Who, buried deep in your youth.

This is a very short, written in a sleepless night of the memory of the diary.

Once like a person for a long time, from the sophomore have a good start, until the senior found himself like him but dare not tell him. Because he told me that he liked girls like Nansheng, and then maybe I was the one-man self-guided solo, he was happy and I was happy, he was depressed and I was depressed. The first high three test, he was a strong sense of pressure to test half of the stool ran out of the examination room, and then the end of the exam, I heard this thing, to where he once played basketball, to find him, did not find. Then there have been a lot of small things, little bit, although the senior grade so cruel so unbearable, but now because he, have become exceptionally beautiful. The first day of the college entrance examination, after the Chinese exam, I saw him out of the classroom, very low to stand in the corner of the staircase, because of many other factors, I did not take the initiative to greet him, later listening to other students said that his composition is not finished, at that time I was not good, a person in the Hengyang, then the examination room, a person walked , crying while walking. After crying back to stay, at that time home to consider the situation, let my sister comes. I didn't do well in the afternoon, and I was probably subconsciously trying to get close to his points as much as possible. And, of course, the fact that my comprehensive management is really not good enough. The first night after the college entrance exam he sent me a message, told the exam situation that day, I comforted him, two people chatted for a long time, until my sister urged me to sleep. Then, the next day after the exam, back to the school, we are like nothing has happened the same, each go. In this way, I thought we would never meet again, did not think of the summer vacation he began to contact me, initiative to ask me out to play. Later, very coincidentally, the entrance examination scores come out, we divide is the same, 526, that year is 2014 years.
This may be the root of the line, we gradually contact each day, but, behind, and for various reasons, the Cold War. To the school to fill the volunteer, see the other side will be directly ignored, I did not take the initiative to say hello to him, he is so. So unfortunately, we did not report the same school. First volunteer we are not on, consider the recruitment of volunteers, he finally asked me whether to go to school and then fill out a volunteer, I said no, decided on two, he didn't go to fill the back. The second batch, my school all sorts of disorderly fill, Harbin, Xiamen, Chengdu, Hunan Local also has, also had a forget, only remember the cardinal of all have, later went to Chengdu, he went to Zhejiang Hangzhou. Since then, we have been one eastward, one westward, and the other back.
Just as I thought again, when we were going to miss it, he called again. Because I from Hunan to Chengdu, a little acclimatized, my father sent me to school, just walked not a few days, I was sick, acute intestinal gastritis, began to foolishly did not know, thought just the canteen of things not clean, so one day are afraid to go to the cafeteria to eat, hungry of the kind, nothing dare to eat. Later on one night, lying in bed, very uncomfortable, very miss home. I sent a QQ space log, feeling very miserable appearance. He probably knew what I was doing here, and soon gave me a call, and that was the second call he gave me after the volunteers filled it out. I was very happy at that time, really very happy. When I saw the number from Hangzhou, I knew it was him, and then we all kept in touch for a few days.

Another day later, to send him the message will never reply, I would have thought he might have something urgent, but waited for a few days did not reply, so I know, and can not contact. Then after one months, he sent news to talk about a few words, and sometimes chat with a sudden no shadow. Then a few times after this, I slowly accept the situation, every time I see him send the message will be surprised, and then told him that he will worry about the next sentence will not reply. It's been a long time, probably, a whole big one by one years. From sophomore to freshman year, I like him, a person silently liked for three years. A person because he is sad, because he is happy, because he is lost, because he insomnia, he did not know. When I found that every time he came to me because he had something, such as he was in a bad mood, for example, he accidentally broke someone else's computer and asked if I could lend him money, well, from the beginning he began to borrow money from me, I began to despair, because I know, he certainly does not like me, because, the boys will not borrow money Especially the girl you like. So, from the time I borrowed his money, I began to say to myself, give up, give up! He doesn't like you, you don't want to be silly again! I did not like you, now still do not like you, later not! I tried desperately to stop myself, telling myself not to have hope for him, so I listen to songs, listen to all kinds of hi songs, so I will not be paranoid. When I couldn't sleep, I knocked on the code, knocked my brains out and slept through the bed. No longer see his message when the first reply, sometimes the next day reply, sometimes do not reply, I want to let him know, wait for others to return information is how painful things. Perhaps, at that time, love has slowly turned into hatred.

Love and hate mixed, the last hurt or my own, feel I cry is like a clown, he will never care about me, then, that is the feeling. So, when he suddenly told me that he seemed to like me, I was completely at a loss. I do not know whether to believe him, do not know whether he is just want to play, because he lied to me too many times before, well, he is the kind of said to eat to die in the cafeteria, say something, right away, just like that thing solved a few days did not fix the same class. It seems that the kind, confusion, doubt, hard to believe, worry, but alone less happy feeling, perhaps, at that time, should not say those words. I was more soft-hearted, so I told him, let me think about it. He said, good! I'll wait for you and tell me the answer tomorrow morning, okay?

Perhaps, is to make up for their shortcomings, I promised him. This, perhaps in the beginning is a mistake, I ignore the once I have to forget him to do the stupid things, ignore the grievances I suffered, but also ignore the fact that he may not really love me. We are all too young, I think too simple. I only asked him a question before agreeing to him. I asked him, "Do you care about us being a long distance relationship?" He immediately said that long-distance love is not a problem at all. It was too hasty at that time. Although we have known each other for a long time, but we do not know each other very well, specifically, he does not understand me. He is I silently like for so long people, the former that he, how can I not familiar with it? We started a long-distance relationship, after more than 10 days of establishing relationships, we were one eastward, one westward, and farther away.

Gradually pulled away, as well as my impression of him, the freshman period, because of lack of contact before, only to know that his change is very big, and I remember the high school teenager is not the same. He will be absent from school, the test, has hung a lot of credit, then hang a branch will be expelled, this is what I was instilled in the things, I suddenly had the first day of college entrance examination of his Chinese composition did not finish the feeling, want to cry, anxious, but there is no way. I want to ask him what the freshman is doing, want to question him, but eventually, or adjust his mind to comfort him, tell him he is very good, has been very good, as long as refueling, everything will be good. Together in Hunan, he will say, I go back to school will work hard! Efforts to rebuild, test, but a go to school, all the promises have become empty words, continue to stay up late to play games, absenteeism, call not answer, SMS, news are not back, his father called me, asked whether I quarreled with him, counselor to his dorm, let him say why not to class, Jiantao Shu, also wrote. Later told me because of a bad mood, do not ask him why. At that time, I suddenly found that he and I used to like the one he is not the same, the patient to me to talk about the juvenile, silently by my bullying people, bow down to write the work of the people, a lot of impressions of him, but in this he can not find the shadow. At that time, I knew that it was a wrong decision to be together in haste. We haven't had a good contact for a year, and this year, too many things, and too many habits, have changed.

Time will have been those scenes have been grinding the edges and corners, but also grinding off each of our enthusiasm and the pursuit of the dream. I know that I like only the former he, that serious work, let a person feel very bad of him. I knew that I had begun to disappoint him, whether he was disappointed in his present situation, or the disappointment that he repeatedly promised and repeated his promise. I know that I will not trust him unconditionally, because he gave me the excuse for too many reasons, so I occasionally think he really like me? Or is it just because of loneliness? I know I'm not as stupid as I used to be, no matter how much I love him, because he hurt me. So, for the first time, there will be, a second time. When all these factors together, our emotional fragility is vulnerable to the beginning, like how he likes to be true, the disappointment of how deep. I decided to leave, decided to love myself again, for so many years, I always ranked him first.

Reluctant, of course, very reluctant. I have never been so cruel, so ruthless to myself, the initiative will be a person from my life out of the platoon. Already three months, will he deleted already three months, since September 20, he has not contacted me again, in together half a year, separate, half a year! Time is running so fast, can I put it down completely? Junior, postgraduate, go abroad. I think in the future, we are really never see each other again. This time, let me, say good-bye to you. 长胜刘 sheng, thank you, have touched me, also let me grow up. I will remember the beauty and joy we had when we were together, though it was short-lived.

Finally, may you be well.

Who, buried deep in your youth.