The beginning of the year

                                                                                                                                                   ———— before 17, clean your heart     

University has developed the habit of writing diaries, and every year on New Year's Day will be an annual summary. Forget the day after graduation, also forget the mood at that time, only remember to all the logs and most of the words are deleted. Perhaps also since then, I began to wander between life and work, between mind and body, wandering back and forth. From this writing and deleting, until there is no courage to ask themselves in the form of words. Fortunately, just, in today, a new account, a dare to face the text, face the self of her back, just, really good, heart as ever.

Back to graduation that year ...

14 June, in the planning of a year later, and finally a year in advance to get that paper University diploma, to get a side most of the same time graduating seniors learning sister also yearning for an offer. The most gratifying thing is that I can look for the answer with the curiosity and doubt of "what is the difference between study and work".

Go on...... Back to leaving ...

With that curiosity, 7 months spent most of my blood on "The program changes the world." The company is no longer a lab, the lab's program discussion becomes a demand report, and the test improvement becomes a bug list. Fixed to work, eat, nap, overtime, work, in turn, around the rush of people hurried day after day. It seems like this is fine, but also a good monthly salary, but also can be subsidized, but also a considerable year-end award. It seems that people around are still good, a few years later, down payment, wave number, buy a car, repayment, marriage, birth son, Days is still good. Just, I, always out of tune. I don't want to lie down there and do a yard--the demand of the machine, the code of the adder, I want to be an explorer, do a excavator. This does not mean that my denial of this position, especially later, until now, I am more and more able to understand the "bottom slash, upper broken Hands" mode (beginning of work, once again questioned, disgust), to a large-scale company brought about by the high efficiency. Just, I don't like it, there's nothing wrong with it.

Go on...... Second job ...

In the case of being objected to by the family, people around them mocked "Young is good", or as the first employee entered the start-up company. Re-pick up the mind, start designing programs, testing, developing ... The early busy and inner joy is proportional, because the design of each module, the solution to every problem, is a sense of accomplishment. The good times are always not long, with the product embryonic gradually perfected the process, due to the company's planning and personal capacity constraints, a lot of new features did not add as expected, and the work is more and more cumbersome, and finally became repeated in accordance with the needs of the boss to modify the function. Then began to question themselves, the first time the meaning of resignation.

Go on...... Quit YOUR second job ...

After leaving for three months live in a friend's home, go to the nearby school study, go to the library to read books, to travel. Just halfway through a few mood to a new low, had to go home. Perhaps forgotten at that time, forget that curiosity, forget is out of curiosity, eager to leave the campus.

Go on...... At this moment ...

Graduation more than two years, more impetuous, impetuous to have been entangled in the environment, do not ask themselves, do not know-to the current level of ability, can only choose, or even be the job choice. Less thinking-just busy walking, busy with the wall after the turn, instead of thinking about where to go. Less courage--the effort to change a state needs to be equivalent to two state difference spacing.

I'm glad to start again and ask myself to answer.

Finally returned to the first curiosity to leave the campus. There is no difference between work and postgraduate exams, and the difference is in a decision to make when you know that you are more suited to what you prefer. Yes, I don't want to be an executive machine, I want to be an excavator, and now the shovel is not sharp enough, need school this grindstone.

The beginning of the year