How to train and improve your emotional intelligence

1. It is good for everyone to learn to draw appropriate psychological boundaries.
You may think that it is a good thing to be confused with others, so that everyone can get along as they wish, and there is no need to negotiate fiercely between them. This may sound a bit rational, but its disadvantage is that others often hurt your feelings, but you do not know.
In fact, it is not difficult to look closely at the people around you to find that people with poor boundary ability are prone to pathological phobias. They will not confront the attackers, but are more willing to talk to third parties. If we are the one who infringes on others' psychological boundaries and finds the truth, we will feel like we are a cold-blooded dumb. At the same time, we will also feel hurt, because we both blame ourselves for our own mistakes, and we are angry at the fact that a third party has been involved in commenting on us.
Clear boundaries are good for everyone. You must understand what others can and cannot do to you. When someone infringes on your mental boundaries, tell him to make corrections. If you are always confused about the psychological boundaries, you need to improve your cognitive level.
2. Find a method that suits you and calm yourself down when you feel you are about to lose your mind, so that your blood can stay in your brain and make rational actions.
Americans once joked: when something happens, rational children let the blood into the brain, can intelligently think about the problem; brutal children let the blood into the limbs, the brain is empty, crazy impulse.
Yes, when the blood is full of brains, you are clear-headed, behave properly, and vice versa, when the blood is flowing to your limbs and tongue, you will do stupid things, impulsive, and talkative.
In fact, scientific experiments prove that when we become overly stressed, the blood does indeed leave the cerebral cortex, So we behave abnormally. At this point, the nature of the animals in the brain plays a leading role in making us act like the most primitive animals. You know, in a civilized society, it is very troublesome to behave like a primitive animal.
There are many strategies for controlling emotional bursts. One method is to pay attention to your heart rate, which is a precise indicator of your mood. When your heartbeat is faster than 100 times per minute, it is important to rectify your mood. At this rate, the body emits much more adrenaline than usual. We will lose our senses and turn into aggressive cricket.
When the blood begins to flow to the limbs again, you can use the following methods to calm down your mood:
1. Take a deep breath until you calm down. Slowly and deeply inhale in, let the gas fill the entire lung. Put one hand in the abdomen to make sure that your breathing method is correct.
2. Speak to yourself. For example, say, "I'm calm ." Or, "Everything will pass ."
3. Some people use hydrotherapy. Take a hot water bath, may make your anger and anxiety disappear with the bath foam.
4. Can you try American psychologist Donnell? Asideng's method: Think about unpleasant things, put your fingertip on the forehead above your eyebrows, stick your thumb to the temple, and breathe deeply. According to Eden, in just a few minutes, the blood will return to the cerebral cortex and you will be able to think more calmly.
3. When I want to complain, stop and ask myself: "I want to continue to endure the seemingly unchangeable situation, or do I want to change it ?"
We call it nagging for endless complaints. Complaints consume effort without any results. They are useless to the problem and rarely make us feel better.
Almost all of us have found that we feel better if we talk to a compassionate third party and get angry with him. Someone said to you, "Poor baby ." This is a great comfort for you. Your pressure seems to be reduced, so you can face the original situation again, even though things have not changed.
But if you don't complain, you will feel a lot of psychological pressure. Stress is sometimes not a bad thing. Yes, it may make you feel uncomfortable, but it is also the force that drives you to change. Once the stress is reduced, it is easy for people to maintain the status quo. However, if the pressure is not lost in complaints, it will accumulate and reach a limit, forcing you to take action to change the status quo.
Therefore, if you want to complain to a friend who sympathizes with you, first ask yourself: Do I want to relieve stress and maintain the status quo, or do I want to let the pressure continue and make changes? If it is the former, let's get rid of the pressure through complaints. When people complain, it will make us feel better for the time being. But if the situation does need to be changed, make up your mind to take actions!
4. Clean up all waste of energy.
What is not conducive to improving our emotional intelligence? The answer is a waste of energy.
Many people's nervous systems grow as thick as their father's hands. We are used to realizing the amount of energy consumed. The energy is subtle, but you can also experience significant changes. For example, when you hear the good news, the adrenaline will surge, and when you hear the bad news, you will feel exhausted. We usually do not pay attention to the subtle consumption of energy, such as getting along with a negative person or finding a piece of paper on the table.
What are the slow and energy-consuming tasks in your life? There is a small carpet in the corner of my house. Every time I see it, I think someone may be tripped. This is not a big deal, but it disperses my energy. This is how we define the decentralized things-each time we get in touch, we feel dispersed. Sometimes the same is true for your friends-learn from each other and give energy to each other-but some are energy-based vampires who only absorb your energy. At this time, there are two options: one is to face up to this problem and establish psychological boundaries to continue to communicate with them cautiously; the other is to reduce interactions with such people.
Indeed, we need to remove things that are slowly wasting energy and get rid of them to concentrate on improving our emotional intelligence.
Want to accelerate-you can choose to reduce the resistance or increase the driving force.
Try the method we provided:
1. List the tasks that consume your energy.
2. Analyze the list systematically and divide it into two parts:
A. You can make A difference.
B. unchangeable.
3. Solve the Problems in ticket A one by one. For example, for me, hanging the car key on a fixed Hook does not need to be found everywhere.
4. Are you sure you want to check the problem in ticket B? Is it possible to move some of them to ticket A for resolution?
5. Discard the problem in ticket B.
5. Find a fresh example in your life.
We have all gone through the age of role models, which are noble and alienated to us. As a result, our enthusiasm for setting an example is gradually getting worse than setting an example, because we know that we may not be a hero in our life.
Yes, you cannot be a hero, but you can be a happy ordinary person, such as your friend Daning. She is energetic, young, generous, intelligent, and interesting. She runs a gynecology clinic, acts as a company consultant, and regularly writes a column for a city, with handsome husbands and lovely daughters.
Do you have such an outstanding character around you? Use him as your role model! You can think: I can do what she can, but we have different styles, and I cannot do what she does in her way. But I will do something that she did in my own way. From her, you can always see your potential that you have never noticed.
Find your example among the people around you! They are smarter than you, better educated, more layered, and more persevering than you. You will naturally improve your emotional intelligence when you catch up with them.
6. Be a parent.
Parents will teach you a lot. Why don't I buy it? I hate you !" You must understand and accept the reality of resentment. You know, this is the best gift a child can give you. Of course, this hate should not continue.
Raising children is a win-win outcome. In the process of raising a child, the child learns how to get along with a young parent who is not yet mature. As parents, we smooth out our edges and corners while restraining our needs to satisfy our children's needs. Raising children will automatically increase our emotional intelligence and make us a more qualified parent.
If you don't want to have a child, try watching the child for your friends. Getting along with the child can really improve our emotional intelligence.
7. Learn from difficult people.

There are a lot of people around us who are full of complaints, manipulation, and daring. How much we hope these people will disappear from our lives, because they will make people angry, desperate, and even crazy. Why can't we enclose these people, buy a plane ticket, and send them to a small island where they will never
It will disturb others. However, it is best not to do this. These hard-to-get-together people are our helper for improving emotional intelligence. You can learn silence from talkative people, patience from grumpy people, and kindness from wicked people, and you don't have to worry about these teachers.
What's more, the "difficult person" You define may prove to be different from you, and you are also difficult to get along.
The most effective way to deal with difficult people is to be flexible. That is to say, we should try our best to use the same method in the Process of communicating with them. If you like to talk about things first, you should relax and talk about things. On the other hand, if this person is straightforward, you should talk less and go straight to the topic. In this way, it will be more efficient to deal with difficult people, and it will be found that these people are not so difficult to get along.
The second point to dealing with difficult people is to treat them as gifts. Judy married a domineering man. Marriage Life is full of ups and downs for her because she has no definite boundaries. After breaking up for many years, she learned to thank him because he taught her the importance of establishing and maintaining boundaries. She doesn't care if she meets another man. "When you live with him, you will not look at these guys," Judy said ." If she was married to an easygoing person at the time, she may not have a clear line yet, and it would be hard to deal with tough guys.
However, if we can choose one, we may never choose people that are difficult to get along.
8. Try another completely different method from time to time. You will broaden your horizons and increase your emotional intelligence.

Are you a cheerful and outgoing person or an introverted person who only likes to be alone or with a few close friends? Do you like to plan every day in advance to know what to do, or do you have no plans? Everyone has their own preferences. If they can, everyone will choose their preferred choice. However, suddenly, trying the opposite action will help us grow.
If you are always keen on being a central character in the Party, change it this time and try to make everyone who is not ordinary on weekdays out of the limelight. If you are always passively waiting for other people to talk to you, you may wish to take the initiative to ask the other party.