Chinese parents do not want to love, but not love

Psychoanalysis and sociologist Erich published in 1956 a book on the Ethics of Love, The Art of Love. In Fromm's view, Love is not only a matter of nature but also an art, and if we want to learn how to love, we must do it in ways that we want to learn other arts, such as music, painting, carpentry and medicine or engineering. Mastering this art, the process is the same as all other art learning process, to master the theory first, then to practice, the most important thing is to have the pursuit of art.

As if in a few decades ago, Fromm has been concerned and commented, the two months since the Hunan satellite TV "where is Dad" Festival of parents involved in the love of children. In the 7 issue of the program, it is obvious that after many days with their children alone, the ability of fathers to love their children increased, the art of love sublimation. As Tian in the latest episode, after much criticism from the public, "I think I finally passed the care and understanding of my daughter," he said. ”

Where's dad?

November 15, 5 groups of stars father and son and father and daughter of the field show "where Dad" broadcast to the 6th phase, to 4.024% of the ratings and 18.16% share of the ratings continue to stabilize the same period of the national television program 1th. On the online video site, "Where did dad Go" was also hot, as of November 23, the single Youku's total playback volume of more than 330 million. People's attention to this program, from the beginning of curiosity and temptation, rise to the extent of family mania.

Why does this show lead to a trend? In addition to the original Korean program in the field of outstanding design, Mango Taiwan's careful planning, Meng Eva Chao Dad's true feelings, more is to let the audience feel the resonance. Too many Chinese kids don't always ask "daddy, where are you going?" "But where did dad go?" ”。

During the first broadcast, the children were more than comfortable with their father traveling alone. Zhang's son every day before departure, at home holding mother's legs, and constantly 哼唧: "I do not go, I want to be with my mother, where I go." "Tian's daughter Cindy in the difficult conditions of the village after living, full face unhappy, while crying and shouting:" I want to grandma, I want grandma. "There is no doubt that, because the star Dad and the children get along too little, the child is alone with his father, have doubts, have insecurity."

"Surrogate sense" is the key point of the program to win, the current situation of Chinese society is that fathers spend too little time on their children, have the opportunity to take the child alone father, is rare, in the face of the child's life, mood swings, often show helpless. All these things are caused by the absence of the father in the children's daily life. Some of them are busy socializing for the livelihood, some people think that the custody of children is the mother and the elderly things, and some children to the ipad and television, Happy Leisure, as to how to get along with children, how to accompany, education and care for children, know too little. The appearance of "Where did dad go" gave them a chance to rethink while smiling. Dad began to associate "if I spend 3 days alone with my child", how can I coax myself to sleep, make breakfast, and soothe my emotions? How can I communicate with my children and get trust?

Love is an art

In the Art of Love, Fromm devoted a chapter to the love of parents, and how important it is for the child's world. The relationship between children and their fathers is different from their relationship with their mothers, the book says. The mother is the family, is the nature, is the land, is the sea, but the father represents the human existence another different aspect, is the thought world, is the man-made material world, the Law and Order world, the Commandment world, goes east to break west and the Adventure World. The father is the child's educator, is the child walks toward the world the Guide person. The child needs the unconditional love of the mother and the physical and psychological care, but also needs the father's love, prestige, guidance and advice. This view is very similar to our "Father Mother" view.

Fromm was born in March 1900 in Frankfurt, Germany, a Jewish family, he is the son of the family. His parents ' ancestors were almost always respected Jewish theologians, and his father became a wine merchant because of the natural management of the Jewish people. So the father, the love of religion, philosophy and music, all pinned to his son. Fromm's assistant, Lennes Fink, recalls that "in many photos, Fromm, 12, sits in his father's arms." It can be seen that Fromm has never lacked the love and guidance of his father. Fromm's greatest contribution is the critical inheritance of Freud's "pure Desire" theory about love, in his view, the basic motivation of man is not to satisfy his desires, but to create self-realization, Love himself and love others.

Fromm lived in the era after the end of the two World War, with the economic recovery and growth, people began to pursue material life, the lack of spiritual world began to reveal. Human values begin to distort, people are indifferent to mental health and self-development, combined with the trauma of war, people lack the consciousness and ability of love, matter becomes the only criterion of value. This background, the achievements of his study of love ethics, but also let his theory, in the continuous growth of GDP, natural environment deteriorating, people's life pressure, love art is always neglected in China's society is particularly precious. Chinese parents do not want to love, but not love.

As Fromm laments in his book: People are eager for love, and almost everything else is seen as more important than love-success, fame, money, power-and almost all of our energies are used to learn how to achieve these goals, and for the art of love, almost nobody cares.

How to be a parent?

In the parenting problem, we all grow in learning, in the process of caring for children, self-realization. In the Art of Love, Fromm writes: In addition to the factors of giving, love includes some basic factors that are common to all forms of love, such as care, responsibility, respect and understanding.

Li, a psychologist in Guangzhou, commented on the program "where Daddy is going", when he talked about the mainland fathers who were very low in their family life, the reason for rationalization is that I want to run the career, in fact, the lack of emotional ability and avoidance of performance. When I see such comments, I find myself in the book "The Inconvenient Truth" of former Vice President Al Gore. Al and his son climbed to the top of the Rainier, two of people walk shoulder to peer photos, although only a very ordinary picture, but can feel his son through with his father to explore the world after the self-confidence and strength.

Fromm believes that, from the human nature and social development in terms of various reasons, parents love is not the same. The mother's love, is unconditional, is the child security source. And after the appearance of private property, father to choose a son as heir, his love is conditional, is to strive to win. Father's love compared with the mother's love, is exactly complementary, there are positive factors. This process, for parents, all need to spend time, spend energy, learning experience.

Along with the broadcast of the program, it proves that the father's ability to love can be promoted. Whether it's the degree of patience Tian has shown in the face of her daughter Cindy's cries, Lin in letting a strong kimi to go alone to complete the task of never give up to gradually firm, or Wang Yuelen with her daughter to get along with the feeling from the bystander to the participants of the change, all proved that the father is not not, not to do, It's not the importance of being with the kids, but the importance of caring, responsibility, respect, understanding.