Common joke of programmers

A: I have been breaking up with my girlfriend for more than two months. I feel dejected and have a dish. My family introduced a girl, who had a blind date with her yesterday. The girl was really pretty. I decided to make an exception and invite her to dinner.

I chose a very expensive western restaurant and ordered more expensive dishes. The girl smiled and talked with me very speculatively. Chatting, she said, "I will tell you a joke ." "OK"

"A worm will introduce an object to a female butterfly. When they meet, they will find that the other party is a male spider. After the meeting, I asked the butterfly, 'How is it? ',' He looks too ugly ', 'Don't Look at the ugliness of people's parents, people have websites '."

"Haha ........." I smile. Suddenly, she asked, "Do you have a website ?"

　

B System Programmer
1. the scalp is often numb. It is obvious when you see a blue screen, especially when you cannot see anything on the screen;
2. When taking the elevator, I always worry about crashes and find the reset key on the wall;
3. the nails are very long, because it is effort-saving to press F7 to F12;
4. As long as there is something in your hand, you will keep pressing and think it is Alt-F, S;
5. The chassis is never covered to determine whether the hard disk is being switched;
6. follow others inexplicably and keep pressing F10;
7. All interfaces are attached to the hard disk, So 26 letters are insufficient;
8. When I have time, I will say "I will not be a programmer in my next life ";
9. I always think that after the 9th is;
10. Do not fear viruses, but fear their own programs;

C: The programmer's wish
One day a programmer saw God. God: Young man, I can satisfy your wishes. programmer: I hope the Chinese national team can reach the world cup again.
God: That's it! This is not easy to do. Let's talk about the next one!
Programmer: That's good! My next wish is that I can rest for more than six hours every day.
God: Let China enter the World Cup.

D: development time

Project Manager: If I give you another person, when can the project be completed? Programmer: 3 months! Project Manager: What about two? Programmer: 1 month!

Project Manager: What about 100? Programmer: 1 year!
Project Manager: What about 10000? Programmer: I will never be able to complete the task.

E. view of love
Love is an endless loop, and once executed, it gets stuck.
Falling in love with a person means memory leakage-you can never release it.
When you really fall in love with a person, it is constant limitation and will never change.
My girlfriend is a private variable. Only this class can be called.
The lover must pay attention when using the pointer. Otherwise, it will bring about a huge disaster.

F female
Some women are windows, although excellent, but the security risk is too great.
Some women are MFC. She has good conditions, but not everyone can play.
Some women are C # very beautiful, but not housework.
Some women are c ++, and they will do a lot of things for you silently.
Some women have to ask for the compilation though it is very troublesome.
Some women are SQL, which will bring great help to your development.

G: One day, when a man crossed the forest, he heard a tiny voice. He looked down and saw it as a frog. "If you kiss me, I will become a beautiful princess ."

The man picked the frog up and put it into his pocket without a single comment. "If you kiss me, I will become a beautiful princess. Besides, I will tell everyone I met
How smart and brave you are, and you are my hero ." The man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

"If you kiss me, I will become a beautiful princess, and I will be your lover for a week ." The man took the frog out again, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

"If you kiss me, I will become a beautiful princess, and I will be your lover for a year, and you can do anything to me ." Once again, the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog was powerless to ask: "I have made such a good condition, why are you still not willing to kiss me ?" The man said, "I am a programmer. I don't have time to mix up with any princesses. However, it's cool to have a talking frog ."

H: programmers write poems
The office room and the programmer in the office room;
Programmers write programs and exchange wine with the program.
When you wake up, you just sit online and get drunk and stay asleep;
Drunk wine wake up day after day, online next year after year.
I hope the computer room will never bow to the boss;
Mercedes Benz and BMW are fun and programmers on the bus.
When others laugh at me, I laugh at myself;
I don't see the beautiful girl on the street, which is a programmer.

I: IBM and Boeing 777
Boeing 777 is the first aircraft ever designed and manufactured completely in computer virtual reality. The equipment used is completely provided by IBM. Before the test flight, the president of Boeing warmly invited IBM's technical supervisor to participate in the test flight, but the supervisor said, "Ah, I am very honored. Unfortunately, it was my wife's birthday, so .. "..
As soon as Boeing heard it, he got angry: "I haven't told you the test flight date yet !"