Do you have procrastination? Proper delay relieves excessive anxiety.

Experts believe that delay is not because of laziness, but because of anxiety, fear of difficulties, or too much pursuit of perfection.

　　

"I know that there are so many things in front of me: open files, messy wardrobes, just a phone call, an email to be sent out, and a restless little heart, we still bite our fingernails, and we may just say in a daze: Wait a moment, just wait ......"

The above section comes from the Douban group, which has more than 30 thousand members. "We are all procrastinating." Many people have come to a chord. Yes, we all have procrastination, and a wide range of leftover male women are also the focus of procrastination. Experts believe that we do not delay because of laziness, but because of anxiety, fear of difficulties, or too much pursuit of perfection.

　■ Recognition Delay

The word "procrastination" does not appear in the diagnostic criteria of mental medicine, but the vast majority of us who love procrastination do not reach the level of "psychological problems, procrastination is just a humorous tag with self-ridicule. Yu Jinlong believes that delay is a self-defense mechanism to combat anxiety.

Case 1: often delay the most important thing

Dr. Xu always felt that he was too busy at work. He went out of the clinic, checked the room, and went to the next class to learn new knowledge. He had to answer questions from patients online ...... However, the evaluation of important titles in his career is always delayed.

Expert analysis: similar incidents have actually occurred in many white-collar workers: they are very busy every day, but are reluctant to face the most important things. In fact, Dr. Xu is not very busy at this level. The delay may be because he is worried that he will not be able to review the paper this time, or he is afraid that he will not be able to finish the paper. This kind of worry will bring anxiety, and he does not want to face it in his subconscious, so he finds many things to fill up time. In many cases, the delay is due to the difficulty of the current task, and people are afraid that they will not do well. People all want to be recognized, but those who love to delay are more advanced. When a difficult task is given the meaning of personal value, how much anxiety it brings to people. At this time, people subconsciously will find various reasons to escape this task. As deadline approaches, many people are getting anxious and self-blaming while continuing to escape.

Case 2: The leftover male and female are procrastinators

Cindy, 40 years old, once a TV station host, has been single since she experienced a failed affair eight years ago and has been "Left" at home. A friend once gave her an unmarried man with good conditions in all aspects and said she would like to meet her. She said, "I have gained some fat recently, and I have been suffering from skin for a few days and nights, wait for me to adjust my status in a few days." But the adjustment of C Indy is half a year, during which the blind date is not accepted.

Expert analysis: in fact, being a leftover male is also a delay. Most of the leftover male are still eager for marriage, but because of the pursuit of perfection, fear of real marriage, or fear of pressure from their parents, they adopted a method of delay to escape. Some people's delays come from their "perfectionist complex ". He always wants to deal with one thing when he is in the best state, and then he can finish it in one breath. In fact, they are not satisfied with their current situation and feel that they are not doing well. "Best State" is just an illusion. In the end, it is not confident enough.

Case 3 excessive delay careful depression

When Pan was a child, his parents were divorced, and he lived with his mother. He never made his mother angry when he was obedient. After the college entrance examination, he was admitted to a famous university outside the province. After leaving home, he was unable to get used to his independent life, did not want to read books, did not want to write homework, and all the work related to his studies dragged on, eventually Pan suffered from depression.

Expert analysis: the most healthy relationship in the family is the isosceles triangle. The relationship between parents is recent, and the relationship between parents and children should be equal. However, in reality, many fathers are busy with work and are separated from their children, as a result, the relationship between the mother and the children is too close, and Pan has a serious love affair. Pan's endless delay in his learning lies in his influence of adapting to his new life. His strange feelings make him anxious. He does not like this kind of life that is far away from his mother. Procrastination is the way he expresses resistance and hostility. Some people don't want to do things, but they have to do things. People think they are forced. They cannot resist it openly, because it may lead to dangerous consequences (punishments, etc.), but by dragging, they temporarily get rid of such depressing and unpleasant controls in private.

　■ Victory over delay Trilogy

Knowing that you are procrastinating

Knowing that you are procrastinating is the first step to overcome latency, because only when you are aware of the problem can you analyze and solve it later. People who love delay do not realize that they are procrastinating. They may feel that they are really busy, "the time is wrong", or "no inspiration "......

Why are you procrastinating?

What do I need to delay? Why do I want to delay such tasks? Are I afraid I can't do well, I don't like doing these tasks at all, or are there any other reasons?

Accept your own delays

Accepting your own delays does not mean breaking the jar and believing that "I am doing this, but cannot be changed". Instead, we must accept this fact first, do not blame yourself for delay or deliberately resist delay. Many in the Douban delay group are still using self-blame, self-discipline, or supervision to solve the delay. These methods may be useful in the short term, but they are useless in the long term. Because procrastination itself is caused by anxiety, the self-blame and resistance mentality will bring more pressure, make people more anxious, the more restrained the delay, the more the heart wants to delay. If the stress exceeds the individual's capacity, psychological problems may also occur.

　■ Let's talk about this.

Liu Bei's loss of Jingzhou also delays success and failure.

Liu Bei borrowed Jingzhou from Wu and kept dragging it back. Relying on delay, he developed power and occupied many territories. However, he always felt that Jingzhou was a debt to Wu and he was sorry for this. In the end, Wu took back Jingzhou with this mentality. This means that "Success is delayed, failure is also delayed", and there are also many in our daily life.

Xu Jinlong said that delay is not necessarily a bad thing. In some small matters, such as washing dishes, mopping the floor, and organizing the wardrobe, there is no harm to delay. Proper delay can help ease your anxiety and improve your physical and mental health. However, many in the Douban group mentioned the experience of delaying the event, which needs to be changed.

■ Tips for overcoming delays

Set goals to tell yourself what to do and set a deadline for yourself. The target should be detailed and accurate. The goal is divided into several small steps, each time only focus on the current step.

Learn how to arrange time to know how long it will take you to do various things. Learn to use Fragmented time, instead of waiting for the time to be blank. Leave some time for possible interference during work arrangement, such as an unexpected call.

Learn to accept and reject others' help, tell others what you want to do next, and let others supervise you. Reject the temptation that may easily lead to delay and leave the network as appropriate.

When you feel trapped and cannot start a task, try a little exercise. In addition to the body, the brain also needs to exercise. Puzzle games such as sudoku and Xiaoqiang can help you. Of course, don't play too long.

■ Stay with the procrastinator

There is a procrastinator around, sometimes helpless. It is necessary to learn how to get along with them.

The taboo "get bored, hurry up !" "You can't finish it at that time, depending on what you do ." "Forget it, I did it myself ." "I already told you ......" Don't talk about these things. They don't serve to alert the procrastinators. They only make them more frustrated, anxious, and delayed.

It is recommended that you set goals with the procrastinator to help him achieve the goal and reward him as appropriate.

If he makes you angry, tell him directly.

When the procrastinator is frustrated, he is told that his life lies in learning. Any job task can be regarded as an opportunity to exercise and improve. He does not have to fear failure or pursue perfection.

Be aware of the differences in thinking and abilities between people and people. Do not ask others according to your own standards.

Let the procrastinator around you know that you are more concerned with him than what he has done.