"Chewy" course notes--Direct dialogue

Direct conversation confrontation conversation

Direct dialogue refers to a conflict/collision dialogue. All direct conversations are all about seeking the truth.
There will always be some conversations that you've been trying to avoid, such as conversations with bosses about their leadership style, conversations with subordinates about how they work, conversations with the other half about couples, conversations with children about their educational studies, and so on. In these cases the conversation is not handled well and tends to be counterproductive. Before you talk, think about what the reasons are for not having a direct conversation with a client. What are you worried about?
Common errors in this type of conversation include:

• The opening question: "How have you been?" What's the situation? ”
• Oreo Cookie method: The first good, say the problem, and then the end of the packaging.
• Too much matting: excessive euphemism, not the focus.
• Write too many dialog scripts: can't really put into conversation.
• Machine-gun fire: Scold at the beginning.

Be kind to people, because everyone you meet is doing a great battle.
--philo of Alexandria

Direct conversation Model

Preparation (60-second prologue), the opening line without bad evaluation, as far as possible the use of neutral words, directly remove the mask, to cite specific facts.

1. Cite the question. should be clear and concise, calm and Frank.
"I want to talk to you about the impact ________________________ has on _________________________. ”
2. Give a concrete example of the behavior or situation you want to change.
"For example, __________________________________. ”
3. Describe how you feel about the problem.
"I feel __________________________________________. ”
4. Clarify the importance of this issue -what kind of risk/impact will it have on you, for others, for the team, for the organization as a whole? Where is it possible to have something or something to lose?
"In my view, the risk is very high/significant, there may be _____________________ risk/impact, and more importantly, ________________ will also be affected/at risk. ”
5. Acknowledge your responsibility for this issue.
"I also have a responsibility for this matter. I am _________________________, I am sorry for this. ”
6, point out that you want to solve this problem.
"I want to be able to work with you together-(recount the question again.) ”
7. Please ask the other party to respond.
"I really want to know what you think, and please speak straight." ”

Interaction

8, inquire each other's views. use different words to recount, check each other's feelings, dig deeper, in order to complete the understanding, not only to see the surface of the phenomenon is satisfied. Make sure the other person knows that you have a good understanding of the matter and can respect the other person's situation and interests.

consensus

9. What do you know? What is our situation now? What conditions do you want to solve? What has not been said is supposed to say? What is our new understanding of the situation? In this situation, how do we move forward?
10, to reach a new agreement, and find each other can abide by the agreed method.

Three common escape behaviors

When most people face a positive challenge, they try to justify their actions in the following three ways, trying to evade responsibility:

1. Denial
"Not me!" "or" no such thing! ”
2. Justification
"It's not my fault, it's because of the ___________________________. ”
3. Shift Focus
"It doesn't matter, it's mainly ____________________________. ”

Everyone who is honest with us deserves to be told, because they are not allowed to compromise with us.

Key Tips

• Healthy interpersonal relationships include direct dialogue and mutual appreciation.
• Remove the burden and simply pass the message.
• After the prologue, go directly to the mining model.
• The courage and skill of direct conversation is a gift, a gold mine worth digging.

If you have an opinion, what's your opinion? If you have ideas, what do you think?
With silence, stared at him/her, not more than 10 seconds.

"Chewy" course notes--Direct dialogue