Kaifu Lee sent the third letter to Chinese students: Success, confidence, and happiness)

The first step of self-confidence: Do not underestimate yourself and cheer yourself up.

The key to the "self" message is yourself. If you always think you are not good, you cannot be confident. For example, Ma Jiajue once said: "I think I have failed too much and my classmates look down on me ...... Many people are more sophisticated than me and make me feel inferior ." Although Ma Jiajue is smart and excellent, he has never been truly confident.

The secret to self-confidence is to believe in your ability. The Chinese saying goes: "I am born to be useful", "a grass, a little Dew", everyone has their own characteristics and strengths, worthy of attention and play. I remember when I first arrived in the United States when I was 11 years old, I couldn't understand the English sentence in the class. One time my teacher asked, "How many decimal points are converted into decimal points ?" Although I do not understand English, I recognize "1/7" on the blackboard. This is what I used to "back. I raised my hand immediately and answered the question correctly. American teachers who do not "endorse" are surprised to think that I am a "mathematical genius" and send me to a math competition. They encourage me to join the math summer camp to help students learn math. Her encouragement and recognition gave me confidence. I started to tell myself that I have a talent for mathematics. At this time, I especially want to learn English well, because only in this way can I learn more mathematical knowledge. This education not only improves my self-confidence, but also helps me make great progress in various aspects.

Chinese-style education believes that human growth is a process of constantly overcoming shortcomings. Therefore, teachers are more criticizing students and asking students to make up for the worst discipline. Although each subject should be "good enough", the value of talent lies in giving full play to the biggest advantages of individuals. The American company galop recently published a best-selling book "discover your advantages now". Galop's researchers found that most people tried to "change their shortcomings and turn them into advantages" during their growth, but they encountered more difficulties and difficulties; the secret to a few of the happiest and most successful people is "strengthening your own advantages and managing your own shortcomings ". The disadvantage of "Managing yourself" is to do well in the areas where you are insufficient. "strengthening your strengths" means to spend most of your energy on things you are interested in, so as to gain unparalleled confidence.

There are also many examples of self-confidence in Ling Zhijun's book "Growth": Zhang HONGJIANG, president of Microsoft's Asian Engineering Institute, said that he "believed me to be the smartest" from an early age. Even if I were inferior to others in the later days, I still said to myself: I can do better than others "; zhou Ming, a researcher at Microsoft Asia Research Institute, broke the record and gained confidence by swiping 108 bottles in "student labor" when he was a child. "I have never had self-confidence, but it gives me confidence," he said. This is the happiest experience of my life. It is a fascinating force that has been lasting until today. I discovered all the secrets of genius. In fact, there are only six words: Don't underestimate yourself ."

Self-confidence is a feeling that you cannot "Learn" self-confidence by means of endorsement. The only way to improve self-confidence by "Learning" is to "train" your brain. To be confident, you must be your best cheerleader. Before you fall asleep every night, think about what is so proud of you today? Have you obtained a good score? Have you helped others? Is there anything beyond your expectation? Did anyone praise you? I believe that everyone can find a successful thing every day, and you will gradually find that these "small successes" may become more and more meaningful.

A famous coach always asks the players to recall their most proud matches before each game. He even asked the players to associate the most proud game with an action (such as clapping his fist), so that each time he does this, he will subconsciously think of something smug, then, we repeatedly perform this action before each competition to "train" the brain to improve self-confidence.

I hope that all of you can become your best cheerleaders. At the same time, I hope that you will make friends who cheer up for you and learn more about the successes of the past. Never underestimate yourself.

Step 2 of self-confidence: Use perseverance and courage to gain self-confidence from success and increase self-confidence from failure

When you feel confident, no matter how small a success, you will expect to be recognized by yourself or others. At this time, you need enough perseverance. As long as you have perseverance, as Zhou Ming said, "everything can be done as long as I am willing to do it. You can learn anything you want to learn. This is not a question you can learn, but a question you want to learn. If you have a strong desire for what you have, you will have a tenacious spirit, especially when you are an ordinary person ."

Sometimes, you may have never done anything and don't know if you can do it. At this time, in addition to perseverance, you also need courage. In my previous work, there was no problem with general communication, but when I came to the front of the President, I always dared not to speak, fearing to say wrong words. One day, the company had to restructure and the President had a meeting with more than 10 people. He asked everyone to take turns to speak. At that time, I thought that since we had to talk about it, it would be better to speak it out. As a result, I took the courage to say: "Our company has a higher employee IQ than anyone else, but our efficiency is worse than anyone else, because we have reorganized all day, regardless of employees' feelings and thoughts ......" After I finish speaking, the whole meeting room is full of silence. After the meeting, many colleagues sent me an email saying, "You really spoke well. I hope I have the courage to say that too ." As a result, the President not only accepted my suggestions, but also changed the company's policies on restructuring and often quoted me. Since then, I have been full of confidence and have no fear of speaking in front of anyone. This example fully demonstrates the sentence "You have not tried, how do you know you can't.

When you have the courage to try new things, you must also have the courage to face failures. You cannot simply do what is doomed to failure with the courage of the husband. But when you are afraid of failure, think about it. What are you afraid of losing? What is the worst end? Can't you accept it? In the above example, if the President denies my opinion, will he not respect me? Not only will it not, but others may think that I have the courage to do so. In addition, conscious people will learn from failures, recognize what they are not suitable for, and then improve their self-consciousness. Therefore, do not fear failure. As long as you do your best and are willing to challenge your own limits, you should be proud of your courage.

A self-confident and self-conscious person, if he can bravely try new things and do well with perseverance, will gain self-confidence from success and increase his consciousness from failure.

Step 3 of self-confidence: consciously set specific goals and listen to others' assessments modestly

To cultivate confidence, you must set specific goals and step by step. These goals must also be measurable. I once told my daughter an example of my speech in front of the President because her teacher thought she was very shy and didn't raise her hand to speak at school. I hope to encourage her to speak bravely. She agreed to give it a try, but she thought she was willing to speak only when she had the best advice. However, I think it is difficult to measure the objective with the subjective evaluation of "the best opinion. So I set a measurable and practical goal with her: she raises her hand once a day and will be rewarded if she persists for a month. Then, we gradually increase the number of hands raised. One year later, the teacher noticed that she was confident enough to speak in class.

Self-confidence is by no means self-paranoid, not allowing you to make mistakes, or excessively self-centered, and losing objective positions. I have a very smart colleague who once recognized the truth "I will never be wrong ". He is very confident. Once he proves that he is right, he will remind everyone that he has said something a few months ago. But because he lives almost for self-confidence, once he proves that something is wrong, he will ignore him or deny it. Although his accuracy rate is as high as 95%, his 5% errors make him lose his credibility and respect from others. This example tells us that self-confidence or self-conscious self-confidence is even more dangerous than self-confidence.

There are two levels of consciousness in eq: both yourself and the environment can be reached, master the subjective and objective situation. Conscious people do not over-criticize themselves, nor are they naive and optimistic. They can objectively assess themselves. Therefore, they will be honest with their own capabilities and will not easily accept jobs beyond their capabilities. Of course, they are still willing to accept the challenge, but will make objective risk assessments when they accept the challenge. Such a person is not only honest with himself, but also honest with others. If you are honest about failure, you will be trusted by others because they know that you have learned the lesson. If you are honest with your own shortcomings, you will also be respected by others because they know that you will not be able to do anything yourself. Therefore, conscious people are easy to succeed and confident.

Conscious people not only evaluate themselves fairly, but also actively ask people around them to criticize and give feedback to themselves. They understand that although they are conscious, they are more important. On the one hand, the eyes of others are more objective. On the other hand, the eyes of others are actually themselves ("perception is reality"). That is to say, if everyone else thinks you are wrong, if you think you are not wrong, you are wrong in the eyes of society, school or company. Therefore, you must understand and accept others' ideas modestly and use others' ideas as the ultimate goal. For example, my daughter can evaluate her speech every day, but in the end, she achieved her goal only when the teacher and classmates thought she was a cheerful and thoughtful student.

It is not easy to get honest feedback, especially negative feedback. Therefore, you 'd better have some brave and honest friends who wish to tell you the truth in private. Of course, you cannot be dissatisfied with negative feedback. Otherwise, you will not be able to hear the truth in the future. In addition to private feedback, there is also a 360-degree Opinion Survey in American companies that can conduct multiple surveys on employee superiors and subordinates. Because this kind of investigation is anonymous, it can often obtain real opinions. if many people say that you still need to improve in some aspects, such a statement is more convincing than your own or your boss's opinion. Although there is no such formal investigation in school, you can still try your best to understand what others think of you. My father often taught us how to make things happen to the public, that is, to open our minds and never to look at the sky without limiting our vision.

Ma Jiajue said: "Everyone looks down on me ." In fact, if he has the courage to prove to his trusted classmates, he may find that he is wrong or wrong, it may prove that you really look down on him, understand the reasons, and then improve yourself. Frank communication and sincere friends may both help Ma Jiajue avoid the tragedy.

Conscious people will set realistic goals for themselves, objectively measure themselves, and ask others for help in evaluation. Such people can continue to improve their self-confidence and avoid self-confidence development.

 

Happiness is more important than success.

Scientific research has proved that people with good moods can exert their Potential Most; happiness can increase efficiency, creativity and the probability of correct decision-making; happy people have enlightened thoughts and are willing to help others. But it is better to say that the purpose of success is to bring happiness. I once suggested that students pursue their own ideals and interests. In fact, it is a pleasure to do their desired and interesting things. Therefore, happiness should be our ultimate goal than success.

Happy first step: accept your parents, environment, and yourself
 

Unhappy people are always angry with helpless things, do not like themselves, their parents and teachers, do not want to read boring books, and do not want to take exams. I hope that the students will learn to accept these helpless things.

Among all "unchangeable things", the most unchangeable is the parent, and the most acceptable is the parent. Many students said, "My parents do not understand me, accept me, or understand my thoughts. They always ask me to use their values and ideas to do things, study, and study. So I always avoided them and became more and more lonely ." My answers to these questions include:

First, you should accept your parents and never close yourself because you feel that your parents do not understand you. Parents' growth environments are different, their thinking methods are different, and their definitions of success may be different. Their expectations for you are quite different from those for yourself. However, they have a longer life path than you and have more experience than you. You cannot deny them first. In addition, you must understand that your parents are the ones who love you most in the world, and they are the only ones who can pay for you unconditionally. You should accept your parents unconditionally. As children, they often turn their parents over-idealized, and neglect the vast majority of their parents. In their growing environment, they are less and less than us, they may not have the opportunity to learn how to be a competent parent, but they try their best on their condition. How can we be happy if we despise and reject our parents and never disagree with the source of our lives?

Second, you can try to change your parents' ideas, but first you should ask, do you understand and accept your parents? Can you understand what your parents think? When you complain that your parents always expect you to be perfect, aren't you expecting your parents to be perfect? Ling Zhijun suggested: "Your parents have nothing wrong with your expectations, but you should let your parents know what you expect from them ." Therefore, before asking them to understand you, you should first understand them so that they can communicate with them more successfully. After mutual understanding, you may still have different opinions but can understand each other. Maybe you or they will change their original views and reach consensus. To this end, you should first establish a frank communication relationship with your parents. Maybe you may feel awkward at first, but I believe you will soon feel affection and warmth.

In addition to accepting parents, you should also accept things that cannot be changed in the environment. Some students expect that they do not have to take the questions they think are useless, they do not have to take the lessons they think are useless, and they do not have to listen to the lectures they don't trust. But to survive in society, we must learn to accept things that cannot be changed. Ling Zhijun said: "If I encounter a conflict between 'things should be done 'and 'Things I like to do', I will arrange a timetable for myself, complete 'what should be done 'in the specified time every day-the time schedule can motivate you to concentrate and improve efficiency. Then we will do what we like to do '." Life is limited. People should spend their limited time on "things they like to do", but they must first do the "things they should do" well enough.

The most meaningless "Worry" is not satisfied with yourself. This is not only a waste of time, but also a half of the effort. Therefore, on the one hand, students must cultivate their self-confidence and inspire themselves with every small success. On the other hand, they must accept themselves and understand that you live for yourself. To live for yourself is to strive for your own happiness, interests, and goals, and not to live in others' values. Shen Xiangyang, president of Microsoft Asia Research Institute, was always living in others' values when he was a child. He tried his best to be the first. But one day, "I suddenly realized that my original idea was wrong. Winning the first place to defeat others is not the most important thing. The most important thing is whether you can learn to respect yourself and discover the value of yourself ."

When you begin to live for yourself, accept and like yourself, accept and approach your parents, and accept things that cannot be changed in the environment, you will find that you are beginning to be happy.

The second step of happiness: let your emotions go and control your temper

Psychologists believe that Ma Jiajue "has always been mentally lonely, because he is always unwilling to communicate with others and to express his true feelings ...... He is a person with intense emotional reactions, but he is quite depressed on his appearance ." Ma Jiajue's letter to his relatives also says, "I have never been able to say anything about my emotions ." If Ma Jiajue can vent his feelings directly, he may be able to prevent tragedies. After the event, Ma Jiajue thought: "when fleeing, I felt stupid. You can choose to quarrel. There is no need to kill people ."

The Chinese people always think that "implicit" and "implicit" are virtues. However, in today's era, straightforward communication is even more important. It is a bad habit to show your back and show your back. A Chinese boss quarreling with his subordinates. He asked me if I should ask a third party for mediation. My advice was: because this is an emotional thing, you should directly communicate with subordinates; A third party may say something that violates your or your subordinate's wishes to be honest (for example, if you say you have already recognized the mistake, but you have not), this will lead to more trouble.

Of course, on emotional issues, direct communication also requires skills. For example, the boss said to his subordinates in the first sentence: "You are wrong, but I will not care about you ." Then the subordinates will be disgusted. If the boss says, "you scold me in front of so many people, obviously you want to grab my job ." The results are even more unimaginable. Obviously, when you communicate directly, do not talk about right or wrong, do not guess others' motives, or try again. The most effective communication is to talk about your feelings directly. For example, the boss can say, "When you scold me in front of so many people, I feel very embarrassed to lose my dignity ." Such a sentence cannot be refuted, and may even lead to understanding and sympathy.

When you get angry, it's not easy to turn angry words into emotional words. To achieve this, we need to rely on "conscious" and "self-control ". Self-consciousness is not just about understanding your own abilities, but also about your own feelings. Conscious people know when they will be happy, and understand what the consequences will be. If he is angry, he will not explode instantly, because he knows the consequences of the explosion, but he will not suppress his feelings, because it will cause great harm to the soul, he usually tries his best to handle it in the most constructive way. Positive and emotional communication can reduce the atmosphere of popularity. Feelings and communication are the most infectious. You can use a constructive and tolerant attitude to communicate with others and influence others.

Self-control is a kind of inner self-conversation. You can remind yourself not to fall into the trap of bad attitudes. In addition to the rational analysis, deep breath is the fastest and simplest way to adjust emotions. Chinese people say: "noisy", "restless", "confused", and "worried ", it refers to the relationship between mood disorder and mood and mental state. The most convenient way of "being calm and idle" and "being secure" is to take a deep breath and adjust your breath, we can get rid of emotional involvement and return to rational thinking. The United States will impose group education on the victims of violence, and teach them to recognize the destruction of violence and learn to control their own impulse, that is, to "stop" or "leave the scene ", to protect the security of yourself and the other party and avoid making a big mistake.

If self-control is not easy, you can ask your friends to remind you at any time. A boss in my past often gets out of control all his life and has a precursor to his anger: He will evaluate you with the problem of a hacker first, then he starts to shake, and finally he loses his temper. But he wanted to get rid of this problem, so he asked me to remind him every time I saw the precursor, with a "secret" (for example, "let's get down to the truth. After several "whispering" reminders, he has the ability to consciously and automatically control himself, and no longer needs to be reminded by others.

 

Step 3: Share happiness, double happiness, and halved suffering

Scientific research tells us that the best way to adjust our mood is to find people who know and communicate with each other. The scientific basis is that feelings come from the lymbic system of the human brain, which is mainly adjusted by contact with others. Scientific proof: the two people who talk together will gradually reach the same psychological state (joys and sorrows) and physiological state (temperature, heartbeat, etc ). Therefore, if we want to balance our feelings, we must rely on others. Communicating with people is the only way to improve your emotional intelligence and happiness. People isolated from the rest of the world will only get bored. In the West, there is an old saying: "Some people share happiness, and some people share pain by half ." What Ma Jiajue calls true feelings refers to people who can share their moods and hearts!

Therefore, if you are in a bad mood or have been wronged, you should talk to your parents and friends. Don't keep your words in your heart as Ma Jiajue does, just talk to your diary. Ma Jiajue is very depressed, but there is no channel to talk about it. He said: "I have no friends at school. I am so lonely at school ...... In all sorts of loneliness, people are most afraid of spiritual loneliness ." Ma Jiajue encountered many obstacles in his interpersonal communication. These obstacles have brought him distress, and these difficulties have no channel to vent, resulting in greater distress. This vicious circle eventually led to a tragedy. In fact, Ma Jiajue's internal monologue proves that he is a conscious person who can see his own predicament. Unfortunately, he locks himself in a self-closed cage, let hatred take him to destruction. I remember that the most terrible threat from the SARS outbreak last year was isolation, but we often ignored the isolation in our hearts on weekdays, keeping us isolated from happiness.

To be happy, you need humorous and optimistic ideas and communication. In all communication, the "Smile" is the most appealing. A study at Yale University found that the appeal of "Smile" exceeds all other feelings, and people will always return your smile with a smile, LAUGHTER Can quickly create a relaxed atmosphere. In addition, humorous laughter can also promote mutual trust and inspire others. The power of optimism and positive thinking is endless. In recent years, depression has become a psychological disease that is surging around the world, and it has a great relationship with negative thinking. Some people are used to thinking in the dark and helpless direction and are stuck in a dead end. If you can change the angle, half a cup of water is half full, not half empty! The current disappointment represents a space for unlimited growth and progress. Learn to check yourself.

Whether we get grief or happiness, we need to get positive encouragement from the conversation and communication. The most natural target of communication may be your loved ones, especially your parents. I believe that all parents are willing to hear from their children.

However, we also need to communicate and talk to our friends because we rely on our parents at home and friends at home. When making friends, do not just look at the interests and personality of friends. More importantly, you need friends who will encourage people, are optimistic, humorous, sincere, have empathy, are helpful, and willing to listen to people. Maybe you will say, "I don't have such friends, and I don't dare to look for friends in disorder. What if others refuse ?" If others reject you, you do not lose anything, but if others accept you, you may find yourself.

I hope that you will be searching for friends, let yourself be a person who encourages others, is optimistic, humorous, sincere, and compassionate, helpful, and willing to listen to others, and try your best to help relatives and friends around you. Only when more people are willing to pay can happiness spread more quickly through the Internet.

Greetings to Chinese Students

I have always believed in the following three principles: courage to change things that can be changed, measurement acceptance of unchangeable things, and wisdom to distinguish the two.

Bless Chinese students. When you encounter setbacks, you can use these three principles to help you overcome the difficulties with measurement, courage, and wisdom.

If you wish Chinese students success, self-confidence, and happiness, do not forget that success is diversified. Do not forget that self-confidence is self-conscious rather than self-Pride, do not forget that happy people always understand, accept, and like themselves.

Wishing you success, confidence, and happiness to Chinese students will find a virtuous circle: self-confidence and happiness in success, happiness and success in self-confidence, get success and confidence from happiness.

Wishing you success, confidence, and happiness to Chinese students, do not forget to help others achieve success, self-confidence, and happiness.