Different circles, no need to be strong

Zhouhongxiang will be authorized to publish the book

Source: Zhouhongxiang (ID:ZHOUHONGXIANG19)

Picture: Film "Little Times" stills

Editor: Tzu Chi Reading Club (Id:cihuai_dushuhui)

I have a very good relationship with colleagues, you know, she called the Rajah. As we all know, the Rajah's maverick style is simply fascinating. But soon I found a problem, the Rajah in the company and not so many friends, so I can not help asking her, whether feel lonely?

From home all the way to Shanghai, no family and no friends, time was squeezed to talk about a love is the luxury, such a life, a person really can carry it? Then the Rajah asked me: "The definition of loneliness, what is it?" Put you in a group of people, follow them together ridicule feel not alone? The so-called friends, is to solve your lonely tools? ”

The Rajah asked, I could not answer.

The Rajah said:"only idle people will feel lonely, friends are in the interests of the field of casual encounters, rather than to highlight their popularity and casual acquaintance of the group." "

At that time Sunny just transferred from the Sweater group, sitting opposite the Rajah. First day, I took a double snack, handed to the Rajah during the rest, and gave it to the people around him. Lunch at noon, Sunny asked the group of other people to go where to eat, everyone voted to eat udon noodles bar, she took the initiative to take out the mobile phone, said: "I come to buy a good!" How many people? "In the afternoon everyone occasionally lazy chat, talking about the weekend party, Sunny also can't help to say:" There is very good ah, I often go! "However, in this case, the sunny tend to be hot-faced with a cold butt. Not only will everyone interrupt the topic, but even the participants will not know why they are stuck in the inexplicable.

Sunny put everyone in the group added again, as long as there are friends circle hair status, she is the first to praise, and then say a bunch of people happy words. But others see in the eyes, no matter how many replies under the State, no one would reply to her. Similarly, under each state of her, there is basically no one in the group that has a point like and comment.

Every year in November, the company organizes a suburban tour, because of the public expense, so basically all the company's people will participate. But soon there was a problem, the company in order to save money, the general arrangement of two employees living in a room, and sunny together with the Huihui soon unhappy up.

However, there are no other people in the group and Huihui to change rooms, so Huihui and General Affairs of the better sister said quietly to replace the list, said before the problem, need to re-grouping. Such things in the office of the mouth of the people can not hide, sunny soon heard from others mouth this matter. Eventually Sunny himself ran to the General Affairs, said that the day something, may not participate.

Lunch, I chat with the Rajah, said Sunny, I think she is actually pretty poor. The Rajah bowed down to eat eel rice, did not talk to me. I went on to say, "Really, I think the people in your group are actually a bit overboard." "The Rajah swallowed the rice and looked at me and said," poor? She is a social friendship too cheap, where can eat and drink, casually take a conversation to become friends with others? Although the feelings of the matter, to pay only to respond, but before paying if the object also do not look, it is to ask for.

Is it necessary to recognize people who are completely different from their own values? When they talk about weddings every day, I think it's a waste of time to spend a second with them. Some people can be classified as friends, but some people can only stop at colleagues--except working relationship, we have no other intersection. ”

The following afternoon, I noticed that as long as someone called sunny work, Sunny will be very happy to help, but after helping, in addition to a simple "thank you", others did not give sunny too good-looking face. Originally in such circumstances, everyone will only do their own things, walking on their own track, there will be no one specifically for someone to stop, but also no one for the aggrieved people to hand over a paper towel. After work, large group of dinner, the list of missing sunny, she only faint smile, said: "No matter, I happened to have a person, will not go." "I did not finish, and the leader said later, finally unexpectedly busy over the head." Punch down the stairs, thinking about simply do not go, to the leadership sent a message, planning to go to a convenience store to buy a loaf of bread, but found sunny sitting in a convenience store chair to eat Bento.

Originally I want to come forward to say hello, who knows but was a hand to hold, looking back, it is the Rajah.

"She sat for a while, presumably in a bad mood, you go up and call her, will only make her embarrassed." The Rajah whispered and I said. I wonder why the Rajah suddenly appeared, the Rajah shrugged and said: "You know I do not like to participate in those messy party, went to buy something nearby, a little thirsty, come in to buy water to see her." ”

If I did not read wrong, sunny the eyes of the non-god some redness, she slowly eating bread, from time to time looking at the phone in a daze.

That day I and the Rajah sitting next to the Nanjing Road Apple flagship store, the Rajah and I told a story. She said, everyone has a silly time, there was a period of days, she is the same. When I was in college, I met new friends through my friends, and I always felt that they were a good fit, but the others didn't put you in the circle, there were activities or things, and you wouldn't be selected as participants. A lot of things that look like a fling, do not think you taoxin potter the lungs, others will treat your friendship. Sometimes, a group of people talk about things, in fact, you are not interested in, but still want to butt in to agree with, think others will pay attention to you, in fact, in the end, are self-acting.

The Rajah looked at me and said, "You always worry that I have no friends in the company, but I always think that friends are attracted to each other because of the gas field, not deliberately." Like me and you, never seem to hold a special ceremony, announcing the world "We are friends", but we still have a very happy relationship. So, I never want to solve the "loneliness" problem, and let friendship become cheap. The circle is different, does not need to be strong, has been the value which I believe.

I said, we should go and talk to sunny about these things, I think you should go to persuade her, on the one hand you are a girl, on the other hand you have the experience of empathy.

Wang shook his head, drank the drink bottle into the dustbin, said: "Never think you are the savior, we can not save others." Believe me, can let her live, except God's accidental arrangement, only her own thorough sober. ”

The Rajah said, Zhou, say a thing around you. Before I had a friend, and I was very hit, two people have known each other for many years. Later she began to Mix entertainment, at first not happy, often call me, said around the small groups, basic difficult to squeeze in, although everyone seems to know, but others talk, joke never take her, because the other people out of record, film. She also tried hard to be in line with those people, in fact her condition is not bad, but lack of opportunity.

Wait until the opportunity to, out of the album, to the circle of friends have sent a past, said it is hoped that everyone pointing, in fact, but also hope that others in some moments can think of themselves. However, there was little reply after the record was sent. After a few months of questioning, I suddenly realized that I did not seem to have signed something, but placed it in a corner without notice. She just smiled kindly and said it was okay to have time to listen. But everyone is very busy, when you are not strong enough, no one will notice you.

After a few years, the wind turbine circulation, and new entrants into the circle, she has become a predecessor. Perhaps the time is right, also perhaps she really more and more outstanding, suddenly leaped to the front line, many people began to notice her. At this time, the past those who did not take her heart of the friends began to associate with her again, as if those who did not care and do not pay attention has never happened. In the final analysis, or their own base hard, there is no so-called "sucking up" and "pleasing".

Wang Liang smiled, then said, she said she was a very calm day. The circles that once seemed extraordinarily sacred were found to be in ruins when they really stepped in. Everyone wears a mask of hypocrisy and is double-faced, discrediting someone who may have just smiled and talked a second ago. Finally pull out, return to their own, just understand that in fact, in the beginning is not belong to those circles. My friend, in the final analysis, is not begging.

Although the Rajah insisted that these things do not remind, but I still wrote an e-mail to sunny, the content is not much, I just tell her, instead of wasting time on others, it is better to spend time on their own. After work, I received sunny e-mail, only a simple two words: Thank you.

Sunny began to run his own work very carefully, but also try to get the leadership to appreciate as much as possible, but there are too many people in the group, everyone has a strong desire to express, sunny still submerged in the crowd. There are not many people working overtime in the office, Sunny is one of them, because there is no colleague solicitation, there is no extra arrangement, so she often do things in the grid late.

Everyone said Sunny because the boyfriend dumped, no one want, will end up like this. The Rajah heard in the pantry, can not help but back to a sentence: "The other day I just saw her boyfriend bought a rose downstairs waiting for her, do not know whether you have seen, just suppress jealousy said such words." "Finally made everyone speechless.

Half a month later, sunny to apply for the group, but the personnel told her other groups no personnel needs, and finally sunny said she can accept the assignment. There were not many overseas firms at that time, but it was not difficult to apply, but many local employees did not want to go to such remote places, because wages were not much higher than domestic, and the environment is worse than domestic. But Sunny still insisted on applying, back to my seat, handed me a bottle of yogurt, said: "Thank you." Sunny smiled very easily and then began to pack things.

Sunny went overseas, often we have a TV conference, basically can see her. I heard that after she went overseas, she soon became a backbone. Because people are few, so the circle of communication is simple, we do not have so many ideas, just think happy work, atmosphere is very good. Later sunny as a representative of the overseas Office, when the former colleagues suddenly crowded up to ask the West, as if to greet the return of friends. Sunny within a year to even raise three, I and the Sovereign said, the Rajah laughed, at least she finally know what they want, this is more important than anything.

Sunny come and I greet with the Rajah, I said, look at you more and more good, really happy for you. Sunny smiled generously and said, thank you for your letter. Turned and said to the Rajah, and your bread.

I was slightly surprised to see the Rajah, the Rajah shrugged, said not understand. Sunny said: "Although it has been a long time, but I still remember, that day I sat in a convenience store, when hunger unbearable, you handed my bread." You say that although bread is not as tasty as food, at least you can feed when you are hungry, and then signal that you have one. You may not know the importance of that moment to me, and when everyone goes to the party, you will share a loaf of bread with me. Although we do not talk much at ordinary times, but I know, you are treating me as a friend. At that time I have been envious of your ability, later only to know that you are attractive is that you never please others and adhere to the attitude of self. "

Sunny back overseas, to the Rajah sent a message, she asked, how can we really do not care? The Rajah returned a word: strong to let others care about you. Sunny back a smiling face, she said she understood.

I have always feared that the Rajah is a person without friends, will be lonely, will be lonely, because no one contacts and lose the sense of existence. But gradually, I understand that the sense of existence has never been given to others, only their own too weak, so that there is not enough weight in the world.

I and the sovereign sitting on the platform to drink coffee, just a simple two people, we never kitsch to please each other, nor hard to fit in each other's circle. A true friend will accept you for your goodness, not because of your flattery and deliberate effort to get you into the list. There is no need to please the world, just wait for someone who is attracted by your quality, initiative and willing to come with you.

Author 丨Zhouhongxiang young writer; Sina Weibo: Zhouhongxiang, public number: Zhouhongxiang (ID:ZHOUHONGXIANG19). This digest is from the author's new book, "I just dare to be different from others."

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Different circles, no need to be strong