Yu Minhong: You can also learn the secrets that I asked my daughter to take the initiative to learn!

 

I am able to talk about my family education experience here because I have too many children. I started teaching at Peking University, and then started New Oriental. Now I have more than 7 million students who have gone out from New Oriental. I have seen many happy students and many delayed students. I have seen many parents feel extremely happy because of their children's success, I also saw a lot of parents who were reluctant to give birth because of their children's insuccesses. I saw a lot of families in poverty who were happy because of their children's interest. I also saw a lot of families with billionaires, finally, due to child problems, parents may even suffer from schizophrenia. Many of my parents told me that I have donated all my money to you, as long as you can turn my child into a normal and happy child. I often say to them that it is too late for you to say this, because the children are basically finalized from birth to 18 years old, and all things should be done before the age of 18.
　　

There is an old saying in China: 3 years old, 7 years old. Now, China's society is in a huge transitional period, and has entered a commercial society from an agricultural society. However, China's current understanding of business ethics and business ethics is incomplete, and the phenomenon of Chinese people being cheated in the commercial society is everywhere. Many small enterprises are in such a chaos, and how should we educate our children in such a chaos? For example, if we educate our children with sincerity, but the children are bullied by others, we educate them with kindness. As a result, we find that good children are not recognized by society. We will reflect on whether we should teach our children to be opportunistic or more aggressive. Some of the things we do for adults sometimes show poor things to their children without knowing them, which has a major impact on the formation of their own values, world outlook, and outlook on life. Therefore, our policy to educate our children is wrong.

　Family education's top priority-Character Education

Now China has entered a very complex age of family education. There are standards in society and standards in the family. Moreover, these standards may be wrong. For example, our standard is to require children to enter the top five in the class. As long as the children can be admitted to Peking University or Tsinghua University, even if they succeed, they will be even more successful at Harvard and Yale. This is a standard, but in my opinion, it is a standard of errors. Why is it wrong, because it finally becomes the only standard of the family. There are many standards for children's growth. For example, whether the character is noble is a standard, whether the personality is healthy is a standard, and whether the work is creative or imaginative, whether or not there is a spirit of hardship, whether there is a spirit of diligence is a standard, whether there is a fall on the ground Dare to climb up the spirit is also a standard. In China's current society, success is limited to a very narrow range. For children, a high score is a standard. If a child is five or six years old, playing the piano will be rewarded. In the adult world of China, we never use a person's sincere friends as a criterion for success. The standard in our adult world is that this person has money, status, and wealth.
　　

I am deeply immersed in this kind of pain. When many people see me, the first thing they say to me is: "Mr. Yu, you are now on the top of the Chinese rich rankings !" No one will say, "Mr. Yu, you have a good character ." The second sentence is: "As the manager of New Oriental, New Oriental is very profitable ." If one day New Oriental collapsed and I lost a penny, does anyone think I am a winner? If I became a penniless person who had to make money by his own strength, someone would come and tell me, "Miss Yu, you are a really amazing character ." At that time, I thought this person was my real friend and truly recognized my success. I personally think that I am a winner, not because I have New Oriental, but because I have made money, but because I have a basic principle of being a person. I always think that I am a kind person, I am a person with no evil thoughts in my heart. from small to large, I have never done anything that hurts others. Of course, sometimes it is possible to say something that hurts others accidentally. If someone else feels uncomfortable, I can apologize to him, but I have never done anything harmful.
　　

I think the second point of my success lies in my willingness to help others. In fact, a person can help others in whatever position. I have the conditions to donate 3 million yuan to the earthquake-stricken area in Gansu. I can build a New Oriental Hope Primary School in Gannan. I am happy to help them. When we have nothing, you can also help others. Everyone thinks that you need to have your own talent to do things, but there is another way. I will give a simple example. I love work very much since I was a child.
When I was 14 years old, I won the transplanting champion in our county. When I was 17 years old, I was a good hand-held tractor in the county. My parents drove me to work hard. My score has never been good or bad, and the teacher doesn't care about me at all. But I want to attract the attention of teachers and students, so I have been cleaning the classroom since the first year of primary school. After arriving at Peking University, I developed a habit of cleaning the dormitory every day. This cleaning took four years. Therefore, we have never ranked the health duty table in our dormitory. In addition, every day I carry a canteen in the dormitory to fetch water for my classmates and treat it as a kind of physical exercise. As you may see, I used to fetch water. In the end, there was such a situation. Sometimes I forgot to fetch water, and my classmates said, "Why isn't Yu Minhong continue to fetch water ?" However, I don't think it is a very bad thing to fetch water. Because everyone is classmates, mutual help is taken for granted. Some people say that I am stupid. Some people ask me what is the benefit of such a water. I believe there will be some benefits. If you do a good thing, its return may appear this year or 10 years later. If you do a good thing and demand a return on that day, you must be Snoop and narrow-minded. You don't have to pay off, and the return will also come. When you have difficulties, people around you think you are good people. Can they help you out without reaching out? Of course, I didn't think they would help me when I got the water. However, in 1995, 10 years later, New Oriental had already achieved a certain scale. I hoped to find a partner and then went to the United States and Canada to find my classmates. In order to entice them to come back, I specially changed the dollar and spent a lot of money in the United States every day to let them know that they can make money in China. I want to probably let them back. They came back, but gave me a very unexpected reason. They said: "Yu Minhong, we came back to sweep the land for us for four years and hit the water for four years ." They said, "We know that you have such a kind of spirit, so you certainly won't give us porridge to eat ." The participation of these people laid the foundation for the development of New Oriental. New Oriental will continue to grow bigger, become a public company in the United States, and become the scale of today.

From my experiences, I would like to tell my parents that if your child is not well educated and is angry with others, they will say, "This child is not good at tutoring !" They will not say that the teacher did not teach well, the New Oriental foreign language did not teach well, the uncle and aunt did not teach well, the people will say: "His father must have his son, his mother must have his daughter !" Your child has no interest, and the problem must be in family education. When a child grows up, the problem must be the root cause of his/her parents. The success or failure of a child is closely related to whether the parents' family education is correct. What we teach our children is character and morality. Whether to educate their children's character and morality is the key to their lifetime success. As long as he is a respected character, his life will be very smooth. My parents can think about whether you want to be a popular person or a person who is prevented everywhere? Many parents teach their children how to take advantage of themselves, teach them how to surpass others, and step on others. The final result is that they do not understand how to survive in this world. What do you give your child and what kind of person the child will be in the future.
　　

My daughter's learning level is now medium, but I never use it as a standard for her daughter's efforts. My wife and I have the opposite educational philosophy. My wife and daughter will get angry if they do not enter the first five. On the contrary, I am very happy to have my daughter named 15th. Every time I say to my daughter, "you see 40 classmates in your class, you have 15 people, and there are 25 people behind you. How amazing are you!" From the perspective of a child's life, there is no essential difference between whether your child scores are good or bad, and whether you enter Peking University or general university. What truly expands the distance of a child for a lifetime is a matter of character related to him. The establishment of character comes from the power of role models, and parents cannot escape as children's role models. We asked our children to make things ineffective because their parents did not. For example, parents are not willing to learn when they yell at their children while playing mahjong. When my father said, "I'm not doing anything, do you want to do the same thing as I do ?" The child will think, you said you didn't have any interest, so I saw you very happy when playing mahjong, and you were very happy when you didn't go to college. Why should I go to college? Parents are the best examples of children. However, I have encountered many problems in setting an example. My job is to use a computer, but when I turn on the computer, my daughter will think that I am doing other things. Although I told my daughter that I was working, my daughter did not believe it. No way. Later, as long as my daughter learns, I will read a book next to my daughter. In this way, there is a sense of rule in it, and the role model plays a very important role.
　　

My parents play a very important role in me. My parents do not recognize words, but my parents have their advantages and become my principle of being a person. Take my father as an example. My father is a carpenter and a big beam. He is an expert in our 15 miles. My father is a happy man who can not pay for work, because the people in the family are invited to drink, and my father will not pay for it when he is happy. My mother had a fight with my father because I couldn't get the money back from home. My father was very strong and my mother was very thin. As a result, every time my mother beat my father, my father never fought back. I learned from my father that no matter what others say, He is indifferent and will not hurt my mother at any time. My mother is a very strong person. Sometimes I am quite uncomfortable to hear what I say, but my father never gave up. So, how can my wife train me? I don't speak back. I think I should learn from my father. My father's generosity has become an advantage for me. My mother brought me more things. I learned two things from an early age. First, be hardworking and brave. Parents in the city make children hardworking and brave, which is the core of family education. Many people may say that our children are not even busy with their lessons. How can we work hard and be brave? I have done all the housework for him. How can he be hardworking and brave? Although I have excellent conditions, I still want to find a way to make the children hardworking and brave. Unlike me at that time, if you don't work, you will starve to death. The rural environment is destined to be done without my parents.
　　

The second thing my mother gave me was to be helpful. My mother is a person who especially loves helping others. When I was a child, I was most impressed by two things. First, there was a heavy rain. I was eight or nine years old. During this period, my children were most susceptible to being influenced by their parents. At that time, every household had corn. My mother took my sister, me, my father, and our family of four took all the rice from the neighbor's house back, we will find the rice has been wet when we want to collect rice from our house. At that time, I didn't understand it very well. My mother told me two things. First, when someone else has difficulties, you need to help others. They have no one in the house. If we don't help them, the food in their house will get wet in a year. Second, if neighbors do not get along well, it is impossible to help each other in case of difficulties. My mother told me the sentence "Far from close neighbors" with actual actions. The second thing was that one year our food was in arrears, and we had less than 20 kg of food left in our house. Our mother sent half of the food to the neighbor's house. At that time, I was reluctant, but her mother said, "It's okay, our family members are few, and we can also mix rice with food. If our neighbor's family members are many and there is no rice, they will be starved to death if they are not given rice." Since then, the relationship between the family and us has been particularly good. They often take the initiative to help us reap the harvest because they think we are good people. Now, my mother is the most respected person in our village.
　　

To do anything, you have to think about whether or not I have hurt others. For example, we adults sometimes like to say bad things about neighbors and colleagues in the back, and do not shy away from children. My wife and I have seen such a situation. We talk about the situation where East parents are short, who is good, who is bad, who is stingy, and who is not stingy. As a result, my daughter came back from school and told me which student in their class is good, which one is not good, which one is stingy, and which one is eye-catching. I told my daughter I couldn't say anything bad about my classmates. My classmates are with you every day. If they have your own shortcomings, you can put them in your mind. More importantly, you need to learn the advantages of your classmates. My daughter immediately asked, "When you were with your mother, didn't you talk about many uncles and aunts? Why can't I speak ill of my classmates ?" One sentence makes me speechless. Since then, I have made a rule with my wife, so I can't talk about other people's shortcomings in front of my children. I must say something nice about each other.

　Cultivate children's love for life-Mood Education

As mentioned above, the top priority of family education is to educate children with good character, and the second is to conduct mood education. My daughter was naturally introverted. She was a quiet child. My son was very extroverted and had to climb up and down several times every day. As my daughter was doing things slowly, my son was impatient, these are inherently different. In addition, the children's IQ is also different. I have not yet seen the differences between my daughter and my son's IQ, because they have a small age gap. We will find that in a class, some children will always be the first or second, and their IQ is indeed high. However, no matter how hard we work, our children are in the middle or even behind. Under such circumstances, what should parents do? There are differences between children, but as long as your children do not reach the level of idiots, as long as the children can normally enter the classroom class, they can make important things. For example, Hu Xueyan has only been studying for two months, but has finally become the most powerful businessman and is ambitious. This is a good example.
　　

I am the vice president of the China Entrepreneur Association, which has more than one thousand entrepreneurs, less than 20 graduated from Peking University, Tsinghua University and Fudan University, and the rest are all graduated from ordinary universities, there are even farmers, workers, college students, and middle school students, but they have become successful entrepreneurs. Therefore, education can only decide a part of life, and cannot decide everything.

Our parents must have a skill to urge their children to make progress and keep their self-esteem harmless under any circumstances. Make sure that your child is happy first and last. It makes your child happy to live in the world and cultivate their love for life. It is one of the most important tasks for parents. One of the richest people in the United States, the hero of the movie "knock on the door with happiness", was once a poor man. He was poor at home, never went to college, and made a living by selling things. One time, he met a smiling man in front of the New York stock exchange. The man was a stock broker and he thought he was very happy as a stock broker, so he tried to become a stock broker. Later, he met a person in the stock broker training class who began to look down on him. Later, he found that he played the cube very badly, and this person happened to have the same hobby, so they were deeply attracted by this person's cube technique, and they both became good friends. This person thus gained the opportunity to become the most famous stock broker in the United States and realize the dream of a billionaire.
　　

The film was adapted based on the real story. At the end of the film, the man spent half an hour telling his own story. He inspired every one of us that the true happiness was not sent by others, but by our own efforts. Nowadays, parents are very comfortable with their children and give them what they want. For example, if a child looks at a toy, the parent will not leave without buying it. In the end, the parent will not be able to buy it. So the child had such a mentality that as long as he insisted on his parents, he would give in. Before I buy things for my son, I will analyze whether the things he wants are reasonable. If they are unreasonable, I will never buy them. If they are reasonable, I cannot easily buy them, I have to ask the child to complete a task to buy it for him. For example, when my daughter went abroad, every child in the class had a laptop. Although my family has a desktop computer, it will be more convenient to use a laptop, and there is no shortage of money in the house. It is not right if I don't buy it for her. I told her that my father must have bought it for you, but you must know that there is no such thing in the world. Now you are a big child, work is required to get what you want. If she can recite 30 New Oriental English inspirational articles, buy them for her. As a result, less than two weeks later, she had to get familiar with it, and I bought her a laptop. This kind of education allows the child to learn how to make money, and turn the child's favorite way into the motivation for her to do another thing.

　Give proper encouragement to stimulate Unlimited Potential-encourage education

Let me tell you a story about how to encourage children. There is a famous physicist in the United States. when he first started learning physics in junior high school, his physical performance was very poor and he scored only eight points. The physics teacher talked to him to learn physics well. The student said that I didn't like it, but I didn't like it very well. The teacher was very clever. He told this student that all other students would pass 60 points. You only need to pass 9 points next time. As soon as the students thought that I could pass the examination by selecting a check box, it was very easy, so they agreed. As a result, they scored 28 points for the next exam. Although there was no reason for the teacher to praise him in front of the class because he still failed. This teacher is very clever. She asked the class to make a subtraction between the last test score and the current score. The last 90 tests, this time
90, one minus is 0, the last 95, this 93, one minus is-2, so at the end, a student has 20 points left, that is, this student. The teacher wrote the score difference between all the students in the two tests on the blackboard and asked the question: "Which of the students has made the most progress ?" The class said in unison that XX is an iron fact, because only one person has scored 20 points. This encouragement is not only insulting, but also highly motivating. The student was excited at a moment. He thought that no matter how many tests I took, 68, or 88, the progress of the class was the greatest, and I had a lot of room for improvement. When the teacher did something smart, the child felt that there was room for great progress. Since then, the Child liked physics and eventually became one of the greatest physicists in the world.
　　

Teachers' education is very important, but parents' education is more important, because children pay more attention to parents' words and deeds.

Let me give you a simple example. If your child is the last in the class, how do you treat your child? Most of the parents have a fight or scold. The child knows that he is wrong, but there is no way, so he has scored 0 points. What should you do? You keep hurting him. In the end, he may not learn it. I suggest you think about the gap between the first and last names in the long term. Isn't it because I have never been in college? Absolutely not! As I said just now, as long as the children are well educated, no matter what they do, they will be promising. I can give my own example. During the college entrance examination, I did not take the first year, the second year, and the third year. I spent three years working together with my classmates for a year. When I graduated from Peking University, we had 50 students in the class. I was the fifth to the last in the class, however, my score does not prevent me from making my career.
　　

The growth of a person is a thing of life, and it is definitely not determined by your scores in primary school or university. Scores are very important for children, but they cannot be considered as not promising because of their low scores. Make sure that you change the criteria for determining success. A child's high score is one of the criteria for success, but never regard it as an inevitable standard, not the only one. Otherwise, your child will suffer countless injuries, because each test has only one first place. If there are 40 students in a class, are 39 other children stupid except the first one? Are they all losers? Absolutely not! So I have a self-deprecation statement: in fact, it is really not easy to be the first place, because he has been working very hard. To look at it, there is no one to catch up with. Let's look at it later, the class is chasing themselves, and they are half-dead, so there is nothing to do with the first place. When the last one is so happy and looking forward, they are all half-dead people chasing by themselves. Looking back, there is no one chasing yourself. You think this kind of life is so cool!
　　

Of course, you must learn how to encourage your child. This test won the first place. Next time, I will encourage him to take the second-to-last test. This time, he scored 20 points. Next time I will encourage him to take the test for 30 points. Never say that your child has scored 60 points this time. You tell him not to enter the house if you do not score 90 points next time. In this case, some children will certainly study hard, but some children cannot score 90 points if they fight for their lives. What should they do? Is it true that he is not allowed to enter the house? You must let him into the house. If you let him into the house, it means that you do not count. The child will know later. My mom and dad do not count in words, so I will not matter in the future, he won't let me into the house anyway, so his parents will be stabbed by their children.
　　

Therefore, as a parent, you must remember clearly that you cannot let your children eat you, and you must never give anything. The same is true for educating children and domesticated animals. Nowadays, many parents are not as good as animal trainers in the zoo. Animal trainers can train animals in two ways: first, encouragement, and absolute encouragement; second, limitation, or even punishment. I once asked a dolphin trainer why the dolphins he trained jumped out of the water and drilled in from such a high circle? He said that the dolphins would not do it at first. He put the circle in the water first. The trained dolphins who drilled in and gave it a fish to eat, if you don't drill it down, you won't eat it. The dolphins were not stupid and quickly understood how to eat fish. Then they formed a conditioned reflex. Of course, animals cannot be as intelligent as we are. For example, I tell you that if you drill in this circle, I will let you go to Peking University. You must have drilled in, because you know this is good for you. Dolphins do not know the relationship of interest, but dolphins understand the truth. As long as I drill through this circle, I will have fish to eat. If I do not drill in the past, I will go hungry. Then the trainer raised the circle half of the water and asked the dolphins to continue drilling. The discovery circle of the dolphins is no longer in the water, so they can only jump over. Gradually, the circle is constantly improved, and it may take about 10-20 times. It takes about a year to complete the training of the dolphins. Do you know that when watching a dolphin show, all the dolphins that have jumped from the circle will swim to the trainer's side to eat fish, because they know that they can eat food every time they dance.
　　

In the preceding example, parents should understand the principle that encouragement and limitation are very important in the process of educating children. For example, if your child scores 0 and you want to encourage the child to score 10 next time, it is quite easy for the child to score 10, so you can add some conditions. For example, if a child loves McDonald's, you can treat it as a temptation to promise the child to score 10 points, take him to McDonald's, and then add the child's score of 1.1 points. For example, if your child scores 60 points, do not say that you want to score 90 next time.
Points, or scold the child. You want to say to your child that 60 points is good. Can you score 70 points next time? I will not compare you with my classmates. I only think you are better than yesterday, you will make better progress tomorrow than today, and the score of this child will go up in a subtle way. Every time he goes up, you should encourage him. When the score is lower, you must tell your child that this may be an accidental mistake. Mom and Dad support you and never hurt your children's enthusiasm for learning.

In addition to encouragement, parents should also set rules for their children. My son loves ice cream very much. My wife made him eat a lot every day and broke his teeth. I think this is not the way to go. It means that he can only eat one ice cream a day, and he can only eat it after dinner for half an hour. My son was just 4 years old and didn't know what it was like for half an hour. I told him that the long needle would take about half an hour. My son looked at the clock for more than 100 times in half an hour. After half an hour, I can't wait to eat ice cream. The next day, I watched it for more than a dozen times. On the third day, I watched it for two or three times. On the fourth day, I knew that I could not eat it at half past one, so I went to play, half an hour has passed when he thinks about it. If it is the right thing, parents should encourage their children and set rules for them. After the rule is established, the parents must not change it at will, and the change will lead to problems.
　　

Finally, I want to talk about another kind of problem that my parents will make. It is called "Talent syndrome. Parents especially want to turn their children into little geniuses. In fact, this is their vanity. Chinese parents will make two mistakes. First, anything they don't know will make their children and hope their children can achieve in a certain field. Therefore, it makes no sense for many parents to force their children to learn from elementary school. The most important thing for a child is to let him grow slowly. My daughter liked playing the piano very much. She started to play the piano when she was 5 years old. When she played the piano, it changed. I got a first-level exam and had to go to class every week. Every time I sat down for an hour, I couldn't move, as a result, my daughter's interest in playing the piano was completely eliminated. My daughter does not want to learn, and my wife forces her to learn. I asked my wife, when she was 10 years old, your child had passed the piano ten levels. Can she still learn to play the piano after she was 10 years old? If she does not learn piano after she is 10 years old, how can she learn piano from the age of 1 to 10? If you do not want to train your child into a great pianist, it is unreasonable to let the child pass the ten-Level exam at the age of 10. Second, if you let the child learn this way and lose her interest in the piano, she will not play the piano at all. My daughter and I said that my father would not force you to learn or grade. One thing Dad regrets in his life is that he won't play a musical instrument, and playing it can solve the problem. In principle, learning piano is not for grading, but for you to find a channel to express your mood. In the future, you will surely enter the social circle. If you can play the piano when a friend sings, you will be respected by others. If you do not want to learn, can you maintain your current level. My daughter actually liked piano very much. When I got tired of my homework, I played the piano for half an hour. After that, she learned from her teacher every week, and her interest in piano learning became more and more intense.
　　

To sum up, family education is the most important one, followed by mood education, and the third is encouragement education. Finally, parents should let their children learn to endure hardships.

Finally, I want to tell my parents and friends that if you give all your life, wealth, and status to your children, your children may not be happy for life. You can only teach your children how to be a successful person, teach them to pursue their own goals, and learn to enjoy the happiness and satisfaction after they reach their goals. Your children will be truly happy.