How to correctly "talk" (niu)?

Subconscious language patterns affect our chatting, looking at the common conversations between two groups of chasing girls.

Dialogue

M: How to plan for the weekend?

Female: rest at home.

M: So good weather should go out Yeah, my friends and I are going to go for an excursion, I heard that xxx very good.

Woman: I wish you a happy weekend.

Dialogue 2

M: Finally got off work, what are you doing?

Female: a cold, just returned from the hospital.

M: Recently, during the high incidence of influenza, we need to be more careful. Many of our colleagues in our office have also taken the trick. Today, the company has given us a mask.

Woman: Nothing, thank you for your concern.

At the end of the conversation, "Happy Weekend" and "Thank You for Care" are answers often encountered when the girl is not up. A little bit of emotional person can understand that once the girl says it, it is as if the host wants to " Like tea delivery, "today's meeting is over.

When I realized that such slogan languages ​​had the effect of ending conversations, I used to try not to be with my friends. But once I was ready to go on an appointment, a long time no contact with friends suddenly greet me on the QQ, he happily talked about his business plan, I just started quite kind of listening, and asked some Simple question, but the more he speaks the more detailed and the topic is more and more unbearable, seeing that it is too late. I intend to conclude the conversation and tell me intuitively. If I say to him at the moment that I am going to be late, I am afraid to be abrupt, so I will try No longer speak, only reply with emoticons, but this did not inhibit his expression of desire, and suddenly I found the slogan of language is the best choice for this case, so I finished another paragraph of his magnificent Blueprint, insert a timely phrase, "I wish you success," the friend's EQ is not low, he immediately replied: "ah, I hope so, free to talk about it." So I finally got off the assembly line.

This experience let me have a discovery, that is, in conversation, people who are willing to chat always like to talk more specific, but do not want to chat people will follow the direction of the topic directly summarizes the conclusion, meaning Yes "I already know that you do not have to say anything more."

In the devil dating school, we call the generalization of the language model on the heap, the specific model of language called undercutting. Piling up is like raising a protective shield in a dialogue that opens the distance between you and the other, while downsizing can convey a more friendly and trustworthy attitude.

What needs to be emphasized is that the heap is not necessarily unwilling to communicate. For example, if the otaku faces the goddess of your own, you may want to talk too much about it. However, due to excessive stress, you often find yourself piled on the pile, resulting in a cold exchange. stiff. Therefore, it is more accurate to say that the reason for going to the heap should be inner insecurity.

example

M: What do you like to do after get off work?

Female: Recently studying yoga.

M: Oh, yoga is good. (Evaluation summary of the heap)

M: Have you eaten together today?

Female: To work overtime.

M: Oh, that's another day. (To solve the problem on the heap)

Conversely, people often undercut when expressed their high sense of security. For example, some experienced girls, even in the face of their own do not like men, they can leisurely cope with, if a careful analysis of their language model, they will find the key moment they are talking undercut.

example

M: How to plan for the weekend?

Female: rest at home.

M: So good weather should go out Yeah, my friends and I are going to go for an excursion, I heard that xxx very good.

Female: Too so envious (undercut feel), but I have to clean up the house (undercut reasons), I wish you a happy weekend.

So why people in low security when the language model will heap, and in the high sense of security language mode will cut it?

Because on the heap belongs to a kind of male thinking, undercut belongs to a kind of female thinking, male thinking is a way of thinking that people use under the sense of low security (stress state), and female thinking is a sense of high security (natural state Awareness will be used nowadays way of thinking.

The reason why the thinking mode of stress state is called "male thinking" is because a man's life is mostly in this state. The reason of thinking in the natural state is called "female thinking" because a woman's life is mostly in this state. However, she also uses male thinking (aggressive women in the workplace) when she is under stress; she also uses female thinking when she is in her natural state. (Chattering man on wine table)

The so-called stress state usually has a clear goal, either attack or defensive, or to obtain or evade. In order to accomplish the task effectively, we only care about the things that are related to the goal and try to find out the causal relationship between them. We need to constantly predict the future direction, even if we pay attention to the past to search for the motivation for reasoning. Faced with a phenomenon, we will immediately abstract its goal-related qualities, imagine its various possibilities, and allow yourself to make the appropriate choice.

As a stressful male mentality, its language model has the following characteristics: on the heap, abstraction, evaluation, problem solving, motivation to explore, predict the future, the establishment of causal, reasoning summary, defensive negation, the purpose of priority, results oriented, Objective as the standard.

The so-called state of nature is a process that has nothing to do with the purpose, we will focus on everything in the situation, collect their information, but this is not for the next step, but in order to maintain immediate harmony. Face a phenomenon, we will understand its details, in order to grasp its relationship with the overall environment. We will also look at the past, but that is just to get a reference from past experience to confirm the present state. The state of nature does not refuse the development and changes of things, but does not interfere with human intervention.

As a female thinking suitable for the natural state, the language model has the following characteristics: undercutting, specific details, expressing feelings, describing the problem, focusing on the past, controlling the immediate situation, listing the phenomena, discussing the facts, opening up the affirmation, forgetting the purpose, living in the moment, standard.

The same situation, for some people may belong to the state of stress, while others may belong to the natural state, depending on the person's life experience and personality. We can determine which states they belong to by using language patterns that others adopt, or we can tell others what we are in by choosing a language model.

For example, a tie is a stressful condition for many people, so those inexperienced tend to exhibit typical male thinking.

Example 1

M: Can you know it?

Female: Why?

M: Because we have affinity (abstract, masculine thinking) [or, because you're special (male thinking)

Example 2

M: leave a call?

Woman: I feel so abrupt

Male: Do not people never know each other? (Defense of Negative Male Thinking)

Example 3

M: Are you waiting for someone?

Woman: waiting for my boyfriend.

M: Then we can be an ordinary friend (to solve the problem of male thinking)

Example 4

M: I want to meet you

Woman: Yes, it's ok

M: Let's leave a phone call (purpose-oriented male thinking)

Next look at how experienced people use female thinking to convey a sense of security when approached.

Example 1

M: Can you know it?

Female: Why?

M: I just saw you at the elevator just now, and suddenly I feel regretted today if I can not speak to you. (Specific details of female thinking)

Example 2

M: leave a call?

Woman: I feel so abrupt

M: I also feel a bit abrupt, but I really want to know you, can not find any other way (the expression of feminine thinking)

Example 3

M: Are you waiting for someone?

Woman: waiting for my boyfriend.

M: Your boyfriend really blessed, allowing girlfriend waiting (on the matter of female thinking)

Example 4

M: I want to meet you

Woman: Yes, it's ok

M: I just got here today to buy some things, you are also dedicated to shopping it? (Living in the present female thinking)

............

Most people are subconsciously choosing a language model when talking and are also very much influenced by their emotions. For example, a soliloquized man who tells his failure to invite a solicitation may be easy to come to the conclusion that people do not like him if it merely states the truth (the fact is: the girl declines after his invitation), so in order to evade this unlucky awareness, To avoid negative emotions, he would use a causal causal mode of thinking in man (he would say: "Because last week when I was dating, she said she did not have time this week, so I asked her about her eating together after get off work yesterday , But she did not feel very well, so in the end I had to give up. ") - Causal sentences seem to increase the rationality of behavior, but regrettably the parties only establish the connection between those facts that suit their wishes, People often cheat themselves like this.

The state of stress and the state of nature are not only the attitude we deal with the outside world, but also the state of our mind. Therefore, the language model and the state of mind also have certain relevance.

Taking inexperienced liars, such as the derailed husband questioned by his wife, the purpose of covering up the truth, combined with a nervous attitude, will make their linguistic patterns manifest a distinctly masculine mindset.

Wife: What did you do last night?

Husband: eat with a friend. (Abstract men's abstract thinking, if it is the expression of female thinking, the friend's message will be more specific - "I went to eat with our department xxx")

Wife: Really?

Husband: I lie to you thunder and thunder. (To the future of the male mind, if the expression of female thinking, will return to the past - "Really, we eat at last yyy")

Wife: Dare to lie, last night I was yyy, did not see you!

Husband: You did not trust me so much! (Seeking motives, negating the defense of male thinking, if the expression of female thinking, will be further objective facts to explain - "Dear, yyy recently opened a branch, where are you going Home? ")

It is important to emphasize that a wronged good person can also lead to male thinking due to extreme stress, and an experienced liar may use female thinking because of his training, so we can not judge the truth by language alone False, language patterns are just one way we understand the speaker's state of mind.

Celebrity crisis response to public relations, the same can be seen language model with the psychological state of relations, such as when Han was questioned on behalf of the pen, in the early stages of the incident, the driver is so male thinking -

Cold: no writer can self-proof (on the pile of male thinking)

Cold: I can not see a child growing up if my ghostwriter (causation + future)

Cold: They just want to deodorize me (motivation theory)

Afterwards, Han himself acknowledged that the performance at that time was too impulsive, and the way of thinking of men brought him more troubles.

Not only celebrities, Internet users phonetic language pattern often have the same routine:

- This silly x (male thinking to make a comment)

- How You Go (Causality + Future, Complete Sentences - If You Are Right Then How Should You Do.) Sister Sentences - What If I'm Wrong If I'm Wrong, but as described here The future is generally not going to happen, so - I'm right & you are not right)

A look is for speculation (motivation theory)

If a person speaks frequently on the Internet, the same disclosure of his life may be less secure.

Some sociologists believe that group psychology also has the characteristics of female thinking, dealing with the public as a response to a woman. You see those experienced politicians are all undercutting, Hollywood movies often let the President risked their lives to save puppies. I always think that the most inspirational movie for the girl is not a romance film but a political film. Diplomatic speeches often have the ultimate ambiguous language.

In dealing with female thinking objects (women or groups), male thinking is not useless, but since it is a tool of state of mind, it should be used in the knife. I personally like a movie "Foster dialogue Nixon" there is such a scene, the reporter Forster live interview with Nixon, Foster won first-time geological asked: "Do you admit that the United States into the abyss?" Followed by a video of a war where a large number of victims were displaced. According to the story, such a cut has already crucified the president, but a crazed Nixon unexpectedly piles up - "All our opponents did, which Is cruelty of the war. "He completely directed the interpretation of the picture in the opposite direction, and then the president was a beautiful cut. He uttered a great deal of concrete figures about the seizure of enemy firearms and weapons, and finally he was full of affection Told a story: "I met a broken arm veteran in Pittsburgh, and he held my hand with one arm left. If you send troops earlier, my brother will not be killed by the mob Dead. "- In this way, politicians use the combination of cut under the pile of cut the reporters hit the water.

So if it is to use the male mind, it is best to have a clear point of view or unique perspective, and those who agree or obvious conclusion is not worth mentioning, but otaku and girls are often boring chat is to repeat the problem .

For example, when looking for a girl to call, the girl asks: "Why do you want to give me a phone call?" Even the same answer to the pensive man's thinking - "I'm not a bad guy" is more cliché - "Because you are not Bad guys "is more interesting.

As a hearer, the greatest usefulness of the language model is to help us judge the speaker's state of mind, but only if the other party does not intend to deceive, so this method is particularly applicable to the initial stage of the relationship between men and women. Because in the early days of a relationship that does not have a strong relationship, women do not need to say no to the suitors, although they often have things to say, but it is because you have no personal meaning for you. You are just one of her social relations She is speaking to you in that way. However, inexperienced suitors tend to misinterpret the words of the girls due to their mistakes in locating themselves in the other's eyes. So in this case, the language model is a good helper for us to make judgments of reason.

example

Female: Do not like me anymore, like I will make you hurt, I do not want to hurt anyone now.

Hear the pursuit of the girls so talk to themselves, many men's first reaction is the time to table loyalty, so all kinds of words and deeds coupled with the relaxed playful words rushed. However, still calmly analyze the goddess's language model:

1, do not like me anymore (clear instructions)

2, like I will make you hurt (future + warning)

3, I do not want to hurt anyone (on the heap)

Obviously, it's all men's thinking. People are at least honest with you. Do not think that the goddess is hard to say. Use irony to suggest that you come to heroes and save the United States. . . This time the most appropriate response can be: "Well, I listen to you, you take good care of, so want to hurt people from when I started."

And as a speaker, choosing the right language model allows us to play a better role in communication. My superficial experience is that when there is no conflict (or inspiration), more use of female thinking can be at least friendly and in the event of conflict (or inspiration), the use of male thinking can ensure the advantage (or the interest ).

Finally, to sum up: male thinking is suitable to solve the problem of contradictions, women's thinking is suitable for handling interpersonal relationships. Careful observation of life, you will find that those powerful characters are often able to switch between two ways of thinking freely. There is an old saying in the West that great souls are both hermaphroditic (the Western way of expression is very masculine). And our ancient wisdom of the East is to describe it like this: Elderly lady looks like a blessing to a man after his old age (the Oriental way of expression is a woman's thinking). ... Do not understand the meaning of our ancestors it? Go Tiananmen look down the stairs.