberries and milk fat. He hangs a worm or grasshopper down in front of the fish and says, "Do you want to eat this ?"
Why do you use this common sense when you catch others?
Li Luo George has gained a lot of inspiration. Some people often ask him, when all those leaders in the war -- Wilson, oulando, crimensuo --
Why can he still grasp the power when being kicked off and forgotten. He replied that if he had any reason to get ahead of him, it could be because he had known that the bait must be suitable for fish to catch.
Why do we need to talk about what we want? This is a childish and absurd idea. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are always interested in what you want, but others are not interested in what you want. Others, just like you, are only interested in what they want.
Therefore, the only way to influence others is to talk about what they want and teach them how to get it.
Remember! When you want someone else to do something tomorrow, for example, when you don't want your son to smoke, don't tell him the truth, just let him know, smoking will make him unable to join the basketball team or win a hundred meters competition.
This is worth remembering, whether you treat a child, a cow, or a chimp. For example: One day, Emerson and his son will drive a calf into the cowshed, but they make a common mistake-just think of what they want: emerson pushed the back, and his son pulled the back. But what the Mavericks do is exactly the same as what they do. All it wants is what it wants. Therefore, the ox sticks his legs and stubbornly refuses to leave the place. The Irish maids saw their predicament-though she could not write a book, but at least this time she had more knowledge about Ox and horse than Emerson. She thought of what the calf wanted, so she put her thumb into the calf's mouth and asked the calf to suck her finger and gently introduce it to the cowshed.
What you do after you are born is because you have some requirements. Why did you donate $ one hundred to the Red Cross? Because you want to help others, because you want to show a beautiful, selfish, and holy behavior. "Since you have put this thing on our brothers, it means you have done it to me ."
If you do not feel as good as you do for that $ one hundred, you will not have that donation. Of course, you may donate money because you are too embarrassed to refuse, or a customer asks you to do so. But one thing is certain, you donate because of what you need.
In his enlightening book "actions that affect humanity", Professor ostrok says: "action comes from our basic desires ...... One of the best advice I can give to anyone who wants to persuade others, whether in the business world, in the family, in the school, or politically, is: first, start the other's eager desires. Those who can do this can grasp the world. Those who cannot, will be alone for a lifetime ."
Anzu Carnegie Al, a poor and washable child, started working at two cents an hour, and finally donated $0.3 billion. He learned for a long time that the only way to influence others is to do what the other party wants. He only studied for four years, but he learned how to treat others.
For example, his sister-in-law worried her two children about getting sick.
They studied at Yale University and were too busy to write a letter back home for their own business. They did not care about the anxious letters they had written to their mother at all.
As a result, Carnegie Mellon proposed to bet one hundred yuan, and he could get a reply without having to ask for a reply. Someone made a bet with him, so he wrote a chat letter to his nephew. The letter came along with a saying that he sent them five dollars each.
However, he did not include the money in the letter.
Thank you for writing the letter "dear Uncle anzu --
You can guess what the next sentence is written.
One of Carnegie's students, Stan Novack from Cleveland, Ohio, provided a convincing example. One night, when he came home from work, he found his youngest son, meter, lying on the floor of the living room, crying again. DEMI will start kindergarten tomorrow, but he will not go. In normal times, Shi's reaction was to rush the meter to the room and told him to decide whether to go to kindergarten. At that time, he had no good choice. But this evening, he realized that this would not help dimeter to go to kindergarten with a good mood. Shi tan sat down and thought, "If I was the meter, why would I happily go to kindergarten ?" He and his wife listed all the things that meter would like to do in kindergarten, such as painting with fingers, singing, and making new friends. Then they take action. "We -- my wife, Lily, another son of mine, and me -- began to draw a finger painting on the table in the kitchen and really enjoyed it. In a few cases, the meter peeked at the corner and asked him to attend. 'No, you must first go to kindergarten to learn how to draw a finger painting. 'The greatest enthusiasm I have given him and I explained the things my wife and I listed on the form to him as he could understand-tell him all the fun he would have in kindergarten. The next morning, I thought I was the first person in the family to get up. I walked downstairs and found meter sitting in the chair in the living room.
'How are you sleeping here? 'I asked him. 'I am waiting to go to kindergarten. I don't want to be late. 'The enthusiasm of our family has aroused an exclusive need in our hearts, which cannot be achieved by discussion or threat ."
Tomorrow, you may persuade others to do something. Before you speak, stop and ask, "how can I make him willing to do this ?"
This problem can prevent us from talking about our desires with no result.
Carnegie OLA has personally experienced such a thing.
He rented a grand ballroom to a hotel in New York and held a series of lectures on 20 nights each quarter.
At the beginning of a certain quarter, he suddenly received a notice saying that he had to pay nearly three times more rent than before. When Carnegie card received this notification, the admission ticket was printed, issued, and all notices were published.
Of course, Carnegie we don't want to pay the extra rent, but it's useless to talk to people in the hotel, and they are only interested in what they want. So a few days later, he went to see the hotel manager.
"I was a little surprised to hear from you," Carnegie Ley said. "But I don't blame you at all. If I were you, I could send a similar letter. As a hotel manager, you have the responsibility to increase your income as much as possible. If you do not do this, you will lose your current position. Now, let's take out a piece of paper to list the possible advantages and disadvantages if you insist on increasing the rent ."
Then Carnegie card took out a piece of stationery, drew a line in the middle, and wrote "benefits" while the other side wrote "disadvantages ".
He wrote these words below "Li": "The ballroom is empty ". "You have the benefit of renting a ballroom to another party or to hold a conference," he said, it is much more profitable than renting a lecture to others. If I take your ballroom for 20 nights to give lectures, it will be a huge loss to you.
"Now, let's consider the disadvantages. First, not only can you not increase your income from me, but it will reduce your income. In fact, you don't have any income, because I cannot pay the rent you requested, so I have to be forced to take these classes elsewhere.
"You have another disadvantage. These courses attract many well-educated and well-developed people to your hotel. This is a good publicity for you, isn't it?
In fact, if you spend $ five thousand on advertising, you won't be able to attract so many people to your hotel like my courses. Isn't this a great value for a hotel ?"
Carnegie one said that he wrote the two disadvantages below the disadvantages and handed the paper to the manager of the hotel. "I hope you will consider the advantages and disadvantages you may have, then let me know your final decision."
The next day, Carnegie card received a letter notifying him that his rent only rose by 50% instead of 300%.
Here, the rent deduction result is obtained without saying what he wants. Carnegie Mellon always talks about what the other party wants and how he can get what he wants.
Suppose Carnegie Mellon makes what ordinary people do. Suppose he rushed to the manager's office and said, "What do you mean? I know that my admission ticket has been printed and the notification has been sent, but I need to increase my rent by three times? !"
What will happen? A debate will be in full swing --
You know what the arguments will do. Even if Carnegie was able to convince him that he was wrong, his self-esteem would make him hard to give in and give in.
This is a famous saying about human beings. "If there is any secret to success," Henry Ford said ."
This paragraph is really good!
This sentence is too simple, too obvious. Anyone should be able to see the truth at first glance; but 90% of the world's people spent 90% of their time, however, the principle is ignored.
For example, if you look at the emails on your desk tomorrow morning, you will find that most of those emails violate this common sense. In this letter, I wrote a letter to the head of the radio department of a broadcasting company, which has branches across the United States and sent it to radio managers across the United States. Carnegie Mellon expressed his opinion on the matter. (The words in each bracket are the responses of Carnegie OLA to this practice .)
Mr. John brank, dear Mr. brank of India, hopes to maintain a leading position in the radio industry.
(Who cares what your company wants? I am worried about my own problems. The Bank is preparing to confiscate the mortgage of my house, and the pests are biting the hookui. Yesterday, the stock fell sharply. This morning, I missed the train at 08:15 and the bell house didn't invite me to dance last night, the doctor said that my blood pressure is too high, there are neurology, there are too many scalp. Then what happened? I was very upset when I arrived at the office this morning. I opened my letter but read a well-known character in New York, nagging him about his company's hopes. If he can understand the impression this letter has given to others, he will leave the advertising industry and change to make disinfectant .)
Our Advertising customers are those radio stations. Every year, the company's turnover is among the top.
(What if you're big, rich, and far ahead? I don't care, even if your company has a General Motors Company, a singular Electric Appliance Company, and a US Army Headquarters. If you are not so thin, you should understand that I only care about how big I am-not how big you are. You mentioned how successful you are, which only makes me feel small and unimportant .)
We hope to provide our customers with the latest wireless news.
(You hope! You are a wise idiot. I don't care what you have, what mosolini has, or what kind of hope pinkrausbay has.
I want to tell you in a dry and brittle way that I am only interested in my hopes-but you have not mentioned a word in your absurd letter .)
Therefore, you can list the company as a necessary object for your weekly message reporting-each of which is useful to advertising companies for inserting advertising details during prime time.
("Required objects ." A big breath! When you talk about your big company, it makes me feel insignificant-and then you want me to include you in the "necessary" object, or even not to mention the word "please .)
Reply immediately and tell us about your recent "activities", which will be beneficial to each other.
(You are stupid! You sent me a low-level re-writing letter-a same letter like autumn leaves to the ends of the earth; you asked me to sit down and dictate a private letter while I was worried about house mortgages, hookui and high blood pressure, tell you to receive this reply-and you want me to "reply immediately. What do you mean by "instant? Don't you know that I am as busy as you are -- or at least I like to be as busy as you are. Also, since we are talking about this issue, I would like to ask you, What power do you have to command me to do this ?...... You said this would be "beneficial to each other". Finally, you began to see my point of view. But you are vague about how it benefits me .)
Sincerely, radio department manager John branch re-Qi: the attached copy of the brankville daily newspaper has reference value for you. You may want to play it out on your radio station. (Finally, you mentioned one thing that may help me solve a problem. Why didn't you mention this at the beginning of the letter-but what's the purpose? If any person in the advertising industry commits this kind of problem to you, there must be a problem with pig. You don't need to write a letter to get a copy of our situation. What you need is a coquart of iodine, injecting your thyroid .)
Carnegie Mellon believes that if a person is devoted to advertising for a lifetime and thinks that he has a high talent to persuade others to buy advertisements-If he writes a letter like this, we will treat butchers, Baker, and auto mechanical repairer, what else can we expect?
The following is another letter written by the supervisor of a large freight company to Mr. vimilan, a student in Carnegie division. What is the effect of this letter on the recipient?
No. 8, longlin Street, New York
Recipient: Mr. vimilan
To Whom It May Concern:
Our operations on the receiving station of goods for shipment are often blocked because many goods are delivered in the evening, as a result, traffic is congested, our staff work overtime, vehicle delays, and sometimes driving delays. We received November 10 pieces of goods from your company on March 13, five hundred and ten. It was already 04:20 P.M. when we arrived here.
We ask your company to work together to overcome the adverse effects of the late arrival of goods. Can we request your company to transport the goods delivered on the same day in the future? Please try to ask your truck to come early or send some of them in the morning?
In this way, your trucks can drive away more quickly, and the goods delivered by your company can be transported out on the same day.
After reading the letter, Mr. vilmilano, sales manager of the company in addition to the company, director XXX, sent it to Carnegie card and added the following comments: "What is the effect of this letter, this is exactly the opposite of the original intent. This letter describes the difficulties of the freight company at the beginning. Generally, this is not what we are interested in. Then, I requested our cooperation and did not think of any inconvenience. In the last section, we finally mentioned that if we cooperate, our trucks will be able to be quickly driven back, and our goods will be able to be transported out on the day of delivery. In other words, what we are most interested in is mentioned at the end, and the overall effect is hostility, not the psychology of cooperation ."
Let's see if this letter can be rewritten or rewritten. We should not waste time talking about our problems. As Henry Ford said, we should "understand others' opinions, from his perspective and from our own perspective ."
The following is a correction method. It may not be the best method, but it is also an improvement.
No. 8, longlin Street, New York
Mr. vimilan transferred from Rega
Dear Mr. vimilan:
Your company has been one of our best customers for 14 years. Of course, we are very grateful for your care, so we are very happy to provide you with fast and effective services. However, we regret to say that if your truck delivers a large volume of goods at dusk, for example, on January 1, November 10, we will not be able to provide such services. Because many other companies deliver the goods at dusk. In this way, congestion occurs, making it inevitable for your trucks to be blocked at the dock, and sometimes even making the goods unable to run as usual.
This is a very bad situation. How can this problem be avoided? It is to try to deliver your goods to the dock before noon, so that your trucks can be moved freely and your cargo can be sent out immediately, and our staff can return home early, enjoy the delicious macaroni powder produced by your company.
Please do not think this is a complaint, please do not think that I am telling you how to operate your company. I wrote this letter mainly to serve you in a more practical way.
No matter when your goods arrive, you are still happy and fast to serve you with the greatest strength.
You are very busy. Please do not reply.
Director XXX Kai, who works at a bank in New York, moved to Phoenix, Arizona for the health of his son. She wrote the following letter to the twelve banks in Phoenix based on the Principles she learned in the Carnegie Endowment class:
To Whom It May Concern:
I have ten years of experience in banking and should be of interest to fast-growing and expensive banks.
I have worked in various departments of the New York Bankers Trust Company and have now become a branch manager. I am familiar with banking departments, including the relationship with the deposit, credit, loan and administration.
I will move to Phoenix City in May and believe that it will help your bank grow and make profits. I will arrive in Phoenix City One week around March 13, April 3. I am grateful if I can give me a chance to show how to help your bank reach its goal.
Shang Qi
Barbella andreson
After the letter was sent, eleven of the twelve banks asked her to interview. Why? Mrs. Andre did not say what she wanted, but only said in the letter how she could help them, focusing on their needs, rather than her own needs.
Today, tens of thousands of sales promotion staff are wandering on the road, tired, negative, and underperforming income. Why? Because what they think is what they always want. They didn't realize that you or I didn't want to buy anything. If we want to buy it, we will buy it by ourselves. But we always wanted to solve our problem. If a salesman could let us know how his service or product would help us solve the problem, he would not need to sell it to us, we will naturally buy it. Customers like to feel that they want to buy, rather than be sold.
However, many people have been marketing for a lifetime, but do not know how to look at things from the customer's perspective. Carnegie Mellon lives in the Forest Hill, a small residential area in the center of New York. One day, when he hurried to the station, he happened to meet a real estate developer who had been buying and selling real estate in Long Island for many years and was familiar with Forest Hills. So Carnegie Problems, his cement house is made of metal strips or hollow bricks. The man said he didn't know, but told Carnegie was already known! He said Carnegie can call the Forest Park Gardening Association for details. The next morning, Carnegie card received a letter from him. Did he provide the materials Carnegie required? He only needs to make a call and get the answer within 60 seconds. But he did not call the phone, but told Carnegie card that he could call and ask for insurance.
He said he is not interested in helping others. He is only interested in helping himself.
Hao Hua Lucas from Birmingham, Alabama, said how two salesmen in the same company handle the same type of situation. He said:
"A few years ago, I worked as a senior engineer in a small company. There is a regional branch of a big insurance company near our company. They assign jobs to their salesmen by region. Our company is within the work area of two of them. I call the two salesmen Karl or John.
"One morning, karl came to our office and mentioned that his company had just set up a plan dedicated to insurance for senior employees. I think we will be interested in it later, he also said that he would come back to us after obtaining more information.
"On the same day, we went back for a cup of coffee and walked on the sidewalk. John shouted," Wait for me. I have good news to tell you. 'He rushed up, he was excited to tell us that his company had just created a new plan for senior employee insurance on that day (just like the plan we proposed in a chat with Karl ), he asked us to be the first insurer and said:
'The insurance is totally different from the past. I have asked the head office to send a person tomorrow for further explanation. Now I ask you to sign the cover book and sort it out, so you will have more information for him to explain. 'Although we do not know the details of this kind of insurance, his enthusiasm has raised our urgent need for this kind of insurance. When the insurance contract was sent to us, we found that the content fully complies with John's preliminary understanding of such insurance. He not only made every one of us participate in insurance, but also doubled the insurance amount later.
"Karl was able to get the performance of these insurances, but he did not try to attract us to participate in this kind of insurance ."
Professionals often make the same mistake. A few years ago, Carnegie card went to a clinic in a famous nose and throat specialist in fealder fiya. The expert asked him which line he was working on before checking his tonsils. The experts are not interested in the size of his tonsils. They are interested in the size of the Carnegie card wallet. He is not concerned about how to treat the disease, but about how much money he can get from others. As a result, he cannot get anything. Carnegie card stepped out of his clinic and despised him for being unpersonable.
The world is full of such people: greedy and annoying. Therefore, a few people who are not selfish and willing to help others will have great gains. He has no competitors. Owen Mei said: "A person who can view things from others' points of view and understand others' spiritual activities never has to worry about his future ."
If you read this book, you can only learn one thing: gradually thinking from others' points of view and looking at things from others' points of view-if you have learned this from this book, it can easily become a milestone in your career.
Exploring others' opinions and causing urgent desires for something in his mind doesn't mean to manipulate this person, let him do something that is only beneficial to you But unfavorable to him, but both aspects should be rewarded in this situation.
I sent a letter to Mr. vermilan, saying that both the sender and recipient have gained some benefits from implementing the suggestions. Both the Bank and the Bank succeeded as the messenger of Mrs. Anderson. The Bank received a valuable staff member, and Mrs. Anderson got the right job. In John's example of selling insurance to Lucas, both parties also had a deal.
Another example of the need that has aroused the urgent desire of others and brought about gains for everyone is proposed by Mike wedden of the city of waveck, the island state, he is a regional salesman at Shell Oil. Mike wants to be the best salesman in his region, but a gas station has impacted his efforts. An old man is the manager of the gas station. Mike tried his best to keep the old man clean the gas station, so the sales of gasoline dropped significantly.
Regardless of how Mike requested to improve the cleaning at the gas station, the old man ignored it. After many persuasion and sincere conversations, Mike decided to invite the manager to see the latest Shell Gas Station in his region.
The manager was impressed by the facilities at the new gas station. When Mike went to visit him next time, his gas station had become clean and sales had increased, in this way, Mckey has achieved the highest performance goal in the region. His past conversations and discussions didn't work, but he caused the manager's urgent need and invited the manager to visit the modern gas station, he achieved his goal so that both the manager and Mike could benefit.
I will repeat Professor Oliver's wise advice: "First, start your desire. People who can do this can master the world; those who cannot, will be alone for a lifetime ."
A student in Carnegie League worried about his little boy. If the child is out of weight and does not eat well, his father adopts the following method:
Heat and nagging. "Mom wants you to eat this, eat that. My father wants you to grow tall and big ."
Will the children handle these requests from their parents? Obviously, you can't, just ignore the sand on the beach.
Anyone with common sense will not expect a three-year-old to respond to his thirty-year-old father's views, but this is exactly what the Father expected. He finally saw this, so he said to himself, "What does this child want?
How can I turn what I want into what I want ?"
It's easy for him to start thinking about it. His child had a three-wheeled bicycle and he liked to ride it on the sidewalk at the door of his house. A child older than him lives near his home. He often pulls him down and grabs his bicycle for riding.
Of course, the little boy cried and ran back to tell his mother that the mother would immediately come out, pull the big boy down, and hold his child on the bicycle. This kind of thing is happening almost every day.
What does this child want? Even Sherlock Holmes knows the answer to this question. His self-esteem, his anger, his desire to get the feeling of an important person-all his strongest emotions-drive him to take revenge and flatten the Big Boy's nose. But when his father told him that one day he could beat the Big Boy, if he was willing to eat the food his mother had given him -- once his father assured him of this, he no longer has any problem with partial food. The child is willing to eat spinach, cabbage, salty mackerel and anything, so that he can grow up quickly and beat the bully who often humiliate him.
After solving this problem, my father encountered another problem: the child had a bad habit of bedwetting.
The child sleeps with his grandmother. Every morning, when his grandmother woke up, he would touch the sheets and say, "You see, Jiang Ni, you did a good job last night ."
He will say, "No, no, you did it ."
Ask him, beat him, shame him, and repeatedly say his mother doesn't want him to wet his bed --
All of this cannot keep the bed dry. As a result, my parents asked, "How can we stop this child from bedwetting ?"
First, you need to know what he wants? First, he wants to wear his nightgown like his father, not his grandmother. My grandmother was tired of night harassment, so he would be happy to buy him a nightgown if he didn't have a bedwetting. Second, he wants to have his own bed. Grandma also has no objection.
His mother took him to the department store and blinked at the clerk and said, "This gentleman wants to buy something ."
The clerk said in a tone that made the child feel important: "Young man, what can I show you ?"
He stood there and said, "I want to buy a bed for myself ."
When the clerk showed him a bed that his mother wanted him to buy, she blinked at the clerk, so the little boy was persuaded to buy it.
The bed was delivered the next day. When my father returned home that night, the little boy ran to the door and shouted, "Dad! Come upstairs and check the bed I bought for myself ."
When I was a father, I looked at the bed and followed the instructions of Shi kaobo: "We appreciate it and appreciate it ."
"You don't want to wet this bed, do you ?" Ask by Father.
"Yes, yes! I don't want to wet this bed ." The little boy kept his promise because of his self-esteem. This is his bed. He bought it by himself. He is now wearing pajamas, like an adult. He wants to act like an adult. He did.
Another father, named darquman, is a telephone technician and a student in Carnegie class. He cannot make his three-year-old daughter have breakfast. The usual scolding, request, and temptation methods are useless, so the parents asked themselves: "How can we make her have breakfast ?"
This little girl likes to imitate her mother and feels she has grown up. So one morning they put her in a chair and asked her to cook breakfast. At this very important moment, the father walked into the kitchen and she was stirring the breakfast food. So she said, "Dad, I made my breakfast this morning ."
This morning, she ate two bowls of oatmeal without any temptation, because she was interested in it. She came up with the feeling of an important person; she found that breakfast was a way of self-expression.
"Self-expression is the most important factor in human nature," said William ventel ." Why can't we adopt the same psychology when we do business?
When we have a clever idea, why don't we let the other party say it, rather than let the other party think it is what we think? In this way, he will think it is his own idea; he will like it very much.
Don't forget: "First of all, let's shake up the desire of the other party. People who can achieve this can grasp the world; those who cannot, will be alone for a lifetime ."
Please remember this rule:
"Arouse the urgent needs of others ."

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