Classic funny stories of my mom and I [original]

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I have long wanted to organize a mom quote. Let's start today!
The content of quotations is completely true. Some conversations are cut down and adjusted, but the content and plot are definitely in real life.

The most classic, or you don't seem to be, but people who have heard of this fact think this is the most classic.
This story will be used to comfort me when I encounter similar strange ideas and behaviors that cannot be explained by my mom!
(1) bananas
I bought four yuan of bananas at Carrefour. I don't have much, just a few. My mom and I split it together.
Then he said, "How are you doing? This banana is delicious ."
Mom: "That's not the case! How much does it cost ?"
Me: "four dollars !"
Mom: "four yuan for these bananas !!!"
I was speechless for a moment and asked for an excuse to say, "This is imported. Of course it is more expensive ."
Mom: "alas ...."
A few days later, my mom also bought some bananas.
As soon as I entered the door, I said, "You see, I bought more bananas for a dollar ."
I can see that there are a lot of bananas, but they are black and rotten: "This is a banana, it's rotten, it's also a ghost !"
I think this banana should be the kind that someone else will throw if you don't buy it.
Mom said, "You have nothing to worry about. Bananas are bad !!"
Me: "...! ???"

(2) puppies

The cousin's family is not suitable for raising puppies, so she gave them to us. To be honest, we don't have time to raise this guy.
I was on the rise and joked: "Hey, when the dog grows up, forget it ."
Mom: "You can beat this good dog to eat it !"
I was speechless and casually said, "Oh, joke! I don't have time to raise it. I want to raise it myself ."
Mom: "Don't raise it, don't raise it! I expect you to have enough funds ."
I'm speechless!
A few months later, the poor puppy disappeared, probably because it was taken away by the children of the neighboring house or stolen by others.
I proudly said, "Okay, well, it's easy this time to avoid trouble ."
Mom was upset: "Alas, this good dog is gone, unfortunately !"
Me: "It's a pity that you have carefully raised a meal. If you have a meal, the dog is suffering from us !"
Mom: "Alas! It's not easy for you to spend a month with your support !!"
Me: "Oh, you have raised your feelings !"
Mom: "Alas, I want to eat it during the Chinese New Year! This is a good thing ."
Me: "! ???!"
Alas, a poor puppy is lucky to be stolen by others ......

(3) bulbs

The bulbs in my house are generally ordinary incandescent bulbs, which are a waste of electricity. If the voltage is insufficient, the light will not work.
So as long as I buy a bulb, I usually buy an energy-saving bulb. Of course, the price will be higher.
At last one day, the light bulb in the living room hung up! Mom asked me to go to the light bulb. I went directly to Carrefour to buy 13 energy-saving bulbs!
Come back and talk to your mom about the price.
Mom almost jumped up: "A light bulb needs to be expensive !!!"
Me: "This is an energy-saving bulb, and the electricity cost is saved !"
Mom: "13 bucks. How much power do you need !!!"
I was speechless and comforted: "Okay, well, it's just a power point for the country !!!"
Mom: "You need to save it !!"
I'm speechless.
In less than a few weeks, the voltage near my house was often unstable, and it was an extreme day!
Generally, electrical appliances at home cannot work normally, but my computer cannot be started anyway. The light bulb cannot work normally.
Well, this time, only my energy-saving lightbulb works normally!
So I did not miss this opportunity: "You can watch this light bulb and I can use it !!"
Mom: "! ???"

(4) sock

I have a habit of changing my so every day, whether or not I have to go out or walk around.
As a result, many so need to be washed. So I bought more than a dozen so so that I could wear them for a long time. Although it is not my wash.
But I didn't expect to wear clean so one day.
So I said to my mom in an ironic voice: "I should buy 100 million so, so it doesn't matter if you don't wash so for one hundred days ."
Mom is speechless!
About a week later, I came home from work one day and found a big bag in the closet,
At first glance, it was full of clean so, about 20 pairs. Of course, they were all bought by myself. I thought, Mom finally did some good work.
A week later, I had seven or eight so in my bucket. Of course I had to add some dirty clothes!
But I thought: It's okay. Don't worry, I still wear so!
After another half a week, I still haven't washed my clothes!
I'm depressed !!!!!
Think about it later !!! It seems that my mom is planning to stop washing clothes in 20 days! Faint !! Stunned!

(5) mobile phone

I never use a cell phone! But my mom always wants something new.
I want to get a cell phone while I get my cousin's cell phone.
One day, an acquaintance finally got a mobile phone!
When I got home: "Look, I bought a mobile phone !"
I am busy asking: "How much is it !" I think ZTE is still CDMA!
Mom proudly said: "Only seven hundred yuan, there are 8 months of calls !"
I said, "Oh, good, it's still CDMA !"
Mom is even more proud: "Right, that's what you said about C. That's what other people sell mobile phones say. It's pretty good about c !"
I have no words: "Good Guy! I want you to buy it. I don't know how to buy it !"
Mom was surprised: "Why? It's not good !"
My silence: comfort: "Alas, it's not a bad thing. It's useless if you want to get it. You just need to have a PHS! Do you need a cell phone !"
Mom said happily: "I didn't buy it with you. I bought it with you! I haven't paid seven hundred yuan yet. You will give me the money tomorrow and I will give it to others !"
Me: "! ???!"
So far, I am still using the ZTE CDMA like PHS !!! Nearly 30 calls per month! Basically, it is used as an alarm every morning!
On average, there are 10 calls each month (total incoming and outgoing calls) and 25 text messages (total incoming and outgoing calls, including some advertisements ).
It's still depressing !!!

(6) an English dictionary
mom hasn't read any books, however, I am very confident about the books on my shelves. Every guest comes to my house.
when I see the books on my shelves,
she will be proud to say, "This is not too much. There are only a lot of houses in which I am working with others. That's really a lot ,......"
just blow it! During the Chinese New Year, I want to give my cousin a gift.
if you want to get it, it should be nice to have a deep English dictionary, and she is now using it.
I said to my mom, "if you forget it, please give her a dictionary. I bought this book well and I bought it for her !"
MOM: "Whatever you want !"
the problem is too urgent. Before we can buy it, we will go to the four aunts first.
I have not prepared to send a dictionary, so I did not tell my cousin!
As a result, when my mom talked to them,
I was too proud of my book: "..., nana (cousin), XX said there was a book for you.
sorry, he had a lot of books. You went to our house to play in the afternoon, ask XX to give you the book!"
I: "!?"
even if my mom's brain is not clear!
but my cousin is still a rational person. I think I can convince her to give her a new one. I kept it myself.
after arriving at our house in the afternoon, my cousin was happy to ask me for a book. I called my mom absent.
I told my cousin, "I wanted to buy a new one for you, I have already written this book, and I don't really want to give it to you.
otherwise, I have time to buy a new one for you !"
the cousin opened the dictionary and said, "What is the matter !? You don't want to give it to me !? Then I will read this book! This shows that this book is quite good !"
I: "!?"
I lost another book on the shelf!

(7) Coffee
mom never drinks coffee, and of course she never cares about coffee drinking habits and methods. One day after dinner, I made a cup of coffee as usual.
mom emerged: "Give me a cup too !"
I: "Well !?? Wait !"
after a while, I made a cup of coffee and prepared to pour it to her.
mom said, "You don't need a cup, you don't need a cup, you just need to pour it into my bowl! I eat and drink !"
I saw that there were dishes and meals in her bowl, mainly because of oil.
so I insisted: "drink in a cup !"
MOM: "You don't have to drink anything to your stomach !"
I insist: "Use a cup. That's better than you !" As I said, I poured a cup of coffee and went back to the room and put my coffee on my desk.
when I come out again, I always say, "This kid is not the same !"
as soon as I saw it, the cup was empty. I saw my mom's bowl and I had already explained what it was!
I'm dizzy !!! I'm so dizzy !!!!!!
I think of her bowl, so far I have a lingering fear when drinking coffee.

(8) bad table
there is a bad table in the house that cannot be used. I have long suggested that you forget it, or sell it to a broken-down person. It's a few dollars to sell it!
Mom doesn't agree: "This is also for sale, that is for sale, and a house will sell it for you !"
I insisted: "Is this bad table useful for returning! I can't use it. I can't do anything else !"
Mom is angry: "You don't need to count. It will be useful naturally !"
I am also angry: "Where do you go !?"
MOM: "You don't count, I naturally have a place to put it !"
of course, I know where she wants to put the data: "Do you want to put the data in front of the dark building! You see, there's something to put in your head! When do you see it !"
MOM: "Are you doing this? You should have seen it !"
I am depressed and ironic: "I think you'll stay here and let me know when I get married !!"
Mom smiled and said, "I will not give you a bad table when you get married !"
I: "You're still a bad table !"
Mom is speechless!
it wasn't long before my mom opened a mahjong room not far downstairs! There are not many people, that is, spending some time.
one night I went there and was called by my mom: "Come and come, help me move this table back ."
I think, what table is it? Move it back! At first glance, I was almost not angry with me. It turned out to be the one I threw away and was later put on the dark upstairs by her.
faint! I angrily said: "I want to move back, this bad table !"
mom is not happy either. She knows that it cannot be used at all: "Help me, move back !"
I: "forget it, you have moved out. I want you to move back! Rest! Find a way to sell it, or lose it, with you! Just don't move it back !"
MOM: "! ???"
finally, I didn't see the rotten table that only occupies the place and cannot be used at all. I don't know what happened to her. Maybe it's still in the dark upstairs. Who knows !?

(9) cake
I sold a birthday cake for my mom for fifty years. Fruit cake, because I know Mom doesn't like cream!
my mom was very happy when she saw the cake, but she was not willing to eat it. So she put it for three days!
I said, "I don't want to see this cake any more tomorrow. If you want to eat it, I will eat it tomorrow !"
MOM: "Wait a few days, wait a few days to go to the big sister (that is, my aunt) and eat with them !" Face-to-face!
I said, "no, it will be broken when it is still waiting. This is a fruit, and the strawberries can be placed for a few days !!!"
MOM: "It doesn't matter. This cold day should not be bad !"
I said, "no, no matter what. If I come back from work tomorrow, if I still see it, I must eat it ."
Mom is speechless!
I didn't see any cake when I went home the next day.
during dinner, my mom said to me, "Your ghost cake is not good at all. It's too much cream !"
I was speechless and thought to myself, why is there too much fruit cream !? Or I don't even think about it. That's all.
after about three or four days, we went to our aunt's house to play. When we arrived,
mom said, "Wait, I want to bring something !"
the result was that I was overwhelmed: the cake about a week ago !!!!!
she put it on the dark upstairs again !!!
when I win the game, I also said, "It doesn't matter. I am using cold water and ice. It cannot be broken !"
I was dizzy: "It's rare not to be bad !"
I suddenly realized: "You can't say it's good to lie to me !!!! I mean, it's fruit. Why is it too much cream !??"
mom giggle, I'm speechless!
of course, the cake is broken!

This is also a classic story
(10) Hand sanitizer
my family does not have good conditions, the kitchen is not very clean.
however, I think the main reason is that if you clean it carefully and clean it carefully after each meal, it should be okay or not very bad,
at least not a layer of oil on the faucet. I am not interested in boiling water.
I am very angry sometimes: "Are you diligent? Please clean up a kitchen. You can take a look. Everything is always oily !"
Mom finds an excuse: "This is the way the house is deployed. It's not the way the house is scanned !"
I am depressed: "The house is not good because I am lazy! If your aunt's house is not cleaned every day, it's not the same as ours ."
Mom is angry: "You compare with them !!"
I: "I am not comparing them. I mean, you are a little diligent, and the kitchen is not like this !"
Mom said to herself, "what is it like? It's not like that !"
I was depressed. The next day, I went to Carrefour to buy a bottle of hand sanitizer.
then I told my mom, "after dinner, clean the kitchen, I bought a bottle of hand sanitizer from you. When I have finished washing it, I will not have any oil in my hands!"
MOM: "I'm so small, you need to teach me this !"
I: "Why don't you do it !?"
Mom is speechless!
after a few weeks, the kitchen remains the same, and the bottle of hand sanitizer also sticks to a layer of oil!
I was even more depressed and said angrily, "you need to sweep the kitchen and wipe it after dinner. You see, that's still the case !"
MOM: "It's not just a fake wash ."
I: "You see, the hand sanitizer is moving! There is still a lot of oil on it !"
MOM: "in a kitchen, which one is cooking !?"
I: "I am not talking about oil fume. I am talking about other products. It will stick this oil when you wipe it !!!"
Mom finds an excuse: "Where is it !??"
I am angry: "I also said, you see the faucet is high, and the bottle of hand sanitizer I bought is not oil, it's black and dead!
I don't believe you wash it with your heart. The bottle of hand sanitizer will become so dirty !"
Mom is speechless!
the next day, after going home,
the kitchen is still available, only the bottle of hand sanitizer is clean !!!!
then, my mom proudly said, "Well, the bottle of hand sanitizer has been wiped out with you. You are satisfied with it !"
I'm so dizzy !!!! "Alas! I'm not saying whether the hand sanitizer is good. I mean, in the kitchen, hand sanitizer is just a representative! Alas, you are !!,,,,"
I am speechless.
mom Giggle: "Oh, oh !!!"
why did I buy the bottle of hand sanitizer!

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