Original address: http://www.cnblogs.com/jfzhu/p/4298427.html
Reprint please indicate the source
"Home", "dumb", "difficult to communicate" is often the label that people put on the programmer, then this article will talk to programmers about how to better talk to strangers.
(i) Body movements
Studies have shown that body language plays an important role in people's conversation when it comes to narrowing their distance. Dr. Tang Gabol has proposed a "softening (soften)" rule that makes it easier for you to accept and be accepted by others.
- s–smile Smile . People who love to laugh tend not to have bad luck.
- O–open Arms open his arms . Arms crossed or held in front of your chest is a hint of rejection. Open your arms and welcome your arrival.
- F–forward leaned forward . Many years ago during the interview skills training, the teacher said, although leaning back on the chair or sofa is very comfortable, but you convey to the interviewer signal that you are not very interested in the conversation between you. Leaning forward means you're trying to listen, and it's a compliment to each other.
- T–touch Contact . When you first meet, the most receptive is a warm handshake, so whether it is a job or a social occasion, take the initiative to reach out your hand.
- e–eye Contact . Often see someone in the conversation without looking at each other's eyes, in fact, appropriate eye contact and give a timely smile, indicating that you are willing to communicate with each other.
- N–nod nodded . Nodding your head indicates that you are listening to the other person's conversation and understanding what he says, which is an encouragement to continue talking.
(ii) Four steps to start a conversation
Talking to strangers is actually a rule, which can be done in the following four steps.
- face the rejection boldly and greet first. The first greeting is not so scary, lost very little, and get a lot. Even if you are rejected, it is not your fault, he may be in a bad mood, or is busy, and again be rejected by strangers again what a big deal.
- ask some easy-to-answer courtesy questions. You can use some closed questions (just answer yes or no question) to test the other side of the topic of interest, to find later, you can ask some more easy to answer open questions.
- listen to what you should talk about (active listening). after asking open-ended questions, start listening to each other's answers.
- do not think, pay attention to the key words : A lot of people listen to what they want to say next, then you will probably miss the other side of the speech of some points, in fact, you just need to listen carefully, grasp the key words, you will naturally know what to say next.
- Note the "Iceberg" statement: the so-called "iceberg" statement, that is, his words, although the surface only exposed a corner, but the water is actually lurking a lot of content. Like he said, "Do you know what happened next?" "Then he must want to tell a wonderful story next time, you must be very curious to ask him:" What happened! ”
- A good listener needs practice and concentration.
- self-presentation. just listen, and you're just a good listener, not a good person to talk to. Unless, for example, the other person is lovelorn, the other party only needs you as a Confide object, otherwise the conversation, chat should be a two-way process. When someone asks you about a topic you are interested in, you should fully introduce yourself to the situation.
(c) How to say it naturally and easily
Do you often fret about having nothing to say to strangers? A pleasant conversation should be a balance between listening and speaking, and the key factor in achieving this balance is that what you are talking about is a topic of interest to you all. Here are a few tips to help you find and let your partner know what the interests of both sides are in common.
- Start with the surrounding environment. Poor chats always focus on themselves, think about how they look, whether they will be liked and so on. A good chat person will observe the surroundings and find interesting topics.
- Where the other person places a lot of time and money, that place is his interest.
- Before taking part in a social event, write down a few topics that you would like to share with others.
- When expressing your point of view, you may hear yourself saying something that you have not said before, and for most people it is the first time to express the idea clearly and form an orderly concept. Talk also need to practice, say, the next time you and others to express this point of view, you will say better.
- A quick interruption is a timely response to a conversation, in this way let him know that you care about the topic.
- When you find that you have something in common, tell the other person right away, and it will create a familiar feeling and let the other person know that you are interested in the topic.
- Pay attention to the other person's reaction, when the other side of your topic is cold, it should be time to change a topic.
(iv) Choose the right time to end the conversation
It is important to choose the right time to end the conversation, and if you wait too long, you and your partner will feel nervous, uncomfortable, anxious, and even bored. When you think it's time to end the conversation, you need to find the right time. There will be some natural pauses in the conversation, earnestly waiting for these appropriate moments and ending the conversation.
At the end you can follow the following four steps:
1. The transition can be a simple summary or a recap of what the other person just said.
2. It's nice to say you're chatting with him.
3. We'll talk about it when we are free.
4. Say goodbye to someone else's name.
(v) Conversation with four types of people
There are roughly four kinds of people or four ways to talk:
1. Many words : Many words of people talk, they want to be concerned.
Things to do:
- Give them stage, praise them, admire them.
- Share your interests with them, or they will chatter.
- Talk loudly, or you'll never get your mouth shut.
- To show your humor.
Not to do:
- Don't dwell on the details of a topic
- Don't talk too heavy about the topic, because having fun is the primary purpose of their conversation.
2. Frank: Frank People are also a lot of words, but also eager to be concerned, but a little different, they like to argue with people.
Things to do:
- Give them stage, praise them, admire them.
- To show that you're not pushy humor
Not to do:
- Don't dwell on the details of a topic
- Don't argue with them.
- Hear the rebuttal, don't be angry.
3. Accurate: This kind of people talk rigorous, like to talk about a topic in-depth discussion, do the technology of the majority of people speaking this style.
The thing to do
- To commend their technical knowledge.
- Encourage them to talk about professional knowledge.
Not to do:
- Don't change the subject frequently because they like to talk about a problem in depth
- Don't argue with them.
- Hear criticism or suggest not to be angry
4. Introverted: introverted people are sensitive and need extra encouragement to talk
The thing to do
- To show your interest in talking to them.
- Ask their opinions and feelings so they can open their words
Not to do:
- Don't argue or criticize them.
- Don't interrupt them or complete their sentences.
- Don't give up, it takes a little more time to talk to them.
In fact, no matter what type, there are some similarities, such as try not to argue with each other or accuse each other, more praise, appreciate each other. In addition, each type also has its own characteristics, such as talking to many people to share their own things, and accurate people best on a topic in-depth discussion, and introverted people to encourage, more ask each other's views and feelings and so on.
(vi) Summary
This article describes how to use body language when talking to strangers, the four basic steps of talking, the core of natural ease of conversation is the balance of listening and speaking, and the key is to talk about topics that are of interest to both sides, to choose the right timing to end the conversation decisively, and to talk to four different types of people. Finally, it is recommended to see Don Gabol's "5 minutes with strangers as friends".
Dedicate to programmers how to talk to strangers
