"Turn" seven psychological fables for a lifetime

(a) The Parable of growth: To be an apple tree that grows forever

An apple tree, finally the result.
In the first year, it had 10 apples, 9 were taken away and 1 of them were. In this, the apple tree aggrieved, so since the broken meridians, refused to grow. The next year, it had 5 apples, 4 were taken away, and 1 of them were. "Haha, last year I got 10%, get 20% this year! Doubled up. "The apple tree is mentally balanced.
However, it can also: continue to grow. For example, in the second year, it had 100 fruits, was taken away 90, and got 10 of them.
It is possible that it was taken away 99, and got 1 of its own. But it doesn't matter, it can continue to grow, the third year knot 1000 fruit ...
In fact, how much fruit to get is not the most important. The most important thing is that the apple tree is growing! When the apple tree grows into a towering tree, the power that has hindered its growth will be weak to ignore. Really, do not care too much fruit, growth is the most important.

"Psychological Review" Are you a migrant worker who has broken its own meridians?
At the beginning of the work, you are brilliant, high-spirited, believe that "born I will be useful." But the reality quickly knocked you a few sap, perhaps, you have made a big contribution to the Unit no one attaches importance to, perhaps, only to oral attention but not the benefits; In short, you feel like the apple tree, the fruit of its own only to enjoy a very small part, and your expectations are far from the difference.
So you're angry, you're upset, you're complaining ... In the end, you decide not to work so hard to get what you have to do to match your income. A few years past, you have a reflection, found that you now, have not just work when the passion and talent.
"Old, ripe." "We're used to being self-deprecating. But the essence is, you have ceased to grow.
Such stories abound in our side.
The reason we make this mistake is because we forget that life is a journey, a whole, we feel we have grown up, and now it is time to come to the end. We care too much about a momentary gain and loss, and forget that growth is the most important.
Fortunately, this is not the self-breaking meridians in Jin Yong's novels. We can at any time abandon this and continue on to the path of growth.
Remember: If you are a worker, and have encountered a boss or corporate culture that does not understand management, brutal management, or mis-management, then remind yourself that you must not break the meridians because of anger and grumbling. Whatever happens, make an apple tree that grows forever, because your growth is always more important than the amount of money you get each month.

(ii) The Parable of Motive: The child is playing for whom

A group of children frolic in front of an old man, shouting. A few days passed, the old man was unbearable.
So he came out and gave 25 cents to each child and said to them, "you make this place so lively, I feel like I'm a lot younger and I'm thankful for that." ”
The children were so happy that they still came the next day, and as always, frolic. The old man came out again, giving each child 15 cents. He explained that he had no income and could only give less. 15 cents is OK, the child is still happy to go.
On the third day, the old man gave only 5 cents to each child.
The children were furious, "only 5 cents a day, do you know how hard we are!" "They swore to the old man that they would never play for him again!"

"Psychological Review" who are you playing for?
This parable is the deeper answer to the parable of the apple tree: Why the apple tree breaks its meridians, because it is not "playing" for itself.
Human motives are divided into two types: internal motivation and external motivation. If we act according to our internal motives, we are our own masters. If we are motivated by external motives, we will be left to be slaves by external factors.
In this parable, the old man's calculation is simple, he put the children's internal motive "play for their own happiness" into an external motive "for the penny to play", and he manipulated the penny of the external factor, so also manipulated the children's behavior. The parable of the old man, like not your boss, Boss? And cents, like not your salary, bonuses and so on various external rewards?
If external evaluations are used as reference coordinates, our emotions are prone to fluctuations. Because, external factors we can't control, it is easy to deviate from our internal expectations, let us discontent, let us grumble. Negative emotions like discontent and discontent make us miserable, and in order to reduce our pain, we have to reduce our internal expectations, and the most common way is to reduce the effort.
The main reason why a person can form an external evaluation system is that the parents like to control him. Parents too like to use verbal rewards and punishments, material rewards and punishments to control children, and not to ignore the child's own motives. Over time, children forget their original motives and do what they care about external evaluations. At school, he forgot the original motive of learning ——— curiosity and joy of learning; After work, he forgot the original motive of the work ——— The happiness of growth, the evaluation of the boss and the ups and downs of his work became the source of his greatest joy and pain.
Remember: The external evaluation system is often a family inheritance, but you can completely break it, from now on to cultivate their own internal evaluation system, so that learning and work into "play for themselves."

(iii) The Parable of the plan: fold a sheet of paper 51 times

Imagine that you have a large enough piece of white paper in your hand. Now, your task is to fold it 51 times. So, how high is it?
A refrigerator? One floor? Or a skyscraper that high? No, too much difference, this thickness exceeds the distance between the Earth and the sun.

"Psychological Review"
By now, I have asked more than 10 people about this fable, only two people said, this may be an unimaginable height, while others think of the highest height is a skyscraper so high.
Folding 51 times The height is so scary, but what if only 51 sheets of white paper are stacked together?
This contrast makes a lot of people feel shocked. Because there is no direction, a lack of planning of life, it is like 51 of white Paper stacked together simply. Do this today, do it tomorrow, and every effort does not have a connection. This way, even if every job is done very well, they are simply superimposed on your whole life.
Of course, life is a little more complicated than this fable. Some people, the life of a simple direction and determined to do it, their life finally reached the height of others unattainable. For example, a friend of mine in the direction of life is English, he spent a decade of effort, only the number of words memory reached a hundred thousand of, at this point reached the average person can not reach the height.
Others also have a clear direction of life, such as having a company as a boss, so they need a lot of skills ——— professional skills, managerial skills, communication skills, decision-making skills, and so on. They may try to do this in the beginning, and try to do that, not the same is particularly proficient, but in the end, the direction of the company as a boss to the past these seemingly fragmented efforts to integrate together, this is a complex life folding, rather than a simple overlay.
Remember: The visible power is more useful than the unseen power.
Now, the epidemic is looking for answers from unseen places, such as potential development, such as success, that our lives depend on miracles to be saved. But, in my opinion, Mao Zhenjiang, a consultant at Dongguan Heng Yuan Psychological counseling Center, said more correctly, "it is far more important to make use of the existing capacity by planning than to tap into what is called potential." ”

(iv) Evasion of the parable: the kitten escaped the shadow of the tricks

"The shadow is so annoying!" "Kitty Tom and Toby think so," we must get rid of it. ”
However, wherever we go, Tom and Toby find that as soon as they appear in the sun, they will see their own shadow that makes them crazy.
However, Tom and Toby finally found their own solution. Tom's method is to keep his eyes closed forever. Toby's way is to stay in the shadow of something else forever.

"Psychological Review"
This parable shows how a small psychological problem can become a bigger psychological problem.
It can be said that all psychological problems are derived from the distortion of the facts. What fact? It is mainly the negative events that make us miserable.
Because of the painful experience, we do not want to face this negative event. However, once it happens, such negative events are destined to accompany our life, we can do, the most is to suppress them to the subconscious, this is called forgetting.
However, they still play a role in the subconscious. And even if we forget about the facts, the pain of these facts will still strike us, leaving us somehow sad and unable to suppress. This pain makes us try to avoid it further.
In the end, the usual solution is these two: either we, like Kitty Tom, completely distort our experience and turn a blind eye to all the important negative facts of life, or we, like Kitty Toby, simply take refuge in the pain and make all our things very bad, since everything is so bad, The original incident that made the saddest of himself was not so painful.
Li Ling, a consultant at Baiyun Psychological Hospital, said 99% of drug addicts had suffered. The reason why they use drugs is to let themselves escape the pain. It is like hiding in the shadow, the painful fact is a devil, in order to avoid this devil, simply sell themselves to the larger devil.
There are many alcoholic adults who have had an alcoholic and abusive father who has suffered a lot from his father. In order to forget the pain, they learned the same way.
In addition to these visible and erroneous methods, we humans have invented countless different ways to escape the pain, which Freud calls the psychological defense mechanism. In times of pain, these defenses are necessary, but worse, if the mental defense mechanism distorts the facts too much, it will bring more psychological problems, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, social anxiety disorder, multiple personalities, and even schizophrenia.
The only way to really get to health is to have one ——— face the pain. The person who faces the pain will get many unexpected gains from the pain, and they will eventually become the life wealth of the party.
Remember: The Shadow and the light, are the wealth of life.
One of the most important psychological laws is that no matter how painful things are, you can't escape. You can only face it bravely, dissolve it, go beyond it, and finally reach a settlement. If you are temporarily lacking in power, you can look for help, seek help from your friends or family, or seek professional help to let the people you trust accompany you to face these painful things.
American psychologist Rogers was the loneliest man, but when he faced this fact and dissolved it, he became a true master of interpersonal relationships; American psychologist Frank had an abusive and alcoholic stepfather and a bad mother, but when he challenged the fact and eventually forgave his parents, he became an expert in the treatment of this problem. Sanda, a Japanese psychologist, was a serious neurosis, but he challenged the fact and eventually invented Morita therapy ... The most painful facts of their lives eventually become their most important asset. You can do the same.

(v) The Parable of action ——— crabs, owls and bats

Crabs, owls and bats go to the abuse classes. After a few years, they all graduated successfully and received a doctorate degree. However, the crab is still rampant, owls still sleep during the night activities, bats still hanging.

"Psychological Review"
This is a fable of master Huang Yongyu, whose moral is simple: action is more important than knowledge.
The parable is also thought-provoking in the use of mental health.
The knowledge of psychology is profound. However, no good psychological knowledge can automatically help a person to become healthier. In fact, I know some people who have studied psychology for many years, one of the purposes of their psychology is to cure themselves, but after learning so many years, their problems remain.
One of the most important reasons for this is that they do not live, so knowledge is only a distant knowledge, and knowledge does not become their own life experience.
A friend of mine who likes psychology, has been considered by many psychologists to be insensitive and unfit to study psychology. But it turns out that this speculation is not correct. He is not sensitive enough, but he has a very big advantage: to know a good knowledge, immediately in his own life to execute. In this way, those distant knowledge becomes a real life experience, he does not need to "understand" too much, can help himself, and help many people.
If the high sensitivity is a kind of genius quality, then the high driving force is the more important genius quality.
This parable can also derive another meaning: do not expect the magic of mystical psychotherapy too much. The most important force is always in your own body, the mystery of knowledge, occult potential development, dazzling success learning, and so on, are far less important than the strength of your own. We used to go outside to find the answer, to find the strength of others, the result of forgetting the strength on their own.
Remember: Other people's knowledge cannot automatically save you.
If some words or new creed inspire you, if some of the lines of the punch lines impress you. Then, these other people's words and experience are only a beginning, more importantly, you think the good knowledge of the real use of your own life.
The Jewish philosopher Buber this remark, which I have always thought to be the most important:
You have to start on your own. If you don't go deep into your life with a positive love, if you don't reveal the meaning of your existence in your own way, then for you, survival will remain meaningless.

(vi) The Parable of abandonment: bees and flowers

The Rose withered, the bee still desperately sucking, because it used to suck sweet from this flower. But now, on this flower, the bee sucks the poison.
Bees know this, because poison bitter, and the taste of the past is a difference. So the bee was angry, but it took a sip and raised its head to complain to the whole world, why did it taste the same?!
Finally one day, do not know what the reason, bees vibrating wings, fly a little higher. At this time, it found that withered roses around, everywhere is flowers.

"Psychological Review"
This is about love fable, is a young Chinese teacher's true sentiment.
There was a time, she was lovelorn, very painful, always wanted to talk to me, I hope that my psychological knowledge can give her some help. We have been about time, but almost two months later, two people's time can not happen together.
Last time about her, she said: "Thank you!" No, I think I got it. ”
It turned out that she had just returned from Jiuzhaigou. Lovelorn pain is still entangled in her, let her trance, can not enjoy the beauty of Jiuzhaigou. Inadvertently, she noticed that a little bee was picking honey on a flower. In that instant, she had a thunder and lightning in her head: "The withered flowers, bees can only suck to poison." ”
Of course, the little bees in nature do not do this, only human is so silly, her sentence of the bees of course refers to her own. At this moment, she had an epiphany of the reason for giving up. Before, she wanted me to help her out, but the wings actually grow on her own body, she wants to fly can fly.
Giving up is not easy, and giving up in love is especially painful. Because love is a copy of the parent-child relationship of our young childhood. Young children, no matter from which aspect, can not be separated from mom and dad. If mom and dad completely deny him, it means death to him, which is the ultimate injury and fear. More or less we have experienced the pain and fear of being rejected by mom and dad, so when love ——— this replica of the parent-child relationship once again allows us to experience this pain and fear, our emotions can easily become very bad.
However, there is a big difference between love and parent-child relationship: When we were young, we could do nothing, all parents were in charge, but now, as we grow up, we have the power to choose our own destiny. It can be said that, in childhood, we are small bees without wings, but now, we have a pair of powerful wings.
However, when deep in love, we will return to childhood, we will forget that we have a pair of wings to fly. When we realize this, love will no longer be the automatic copy of the parent-child relationship, our love will be free, there is the power to give up.
Remember: Love is a matter of two people, two completely equal, independent personality. You can try, but not to say, you work hard will certainly have an effect, because another person, you can not be around.
So, no matter how much you care about love, if another person is determined to leave you, please respect his choice.
And, remember, you are no longer a child, only for the torment of pain. You are an adult, you have a pair of powerful wings, you can fly out of a relationship that has become poison.

(vii) The Parable of intimacy: a unique Rose

The little prince has a small planet, suddenly bloom on the planet a beautiful rose. Before, this planet only some nameless flowers, the little prince has never seen such a beautiful flower, he fell in love with this rose, care for her carefully.
That period of time, he thought, this is the only flower in the world, only his planet, and other places do not exist.
However, when he came to Earth, he found that there were 5000 identical flowers in just one garden. Only then did he know that all he had was an ordinary flower.
At first, the discovery made the little prince very sad. But in the end, the little prince knew that although there were countless roses in the world, the one on his planet was still unique, because the rose, he watered, gave her cover, with a screen to protect the caterpillar, in addition to her body, also listened to her resentment and self-proclaimed, listened to her silence ... In a word, he tamed her, she also tamed him, she is his unique rose.
"It's because you've spent time on your roses that it makes your roses so important." A fox, tamed by the little prince, said to him.

"Psychological Review"
This is a famous fable in the French masterpiece "The Little Prince", which I have read over and over again, but it is still not understood until 2005.
Facing the 5000 roses, the Little Prince said: "You are very beautiful, but you are empty, no one can die for you." ”
Only by pouring love, intimacy makes sense. However, now we are more and more popular empty "intimate relationship", the most typical is because of the spread of the network of one. Night, love.
We are in a hurry to have. As if, every more have a rose, their own life value is one more points. In the internet age, having over dozens of lovers is no longer a rare thing. But none of the people I know is empty. They do not enjoy the relationship, they only enjoy conquest.
"The stronger the desire to conquer, the less interested in the intimacy of the relationship." Rong, a consultant at Guangzhou Baiyun Psychological Hospital, said, "before they do, they will do everything possible to get closer to the relationship." But once they do, they quickly lose interest in the intimacy. The stronger the desire to conquer, the quicker it loses. "
For such a person, a rose garden is more attractive than a unique rose.
The beauty of the relationship, however, is the degree to which both people are engaged and tamed. When two of people are naturally engaged and naturally tamed, the relationship becomes the nourishment of life, making a person's life more filled and better.
But, no matter how close. The little prince is still the little prince, Rose is still the rose, they are still two individuals. If the roses do not allow the little prince to travel, or the little Prince travels without the roses on the body, the two must stick together, the relationship is no longer enjoyment, and will become a burden.
Remember: a relationship that is intimate and independent is better than 1000 general relationships. Such a relationship will save us from the hopeless loneliness that is the most important redemption in our lives.
You can't know the beauty of this relationship if you haven't experienced it.

"Turn" seven a life-useful psychological fable