These two years

I have been in the Chinese Emy of Sciences for two years, and it has been very slow and time-consuming. These two years have been the most difficult and difficult two years of life. The final ending is also unexpected.

From those days when I entered the Chinese Emy of sciences, I gradually started thinking about going abroad. At that time, only a few of my closest friends knew my thoughts. After making up my mind, I began preparations. Because I have graduated from an undergraduate course and entered the Postgraduate stage, the scientific research background is particularly important for me to apply for a good school except for good academic and language scores. The final paper is the key to success. The last semester of the study was basically attended. The courses offered by the Chinese Emy of sciences are very tight. They are usually used for classes, homework, and a little bit of GRE words. Before February September 2012, I learned about this test as 0. There were not many or almost none of the students preparing GRE together. I also had a classmate who went abroad, but the schedule for each person was different. So at that time, I was not found by a friend G. I basically prepared for myself, which led to many detours. At that time, I didn't even know the man Chen Qi, and I didn't even know that I would want you to be killed again by three thousand .. Now let's think about it. At that time, it was really too young and too naive. In March 9, 2013, I ushered in the first GRE test in my life. One night before the test, I almost fell asleep. The results can be imagined, but they are not ideal. So from this day on, I started a long-term battle against GRE.

 

On April 9, middle March, I contacted the Microsoft Asia Research Institute for an internship. I still remember that I was really nervous during the interview. Because at that time, I had such a logical relationship in my heart. If I can enter the Microsoft Asia Research Institute, I can send good papers and get good letters of recommendation, so that I can apply for a good school. If I cannot get in, it may be a tragedy. With such an uneasy mood, I came to the Microsoft Asia Pacific R & D Group headquarters at No. 5 danling street more than an hour in advance. I found a small bench in the square behind the company, and kept repeating the prepared self-introductions and project experience in my head, constantly recalling the algorithm questions I 've seen in these days. After an hour, the interview time is up. Fortunately, the interview went smoothly. I got the offer. Although I was very happy to get the offer (I also ran to have a hot pot with my roommate ..), But my goal is to make a high-quality paper. At that time, there were still classes in the graduate school, and some teachers also named names, so they basically ran at the company and school. Occasionally, you have to run back to the lab to open a group meeting. At Microsoft, there are indeed many things that have never been touched. But for me who just started my research, there are too many things to learn. On the one hand, we need to read a lot of papers to understand the state of the art in this field. On the other hand, we also need to learn some basic research methods. The first research, various detours. Many times, excited for their "breakthroughs", and many times, after discussing with mentor, they found that these "breakthroughs" were actually problematic. In this way, after 8 or 9 months, the work is in the final stage. During the period from the end of December to the end of January, I was lucky. I usually leave the company at every night and return to the company at AM. There were several nights at the company .. It was a hard time to catch up with deadline. Anyone who caught up with deadline could feel it. I still remember that after I threw my paper out on the afternoon of October 11, January 10, my eyes could not see the computer screen. But I don't feel free yet, because I am still waiting to be scolded by my school boss. The problem is very simple. He doesn't agree that I should vote for the current meeting a, but let me vote for another later meeting B. In China's evaluation system, meeting B is better than. However, this paper is more suitable for meeting. In my opinion, the probability of meeting a being received is higher. In addition, at that time, all my starting points were taken into consideration from the perspective of going abroad. I hope to have a paper as soon as possible so that I can apply for a better school. As a result, I submitted my contribution with my boss. After the contribution, I made a call to my boss, and I was scolded. I only remember that I kept apologizing. In this way, the first article in my life was born. I went back to the dormitory that night and fell asleep in bed.

 

When I went home for the Spring Festival, I came to school in February 2014. I am doing beautiful plans in my heart. If it succeeds, this paper will be in progress. I took a good test in English from January 1, to January 1, and then I applied for it in August. During my internship, I met several overseas students and told me that I am definitely able to apply for a good school if I am in this paper. Who knows? A rejection letter was received in February. I remember that at noon that day, I was just on the way from my study room to the dining room. I used my cell phone to see the rejection. I felt a little heartbroken. After going to the lab in the afternoon, I transferred the email to the boss. It is estimated that the boss is still upset about the last time. I have told you a lot about it. It probably means that you can skip this paper, even if you try again. At that time, I first contacted Microsoft's mentor and made an appointment to modify the paper together. And mentor carefully analyzed the cause, made a lot of targeted changes, and then cast it to another meeting. Mentor told me that the current version should be a good version. If it is not available this time, we will continue to cast it. I also understand that whether the paper can be received also requires a bit of luck. At that time, every night before going to bed, I would go to the West to worship Buddha... This time is already in March 22. In my mind, if this paper has been rejected, it will not be able to catch up with the application. After some thought, I had to temporarily put down my English and start to write another article. I checked some of the better meetings that follow, and basically all of them were cut off at the end of June. That is to say, it takes only three months. I discussed it with my senior friend, quickly fixed a question, and then read a lot of papers to start the experiment .. Facts have proved that it is really difficult to complete an article in a field that has never been used before within three months. By early June, the experiment had not been completed yet. At this time, the boss was involved in the Machine Learning School. One morning when I went out, I saw people shaking on the road. When I met a classmate, he came up with a sentence after seeing my eyes. Why are you doing this... Fortunately, we finally caught up with deadline and threw out the paper. Of course, in the past few months, the article made by Microsoft was rejected again, and once again it was counted by the boss... Later, I discussed it with Microsoft's mentor and threw it out without making any changes.

 

At this time, the time has reached the end of June. I thought, there will always be one of these two papers. In this way, the application will be fine. Then begin to prepare GRE and TOEFL. When I registered for the TOEFL in December, I found that Beijing did not take the TOEFL test in December and December. I didn't expect the TOEFL test to be so tight. This is the most tragic place for a person to go abroad .. Various information is unknown. So I reported two events in Shijiazhuang. In February July, I held a big data competition with several students. In July 23, emnlp came out, and the paper was in progress. At that time, I was so happy that I felt a step closer to the United States. In September August, I started to prepare full-time English. I felt good about the GRE test. I took the test once in the middle of the year. I didn't expect that I only took the test 147 in Chinese language, which is worse than the model test. So I had to report another one at the end of September. In middle September, I ran to Shijiazhuang to test a TOEFL test, with a very low hearing score. So continue preparing for English. I gave up my contribution to aaai. In September 18, ICDM came out with another paper. The GRE test in September 28 was good and satisfactory. The essay scored 3.5 points. It was a pleasant surprise. After the National Day holiday, I took another TOEFL test. I feel that my hearing is still not well done. I have not scored yet and I am waiting.

 

Two years later. Very hard and tangled. It's really difficult to have two good papers at the end of the second year for graduate students (you know, none of my students who entered school one year earlier than me ), I am glad to have achieved this result. However, I am also under great pressure. After all, it is very difficult to apply for a study abroad. In particular, it is even harder to get a doctoral scholarship from a prestigious U.S. university. My first thought of studying abroad came from my girlfriend because she went to the United States and hoped I could pass. This is a very tangled decision, because I have started the direct blog of the Chinese Emy of sciences. This means that I could have obtained a doctorate in five years. Now I may have to stay in China for three years, and then go to the United States to study for five to six years. Although I made the decision to go abroad in, I had the idea of giving up many times. Seeing the people around you have a great deal of fun, walking on the road and seeing a couple walk in front of them, there is a kind of unspeakable taste in my heart. It is not easy to think about a girlfriend who is abroad. Sometimes I doubt the necessity of such persistence. But I really want to give up, but I have a lot to do with it. I believe that we can create a miracle and eventually have a perfect ending. My girlfriend is a simple person. Like or dislike. I really appreciate this, and I am not doing anything about myself. When we had a bachelor's degree and struggled for the future in two countries, she told me that "I will be where you are in the future". I was really touched at that time. Although she recalled this sentence later, she decided to stay in the United States for development, and I don't blame her. After all, we are still so young that our thoughts will change at any time.

 

Recently, at the critical moment of application, we had a conflict, or we broke up. This is the last scene I want to see, but it still happens. Until now, I still think it is so sudden. On the one hand, my girlfriend's parents thought that I had been dragging on for too much time (but I planned to spend three years and had to make full preparations in three years). On the other hand, although my parents approve of my going abroad, I think it is too risky to drop out of the Chinese Emy of Sciences directly. I hope I can adopt a more secure approach. One night, I told my girlfriend all my thoughts and future possibilities. I hope to discuss with her. Maybe I didn't make it clear or what happened. She thinks that I don't want to go abroad, so let me think about it. Then we had a quarrel. I admit that the risk is really high. But I have already done so much, and it is hard to give up. Moreover, it is really difficult for me to put down this relationship. Two years, more than 10 thousand kilometers away, 15 hours time difference, so long, suddenly stopped.

 

We spent the past few days without any contact. Walking in the autumn wind in Beijing, I think a lot about the past, the present, and the future. In many cases, what we seem to be insurmountable is reality. In fact, what we are insurmountable is ourselves. Now that we have grown up, there are too many things to consider and compromise. I hope we can all be better.

 

-- A person's life, some people join, some people exit, the pursuit of happiness will never change, thank you for your company.

 

 

June

These two years