From programmer to Project Manager (7): Programmer's gas station-don't die of directness

Directness sounds a good character, but if you do not pay attention to distinguish the actual situation, forthright may become a hurt their own "double-edged sword"!

1. Frankness is a matter of speaking

The company once had a human resources manager transferred from the traditional industry, and one time she told me: "Programmers really interesting, they are all a gut to the end, the brain does not turn!" ”

Indeed, it is estimated that no industry personnel, like programmers, have the same distinctive personality traits: directness.

Straightforward is easy to understand, in fact, is a question of speaking, it is accurate to say that it is a question of saying or not, and how much to say. People who are too forthright tend to have two characteristics in terms of speaking:

(1) Think about what to say

It's a question of saying or not. Obviously, not everything can be said anytime, anywhere, or to anyone. But for those who are too forthright, the thought is to speak out, as the saying goes: "There is no door on the mouth", no matter what kind of bad words, do not distinguish the occasion, no matter who the speaker is, what the mind, mouth immediately out. If it's good to be obedient and happy, and if it's embarrassing, it hurts the other person. If it's embarrassing in public, people may remember you for life.

(2) sparing, Liker

This is a question of how much to say. "Sparing, Liker" Chairman Mao's old people have vigorously advocated, this in the discussion of specific matters undoubtedly greatly help, but if as a character, in China's national conditions (cultural atmosphere), it is not appropriate to promote. Words are not to say the more the better, the more you say, the more the chance of wrong, but easy to be caught by someone else's weakness or handle. As the saying goes: "Every person only say three words," for a project manager, more should be the case.

In the emotional aspect, the overly forthright person, often does not have the very good control oneself, in the speech is apt to appear the negative or the impulse.

(1) negative type

Words show negative attitudes, such as throwing cold water on people. To the project team members to arrange work, I am most afraid to hear two words, one is to say "I do not", and that is, "I do not want to do this", every time I hear these two words, the heart feel chill, although uncomfortable, but as the core of the team, I can only choose patient analysis and enlightenment. If the project manager is coping negatively, the morale of the entire team will be in shock.

(2) Impulse Type

Although everyone knows that "impulse is the devil", but the devil is not so easy to control, people will inevitably sometimes say impulsive words, to be known as a straightforward programmer. The main manifestation of impulse is the intense and stubborn words, emotional excitement, once the head will become a personal attack. I often see programmers discussing issues with project managers, and then arguing that project managers are forced to use their own positions and enforce them, but this could lead to an intensification of contradictions, and the programmer would carnage behind: "I quit!" ”

Whether it is negative or impulsive, this is a big taboo in the workplace. These external emotions, in the eyes of the leader, is the embodiment of a person's work attitude, and in the workplace, attitude determines everything. For a leader, there is no positive, cooperative attitude, that means you can not be used for me, and what is left for you?!

2. The Frank Paradox

For the forthright people have a lot of interesting words, such as "straight", "straightforward", "outspoken", "impetuous Woman", "spontaneous and for", not good like "mouth without a tongue", "Big Mouth", "a rib", even "lack of mind." It can be seen that in order to be forthright on this issue, the Chinese people are really very contradictory, very painful, and sometimes even at a loss. "To say, or not to say, it is a question." For a while, it is not surprising that people who are not well-educated are prone to split personality.

(1) The book advocates the directness, the reality encourages the implicit

In fact, it seems that no book serious told us to be forthright, then why a lot of people in the eyes of Frank is a virtue? I think this is a small-to-large textbook on our subtle results. The book educates us that there are two main types of people in the world: The Good and the bad. A good man is a man of directness, and they have a history, and the wicked are more sinister and infamy. In contrast, we certainly want to be forthright people, aboveboard, and straightforward too simple, everyone to do, the process is still very cool.

On the other hand, Chinese implicit is also famous. China is a human-speaking society, what is the most important thing? Human and face. A mature person will not hurt the feelings of others, not very good things like to use hints, so as not to hurt the face. Not only to speak, even Chinese poetry, Chinese Medicine, Chinese love, is also implicit, a little vague unclear.

(2) feel frank and good, but few people like others to their own direct

If you do a survey, you like others forthright, or implicit, I believe most will choose to be forthright. When others are implicit, we will urge him to "what to say directly", and other people said, if things are difficult, the heart may be whispered, "this person is too straightforward to speak, even a step back to the room is not."

In fact, few of us want others to be straight to themselves, just imagine, when others expose our shortcomings, we will be what kind of mood? In contrast, we want to be happy when we are going straight to others, which is a strange thing.

(3) Online "forthright", the reality of polite

Some people on the internet very "forthright", forthright to the point of not happy at any time dozens, scold and how, anyway, see you. I believe that in the real life, most of them are reasonable and polite people, because in reality, I have never met as many people on the internet, dozens, bastard anything can scold. Such a person has a tendency to split personality. A person with complete integrity should be a person who is deeds on any occasion.

(4) The surface is straightforward, the mind plays the abacus

What types of TV dramas are the hottest in China? I think nothing but martial arts dramas, court dramas, historical dramas, these TV dramas are not filled with the story of the infighting between people. There is a great man said: "Fight with people, fun," think of a person who can not hide, and people fight, not to be someone else to play dead ah? Therefore, shameless politicians no matter how bad the heart of the abacus, on the surface also have to smile, a pair of people handed a look, so that others do not prevent. Of course, the workplace is not so exaggerated, it is because we do not have that great interest to fight, but the Chinese people have long been nurtured by this culture, duplicity people everywhere.

These so-called "paradoxes" in order to arouse the people's thinking, for the Frank is good is bad such problems, there is no standard answer. But all things too much, too straightforward will undoubtedly not only hurt others, but also in turn hurt themselves.

3. To harm oneself

Frank this character sounds good, it seems a person aboveboard, fearless. Some people will say in the self-introduction: "I this person is a offbeat", between the words also reveals some small pride.

Many people regard directness as a virtue. Virtue should be good for others, but "forthright" is not so, if not grasp the degree, it may hurt people do not know what.

(1) Hurting people

To say blunt hurt people, believe that everyone knows, many people will also have personal experience. People most say face, once face is injured, it is difficult to recover, is so-called "knife cut easy limbs, tongue injury is difficult." Martial arts novels in the Lakes and rivers, why all day to fight and kill? Directness is an important reason, those people are straight people, and do not talk about etiquette, often abusive, a word, wepons meet. Fortunately, the ancestors taught us to pay attention to etiquette, to use etiquette to restrain our words and deeds, society will be more harmonious.

Once I received a programmer's resignation, and I was surprised that the programmer had always worked and why did he suddenly resign? After talking to him, the reason is simple, because the project manager repeatedly criticized him for "how so simple things are not good", and he thinks things are not simple, the project manager does not understand the actual situation. But he didn't want to explain it because his pride was hurt and he didn't want to stay here. I also talk to the project manager, the project manager said it was an unintentional statement, only blame the current staff is too fragile. The final result is staff turnover, the project progress is also affected by certain. Imagine, if the project manager is more careful when speaking, how can there be such a result?

(2) Harm oneself

Remember how advising died in "kingdoms"? Advising has the talent, always can see through the intentions of Caocao, and then triumphantly told others, and finally was the devil to disturb the morale of the charges of death. In history, a lot of loyal finally have no good end, because they are often outspoken, words hurt the face of leadership, and once the leader revenge, the consequences are very scary.

Directness is like no ripe persimmon, good-looking and not delicious. In reality, I've only heard of the fact that I've never heard of a straight-up raise, not a straight-up job. A person who can not control their own mouth, small in the team is difficult to get along with people, big may offend customers, and even leaked company secrets, such people, how dare the leadership entrusted to the task?

A person's ability is very strong, but because of the problem of speech and suffer, it is not worth it. The growth of technology needs to accumulate over the last few words, and a non-thought-out may ruin your future in the company. So before we say something, we need to think more about it, thinking twice about it, avoiding the mistakes of the words and regretting it.

4. Think twice before you say

In the computer, we often use the IPO (input-processing-output) diagram to describe a process or a function module design, in fact, people talk is also an input-processing-output process. First we receive information, such as what people say, files, task orders, or other external events, and then the brain processes the information, thinks about it, decides what to say, and finally the mouth will output the results of the brain thinking, that is, talking.

The main difference in the process of speaking between people is that the brain thinks about dealing with this link. Being too blunt is, in a way, a kind of irrational behavior, because he has not been "intellectually" thinking and is responding to external events with a personal intuition.

(1) Two models of speech

According to the "input-processing-output" process of people's speech, the speech can be divided into two types: directness and caution.

The main feature of the forthright way of speaking is that it is simple to think about the problem, to respond to the intuition of the brain, to get a conclusion, and then to direct the output of the conclusion (say), and often an input pair corresponds to an output, the whole process looks like a "offbeat", as shown in:

Figure 1 Forthright model of speech

This figure can not help but think of the physiologic of the theory of reflex, apparently blunt type of people in terms of speaking not fully use the ability of human thinking, play a human initiative.

The cautious type of people, their thinking process is more complex, after the intuitive reaction, but also through the brain analysis and summary, before speaking to determine whether it can be said, because in addition to say, they can also choose to silence. In addition to being forthright, they tend to have multiple inputs corresponding to one output, which means they say they want to listen to each other, rather than jump to a hasty conclusion.

Figure 2 Discreet Speech model

The comparison of the two methods is shown in the following table:

Link	Straightforward type		Cautious type
	Description	Comments	Description	Comments
Input	One output per input	Impetuous woman	Handle multiple related inputs together	Listen to the words, watch, combine the events background, listen to the side and think
Processing	Intuitive reactions → conclusions, lack of thinking and analysis process	Speak without a brain.	The process of thinking about the analysis, but also to say whether the judgment can be said	Say before you think, mouth more than a door
Output	One output per input	Offbeat	Multiple inputs, one output (silent if necessary)	Heart has a shrewd

(2) Think twice before you say

From the above model can be seen, cautious type of the main characteristics of the person is to speak rationally, really do think twice and then speak. The words must be tested by the brain to think, without thinking, we are like an intuitive control of their own character puppets. Therefore, when we communicate with people, we must always think about what to say and how to say the problem.

• Say what

What is said is to judge what we want to say can be said. Do not speak as fast as you can, and never say extreme words. There is to learn the sense of the people, learn from the background of the event, the character of the aspect, facial expression, gestures and other "input" information to speculate on each other's intentions, so as to make the appropriate response.

• How to say

This is the question of the way of speaking. Should pay attention to things not people, see through, not to speak, stand to be objective, not extreme, good words can be directly said, bad things to be tactful to say. In fact, the programmer is straightforward, there is no big deal, because the most important thing for a programmer is to write the code efficiently, even if you hurt you and the manager, he would not care, but for the project manager, communication is his most important work, he needs to deal with the parties, representatives of different interests, if they think of what to say, Not only will be considered superficial, and your cards, your real ideas are all in the hands of others, whether in dealing with internal conflict, or when negotiating with customers, will fall into a passive position. "See people speak words, hell say nonsense", this words although "frankness", but "good for the line" ah.

Develop the habit of thinking, at first may be very uncomfortable, feel very tired, but as long as adhere to, over time, will become accustomed to natural, with the brain tube mouth.

Of course, caution can not be excessive, otherwise it may cause timidity, what dare not to say, but it is not conducive to the solution of the problem. Grasp the good degree, do not go to the opposite side, good and bad often only separated by a layer of paper.

Need to explain is, I also is not a master of what speak, I to oneself of request is not high, is try to take care of other people's feelings, do not stab blunder! Of course, even if this seemingly simple request, also must be rid of too blunt the problem, everything think twice and then say!

5. Hold on to the real Me

(1) Directness has merit

Think twice, not to kill a straight stick. The reason to avoid too blunt, is to avoid hurting others and hurt themselves, rather than to hide themselves deep in the struggle for profit, but not to calculate others, remember this starting point.

So the forthright time is to be forthright, otherwise it will easily become hypocritical. For example, in the discussion of technical issues, you should speak freely, let others know exactly what you think, pay attention to the matter, do not engage in personal attacks on it. This is also the case when assigning work, and should be made clear. For example, when a project is in crisis, there are ideas to speak out, even if it's just a brainstorm. If this is still considered to be forthright or tactful, it is like a person is almost hungry dizzy, still thinking is to eat rice or bread. In life, there are also questions that need to be dealt with frankly, such as falling in love, if it is always implicit, always do not say "I love you" three words, maybe your sweetheart will fly.

(2) true I live forever

Stephen Chow in the "King of comedy" has a line: "In fact, I am not a straightforward person, I am just an actor!" "Say this sentence, how much some helpless, who do not want to live in the arbitrary aspect of life?" Everyone is the actor in this stage of life, need to whitewash, even wear masks, otherwise it is easy to hurt others, or hurt others. But this does not mean to destroy the true me, because I am like "Norwegian Forest", others can not touch, but always exist in our hearts.

Some people say that Frank people live more real, more personality, if everyone is like an actor, then everyone has lost character? In fact, character is an intrinsic temperament, and will not because you control your own mouth will not have a character, is it subtle and tactful people have no character? We should be guided by the principle, not by the character of the traction and control, as long as you have your own principles, you are a character of the person.

Don't be too blunt, but don't go to the other extreme. If too deep, or insincere, it becomes hypocrisy and cunning, no one will be willing to associate with such people, because their behavior is unfriendly, has been out of the category of good. If you have good thoughts, I will live forever.

From programmer to Project Manager (7): Programmer's gas station-don't die of directness