"The Art of Communication" wins the battle, but loses the trust.

Fan Jun (Frank Fan) Sina Weibo: @frankfan7: Gettocloud

In the course of a technical speech, a series of listeners raised a number of questions, and at the end of the conclusion that I thought distorted my intention, I instinctively produced a defensive mind, directly to say a word " I Disagree ". In fact, hindsight is a bit of a misnomer, in fact, it can be answered in other ways. The listener may just be trying to figure it out. Although I overwhelmingly questioned the sound of the momentum, but actually did not let the listener listen to my later answer, it is just a moment of the words of the fast, but not the establishment of a trust relationship.

The process of interpersonal communication is essentially a process of establishing trust between the two sides, and if the speaker itself does not have a good trust relationship, the content of the speech must not be accepted very well. In my school days, if I like a teacher very much, the content of that course is relatively easy to absorb.

in fact, our coping style and the choice of words are the embodiment of their mentality. The speaker's mentality and purpose directly determine the atmosphere of the gas field. If the mindset is open, inclusive, and self-confident, then it is easy to accept the attitude and language in response to the question. If the mentality is closed, defensive, judgmental, its performance is conceivable. It reminds me of a Zen story.

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said that Su Shi and the monk Buddha printed on the Tao, the Buddha printed asked Su Shi, in your eyes see what I am? Su Shi thought to play a good trick on this monk, replied: Cow dung a lump. at the same time ask Buddha to print, in your eyes see what I am? Buddha-Imprint But the way: Buddha one. Su Shi's heart is not proud. After home complacent to sue Little sister, Su Xiao-mei sneer at the elder brother said "brother!" You're the dire to lose today! Because Buddha-Indian master is full of Buddha, so to see any sentient beings are Buddha, and your heart is full of filth is not clean, six pure Buddha-Indian Zen teacher, unexpectedly as cow dung, this is not lost very badly? "It's a fictional story, but it's a moral.

In addition to the mentality and cultivation of the improvement, there is no practical way to better deal with the possible tense situation? Here is a simple way to derive the idea from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg 's Non violent communication .

an observation without judgment (observingwithout evaluating)

You need to listen attentively to the questions or opinions of the audience, not to be judgmental. Sometimes we are anxious to express our position without really understanding the problem, or to explore the motives behind the problem and miss the opportunity to build trust with the audience.

Buddha Yue " Don ' tjust do something, stand there"the speaker can't stand there after the problem, but your face and body language reveal your own mindset, if you're really trying to understand what the audience is thinking, A short pause is not scary, allowing you and your audience to have a little space to think. or invite other listeners to express their views.

two develop a language and vocabulary that uses positive energy.

can express their position, but not necessarily directly negate each other.    For example, to express different views, it can be said I have different Opinion; What I know and it works for me and my clients;  I hear you. And let's look at it from a different angle.

Of course, when necessary, there is a need to make a concise response to certain points of view to avoid confusion.

three If no consensus can be reached, it will be shelved temporarily.

No one can do everything, and it is normal not to answer the question. It doesn't matter if you can't persuade the other. After all, the purpose of the speech is not to win the battle, there must be bigger picture, focusing on the relationship of building trust.

This article is from the "Fan Jun blog" blog, make sure to keep this source http://frankfan.blog.51cto.com/6402282/1641876

"The Art of Communication" wins the battle, but loses the trust.