"Cheat cheats, single dog Must see" How to become the opposite sex chat?

Time: 2015-03-13 11:34 Source: Pinterest-ying Blade

Introduction: How chatting with people is a topic of great interest to everyone, especially the problem of chatting with the opposite sex.

I have synthesized a number of previous written text, with the following discussion of the methodological summary of the chat.

From 3 aspects, let everyone read it to practice.

　1, mentality Chapter 2, Reason 3, strategy chapter

　"The mentality of the article"

I found that without a good mindset as a support and premise, doing anything would be less effective. On the contrary, a good mentality, self-confidence, there will be a strong resistance to setbacks, or even strong, the more frustrated the more Yong.

Do you have any of the following:

1, with the opposite sex chat, especially with high-specificity, the right to the opposite sex chat tense fear, inferiority, worry about?

2, you always guess what the other person said the potential meaning of a sentence?

3, and high scores, the right to the opposite sex can not communicate, but the value of their own or even lower some people are no problem?

This is the primary problem of many people with poor mentality, why do you say so? When you feel that there is no words, the brain is either a blank, or tangled up for a long time to squeeze out 1, 2 words, and also worried that the other side did not respond or worry about wrong, the other side will have bad feedback to you, but the more you think, This is similar to a stage fright scenario in public speaking or performing.

The core reason is introverted inferiority, not self-confidence.

Behind the self-distrust, there are 2 points.

1th, there is an important reason for the problem is that you have such a picture, although most people do not want to admit, but the subconscious mind is like this: their value is more than the beauty of the pursuit of low. The reason is that they want to ask for value from the opposite sex. (You know)

Once you fall into this mindset, you will unconsciously think of yourself as a dwarf, and you will naturally be nervous in front of someone who is worth more than you, fearing that you say the wrong thing, afraid to say the wrong side of the negative feedback, the more you think and worry, the more you become nervous, until you want to find a hole to hide or try to escape To avoid the inner torment. But you want to chat with the opposite sex, in such contradictory thinking under the pain. This is one of the reasons why you are nervous when you encounter strange opposites.

Cause 2, it is also possible that you are a relatively dwelling person, usually very little social, and the opportunity to deal with people less, playing computer time, with the accumulation of time, your social skills, language ability slowly degraded, encountered strange same-sex, but encountered the opposite sex, but also want to ask for others value, but not enough capacity, Without knowing what to do, the brain is in a state of confusion and fear arises.

The feeling of fear in front of the general date even with the worry.

Why do people sometimes have the feeling of being insecure?

And this kind of feeling makes the person claw the heart, tangle matchless, this mentality will directly affect person's behavior pattern, cause originally a simple thing will become complex or low-level mistake or in chasing girl's process to let oneself in passive situation.

The essential reason behind this problem is the "separation of Hearts". What is the "separation of Hearts"? Use more popular words called "loss of Heart", the mentality of the losing mind.

Each of us has two "I" in the brain, one of which "I" is the "I" that produces emotion for the good or bad judgment of various behaviors, called "I 1" here, and the other "I" is the unconscious "me" of action, which is called "I 2" here.

Like "I'm 2" after hitting on girls, the girl's response is not very good, then "I 1" will start to judge, "I 2" to criticize and deny, think "I 2" is really 2, so, "I 2" in action will start to worry about "I 1" negative and be affected, afraid of screwing, thereby restricting their own play.

We also often see athletes in the sports field, such as the players in the football game, but failed to seize the opportunity to break the player, most of them in the same game the next single-pole performance will certainly not go in, because in their hearts, will certainly say such a sentence-how I am so useless. Then the next time you get the ball, you will be concerned about the last failure, resulting in an aberration missed opportunity.

In the process of dealing with the opposite sex, I believe that some people have this experience, such as "Peach Blossom" is the case, there is a time, you because of the coincidence of a good girl, you will feel any opposite sex you can talk special hi, no matter what you say those opposite sex can extremely easy, But if you put a lot in a girl, but always frustrated, also feel that whatever the opposite sex is like a plate for you, she said you have to think about what to do, everything will be afraid to get negative feedback, because you are afraid of losing her, people will lose something in the future feel anxious.

For example, your grades are not very good, afraid of the year-end exam hanging class. For example, you are under a lot of pressure and you are afraid of losing your job after graduation. For example, your parents are seriously ill and you are afraid to lose them.

Back to the common phenomenon mentioned in the beginning, many people know a new opposite sex, and the other side has a good feeling, the mentality has changed, become worried, afraid of losing, and asked me, and the other side of the chat with what mentality to face, will compare the initiative?

Let me give you a similar example, if you go to the interview to find a job, the general practice is to collect information on the Internet suitable for your position, and there will be many companies published online, then you will only vote a resume to a company? and expect the company to apply for you, if you do not get the job of this company, Even if you don't have a chance to get a job interview, will you just hang in this company?

I believe the answer is yes, you certainly do not, must be at the same time to cast a lot of resumes to different companies, in order to expect more interview opportunities, and more company choice. Because you also want to choose a higher salary, better welfare, convenient transportation, the company's office environment comfortable and so on.

In general, you can not get this position before, you have been afraid of losing, because you know that even if the opportunity to lose the company, you also have other companies to choose, the club does not play, playing the West, now young people are quite frequent job-hopping.

That find a job and find a girl in love is the same truth, then what mentality and the other side chat?

My answer is: With you lose each other also will not pity of mentality, indifferent mentality, because he does not belong to you, lose each other, you will fall meat? If you lose each other, will you die? If you lose each other, will you never have a chance to know 2,3,4,5. A girl? At the same time you have not been together to become a boyfriend and girlfriend, not yet married, he does not belong to you, why you began to fear of losing it?

Then say that like to speculate on the meaning of the question, here is mainly from the male perspective.

You like to constantly speculate on the other side of the subtext of the words, to a certain extent, is insecure performance, at the same time you think, is completely you put each other in a higher value than you position, you have such a picture, is the picture that was just said earlier.

You on this basis, do any behavior is put oneself in a very low posture, make an inappropriate analogy, eunuchs all like to speculate the emperor's mind, and try his best to beg the emperor's favor. You as a man of indomitable spirit, do you feel the need to put your posture so low? We feel that as the emperor on the high, need to speculate on their own harem concubines psychological thinking what?

You as a real man, should be to lead a woman, not by the woman, only you in the relationship between the initiative, you have more right to speak, you will not be led by the other side of the nose, will not be too much care about each other's words behind what meaning.

Your mind is controlled or affected to a certain extent by the transfer of your opponent's will. Do you feel that when affected, the other person will like to be easily influenced or controlled by their own people? Women generally hope to have a stronger than their own men to conquer. Is there a saying like that? Men conquer the world by conquering women, and women conquer the world by conquering men.

　"Reason article"

Often people ask me how to talk with the opposite sex, I also often share some methods to them, but I often use and effective, but the other side of the feedback effect is not obvious.

Until I had a conversation with some fans and students on YY, only to find that the problem was not so simple--many people have obstacles to communicating with the opposite sex, not entirely methodological and technical problems. These problems are the crux of the interaction between people and the opposite sex.

Through a lot of communication and collation, I have summed up the 8 common problems that often arise when interacting with the opposite sex:

1, in public speaking tense;

2, Thin whisper, no emotion, no enthusiasm, no energy;

3, cumbersome and verbose, no focus, no logic;

4, there is not enough knowledge, story, topic;

5, easy to say the wrong words, easy to silence, easy to end the topic;

6, will not continue the topic, will not transfer the topic;

7, lack of sense of humor;

8, local accent, even stuttering;

1, in public speaking tense;

The reason is simple, lack of self-confidence is the first. And this confidence is more self-confidence in public speaking. Do not understand how to set the subjective self-confidence in the speech, break through fear, overcome the tension of public speaking methods. Second, there is no systematic way to learn how to speak publicly. The third is the lack of sufficient public speaking experience accumulated. Refer to the classic book "Pyramid Principle".

2, Thin whisper, no emotion, no enthusiasm, no energy;

This is the first feeling that you communicate with such people, the so-called people do not know, the first to hear the sound, you have not figured out what he said, you heard the other side of the sound is unattractive. feebly, no cadence, no emotional ups and downs, not feeling the enthusiasm and energy of each other. The way you communicate with him feels like you're hitting a zombie.

Most frightening of all, he felt nothing at all. And that's one of the reasons why many people are still doing poorly after learning a lot about skill and practice. Because he doesn't know the nature of language, not exactly what you say, but what you say. In the same simple words, your emotional expression must be much better than your lifeless narrative.

Two simple ways to know what it's like to talk.

First, use the phone's recording function to record a conversation between you and a friend. Then let it out and listen and feel the difference between the sound from the audio and the feeling that you normally say.

Second, ask the friend what the feelings are. With the secondary method, you can have a different perspective on your own speech.

　3, cumbersome and verbose, no focus, no logic;

Express one thing, logical line is not clear, first say what after say what no plan, language dry, repeat. Will let you listen to a long, do not know what the other person is saying, you only very attentive listening, and summed up to repeat to each other, to determine whether you hear the content. If the opposite sex and such people chat, is how uncomfortable one thing. Reference to the classic book "Pyramid Principle" is still recommended.

　4, there is not enough knowledge, story, topic;

The result is that it is easy to get out of your mind when communicating and not to express it because there is too little material in the brain to store it.

The reason is roughly 3 points:

1) usually do not love reading, not in time to learn some new knowledge.

"The book to Time to hate less" said is these friends, usually do not accumulate, encounter a topic, you have the background of the topic, knowledge, anecdotes, and so on the surrounding information know very little, like the computer database does not store the corresponding data, nature can not retrieve, you certainly do not know what to talk about.

2) do not tidy up their own, suitable for sharing the story, or not to hear the good story recorded.

If you want to have more in-depth communication with the other, want to enter the relationship between two people, you do not express some of your personal, even the content of privacy, others feel that you are not close enough. You think about your best friends. Generally, you are know everything each other, only you know each other better, you can be more intimate with each other, you actively share with each other your growth experience, love experience, all kinds of interesting, special, thriller, even supernatural events, the other side will be more comprehensive understanding of you, The other person may open their hearts and share her story with you.

3) Don't pay attention to the hot topics nowadays

Popular things are the most communicative topic, because most people have concerns, you do not participate in the show you are not gregarious, or relatively outdated. And the popular content is also the easiest to communicate with strangers, the opposite sex start, from these topics can be learned about each other's views, and even three views.

Typical content of popular content is as follows: Movies, music, TV dramas, celebrities, books, games, popular web videos, popular network events, etc. Usually on the internet when the way to pay attention to, and often have the opportunity to be familiar with the friends said, and strangers, heterosexual talk with relatively more skilled and smooth.

5, easy to say the wrong words, easy to silence, easy to end the topic;

For those of you who are not good at chatting, it's easy for you to be a legendary-topic terminator in social situations when you haven't adjusted. Originally a few people are chatting, you do not through the brain of a word, let everyone embarrassed, the whole warm chat atmosphere because you instantly dropped to the freezing point, at the same time others do not know how to answer to continue or dissolve. Generally encountered such a situation, experienced friends will directly play a haha, quickly shifted the topic, directly chat about other fun things to avoid embarrassment. Have you ever done anything like this? If so, please keep looking down.

6, will not continue the topic, will not transfer the topic;

If you have these problems, you can easily encounter this situation, you let the chat, but do not know how to continue the topic immediately before, or directly to other things to chat, so that your chat back on track. Then you will be very passive, generally speaking, the other side is not very good at leading the conversation, will fall into embarrassment, especially the other side or you want to pursue the opposite sex, the other side has been the evaluation of your entire person, in the heart made a relatively negative judgment. Congratulations on your failure to go a step further.

7, lack of sense of humor;

Suppose you are usually a serious, cold person, not funny humor, not according to the scene of the active atmosphere of the people, although not necessarily have a sense of humor to win friends or heterosexual favor. But you're missing a powerful social weapon. A sense of humor is sometimes like lubricants, catalysts, accelerant. It can be effective and quick to close your relationship with others, make your relationship with others more intimate, and make others like you more easily.

8, local accent, stuttering;

Suppose your voice has a more severe local accent, or even stuttering, that can hinder your communication with others. Other people do not understand what you say is the dialect, specific in what, others already face dew pained, but you still adhere to the self, in the slightest did not adjust their language to the unity of the frequency of everyone.

Stuttering is a language barrier that is inconsistent with the frequency of people who are fluent in normal communication, and unconsciously repeats and pauses. This problem is cured entirely by taking corrective training.

Now that you know these 8 FAQs, see how many of them fit in? If more than 3, then you need a course to systematically, comprehensively, in-depth area to solve this problem. Otherwise, this problem will accompany you for the rest of your life, so that every time you encounter a similar situation you will not be able to exert your true ability or charm, stop others to go further, to know you, to understand your possibilities.

　"Strategy chapter"

Everyone looked at the mentality of the article, reasons, I gave the chat advice is 1 principles, 2 strategies, 2 points.

Principle: Chat with each other as far as possible not to talk about rational topics, such as how you work, home where to check the account-type chat. Should be more emotional artistic topics, such as more entertainment topics, movies, music, stars, entertainment, constellations and so on, these topics in the subdivision can also chat for a long time. May assist the reference reason chapter 4th.

Short-term strategy, the immediate method is to collect some of the above-mentioned perceptual topics, but please do not rely on, because these are just material, not to chat with each other heat and create a sense of the decisive factor, just auxiliary, but the body, not the soul.

Long-term strategy, many and lively people become friends, their energy gas field is generally very high, emotions and energy can be mutually rotating, you and they stay together for a long time, it is easy to affect you, you will slowly become cheerful and speak more. Do you recall a similar experience? If so, please be more with them.

On the basis of this premise, after a period of practice and accumulation, you will not be in front of the opposite sex tense, in your relaxed state, the use of your usual accumulation of material, in the encounter feel interesting content now repeatedly say a few times, or with a mobile phone Youdao cloud notes excerpt down, occasionally turned out to see an impression can be, In this strongly do not recommend rote memorization, remember!

With the preparation in front, there are 2 concepts, "state" and "inertia".

The "state" here refers to the process in which you communicate with each other, whether or not you need to deliberately think about the topic, the brain will automatically appear according to your chat scene of the situation of the speech content.

Enter the "state", you are the source of happiness, like some square music fountain, to passers-by visitors to bring a pleasing feeling, every time the gushing out will bring people's joy, even people risk being wet or directly want to wet the run to the fountain to play, enjoy. If you can do this, you can also be like a fountain, attracting the attention of each other, and let the other person immersed in your joy.

This "state" from the physiological point of view is that your body through the external stimulation produced "adrenaline", it will continue to stimulate your brain, so you enter a very good unconventional mood, then your spirit is in high excitement and high-speed operation process, at this time you can become very instinctive, your language, Behavior is more or less involuntarily obeyed the instinct of the drive.

Common example, you drink wine, but not drunk, in the state of excitement, you will often do something you do not normally do, say some ordinary do not say words, even will not stop talking, do not need to think, specifically not for example, please each recalled their own or friends after the various acts of drunken, self-brain repair.

"Inertia" refers to you enter the "state", you will not consciously stop, because you at this time the mood, energy are very high, that is commonly known as "Hey!", HI is excited, if you can chat with others to enter this excitement state, the brain will automatically run at high speed, think of what will say what, Even the content may not be nutritious, but still communicate with the other smooth atmosphere active, because you are not transmitting information, but the transmission of emotion, the other side after chatting with you will generally only remember the current warm atmosphere, not necessarily remember your specific chat content.

All right. Finally, let us summarize.

1, by reversing the wrong thinking, adjust their own nervousness, fear, and other uncertain performance and mentality.

2, through 8 common do not chat phenomenon to summarize their own problem where the crux, and targeted to solve.

3, through the 1 principles I gave, 2 strategies, 2 points of the way to gradually, and constantly improve their chat problems.

Through these 3 points, we can slowly become the opposite sex chat yo!

"Cheat cheats, single dog Must see" How to become the opposite sex chat?