Dream awake, tears have fallen

Say before the exam do not write the diary, but the heart always have some words to said, not only why, I always feel a kind of things will leave me to feel, maybe autumn's sake, more and more sad, 10 years, every autumn is so, now around the company of friends, really happy many, In the provincial large hospital to learn from the knowledge, like a dream, suddenly around the people told me that I never really had this beautiful.
　　
Yes, I am not a wealthy only child, rural birth, from the careful with the "agricultural gate" to grow up, when other children still in front of parents, I already know to assume the responsibility, I am too tired, but never dare to stop, trying to climb, trying to squeeze into the higher society, Let the family have a happier life, but finally, instead of a sick shell.
　　
In college, because of kindness and simplicity, by the individual students wearing an alternative hat, when everyone with strange eyes look at me, cowardly character, let me put myself closed, three years of time, afraid and anyone contact, a person secretly hiding in the arms of the Sisters, peace of mind, I am a child no one wants, like at birth, Sentenced to death of the small baby girl, with tenacious life in the struggle with life, I hope that the future of my growth is an inspirational epic; I know, I was looked down on, subconscious inferiority let me fear and those accustomed to get along with the baby, just because they have too many things I do not have.
　　
Small time, Father is the day, have him in, my world will not collapse, until 14 years old that year, face 3,000 dollars of tuition, I can only give up the school that I want to read, then began to understand, one day, my day, also will collapse, in that sentimental age, in the classroom corner, always have a short hair girl, Wearing plain clothes, and mother made cloth shoes, watching other children play together but never into the. The fate of my injustice, when standing on the podium, the other children dressed in the nines, and I can only a rural children out of the costume, to meet the judging, that time, my dress item only two points.
　　
University, give me more is the knowledge of sociology, let me understand this society has her original rules of the game, not your efforts, not you are true, others to recognize you, sometimes, even if you do better, block others road, the same people will be the whole you, the more you work, the punishment will be heavier, begin to understand, a lot of things, I can't afford it. Can not have like, do not like the difference between love and not love, when the interests of a party, even if you are the truth, will be marginalized, so I learned to compromise, learned to wait, learned the suffering, more learned to endure coldness and ridicule, looking forward to graduation early, early leave, I began to understand that There is one thing in this society that is more seductive than truth, and that is interest,
　　
I think, must be God's mouth-watering and pity, let me muddle into a big hospital internship, I know, here, there will be no more crowding out, there will be no irony, there will be no "default", let me understand that efforts will have a harvest, even if only a little harvest, I am also very contented, when other students are complaining about suffering and , I smiled, because my efforts were finally recognized. 10 months, I was sick three times, my body really want to go down, like the last time the cold has lasted three weeks, coughing cough is not sound, I know I should leave ...
　　
Perhaps, I do not go to graduate school, perhaps this life I never had the opportunity to work in this hospital, perhaps, after I left, everyone here, will soon forget me, but I remember everything I experienced here, such as the first time in the emergency surgery with the director of cardiac cancer, for six hours standing, hands and feet began to tremble but still insist on the hook , as well as the first-aid Center dinner, the director unexpectedly help us with, the hospital leader to give us a toast, a "hard" we are flattered, such as I stand in Huangshan Tower of the longevity Hall of the stage, the leadership of the various institutions sitting under the table, I feel honored, for example, by the gynecology teacher pulled guest dance, attended , see the Asian Obstetrics and Gynecology Association president of the Joy, of course, hey, she also borrowed my Tibetan dance costumes, for example, in the blood Department tube 12 bed, daily busy eat rice, write the course of the disease written to 10 o'clock tired, for example, in the orthopedic even value of two 24 hours and then the next day to rescue the patient's hardships, such as In children's surgery every day in the operating room, know that the original surgery nurses are most eager to be able to bask in the sun outside the helpless, such as in the Cancer chemotherapy Division I saw the dying patient endure the pain of suffering but still do not give up the strength of life, and the family in front of the patient pretended to be happy, secretly the bitterness of tears, The teacher because did a wrong thing was criticized by the director of the grievance, let me understand the responsibility of the doctor's life, such as newborn baby but finally difficult to escape a dead, young mother holding a child in tears, such as in the lactation of several graduate students to my help, there is a total like to try to be more than my big Miss Zhu, Forcing me to shout his brother, but my heart always feel you younger than me, or why every time you see me will be my jokes to make the face red, the most humorous is, for your so-called suspicion, would rather sit at the duty room two noon, also not to be I occupy the first-line office nap, also such as in the Infection section, In order to see more of our group of beauty director and sexy attending, I know nothing about the situation to adhere to the post, good have we always turn, by other girls "bullying" small yellow, but to me, you will always shout sister's "respect", elder sister, ya, do not understand how many classes you fled, are we both help you wipe the buttocks, And we came together four sisters run to shoot the crazy, all the teachers, classmates, even meet the nurse, I will cherish your heart.
　　
My current roommate, I remember one night in March was driven out by the landlord, three girls in the students in the shelter of the difficult period, in order to friends of friendship, we four to come together, in fact, I understand, you are out of care, in order to let me happy, together to help me round a small wish, waddlesworth, I will always remember you, Remember you at the intern dinner at self-gan do "work", thank you for helping me in Hefei girl vote canvassing, thank you for I recommend the site, let my text no longer buried in space, you know? In fact, I have been very envious of you, envy you have a so do not abandon the best friend, and you put on the windbreaker, in the night under the Hefei bicycle shuttle in the road of handsome, there are you will never play the simple and casual, remember, you know the most male friend introduced to me, said I need personal care, I really touched the night did not sleep, remember oh, you are a small cotton-padded jacket, I am a small Dudou, you taught me to brave, I taught you to grow up, thank you, thank you for riding a bike every day I went to work in the big self-study and then braved the cold air ride back, I was a burden, I have been so jokingly Thank you for giving me the joy and courage, thank you for letting me no longer feel lonely, thank you for letting me go to heaven from hell, thank you, thank you, for three years, all accompany me through the ups and downs of the people, you did not believe the rumors outside, you gave me the strength of life and the courage to live.
　　
Four people, we love each other, I put this 60 square meters of rental housing, called "Home", let me this scoop park so long children finally have a sense of stability, when I was cheated to be a laborer, you told me to have anti-human heart, when I use drugs to maintain sleep, you tell me to pay more attention to rest, When I secretly tears, you tease me happy, we worry about the future, we toast, we together for each other worry, I asked, why did not know you earlier, you smile, sometimes I will be afraid, fear that the group will be dissolved in two months, fear that the future of our four because of reality, each other and become unfamiliar, Fear will not have such a warm life, fear a lot, but I know, even this short 10 months, just a virtual weaving dream, I will put him forever brain, thank you for this wonderful memories, I will cherish the life, the future, I sincerely wish you all good.
　　
This is a beautiful dream, when I woke up only to find that I have been all moved to tears, wet pillow towel ...

Dream awake, tears have fallen