No timid child in the world

 

---- How to cope with the child's timeness and fear

My family seems timid (2 years and 1 month. Let's give you some examples. I went to the park to play. I saw several grandfathers around me and immediately plunged into my arms. A grandfather smiled and asked her how old she was. She immediately burst into tears and went to the park to play slides. After her father accompanied her several times, she could go up and down independently, but when she played the same slide the next week, she sat on the slide and cried, and asked her father to hold her. In addition, if we tell her the water heat in the quilt, her little hand will immediately contract back and will never touch it. After a long time, many people think that my family is a timid girl.

However, the neighbor's baby downstairs (1 year and 11 months) seems more timid. His favorite word is "fear ", when you see something fresh, you use your fingers to say "fear ". The same story also happened to my friend's children. When talking to each other, people are more or less worried about their own babies. Because, in our adult language, timeness seems to be a negative term. We all want our children to be brave, so we began to worry about their timid children, worried about his or her future social adaptability and exploration creativity.

However, are these children really timid? What can we do?

So, I ask you, what is timid? This is a simple question, not just fear. So we are more afraid of adults. We are afraid of death and poverty ...... If we are afraid of dogs and snakes, will someone say that we are timid because of what we are afraid? No, so please do not judge that the child is timid because of something scared. If you say that you are timid, you are often afraid of a lot of things, then I ask you, will you be afraid to throw you to the wild island life all the time. So, fear is because your capabilities cannot control the surrounding environment, so you will be afraid. For us, the simple and incomparable world is beyond the control of our young babies. Poor babies have a reason to fear it. You cannot stand up and say that the babies are timid.

The key to the problem is not that the baby is timid, but why is he "timid "? And whether this "timid" is harmful to his growth and development.

Why is the baby timid-no timid child, only the child timid parent

The baby is timid for several reasons

1. Identification

If the baby is timid because of seeing strangers, this is normal.

From the perspective of developmental psychology, identification is the outcome and stage of children's psychological development. Generally, babies of about six months start to be "afraid of being born", and strangers will cry when they are present. Babies of about nine months will regard their mothers and fathers as special people; especially attachment to the mother, afraid of separation from the mother. Twelve-month-old babies are afraid of strangers and strangers. When they leave their mothers, they will have a strong reaction. They will clearly like someone rather than others.

The degree of emotional response depends on the characteristics of strangers and the characteristics of the environment. In general, elderly people (especially grandfathers) and adult men are the most afraid of babies, while women and children rarely cause strong responses from babies. In addition, whether the environment is relaxed, the distance between strangers, the degree of contact with the baby, and the support provided by the parents for the baby will affect the response of the baby. You know, children are far more sensitive and instinct than us.

Therefore, if a child identifies a child, you should not worry about it, but be happy, because it proves that your baby is developing normally, which is a normal stage of his cognitive development and social development. If your baby is more responsive than other treasures, don't make a fuss. Maybe your baby is naturally more sensitive than other babies, such babies may become writers and artists more easily. As long as you don't have the fourth and fifth cases mentioned below, you don't have to worry about it. With the development of the baby's physiology and psychology, he has less and less powerlessness in the world. When he feels that he can control the development of the situation, he will no longer be afraid of strangers. Give your baby a space to let him develop.

2. new things, new environments, and new experiences

We adults also feel this way. When we change to a new company, the first month is always very tense and tired. When we take over a new task, our hearts are always a bit restless and anxious. When we have dinner with a group of strangers, we are always uncomfortable. All of these indicate that even when adults are facing new circumstances and new things, their mental and physical reactions will increase their mental tension. We are adults, and we have mature ways to cope with mood fluctuations and solve problems. At the same time, we also know how to pretend, so we don't say "I'm afraid" as naturally as children ", never cry. (In extreme events, we cry like a child .) However, how can we count on the same treasure of toddler or dental languages as we have been tested for a long time. In the face of new things and new circumstances, the baby's heart will be more nervous, and his solution to tension and conflict is too limited, that is, he is shrinking, crying, seeking for our help. Compared with Baobao, we only have a relationship between fifty steps and one hundred steps. So don't demand our baby. When he slides for the first time, when he goes to kindergarten for the first time, when he learns to swim for the first time, his fear is natural, giving the baby some understanding.

3. Self-protection experience accumulation

Don't underestimate the baby, and they also have a certain degree of self-protection ability, one of which is through fear. You must know that fear and happiness, pain, sorrow, and other emotions are the inherent instinct of your baby. The instinct of fear is to protect the baby, so that they can understand the danger, convey the danger, and stay away from the danger. A child who does not understand fear or fear at all must have problems with development.

Boiling water, electric door, high-end, knives and so on are the greatest threat to the safety of the baby in life. Through their limited memories, the baby remembers the feeling of being burned when a cup is touched, or, through the empathy of the brain, you can see the nervousness and fear of your reference to these dangers ...... In short, they start to protect themselves, so they are afraid of these objects or scenes. (Of course, fear does not mean that the baby can avoid some dangerous behaviors related to this. It also depends on the education and educational effect of the parents ). Therefore, if your baby is afraid of these dangerous objects and tries to avoid them, do not laugh at them. You should be very proud. This proves that your baby has a strong learning ability, your education is successful, and the safety factor of your baby is greatly improved.

4. Strict discipline

We have just said that we want to educate our children to fear these dangerous items. Now we will talk about the consequences of excessive education. If the guardian is too worried about the safety of the baby, over-limit the contact and exploration between the baby and the outside world, and over-exaggerate the degree of external danger to the baby, then the baby will be afraid, but there will be more things and environments he fears, and those with extremely low probability of danger will also be "scared". In addition, after a long time, this fear will be generalized, the baby is afraid of many things for unknown reasons. Even if you haven't told him that the things are terrible, his behavior will gradually retreat and dare not explore the endless world, the dependence on caregivers is very strong, and the recognition reaction of such children is usually strong. Strict discipline usually occurs in these situations: (1) generation after generation: grandparents and grandfathers are more likely to love children, and Pampers are not only used to indulge children, it is also manifested in limiting the behavior of children. The old man likes his children, and is afraid to touch them. He is afraid of being cool, hot, and dirty. In short, it is best to stay away from him. Therefore, he is not allowed to touch the child, it is dangerous to tell your child that it is so scary. As a result, the favored baby will become more and more timid. (2) Nanny care: the nanny is responsible for holding the salary, so it becomes the nanny's parenting philosophy to let the children eat and wear warm, don't worry, and avoid accidents in addition to being strict, it is to scare the baby more and increase his "self-protection". As for the adverse consequences of the child's psychological development, the nanny will not be able to take care of it. (3) parents are busy: Some parents (mainly mothers) take their children by themselves. Everyone can understand that this parents must be very busy and have to do housework and check their children, physically and mentally exhausted. During busy hours, children may not always be in sight, because they are afraid of accidents. Therefore, in daily education, they often say to their babies, "don't change, it's terrible. "" don't go out, there's a big tiger, bite you. "" don't mess up, there's a devil, let's grab kids." You said, if the child finds that there are tigers and demons everywhere in his life, he will be timid. If he finds him, he will bear less than him.

5. No secure maternal and child attachment is established

The mother is the safety base for the baby. If the mother gives the child a sufficient sense of security, the child is more likely to actively explore new things, and it is easier to adapt in a strange environment. On the contrary, babies who lack a sense of security from their mothers may encounter some problems in their personality development, or are easy to be aggressive or show backoff behaviors. That is, new things lack the interest and courage to explore, it is easier to fear.

American psychologist Ainsworth divides the baby's attachment to the main parenting (generally mother) into three types: (1) secure attachment ). These children play and explore comfortably when their mothers are present. when their mothers leave, they are in emotional distress, but soon after their mothers return, they become calm again. They respond positively to strangers and can communicate with strangers smoothly. (2) Avoidant attachment ). The presence or absence of such children's mothers does not affect much, nor does the mother show separation anxiety when leaving. In fact, such children do not form a true attachment to people. (3) Resistance attachment (resistant attachment ). This type of child is extremely painful when the mother leaves, but after the mother returns, it shows a conflict of mind, both seeking contact with the mother, and angrily rejecting and resisting when the mother is close. Both of these are insecure attachment methods.

The results showed that unsafe attachment of children had a great relationship with the quality of care and parenting style of mothers. (1) mothers of infants with withdrawal-type attachment tend to reject and be insensitive to children. Some are impatient with their children. When they interfere with their plans and activities, they are angry or resentful of their children, and are slow to respond to their signals. Some of them often show negative emotions to their children. Even if they express positive feelings to their children, they are also very weak, rather than holding the children tightly and kissing enthusiastically. They are often rigid, rigid, self-centered, and rejected by children. (2) the mother of a resisting attachment often misunderstands the needs of children and cannot form a pace of harmony with children. Their mothers do not have a certain opinion in the parenting process, and their parenting methods are self-contradictory. Your attitude towards your child depends on your own mood. Sometimes you are enthusiastic and sometimes indifferent, which makes your child sad and resentful. You cannot get the necessary emotional support and comfort from your mother.

6. Differences in children's temperament

The temperament of a baby is quite natural. Some babies are cheerful and smiling, and some babies are nervous and shy. Don't be dissatisfied with your baby's character, because his genes come from both parents. If you complain, the baby will blame you.

There is a simple foreign division of the temperament of the baby, probably divided into three types, the first is easy type, the physiological activities of such babies are regular, the pace is obvious, easy to adapt to the new environment, it is easy to accept new things and unfamiliar people. Their emotions are generally positive and pleasant, and their responses to adult interactions are moderate. Second, they are difficult, lack of regular physiological activities, and slow acceptance of new things or new environments. They are always in bad mood, often crying out loud, angry, angry, not easy to appease, and unhappy in the game. Their life is irregular and their emotions are relatively negative. The third category is the slowness type. Their activity level is very low, their behavior response intensity is weak, and their mood is always negative and unpleasant, it is often quiet to retreat and crud, slow to adapt to new things or new environments. Category 2 and Category 3 (especially Category 3) are more likely to be afraid of emotional reactions and are more likely to be considered timid.

However, I personally do not like this classification. for parents who do not have much psychological knowledge, it is easy to rashly sit their babies in the seat, or be proud of it too early, or worry about it. We do not know that this division is relative. Many babies belong to the cross type or hybrid type. In addition, as the age of the baby increases and the education and environment changes, the temperament type also changes. Unless your baby's mental and physiological development is significantly lower than the average level, or the growth environment is abnormal and chaotic, do not give your baby hats or labels. For parents, it doesn't make sense to keep nagging about what type of baby is. What you care about is how to adapt your education to your own baby, help your baby change, and stimulate your baby's potential.

You only need to know: First, every baby is unique and has his temperament and development pattern. Such uniqueness is not absolutely good or bad. Therefore, we must respect the uniqueness of our baby and never take the children of our neighbors or friends from kindergarten to destroy our prestige. Second, the best education is to keenly observe and identify the unique characteristics of the baby, and then cooperate with his characteristics for education. Do not apply some theories that you are not familiar with, and then let your children adapt to these theories or your educational style. Third, only careful and patient matching education can make children more perfect, and stimulate the baby's genetic advantages and make up for the genetic disadvantages.

7. Special Events

If older babies have experienced things that make them very scared (it may not be terrible for adults), but they have not received good comfort and guidance from their parents in a timely manner, it becomes very timid to the specific situation or specific thing.

After talking about these reasons, we can find that being timid is either a manifestation of the maturity of the baby, or a result of a problem with the way the parents are educated. In fact, whether a child is timid or not does not have to do with whether the child can grow healthily or become talented. You can naturally take it with your own nature. Of course, you can also actively guide your baby. However, if you do not understand the child's timeness, or even hate it, the problem will be serious, and you will become interference in the baby's growth process, or even, you will also hinder his growth. In addition, if the child's timeness seriously affects the child's curiosity and exploration power, or becomes a serious obstacle to the normal social interaction of the baby, the parent needs to reflect on it. Parents' educational methods and quality have a great impact on children.

Therefore, we can say that there are no timid children in the world, but only timid parents.

How to help timid babies-seven tricks to make the baby more daring

If you want to give your baby more support and help (rather than interference and blow) during the natural development process, we still have some things for our parents to do. So what can we do for timid babies?

1. Love your baby with all your heart and build a secure mother-infant attachment

Only when the baby has a mother's security base can the baby have a basic sense of security. Only by brave enough to explore the vast world can we have a basic sense of trust in people and conduct social interactions normally. The mother of a safely attached baby is extremely sensitive to the expression and various signals of the child, meeting the needs of the baby in a timely manner, willing to have close contact with the child, willing to spend time with the child. Simply put, if you really accept your own baby and love him, your relationship with your baby must be a secure attachment.

2. determine the degree and cause of the baby's timeness and take the right medicine.

(1) Whether the baby simply identifies itself, simply fears something, or is it generally timid for most things. If it is the latter, you need to reflect on the cause 4 and 5. At this time, the parents should make a big adjustment.

(2) Does the child's timeness seriously affect his exploration of new things, for example, he is nervous about most of the new environments and things, and does not dare to come forward to see or touch it when he is curious, most things require encouragement from their parents. Many times, even if their parents are around, they do not dare to explore even if they are encouraged by their parents. At this time, the reason may be 4, 5, or 6, that is, the baby's personality. At this time, it is very important for parents to actively, actively, and continuously support baby exploration activities.

3. Be tolerant and timid

Do not impose adult thinking on children, think that the baby's timeness is "cowardly", "No interest", "Where is it like a boy ......" We have already said that the baby has 10 thousand reasons to be timid. Therefore, please do not blame your own baby. If you are weak, what he needs is your help, rather than making a bid. Remember that as a parent, you should still smile and relax, tell yourself that it is normal, and then give the baby the necessary support, don't be impatient with anger or frown. You must know that all of your negative emotions will be noticed by sensitive babies, and those who suffer setbacks will be more reluctant.

4. Do not force your baby

When the baby is afraid, never force the baby to face the scene that scares him. The mistake is to think that this is a great courage. Of course, let alone ridicule or even forbid him from being afraid of emotional reactions. I once saw a baby crying in my mother's arms for the sake of identification in the park. The baby's head was forcibly pulled up by her mother and pushed to the stranger who scared the baby, he pushed the child over and said, "You know you are afraid. You see, what are you afraid of? Go and say hello to Grandpa ......"; Another father who accompanied the child to take the slide said to his son who was parked on the ladder for fear: "Aren't you going to come up and take the slide? Why are you so timid, fast, continue crawling, hurry up, don't crawl, I will kick you down ......", We also often hear our parents yell at our children: "What can we cry !" What a terrible parent for a baby, do you think treasure can face it as brave as these parents think? Wrong, the baby will be more afraid, will cry more, and even leave a shadow, next time even the park is not willing to go, or see the slides to hide, parents make the baby timid. In addition, if your educational style has always been so simple and crude, it is estimated that the entire character of your baby may be affected by your negative influence.

5. Do not strengthen your baby's timeness

Some babies have some identification, but when their parents (or grandparents) meet each other, they say, "This child is timid ." When the child is a little scared, he will immediately take the child away. Even if the baby is not afraid, his parents have already told the people around him in advance that "our family is timid and don't be too close to him ." If a girl is timid, her parents will often feel timid and show that her child is gentle and gentle. She is a little bit Jasper. When the child is afraid of returning, his parents will immediately protect the child, some parents smile with an appreciation and say, "This child is timid and cute." "The child never runs around ." Or "we are sorry again ......" Without talking about the above practices, parents are actually constantly reinforcing the concept of "You are timid" and "you are easy to be shy ", therefore, the baby is labeled as "timid". After a long time, it will affect the correct self-cognition of Bao. The baby also began to think that he is crying, and he is timid. This affects the behavior of the baby, and the child is actually timid from the inside out.

6. Do not scare your baby as a common method to educate your baby.

By creating virtual terror, You can fear your baby and try to block improper behaviors. This education is not only ineffective but harmful. However, many parents (especially the elders and nannies) often use this method because it is easy to implement and does not need brains at the same time. If you tell me that you will not be able to manage your child without scaring me, I will be more worried about your education method. It seems that you have problems not only with this teaching method, but the whole education system. In fact, we have a lot of positive education methods that are very effective, such as praising the law and so on (we will discuss this topic later ). As a parent, we must learn more. Only by constantly improving ourselves can we improve our baby.

Whether or not the nanny in the family needs to educate the children in this way requires careful observation. If so, you may need to have a good discussion with the nanny. However, it may be difficult for the elderly to look at their children. You can't count on your hard-working old parents, but you still need to talk about it for the sake of your children. Of course, you have to talk about art, it is best to avoid talking about this issue. At the same time, if conditions are met, we should try to increase the time we spend with our children and use our own positive power to influence our children, which is much better than changing others.

7. actively guide and encourage exploration

It is learned to guide and encourage timid children. To achieve three "Hearts ",

First, you must be quiet. When you are excited to see other people's children running and playing, your baby stays close to you like a bunny. Your first reaction must be "Angry" and "Anxious". However, never corrupt. Let yourself calm down and tell yourself: "This is normal" and "Your baby needs my help .", Then, force yourself to give your baby a smile, I believe that when you open your mouth again, it will not say that the baby is hurt.

Second, be careful. We should not only observe what the baby is afraid of, but also constantly think about whether there is anything wrong with the care model of the baby. As I said at the beginning, I thought she was afraid of a slide. So I told her that she was not afraid, however, it doesn't work either, and I'm a little annoyed. Then I found out that what she was afraid of was not a slide, but the grandfather standing under the slide. The solution, prevention, and encouragement solutions are completely different for different reasons.

3. Be patient. The fear and timeness of a child is a psychological model. It is not that easy to change this model. It is important for parents to step by step, so they cannot rush over and take the best medicine and expect one dose to take effect. Just like taking a small Chinese medicine, it takes time to take care of the situation and wait for the secondary machine to take care of the situation. The "disease" will naturally fade away. For the fear of giving birth to my baby (especially my grandfather and Uncle), I will take her to a place with many people like the park as much as possible (the supermarket is free of charge). If I see a grandfather who is particularly afraid of her, she had to hug me, And I would satisfy her and hold her up, but never turn her head away. I will choose a place where my grandfather is a few meters away, and don't force the baby to look at my grandfather, naturally and gently chat with the baby and tell her that Grandpa is the grandfather of the little brother. Grandpa also likes his brother. In this way, let the baby tell the grandfather of the child, say yes, praise the baby, just like playing games. In this way, in order to gradually bring the baby closer to the source of fear, and thus gradually generate psychological immunity. I will continue to strengthen with her: "We all like babies, There are mothers, there is no need to fear anything ......" So that she can feel support and security. When we get home, we will add similar content to the game. For example, when a baby plays a game with a plush monkey and pretends to play a slide, I will say to the baby, "an uncle is standing under the slide. Will the monkey be afraid ?" "The monkey is not afraid. My uncle likes the monkey and the little monkey. There are mothers and the little monkeys. The little monkeys are not afraid. The little monkeys will protect the little monkey ......" After several times, I went to the park to see my grandfather. Even though the baby was scared, she began to say to herself, "No, there is a mother ." This proves that she has already begun to establish her own mental mechanisms for controlling emotions, and I am very proud of her.

In addition, patience is also manifested in the participation of parents with their babies in the exploration of new things (for methods to encourage exploration, please refer to this blog laterArticle). When a child shows interest in something, do not ignore it and seize the opportunity to ask the baby: "You don't want to give it a try, mom will accompany you" "You can touch, dad touched your hand together ......" "Mom first walked over, you looked at it, and then the second baby went over, okay ." Note: When you try to accompany your baby together, you do not need to make passive wood. Do not be unwilling to join in silence or cold words. Remember: you are a good coach for your children, not only do you need to guide your child's skills and security issues, but also give your baby encouragement and praise in a timely manner. For example, when a child plays a very high slide for the first time, his or her parents can play with the child once or several times (depending on the baby's situation) and say, "Step by step, very secure." "Pin your feet on the slide to make yourself slide slower." "Come on, come on, you can do it ." "You are awesome! Brave. "" Oh, yes, it's a success. Hold it !......"

Believe: As long as your parents are loving, patient, and willing to work with your heart, your baby will become more and more brave. At the same time, both of you will be more and more happy!

No timid child in the world

---- How to cope with the child's timeness and fear

My family seems timid (2 years and 1 month. Let's give you some examples. I went to the park to play. I saw several grandfathers around me and immediately plunged into my arms. A grandfather smiled and asked her how old she was. She immediately burst into tears and went to the park to play slides. After her father accompanied her several times, she could go up and down independently, but when she played the same slide the next week, she sat on the slide and cried, and asked her father to hold her. In addition, if we tell her the water heat in the quilt, her little hand will immediately contract back and will never touch it. After a long time, many people think that my family is a timid girl.

However, the neighbor's baby downstairs (1 year and 11 months) seems more timid. His favorite word is "fear ", when you see something fresh, you use your fingers to say "fear ". The same story also happened to my friend's children. When talking to each other, people are more or less worried about their own babies. Because, in our adult language, timeness seems to be a negative term. We all want our children to be brave, so we began to worry about their timid children, worried about his or her future social adaptability and exploration creativity.

However, are these children really timid? What can we do?

So, I ask you, what is timid? This is a simple question, not just fear. So we are more afraid of adults. We are afraid of death and poverty ...... If we are afraid of dogs and snakes, will someone say that we are timid because of what we are afraid? No, so please do not judge that the child is timid because of something scared. If you say that you are timid, you are often afraid of a lot of things, then I ask you, will you be afraid to throw you to the wild island life all the time. So, fear is because your capabilities cannot control the surrounding environment, so you will be afraid. For us, the simple and incomparable world is beyond the control of our young babies. Poor babies have a reason to fear it. You cannot stand up and say that the babies are timid.

The key to the problem is not that the baby is timid, but why is he "timid "? And whether this "timid" is harmful to his growth and development.

Why is the baby timid-no timid child, only the child timid parent

The baby is timid for several reasons

1. Identification

If the baby is timid because of seeing strangers, this is normal.

From the perspective of developmental psychology, identification is the outcome and stage of children's psychological development. Generally, babies of about six months start to be "afraid of being born", and strangers will cry when they are present. Babies of about nine months will regard their mothers and fathers as special people; especially attachment to the mother, afraid of separation from the mother. Twelve-month-old babies are afraid of strangers and strangers. When they leave their mothers, they will have a strong reaction. They will clearly like someone rather than others.

The degree of emotional response depends on the characteristics of strangers and the characteristics of the environment. In general, elderly people (especially grandfathers) and adult men are the most afraid of babies, while women and children rarely cause strong responses from babies. In addition, whether the environment is relaxed, the distance between strangers, the degree of contact with the baby, and the support provided by the parents for the baby will affect the response of the baby. You know, children are far more sensitive and instinct than us.

Therefore, if a child identifies a child, you should not worry about it, but be happy, because it proves that your baby is developing normally, which is a normal stage of his cognitive development and social development. If your baby is more responsive than other treasures, don't make a fuss. Maybe your baby is naturally more sensitive than other babies, such babies may become writers and artists more easily. As long as you don't have the fourth and fifth cases mentioned below, you don't have to worry about it. With the development of the baby's physiology and psychology, he has less and less powerlessness in the world. When he feels that he can control the development of the situation, he will no longer be afraid of strangers. Give your baby a space to let him develop.

2. new things, new environments, and new experiences

We adults also feel this way. When we change to a new company, the first month is always very tense and tired. When we take over a new task, our hearts are always a bit restless and anxious. When we have dinner with a group of strangers, we are always uncomfortable. All of these indicate that even when adults are facing new circumstances and new things, their mental and physical reactions will increase their mental tension. We are adults, and we have mature ways to cope with mood fluctuations and solve problems. At the same time, we also know how to pretend, so we don't say "I'm afraid" as naturally as children ", never cry. (In extreme events, we cry like a child .) However, how can we count on the same treasure of toddler or dental languages as we have been tested for a long time. In the face of new things and new circumstances, the baby's heart will be more nervous, and his solution to tension and conflict is too limited, that is, he is shrinking, crying, seeking for our help. Compared with Baobao, we only have a relationship between fifty steps and one hundred steps. So don't demand our baby. When he slides for the first time, when he goes to kindergarten for the first time, when he learns to swim for the first time, his fear is natural, giving the baby some understanding.

3. Self-protection experience accumulation

Don't underestimate the baby, and they also have a certain degree of self-protection ability, one of which is through fear. You must know that fear and happiness, pain, sorrow, and other emotions are the inherent instinct of your baby. The instinct of fear is to protect the baby, so that they can understand the danger, convey the danger, and stay away from the danger. A child who does not understand fear or fear at all must have problems with development.

Boiling water, electric door, high-end, knives and so on are the greatest threat to the safety of the baby in life. Through their limited memories, the baby remembers the feeling of being burned when a cup is touched, or, through the empathy of the brain, you can see the nervousness and fear of your reference to these dangers ...... In short, they start to protect themselves, so they are afraid of these objects or scenes. (Of course, fear does not mean that the baby can avoid some dangerous behaviors related to this. It also depends on the education and educational effect of the parents ). Therefore, if your baby is afraid of these dangerous objects and tries to avoid them, do not laugh at them. You should be very proud. This proves that your baby has a strong learning ability, your education is successful, and the safety factor of your baby is greatly improved.

4. Strict discipline

We have just said that we want to educate our children to fear these dangerous items. Now we will talk about the consequences of excessive education. If the guardian is too worried about the safety of the baby, over-limit the contact and exploration between the baby and the outside world, and over-exaggerate the degree of external danger to the baby, then the baby will be afraid, but there will be more things and environments he fears, and those with extremely low probability of danger will also be "scared". In addition, after a long time, this fear will be generalized, the baby is afraid of many things for unknown reasons. Even if you haven't told him that the things are terrible, his behavior will gradually retreat and dare not explore the endless world, the dependence on caregivers is very strong, and the recognition reaction of such children is usually strong. Strict discipline usually occurs in these situations: (1) generation after generation: grandparents and grandfathers are more likely to love children, and Pampers are not only used to indulge children, it is also manifested in limiting the behavior of children. The old man likes his children, and is afraid to touch them. He is afraid of being cool, hot, and dirty. In short, it is best to stay away from him. Therefore, he is not allowed to touch the child, it is dangerous to tell your child that it is so scary. As a result, the favored baby will become more and more timid. (2) Nanny care: the nanny is responsible for holding the salary, so it becomes the nanny's parenting philosophy to let the children eat and wear warm, don't worry, and avoid accidents in addition to being strict, it is to scare the baby more and increase his "self-protection". As for the adverse consequences of the child's psychological development, the nanny will not be able to take care of it. (3) parents are busy: Some parents (mainly mothers) take their children by themselves. Everyone can understand that this parents must be very busy and have to do housework and check their children, physically and mentally exhausted. During busy hours, children may not always be in sight, because they are afraid of accidents. Therefore, in daily education, they often say to their babies, "don't change, it's terrible. "" don't go out, there's a big tiger, bite you. "" don't mess up, there's a devil, let's grab kids." You said, if the child finds that there are tigers and demons everywhere in his life, he will be timid. If he finds him, he will bear less than him.

5. No secure maternal and child attachment is established

The mother is the safety base for the baby. If the mother gives the child a sufficient sense of security, the child is more likely to actively explore new things, and it is easier to adapt in a strange environment. On the contrary, babies who lack a sense of security from their mothers may encounter some problems in their personality development, or are easy to be aggressive or show backoff behaviors. That is, new things lack the interest and courage to explore, it is easier to fear.

American psychologist Ainsworth divides the baby's attachment to the main parenting (generally mother) into three types: (1) secure attachment ). These children play and explore comfortably when their mothers are present. when their mothers leave, they are in emotional distress, but soon after their mothers return, they become calm again. They respond positively to strangers and can communicate with strangers smoothly. (2) Avoidant attachment ). The presence or absence of such children's mothers does not affect much, nor does the mother show separation anxiety when leaving. In fact, such children do not form a true attachment to people. (3) Resistance attachment (resistant attachment ). This type of child is extremely painful when the mother leaves, but after the mother returns, it shows a conflict of mind, both seeking contact with the mother, and angrily rejecting and resisting when the mother is close. Both of these are insecure attachment methods.

The results showed that unsafe attachment of children had a great relationship with the quality of care and parenting style of mothers. (1) mothers of infants with withdrawal-type attachment tend to reject and be insensitive to children. Some are impatient with their children. When they interfere with their plans and activities, they are angry or resentful of their children, and are slow to respond to their signals. Some of them often show negative emotions to their children. Even if they express positive feelings to their children, they are also very weak, rather than holding the children tightly and kissing enthusiastically. They are often rigid, rigid, self-centered, and rejected by children. (2) the mother of a resisting attachment often misunderstands the needs of children and cannot form a pace of harmony with children. Their mothers do not have a certain opinion in the parenting process, and their parenting methods are self-contradictory. Your attitude towards your child depends on your own mood. Sometimes you are enthusiastic and sometimes indifferent, which makes your child sad and resentful. You cannot get the necessary emotional support and comfort from your mother.

6. Differences in children's temperament

The temperament of a baby is quite natural. Some babies are cheerful and smiling, and some babies are nervous and shy. Don't be dissatisfied with your baby's character, because his genes come from both parents. If you complain, the baby will blame you.

There is a simple foreign division of the temperament of the baby, probably divided into three types, the first is easy type, the physiological activities of such babies are regular, the pace is obvious, easy to adapt to the new environment, it is easy to accept new things and unfamiliar people. Their emotions are generally positive and pleasant, and their responses to adult interactions are moderate. Second, they are difficult, lack of regular physiological activities, and slow acceptance of new things or new environments. They are always in bad mood, often crying out loud, angry, angry, not easy to appease, and unhappy in the game. Their life is irregular and their emotions are relatively negative. The third category is the slowness type. Their activity level is very low, their behavior response intensity is weak, and their mood is always negative and unpleasant, it is often quiet to retreat and crud, slow to adapt to new things or new environments. Category 2 and Category 3 (especially Category 3) are more likely to be afraid of emotional reactions and are more likely to be considered timid.

However, I personally do not like this classification. for parents who do not have much psychological knowledge, it is easy to rashly sit their babies in the seat, or be proud of it too early, or worry about it. We do not know that this division is relative. Many babies belong to the cross type or hybrid type. In addition, as the age of the baby increases and the education and environment changes, the temperament type also changes. Unless your baby's mental and physiological development is significantly lower than the average level, or the growth environment is abnormal and chaotic, do not give your baby hats or labels. For parents, it doesn't make sense to keep nagging about what type of baby is. What you care about is how to adapt your education to your own baby, help your baby change, and stimulate your baby's potential.

You only need to know: First, every baby is unique and has his temperament and development pattern. Such uniqueness is not absolutely good or bad. Therefore, we must respect the uniqueness of our baby and never take the children of our neighbors or friends from kindergarten to destroy our prestige. Second, the best education is to keenly observe and identify the unique characteristics of the baby, and then cooperate with his characteristics for education. Do not apply some theories that you are not familiar with, and then let your children adapt to these theories or your educational style. Third, only careful and patient matching education can make children more perfect, and stimulate the baby's genetic advantages and make up for the genetic disadvantages.

7. Special Events

If older babies have experienced things that make them very scared (it may not be terrible for adults), but they have not received good comfort and guidance from their parents in a timely manner, it becomes very timid to the specific situation or specific thing.

After talking about these reasons, we can find that being timid is either a manifestation of the maturity of the baby, or a result of a problem with the way the parents are educated. In fact, whether a child is timid or not does not have to do with whether the child can be healthy, grow, or become talented. You can naturally take it for granted. Of course, you can also actively guide the baby. However, if you do not understand the child's timeness, or even hate it, the problem will be serious, and you will become interference in the baby's growth process, or even, you will also hinder his growth. In addition, if the child's timeness seriously affects the child's curiosity and exploration power, or becomes a serious obstacle to the normal social interaction of the baby, the parent needs to reflect on it. Parents' educational methods and quality have a great impact on children.

Therefore, we can say that there are no timid children in the world, but only timid parents.

How to help timid babies-seven tricks to make the baby more daring

If you want to give your baby more support and help (rather than interference and blow) during the natural development process, we still have some things for our parents to do. So what can we do for timid babies?

1. Love your baby with all your heart and build a secure mother-infant attachment

Only when the baby has a mother's security base can the baby have a basic sense of security. Only by brave enough to explore the vast world can we have a basic sense of trust in people and conduct social interactions normally. The mother of a safely attached baby is extremely sensitive to the expression and various signals of the child, meeting the needs of the baby in a timely manner, willing to have close contact with the child, willing to spend time with the child. Simply put, if you really accept your own baby and love him, your relationship with your baby must be a secure attachment.

2. determine the degree and cause of the baby's timeness and take the right medicine.

(1) Whether the baby simply identifies itself, simply fears something, or is it generally timid for most things. If it is the latter, you need to reflect on the cause 4 and 5. At this time, the parents should make a big adjustment.

(2) Does the child's timeness seriously affect his exploration of new things, for example, he is nervous about most of the new environments and things, and does not dare to come forward to see or touch it when he is curious, most things require encouragement from their parents. In many cases, even if their parents are around, they do not dare to explore even if they are encouraged by their parents. At this time, the reason may be 4, 5, or 6, that is, the baby's personality. At this time, it is very important for parents to actively, actively, and continuously support baby exploration activities.

3. Be tolerant and timid

Do not impose adult thinking on children, think that the baby's timeness is "cowardly", "No interest", "Where is it like a boy ......" We have already said that the baby has 10 thousand reasons to be timid. Therefore, please do not blame your own baby. If you are weak, what he needs is your help, rather than making a bid. Remember that as a parent, you should still smile and relax, tell yourself that it is normal, and then give the baby the necessary support, don't be impatient with anger or frown. You must know that all of your negative emotions will be noticed by sensitive babies, and those who suffer setbacks will be more reluctant.

4. Do not force your baby

When the baby is afraid, never force the baby to face the scene that scares him. The mistake is to think that this is a great courage. Of course, let alone ridicule or even forbid him from being afraid of emotional reactions. I once saw a baby crying in my mother's arms for the sake of identification in the park. The baby's head was forcibly pulled up by her mother and pushed to the stranger who scared the baby, he pushed the child over and said, "You know you are afraid. You see, what are you afraid of? Go and say hello to Grandpa ......"; Another father who accompanied the child to take the slide said to his son who was parked on the ladder for fear: "Aren't you going to come up and take the slide? Why are you so timid, fast, continue crawling, hurry up, don't crawl, I will kick you down ......", We also often hear our parents yell at our children: "What can we cry !" What a terrible parent for a baby, do you think treasure can face it as brave as these parents think? Wrong, the baby will be more afraid, will cry more, and even leave a shadow, next time even the park is not willing to go, or see the slides to hide, parents make the baby timid. In addition, if your educational style has always been so simple and crude, it is estimated that the entire character of your baby may be affected by your negative influence.

5. Do not strengthen your baby's timeness

Some babies have some identification, but when their parents (or grandparents) meet each other, they say, "This child is timid ." When the child is a little scared, he will immediately take the child away. Even if the baby is not afraid, his parents have already told the people around him in advance that "our family is timid and don't be too close to him ." If a girl is timid, her parents will often feel timid and show that her child is gentle and gentle. She is a little bit Jasper. When the child is afraid of returning, his parents will immediately protect the child, some parents smile with an appreciation and say, "This child is timid and cute." "The child never runs around ." Or "we are sorry again ......" Without talking about the above practices, parents are actually constantly reinforcing the concept of "You are timid" and "you are easy to be shy ", therefore, the baby is labeled as "timid". After a long time, it will affect the correct self-cognition of Bao. The baby also began to think that he is crying, and he is timid. This affects the behavior of the baby, and the child is actually timid from the inside out.

6. Do not scare your baby as a common method to educate your baby.

By creating virtual terror, You can fear your baby and try to block improper behaviors. This education is not only ineffective but harmful. However, many parents (especially the elders and nannies) often use this method because it is easy to implement and does not need brains at the same time. If you tell me that you will not be able to manage your child without scaring me, I will be more worried about your education method. It seems that you have problems not only with this teaching method, but the whole education system. In fact, we have a lot of positive education methods that are very effective, such as praising the law and so on (we will discuss this topic later ). As a parent, we must learn more. Only by constantly improving ourselves can we improve our baby.

Whether or not the nanny in the family needs to educate the children in this way requires careful observation. If so, you may need to have a good discussion with the nanny. However, it may be difficult for the elderly to look at their children. You can't count on your hard-working old parents, but you still need to talk about it for the sake of your children. Of course, you have to talk about art, it is best to avoid talking about this issue. At the same time, if conditions are met, we should try to increase the time we spend with our children and use our own positive power to influence our children, which is much better than changing others.

7. actively guide and encourage exploration

It is learned to guide and encourage timid children. To achieve three "Hearts ",

First, you must be quiet. When you are excited to see other people's children running and playing, your baby stays close to you like a bunny. Your first reaction must be "Angry" and "Anxious". However, never corrupt. Let yourself calm down and tell yourself: "This is normal" and "Your baby needs my help .", Then, force yourself to give your baby a smile, I believe that when you open your mouth again, it will not say that the baby is hurt.

Second, be careful. We should not only observe what the baby is afraid of, but also constantly think about whether there is anything wrong with the care model of the baby. As I said at the beginning, I thought she was afraid of a slide. So I told her that she was not afraid, however, it doesn't work either, and I'm a little annoyed. Then I found out that what she was afraid of was not a slide, but the grandfather standing under the slide. The solution, prevention, and encouragement solutions are completely different for different reasons.

3. Be patient. The fear and timeness of a child is a psychological model. It is not that easy to change this model. It is important for parents to step by step, so they cannot rush over and take the best medicine and expect one dose to take effect. Just like taking a small Chinese medicine, it takes time to take care of the situation and wait for the secondary machine to take care of the situation. The "disease" will naturally fade away. For fear of giving birth to my baby (especially my grandfather and Uncle), I will take her to a place with many people like parks as much as possible (Super city will be free of charge ), if I see a grandfather who is particularly afraid of her, and she wants me to hug her, I will satisfy her and hold her up, but never turn around and leave, I will choose a place where my grandfather is a few meters away and sit down. If I don't want to force the baby to watch him, I will naturally and gently chat with the baby and tell her that my grandfather is the grandfather of the little brother, grandpa loves his brother and baby. In this way, let the baby tell the grandfather of the child, say yes, praise the baby, just like playing games. In this way, in order to gradually bring the baby closer to the source of fear, and thus gradually generate psychological immunity. I will continue to strengthen with her: "We all like babies, There are mothers, there is no need to fear anything ......" So that she can feel support and security. When we get home, we will add similar content to the game. For example, when a baby plays a game with a plush monkey and pretends to play a slide, I will say to the baby, "an uncle is standing under the slide. Will the monkey be afraid ?" "The monkey is not afraid. My uncle likes the monkey and the little monkey. There are mothers and the little monkeys. The little monkeys are not afraid. The little monkeys will protect the little monkey ......" After several times, I went to the park to see my grandfather. Even though the baby was scared, she began to say to herself, "No, there is a mother ." This proves that she has already begun to establish her own mental mechanisms for controlling emotions, and I am very proud of her.

In addition, patience is also manifested in the involvement of parents with their babies in the exploration of new things (for methods to encourage exploration, please refer to the post on this blog ). When a child shows interest in something, do not ignore it, seize the opportunity, ask the baby: "Do you want to give it a try, mom will accompany you" "You can touch, dad touched your hand together ......" "Mom first walked over, you looked at it, and then the second baby went over, okay ." Note: In the process of accompanying the baby to try, the parents do not need to make passive wood, do not be unwilling to give up silence or cold words, remember: You are a good coach for children, not only do you need to guide your child's skills and security issues, but also give your baby encouragement and praise in a timely manner. For example, when a child plays a very high slide for the first time, his or her parents can play with the child once or several times (depending on the baby's situation) and say, "Step by step, very secure." "Pin your feet on the slide to make yourself slide slower." "Come on, come on, you can do it ." "You are awesome! Brave. "" Oh, yes, it's a success. Hold it !......"

Believe: As long as your parents are loving, patient, and willing to work with your heart, your baby will become more and more brave. At the same time, both of you will be more and more happy!