[Reprinted] it after-sales service joke collection

[Reprinted] Once I called Microsoft's service center to activate a software, the conversation was as follows:

Microsoft: "Hello, Microsoft software activation service. I think you cannot activate your product immediately. Please call again tomorrow.
Then ."

Me: "Why cannot I activate it immediately? I need to use this software now ."

Microsoft: "something is wrong with us ."

I can't believe my ears: "What ?"

After a while, I was embarrassed to say, "All our computer systems have crashed.
The cause of the accident is still not found, and the backup is also faulty ."

I believe this is the most honest after-sales service person I have ever met.

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Next to my office is the after-sales service point of the printer department. One day, the staff from there will tell us
One thing we did: A customer described the problem with the printer on the phone like this: "The printer has been issued.
It sounds strange, as if the screws in the keyboard or chair are loose ." We couldn't breathe.

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When I tried to install linux on a Dell desktop, I found that I could not start from CDROM.
There is no problem with the other CDROM, so I am sure the original CDROM is damaged. I need a computer.
ER's service center told the after-sales service personnel with a strong Indian accent that I needed a new CDROM. Below is
Our conversation:

Service personnel (hereinafter referred to as the Service): "How are you sure the CDROM is damaged ?"

Me: "It's okay when I change another CDROM ."

Service: "Which version of Windows is installed on the host ?"

Me: "To install Linux, I have deleted the original windows system ."

Service: "You need to download an application on the Dell official website to check it again ."

Me: "The operating system is no longer available on the host, even if I install Linux, I cannot run those windows-based
Platform applications ."

Service: "Please right-click the" my computer "icon and select properties ......"

I am impatient: "I have no operating system on my laptop, no windows, and nothing.
"

The Service Staff finally understood something: "If there is no operating system, how do you know that CDROM is bad?
? Maybe you should upgrade your driver ."

After listening to the above answers, I am sure I cannot communicate with them.
I handed the microphone to our manager. Fortunately, he is an authentic Indian. The manager uses pure hindi words
An after-sales service engineer scolded me and sent a brand new CDROM to the door the next day.
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I used to work night shifts in the user service department of a university network center. Some users call to request activation.
Some network connections, of course, will not have any problem, as long as the user provides their Nic physical address. However
Unfortunately, I found many computer idiots on the phone, and most of them are women.
.

Me: "Okay, you should first right-click on the" my computer "icon, and then at the top of the shortcut menu
Select "attribute" at the bottom "." She: "right-click, where is it ?"

Me: "My Computer" icon on your desktop ."

She: "My mouse is on the desktop ?"

I tried very hard to explain to her what is the difference between the desktop and the actual desktop, but it was not successful. Finally, her roommate
Back and done everything. I had a nightmare that night.

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I did such an experiment. I called the Technical Support Center of five hard drive manufacturers of different brands and asked
"How much will a 20 GB hard disk weigh when it is full of Data ?"

The answer from four hard drive manufacturers is: "It will only weigh a few pounds when it is empty ." Since then, I will never buy this
Four products.

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I once called my network service provider (ISP) due to network connection problems, because my cable modem will always have no
The connection is lost for 30 seconds without reason, and occurs several times every hour. The guy in the service hotline is like this.
Reply to me: "The problem is not on our side, but on your machine ."

Me: "How do you know ?"

"Because we have shown that your cable modem is always online, it has not lost its connection to the network ."

Me: "really? This is really strange. I have switched off the power of Cable Modem 20 minutes ago. You
It can also be displayed online. What instruments are so advanced ?"

"......"

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I work in a computer store. Once we got into a batch of new game controllers, but I found one.
There is a mechanical fault, and its spring is broken. So I called the after-sales service center of the company.

Service personnel: "Have you tried it on another computer ?" I patiently explained that it has nothing to do with the computer. This is
One mechanical fault.

Service: "Try it on another computer ." I explained again why this fault is caused by the computer
The problem has nothing to do with. I promise I have clearly expressed it.

Service: "Okay, please try again on another computer ." I immediately dropped the microphone. I learned later
Many companies' so-called manual services are automatically replied by computers. They will enter the most common questions for computers.
Solution, so no matter how you state your situation, you will only get the same response. Of course, to avoid customers
When this is discovered, they will create several different expressions for the same meaning.

Last night, I found nearly 10 thousand bad sectors on my mobile hard drive, so I called the manufacturer's after-sales service hotline.

After-sales service: "How many sectors are there on your hard disk ?"

Me: "I don't know. Several millions ."

After-sales service: "There are not too many 10 thousand bad sectors, right ?"

Me: "I TMD will never buy your products again ."

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One technical support staff has two answers to the classic questions about the Windows operating system. The problem is as follows:

Why do I need to click "start" when I want to shut down my computer?

When facing a customer, his answer is as follows: It is a great honor to help you solve this problem.
In the help documentation, we can clearly see that in order to shut down the computer, you must first press the "Start" button, and then select "shut down"
. I am very happy to help you.

When faced with a friend, his answer is as follows: Just because the damn Microsoft wants us to do this.
.
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Technical support: Tell me if the mouse pointer is still there?

User: No. I am the only one in this room.

Technical support: A boolean variable has two possible values: true or false.

User: real or false? How do I know whether your words are true or false?

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When the problem on your machine is related to two or more companies, congratulations, because you will
They will understand how they shirk their responsibilities. No matter how you describe your problem, you will get the same
Answer: "It has nothing to do with us. It is another company's problem ."

On one occasion, our server encountered a problem. Its operating system was Sun's Solaris and was equipped with netdynam.
ICS server application software. I called the netdynamics Technical Support Hotline. The guy said, "This is Su.
N company problems ."

I reminded him: "Sun has acquired your company last year. Now you are sun ."

That guy: "Oh, yes. But this is not a problem with the netdynamics software. This is a problem with the Solaris system. You
We should look for them ."

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I work in a large enterprise. One day after a security patch is installed, my Windows operating system does not
It can run normally. Because the company outsourced IT support to a technology company, I called them for help.

The technician remotely controlled my computer, so I can clearly see how he solved the problem. First
First, he opened the task manager. A few seconds later, he said strangely: "What's going on, there is a process that accounts for 99% of the total.
Manager time ?" He tried to end the process, but of course it was not successful. Then he even repeated the operation five or six times.
.

I don't understand. Even if he doesn't know what "system idle process" is, he should recognize it"
Idle "is idle. This is the real level of technical personnel.
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User: "The Pentium computer I just bought has nothing to do. I wonder if the machines you sell have
Problem ?"

Engineer: "impossible? Our computer has always had a good reputation. Can you tell me your * steps?
"

User: "there is absolutely no problem with my * operation steps. I did it according to the steps in the instruction manual. I used the computer first.
After the cable is installed, connect the power source, right ?"

Engineer: "Have you turned on the power switch ?"

User: "Of course it is enabled. But it seems that I didn't respond to the pedal ."

Engineer: "Sorry, what are you talking about ?"

User: "Yes ."

Engineer: "But our computer has no pedals. Did you buy it from the trade fair? Pedal is not
What is a gift? What are the features ?"

User: "It's not a gift. It's a thread connected to a computer. It's with a computer. There are two other
Things like buttons"

Engineer: "It's not a pedal, it's a mouse !"