Reading the love between Fang Hongjian and Sun lujia

The ending of a miserable breakup between Hong Jian and Sun roujia in the besieged city caused me to think deeply. Among the many post-reading experiences on the internet, Sun roujia is attacked by everyone as a negative image. The main points are nothing more than vanity, confidence, determination of two people before and after marriage, and strong control desire. Some people compared her with Tang Xiaofu, saying that she was not pure enough and her heart was too heavy. Some people say that she is too busy. When a man is mixed up, she may be confused. In fact, I think it is unfair to attribute all the mistakes in marriage to one party of the marriage. Sun roujia's family is ordinary. Her father is a staff member of a newspaper in Shanghai and has a younger brother. She is not favored at home. Besides working to earn money to support her family, she also needs to take care of her younger brother at ordinary times. From this information, we can judge that women living in this environment are good at planning for themselves, not out of confidence, but out of instinct. Therefore, her love must be carried out under the premise of material satisfaction, which doomed her to have a strong purpose. Similarly, this kind of family environment makes sun roujia impossible to become a big girl. She can only be a small woman, with vanity, jealousy, savvy and cute. Although this kind of character is not an ideal partner of Fang Hongjian, he does not reject it. In the course of long-distance travel, which is the most character-tested, Fang still looks pleasing to her eye and does not find her annoying. I think Fang Hongjian and Sun roujia finally broke up for two fundamental reasons: First, Fang Hongjian did not like Sun roujia, and Sun roujia was not familiar with Fang Hongjian. As the circumstances of different people, their feelings gradually changed. Second, others acted as catalysts in their marriage war.

First, he doesn't love her, and she doesn't know him very well (although she thinks she knows him very well ). If he really loves her, he will always be the first to think about the worst possibility when he is in a quarrel; if he really loves her, when the future is gloomy, he will endure the grievance for her, instead of resigning out of impulse and indignation (Sanming University and Shanghai newspaper); If he really loves her, she will comfort her well when she is wronged. Even if she is wrong, she will use his mouth to block her mouth when she cannot persuade her to hurt each other, prove it with warm love, rather than competing with her for the truth; in some tolerable places, it is absolutely not opposite, but praise her with sincere love. If Hongjian does this, Sun roujia will be happy and satisfied. However, Sun roujia is not Tang Xiaofu, and Fang Hongjian can have such a sense of indifference to Tang Xiaofu, but he does not want to or even dislike sun roujia.

Sun roujia is not the one Fang Hongjian really wants. At the same time, Fang Hongjian's concept of life is in conflict with sun roujia's concept of "Wang Fu Jackie Chan. Fang Hongjian's character is a patient-tolerance model. He loves his face and does not want to make any effort. Sun roujia, however, is a bit confused and belongs to a type that is preferred. In the event of a quarrel between the two, I think Fang Hongjian is unwilling to be honest with her more often. There are many cold wars. However, once you can't bear it, you can't simply end it. However, Sun roujia was not familiar with him yet. She thought that she would "do everything possible" to get married with Fang Hongjian. After a long time, Fang Hongjian would eventually fall in love with her, so that she could give in to her in the quarrel, indulge in her, and favor her. I don't know how many parents and men and women in the world want to transform their children and the other half. However, Sun was disappointed. In Sun roujia's view, Fang Hongjian was eventually proved to be "the arms cannot be carved ". In Fang Hongjian's view, he married sun roujia, but he was not sure whether he really liked Sun roujia. Although Fang Hong gradually had a clear mind at the beginning, he accurately bypassed Miss Su's "everything possible", but that was because Miss Su was not as brilliant as Miss Sun, men never like women who are better than themselves. Therefore, Fang Hongjian "smartly" regards Miss Su as a "spare child". When she met Miss Tang, she lost her feelings. However, he and Miss Tang broke up. After experiencing the double blow of unemployment and lovelorn, Fang Hongjian is disheartened and has no purpose in his life. At this time, Miss Sun, who looks cute and simple, cried to him after being bullied by students in English classes and asked him for help when she did not know how to reject the nasty pursuers, he felt his image was so "tall" in her eyes, as if a man's self-esteem and self-confidence had returned to him. He was treated as a trustworthy and dependent person by her. In this way, Miss Sun unconsciously enters the vision of Fang Hongjian's love. However, this kind of love is mostly pity and affection. It is the result of Miss Sun's deliberate compliment and expansion of his self-esteem. Once she gets married, the days of rice, oil, and salt have worn out her patience, when they need to work hard for their lives, the beauty of Miss Sun's little girl's smart and snoop will naturally be revealed. She never liked him again and moved to him as before, asking him for advice on everything. his self-esteem was shaken. he suspected that his pity and affection for Miss Sun was just a joke. This kind of embarrassing suspicion deeply eats the little self-esteem left by Fang Hongjian, and gradually falls to the bottom of his love for her. On the other hand, he had another hateful "conscience" and thought that once she had an affair with Miss Sun, she decided to marry her in order to "keep her daughter from being innocent, assume the responsibility of a man. However, they have not experienced the heart of meeting, nor have they experienced the hard pursuit. Even after a few years, their love is like the water that has been boiling over the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau, but it cannot be hot. This kind of love, established by the woman deliberately, can barely survive without passing through the test. Once the status of men and women changes, the woman will not be able to stand alone with the man, when the male's self-esteem is very frustrated, even some trivial matters and small disputes will make the anger of both sides quickly magnified by a spark. The man has lost his support and patience. At this time, the woman cannot understand his fragile and contradictory psychology, and he will not be able to make any effort to make sense, in the end, conflicts are irreconcilable.

Second, Sun roujia's appearance conditions did not meet Fang Hongjian's internal standards. Tang Xiaofu has already held a very important position in Fang Hongjian's mind. Even if she has already broken up, Fang Hongjian will still compare her image with her next girlfriend. This is why Fang Hongjian was not impressed with sun roujia when he first met. Because sun roujia looks really peaceful, we can also see from the outline of money's old: two eyes are very open, so that her face always looks exaggerated. Such a woman is cute when she is cute, but she seems very fierce and cool. When she lost her temper, Fang Hongjian unconsciously compared her with Tang Xiaofu: Sun roujia is really a careless and unreasonable Mother-in-law tiger. The innocence before marriage was originally a disguise and disguise, only Tang Xiaofu is the real "fresh water, fresh water, and natural carving ". After a further thought, Fang Hongjian sadly found that sun roujia had discovered that he liked to follow the character determined by others, so that He cleverly turned out a "Gossip" atmosphere, in addition, he made a bet on his daughter's innocent reputation and made a decision when he was "forced by the situation. Once the purpose of marriage has been achieved, she does not need to pretend to be naive and weak after marriage. After seeing sun roujia's true face, Fang Hongjian will inevitably feel cheated. Her strong attitude after marriage and the appearance of a person-to-person were like two. She instantly collapsed all her beautiful images in Fang Hongjian's mind. Then Fang Hongjian went to see her appearance, it seems ugly. He may think, why did I get so confused and fail to think about it, and he was impulsive to marry a woman like sun? A strong sense of regret made him slowly reject this marriage. On the one hand, he will think about where the gentle and lovely sun lujia went, and on the other hand, he will think about the happiness and sweetness between Tang Xiaofu and Tang Xiaofu, in this environment, the comparison is obvious, so that he can not help but recall the night that he just broke up with Tang Xiaofu. Even if he fell asleep, his heart was like a sigh of relief, wake up and have a dull chest pain. He was desperate for the real world and began to retreat from the real world to the world of love he imagined.

Second, others acted as catalysts in their war of marriage. In fact, this is also the main difference between love and marriage. Love is a matter of two people, as long as they are happy with each other, but marriage is a combination of two families, even if they are not a great family of interests exchange, but still can not escape the world. Fang Hongjian's parents, Fang Hongjian's sister-in-law, Sun roujia's aunt, and servant Li Ma are in the besieged city. Their behavior has a major impact on the marital trend of the two.

Fang Hongjian's parents hold an absolutely conservative old family concept, that is, men are the backbone of the family, and women are only the vassal of men. Sun roujia grew up in Shanghai and went to college, which is out of sync with the idea of Hongjian's parents. For example, Mr. Fang once said: "If a woman is a college student, the husband must be a doctor. If a woman has been a doctor, a man must stay in the ocean or be a doctor of biexpected knowledge to control her. If a woman is a doctor, only foreigners can match her ". Fang Hongjian's father asked Sun roujia not to go to work as a full-time wife at home. Sun roujia said that his salary was twice as high as that of Hong Jian. This left Fang Hongjian with a sigh of relief ", lost Fang's face. When Hong Jian and Sun roujia entered the door to worship their parents, he insisted that he would not kneel down, but just give an offer. This made Fang Hongjian's parents very unhappy and did not even give a gift to her. Fang Jia's two sisters also tested sun roujia's dowry to estimate Sun's family environment. When I learned that they were both aunts, I couldn't help but look down. When sun roujia was in this dilemma, she did not dare to send her breath to Fang Hongjian's relatives. Of course, she only sought to vent her anger at Fang Hongjian. But Fang Hongjian is also suffering. First, Sun roujia was not given to her by herself, but she left a sentence about how your family is cool and snoop, and a sentence about how your family is cool. When you get used to it, this is used to satirize Fang Hongjian every quarrel, and Fang Hongjian gets angry even if he has no temper. At the same time, he was also despised in his aunt Sun's house, and there was no place to vent his stomach. I suddenly understood why marriage is the grave of love. If two people who fall in love get married, they suddenly find that they are no longer two people. Instead, they need to integrate into two different family environments and get along with two groups of people who have different ideas and habits. If the environment to be integrated is not an environment that you have been adapting to for a long time and is incompatible with your habits, you may encounter difficulties in this world. At this time, there will always be some highly respected Elders standing up to attack you, or their peers in the environment will use the rules you are not familiar with to set a trap for you. You may have to face the other party's strict questioning in the face of a blow. Not only can you not fight back, but you have to bow your head and smile and admit your mistake. Imagine who will not feel bored? At this time, if your other half does not stand up to protect you, or his position is different from yours (he has developed some ideas in this environment ), there will certainly be conflicts between you. This is also why people like "door-to-door" when looking for a wedding target, in order to minimize the differences in habits and thinking between the two families, protect the other half of a marriage from being harmed by the rules of the other family. When you fall in love, there are two positions: either one or the other. After they get married, they no longer have two positions. They can stand by their parents, siblings, and friends. Looking at the same thing from different positions may lead to different or even opposite conclusions. When you are in love, the man can fully stand in the position of the woman to accommodate her and make her happy. However, if the male does the same thing after marriage, in the eyes of his parents, siblings, and friends, Fang Hongjian's father may say "the weakness of the framework. In this way, after marriage, they may be subject to various relationships and contradictions. It is difficult to have a keen eye like they are in love, so that they can discover the Abnormalities of their lover's mood. In many cases, we never start to understand each other.

 

Digress: Besieged City is a very interesting novel. It uses a method of ridicule and uses a few pieces of cartoon-like humor to vividly portray the character's image. People in besieged city are very smart. They almost all use some small means and believe that they can turn others around. The people in besieged city are stupid because they can always clearly see others' weaknesses and embarrassment, and make relentless ridicule, but are ignorant of their dilemmas.

Reading the love between Fang Hongjian and Sun lujia