Yu Dan's view of marriage

Source: http://blog.csdn.net/gnuhpc/archive/2010/01/12/5181811.aspx

Yu Dan: a good partner must be like this. Because of you, I love the world more. I know more about the grace of my parents than before, and I know more about my own circle of friends, I also know how to do a lot of wonderful things in the world. I can't live up to your love ......

Marriage is a beaker. Two people are actually two active elements. If you do not recognize yourself and look for another element, it is very likely that you find a good element, but this element does not respond to you, even generate an evil reaction ......
Premise of happy marriage: have a clear understanding of yourself

Hers: they all say that happy families are similar. Do you think there are any patterns in happy marriages that can be used for reference?
Yu Dan: there is no fixed mode for good marriage. But before entering a good marriage, you must first understand yourself. Select the one that best suits you, not the best. Every girl has vanity, but it is particularly important that your marriage is not an exhibit. The man you choose is the father of your child and the son-in-law of your parents, your lover, the hand holding your child, and the person with white heads. These things cannot be shown to others.

Hers: Can you share your personal experience?
Yu Dan: marriage is a chemical reaction, not a 1 + 1 physical connection. Marriage is a beaker. Two people are actually two active elements. What elements are you and what elements do you need to be with to have a benign compound reaction? If you do not recognize yourself and look for another element, it is very likely that you are looking for a good element, but this good element does not respond to you, or even generates an evil reaction. This is like buying clothes. Girls like fashion. Do you want to buy all the clothes and go home? You will surely know that some clothes are not suitable for you. So why can't we put this kind of savvy on marriage?

Hers: Many people think that love and marriage are two different things. Love is a lover, and marriage is a husband. Do you think marriage and love can be separated? Will a marriage without love be happy?
Yu Dan: I am a love-oriented person. Someone once talked to me about my love for many years, and I was already bruised and bruised. I just wanted to find a suitable person to marry. I certainly disagree. If you enter a marriage like this, you are extremely irresponsible to this man. All you want is to ask for information. From the moment you enter this marriage, you are not loyal. It is hard to say that you will not fall in love with others, and the information you bring out will be known to him, you have no love for him. This means that you have planted the unfortunate seeds when choosing a marriage.
So before you get into marriage, you need to know who you are, what you want most, and whether you can make your marriage romantic. A good marriage involves romance, and love is the source of romance. If the romantic path is blocked in your marriage, you will find it outside of your marriage. So I said whether to choose what kind of marriage is happy or choose what kind of love begins. What kind of self will you meet.
The best marriage is integration, recognizing each other's circles, loving each other's loved ones, and accepting each other's friends. Because of each other, you love everything in the world more, you know more about the power of your parents than before, and you know how to do things in the world ......
Happy marriage scale: give three ratings to each other

Hers: modern women are becoming more and more popular in the workplace, but are often confused about what is suitable for their own marriage. Is there any relative measurable indicator?
Yu Dan: I often talked about this issue with my female students. I have always said that when talking about marriage, please be sure to evaluate each other in three aspects:
1. Do you have a tacit understanding in your spiritual life? Do you agree with values? Does his aura cover you and give you a deep spiritual attachment? Love cannot replace everything, because you have to live forever. A person who especially loves money and a person who does not really love money will conflict with each other. A person who especially loves friends and a person who especially hates social media cannot coordinate with each other. The combination of these electro-optic fireworks is very important.
2. Can your social life be integrated? Love is a matter of two people, but marriage is a matter of two social groups. The best marriage is integration, recognizing each other's circles, loving each other's loved ones, and accepting each other's friends. Because of each other, you love everything in the world more, you know more about the power of your parents than before, you know how to manage your own circle of friends, and you know how to do a lot of wonderful things in the world. This kind of acceptance will make you feel more rooted, except for love and kindness.
3. Is your sexual relationship harmonious? This is an extremely important indicator. The passion between men and women depends on the degree of integration between the bodies. If you do not understand your health, you may not say it directly, but a little thing will lead to a war. This is also the root cause of "Seven Years of Itch" or "three years of Itch" in marriage.
-- If one of the three indicators is less than 60, I don't think we can rush into marriage.

Hers: there is also a popular saying that a good marriage requires "door-to-door". Do you agree?
Yu Dan: I do not agree to pick the door, but I want to pick the tacit understanding of two people's values, which can be formed in the education of the day after tomorrow. The values between two people are more important than those of the house. Because everyone is not in the home, you must enter the society and work.
My husband and I have different families. My father is an intellectual who has been engaged in literature and history research for many years. I grew up with ancient poetry and was well cared. My father-in-law is an ordinary worker. I have four sons in my family. I can say that I live a very rough life. But I like what my grandmother said: "Hey, you have a daughter. "A girl should be expensive, so that she can see and have a mind. A boy must be confused. My husband is the boss in my family, and all three younger brothers listen to him, so my husband is habitually willing to take responsibility. Although my husband and I are not in the right place, they happen to be symmetric and complementary.
At the time of marriage, the two men had nothing at first, and the two were richer than the rest of the world. Nothing is because of equality, and all the previous bills have been torn up; fortune is because of love, because these two people will stay together for life ......
Elements of a happy marriage: equality, inclusiveness, and growth

Hers?
Yu Dan: In marriage, you cannot talk about age or status. At the beginning of the marriage, a smart woman puts two people on an absolute equal footing. All the previous bills were torn apart, and no loss was lost. You are 10 years younger than him, you are beautiful, you are more famous than him, you are richer than him... this cannot be a high, full of reasons.
As we all know, there is a story: Elizabeth, the Queen of England, went home very late to entertain and found that the door of the bedroom was closed. The queen stood at the door and knocked on the door. The husband asked, "Who is it? "The Queen replied:" It's the queen. "The husband did not open the door. The Queen replied, "It's Elizabeth. "The husband still hasn't opened the door. What does Queen Elizabeth seem to realize? Finally, she replied, "dear, I am your wife, Elizabeth. "The husband opened the door only after hearing this.
-- This story tells us that no woman is eligible to be arrogant in front of a lover. In marriage, two people have nothing, and the other is richer than the world. Nothing is because of equality, and all bills have been torn up. Fortune is because of love, because these two people will stay together for life.

Hers: inclusiveness is undoubtedly an essential indicator for happy marriages. Specifically, how can we interpret it?
Yu Dan: There are two solutions to the word "tolerant" "rong": one is the beauty of a woman's face, the other is the face, and the other is the measurement of a woman's heart, that is the son. Your manners have a kind of gentle luster, and you are an atmospheric woman; your heart has a big metric, and you are a happy woman.

Hers: Does this mean that women must change themselves to a great extent?
Yu Dan: many concepts do not conflict. Inclusiveness is not equal to obedience and connivance. People give their faces in front of each other, but they must be open and honest in private occasions. I suggest you talk about it in the bedroom if you have any questions. If you cannot talk about it, you can still have a body language. If you have any friends, you will not be able to upgrade to the Cold War. Marriage requires love and wisdom.
In modern society, the biggest misunderstanding of some women in view of marriage is that they refuse to grow and think that it is a natural thing for men to take care of women, and they are subject to conscience and responsibility. The responsibility and conscience of marriage are indeed important, but they cannot be exaggerated. A woman's maintenance of marriage cannot rely solely on conscience and responsibility. You have to be attractive and make your marriage a living entity, rather than a living agreement.

Hers: Is it another major factor for women to grow up and live in marriage?
Yu Dan: I think the best thing in the world is growth. One person's life needs to grow and two people's marriage needs to grow. That is to say, one person can like himself without fear of aging, because she is always growing, she has the weapon to compete with time, she is confident, and she sees that her life is blooming.
A marriage continues to grow, that is, you will always be able to experience the same romance as a lover in your marriage. You cannot lose the private time of two people because of their busy schedule and pressure. You need to take a vacation, relax, talk about friends, talk about the world, evaluate your experiences, and talk about children and the elderly, it will make your feelings fit.
The person who lives as a brain must be rational and have a sense of responsibility, so that the family can run smoothly. As a living person, it is necessary to make the family romantic, naive, happy, and dream. This is a balanced combination ......

Composition of happy marriage: the delicate balance between "Family brain" and "Family Heart"

Hers: Do women's independence conflict with happy marriages?
Yu Dan: the independence of a woman indicates that her own world is already very complete. Then, she only needs to contribute to marriage and love without asking for anything. She can create and stimulate new life. She can enjoy and enjoy it, but she won't tell her husband that I am just for you, and you must give me something. Therefore, I feel that independence does not conflict with a happy marriage. Independent Female talents are tolerant. The less independent, the less inclusive, because she thinks her husband owes her money.

Hers: What do you think about the division of work between two people's family roles?
Yu Dan: In marriage, two people may have a casual division of labor in their family roles. A good marriage is balanced, which requires one person to live as the "brain of the family", and the other person to live as the "Heart of the family. The person who lives as a brain should be rational and grasp the family's use of money, the support of the elderly, and the education of children. This person must have a sense of responsibility and the family will run smoothly; as a living person, we must make the family romantic, naive, happy, and dreaming. A reliable and unreliable combination is a balanced combination.

I often have some unreliable ideas. At the end of July, I was planning to spend my vacation in Japan with my husband and daughter. My husband decided to reject the flu outbreak and other factors. I will be frustrated, but I will argue with him. I said that if we don't go to Japan, we should go to Dalian. It's also the seaside! This proposal was accepted by the husband. This is the game theory of the heart and brain. He thinks that I am too unreliable. I will do everything when I take my children to Mount Everest. But without me, we won't even be able to do it. We will stay at home for a summer vacation, bored and quarreling. Therefore, a good marriage is like this. The mind compromises to the brain, and the mind changes to the crazy dream of the heart. Everything is harmonious.