Secrets of emotional interaction between husband and wife

The careless husband forgot his wife's birthday, but his wife had to have dinner with an important customer on her husband's birthday. The long-awaited holiday day approaches, but her husband had to cancel the plan due to busy business; without consultation with her husband, she made her own claim and bought a set of trendy furniture with her savings of half a year ...... These couples will always have a long history in their lives. They may be caused by negligence or the difference in character and habits between the spouse and the spouse. Couples may also be unhappy, resentful, angry, or even quarreling over these small frictions. If such annoying behavior occurs frequently (for example, if one party uses a generous account and always overdraft a credit card), or if a behavior is particularly hurtful (for example, the husband and wife disclose the spouse's private secrets to a friend ), then, the harm they cause cannot be underestimated, and even cast a hard shadow on the entire marriage. In the end, the husband and wife may part their ways.
If we divide marriage into three stages, the pre-marital love stage belongs to the "Romantic Period", and a period of time after marriage belongs to the "adaptive period, after the "Warring States Period", we can enter the "harmonious period" of marriage ". If the spouse learns to adjust their own psychology and feelings, their "break-in" will suffer less and take less time. The following are the secrets provided by marriage experts to combat disputes between husband and wife:
1. self-questioning
A busy mother hurried to settle her daughter down and join an important business meeting, but when she opened the car, it was discovered that the car which was used by her husband yesterday was out of oil. She had to bypass the road to fuel again, and the result was still late.
That night, she turned to her husband: "How do you care about yourself ?" The husband was a surgeon. In fact, he was in the car yesterday because a patient's emergency call left him alone and did not notice the oil table on the car. When her wife's anger dissipated, she turned to herself and found that she was not angry with her husband because she was not cheering, but annoyed by the idea of "My husband does not care about me.
Marriage expert micheri grantok pointed out: "Most of the spouse's actions that make the other party unhappy are not malicious, but mostly due to negligence, or you just need to take into account your immediate needs without considering anything else." The husband or wife forgot to go to the repair shop to retrieve the repaired DVD player. It is not intended to bother the other party. It may be just a forgotten mind. In this case, we do not need to "go online ", self-seeking troubles.
Next time, when your spouse is negligent, you can put yourself in and think about it for him: will you make the same mistake if you change to another person?
2. Make things easy
A newspaper reporter can always see the beautiful tree in the garden out of the window when washing dishes in the kitchen every day. "I like that tree," she said. "It's like a butterfly dancing in the wind ." When her husband was about to weed out and repair branches, she asked him not to touch the tree. But when she came back from the store, the tree disappeared. "I have cut it down ." The husband said, "I found it so ugly after pruning that it is not in coordination with the surrounding area ."
Despite her husband's hard work, she was furious. "I keep thinking: Why does he want to break his words? Doesn't he know how interested I am in that tree ?" Next is the cold war in a few days. After both sides are unhappy, she forced herself to calm down and reflect on the situation: "I realized that I could not let this kind of negative emotion occupy our minds to influence our happy marriage. I thought like this, if this was the worst thing my husband had ever done, I should be a lucky woman. How can I be blind to him because of his mistakes in this hour? I cannot see many of his advantages and good performances."
Another strategy to prevent negative thoughts from occupying the mind is not to think of past unhappiness as a result of such disputes. In order to prevent the scars from chewing the old days, you should discuss the matter and actively resolve the current dispute. Do not turn over the "old-Year-Old account". If your spouse already says wrong, buy a special gift for a memorial day you have forgotten, or plant a new tree like ghost, so you should immediately return to him or her, regardless of your preference.
3. Use humor
Sometimes, the most effective way to solve the difference between husband and wife is humor. A woman has forgotten to close the Cabinet for many years, which makes her husband angry. "I got up and went to the bathroom in the evening. I burst my head into an open cabinet door ." He complained.
After repeatedly reminding his wife that the door was disabled, he started to get angry, but his wife did what she needed. Finally, he gave up her efforts to change her, "These geeks are part of what she does. Since they cannot change her, change me." As a result, every time she forgot to close the door, he joked to her: "every night in the bathroom, I have to stretch my arm like a ray, so as not to accidentally hit the mine ."
Some of the habits and quirks between husband and wife are inherent, but they are hard to change. Instead of making a big noise, it is better to treat it with a common sense of tolerance, or even change your mind to "quiet.
4. Create a New Path
A couple has been married for 20 years and always quarreling over who should do anything. When they migrated to a larger house, his wife wanted her husband to help her. They decided on the "gentleman agreement": She was responsible for cooking and shopping, and she was responsible for hygiene on weekends. "It was good at first, but in a few weeks he began to get lazy," complained his wife. "So we re-negotiated '." After her husband persisted for a few weeks and then turned out to be cute again, they once again "negotiated". After repeated attempts, her wife's resentment grew.
Many couples always use a static method to solve the repeated old problems. "The result is that every time it fails, it makes things worse ." Marriage expert Joan seina said, "his wife accused him of not loving himself because of her husband's repeated speech, while his husband thinks that his wife wants to control himself, and thus cannot afford to do anything. Both of them became sharp and mean, and complained to each other ." This is like a snowball rolling down a hill. The larger the rolling, the more destructive force the final development.
In this case, couples need to find a new solution that can be accepted by both parties. For example, in the above example, the roles of the wife and the husband can be exchanged: how can we let the wife engage in hygiene and the husband go shopping.
5. Regain romance
A colonel has been serving in an overseas corps for many years. Although he has been living in friendship with his wife, he is very emotional. Later, the Colonel retired and went home. At the beginning, the husband and wife became dull and expected to spend more time at home and stay with him, it seems that he wants to make up for the lost years, but his wife is busy with business affairs, and his time at home is always so scarce.
As a result, there were cracks between husband and wife. In this situation, the spouse may feel that he or she is not as close, romantic, or loving as before. As a wife, she may feel neglected and never receive small gifts or passionate compliments. However, she may take it for granted to give and satisfy herself, once this is not available, you will feel guilty.
At the suggestion of a friend, the colonel decided to regain the romance, and once again play the role of the former "lover. In the evening, when he knew that his wife had been exhausted from his job and returned home, he always burned the fire in the fireplace and greeted her with a glass of champagne at the door. In addition, he quietly booked a room in the seaside resort and officially sent an invitation to her, who spent a romantic and Warm weekend together, as they said: "It's like another honeymoon."
In the long marriage process, sometimes it is boring and dull, but a romantic gesture, a loving posture can rekindle the flame of love in the hearts of couples. For example, you often give your partner some praise, tell your husband that he is always charming to you, and let your wife know that you still like to hear her charming laughter. If you have many chores in your life or want to take care of your children, it is also necessary to create opportunities for two people to be alone. Sometimes, a simple saying "you are in my heart" or "I want to be with you now" can make the other party chew on honey on this day, happy.
As long as you make some small efforts, it is not difficult to eliminate the inaccessibility and unhappiness between husband and wife. Those couples who stay together and are happy know that they should not always focus on unpleasant aspects of their marital relationships, but on the future to turn negative into positive and share a happy life.