How to get your network to help you?

Editor's note: This article comes from the Round Review, who prepares articles that tell stories and also provides operational advice to entrepreneurs to help build good companies. Patrick Ewers, an early project manager at LinkedIn, is now working to help the tech community accomplish their goals by building good relationships, and his advice is simpler, more authentic and more effective than the drunk chicken broth. Whether you admit it or not, most people feel uncomfortable with the concept of "networking" even the successful people, standing in the crowd of the cocktail party, or to the old colleagues to ask the introduction, will feel pressure and anxiety, in order to solve these problems, in Ewers view, training is necessary, but also should eliminate psychological barriers, Let you seize the opportunity. Carol Dweck, a Stanford psychology professor, shows that people have two modes of thinking: fixed mode of thinking and growth mode of thinking. The former believes that human character and ability can not be changed, once encountered setbacks, will not learn from the failure, the latter is the opposite, think that through the efforts to continue to improve-this is the building of good interpersonal needs. Ewers believes that as long as you accept that you can not be perfect in every interpersonal relationship, the initiative to communicate with others is much easier, thereby creating value. 1. Create opportunities whether it is to find a job or to find an investor, first you have to have a specific goal. In addition, the more active you are in your network, the more likely you will be to find the right person at the right time, to use more thoughts on the subject and to express clarity, and to be able to come to you sooner. Ewers says there are times when people are willing to help, but we don't always let each other know what we want, the request is always buried in polite and small talk, and never even expressed, in fact, the more you tell your needs, the more chances of success. If someone touches something that is relevant to you (work, trade, presentation, or technology) and then think of you, your opportunities come and you can't control when others will find the opportunity but make sure they think of you first, which is where most of the people improve. Ewers this as the psychological share (mindshare), that is, at a particular point in time you are in the heart of others. The greater the psychological share, the more opportunities to gain. It also illustrates the importance of clear goals, because it's hard to get a higher share of your mind at the same time as many people. 2. To increase the psychological share of two ways: regular interaction: The salesman is the case, they appear in front of you again in case of an increase in demand, but you can not use this way to treat the people you care about, because it is disappointing, other people do not have so much time. Create a good experience: if you continue to bring positive experiences to people, they will remember you and help you succeed. The better the experience, the less you can contact. Ewers says in the experience economy, if you're in every interactionTo make the other person feel meaningful and valuable, you win. However, good experience is far from pleasant experience, others like to talk to you does not mean that they will be at a critical moment to think of you or referral you, so you need to create real value, two steps: 1 to find the needs of others 2 to meet this demand. Ewers recommends that you talk to others face-to-face in step 1th, and then follow through in other ways than face-to-face. 3. Create the greatest value with the lowest cost in order to create value for others, you do not have to invest too much energy, many times only in the day-to-day contact to pay attention to the behavior, pay more attention to the needs of others, nurturance habits with the smallest cost for the greatest value. Introduce them to the people they want to see, or articles about their problems, or tell them that you sent the work to someone else. Most of the time, only a letter to an email on the line, easy to develop habits, others will be full of gratitude to you. The most easily created value is based on emotion, it does not require you to spend anything, you just have to give people immediate positive feedback. A lot of people will be too cautious when praising others, think you have a good speech on the spot and even after the meeting praise TA? If you see other people's sparkle, say it, you do not lose a piece of meat, it will make Ta happy, especially in the presence of his peers to speak out. Ewers met a lot of people, they are very anxious at work, have no time and no sense to give positive feedback, but it also makes the time more mature, imagine, when you are as anxious as you say some compliments of the people they will be happy, it can greatly improve the working environment. Some people are unwilling to create value for others because they think of success as 0 and game, the success of others will only make you feel more unsuccessful, this idea should be abandoned, and remember that it is not only positive but also correct to let others succeed. I'll give you two more strokes: building a common language people naturally want to be a part of the group, so in contact with people, should be integrated into each other's circle, such as "I also like that app/blog" can make the other person feel you and TA similar, and research shows that similar can bring goodwill. Sincere communication you should not pretend to be confident, but should be truly curious, by asking each other, you can learn their needs, your sincerity can leave a good impression. 4. Habit Ewers define custom as a deep-rooted automated behavior that you don't need to think about, it's like brushing your teeth, not on your calendar, but you always do it before you go to bed, even if you can't get instant happiness from it. To form a habit you have to be willing to maintain this behavior for a while, remember to repay yourself before it becomes automated, and connect it to positive things, and you will love it. So, Ewers suggests sending at least one email a day to the people in your circle, and maybe getting a thank-you, which motivates you to keep going,into a virtuous circle, you can even change yourself, and relationships are no longer just relationship management, but a source of contentment and happiness. 5. Keep in touch with your benefactor Ewers recommends that you contact people who have helped you once a month or every six weeks, they either recommend you or give you advice, guidance, and opportunities, so it's not enough to say hello to them from time to time, and you should try to help them, which will make them feel recognized. I'm proud of the help I've given you. As a heavy user of LinkedIn, Ewers also recommends that you use relational management tools like contactually to keep in touch with people around you, which is especially important to your benefactor, who is the parent of an old professor, former boss, friend, and you have to systematize Don't miss the opportunities they may give you in the future. Then there is the problem of contact, just remember not to disturb other people's lives, in view of this, in addition to face-to-face conversation, email may be the best way. With all this in mind, it's much easier to find them once you need help, such as if you're a founder of a bitter seed-raising fund, you can ask them to help you with some of the next rounds of financing, and even help you with the hiring problem. 6. Boldly seek help Ewers said that if you have a positive experience with others, it is much easier to ask them to help you later, especially when you ask someone to help you with your work, they will feel familiar with you and will introduce you to important people. Many people, especially young people, are unwilling to ask for help from older people and don't want to leave each other with a negative impression of inability or use of interpersonal relationships, it is easy to solve this, forget it, it is just your thoughts, bold to seek help. In Ewers's view, seeking help from others can also create value, when you ask for help, the other person will be very happy, because it shows that you think the other person is an expert, you think they have a sense of influence in this field, the key is that you want to be sincere, fake fishy to ask for help will only cause your career disadvantage, so, If you believe someone can help you, be bold enough to tell Ta that the other person will respond positively. In order to persuade each other to help you, you should give a sincere explanation of why you need their help, or promise to give them the appropriate help. Of course, the wording should also be appropriate, you can not say "can you introduce me to So-and-so?" Because I want to sell a product to them ", and should say" I want to contact with So-and-so, because I want to know the relevant situation of a product ", true and elegant, the other side is also easier to accept your request. In your quest for introductions, you need to show that you have the same value for others, such as saying that you would like to share your insights, or help them solve a specific problem, or that you know that someone is perfect for their job, or that you are familiar with a good mentor and so on, though it takes some effort But this will undoubtedly bring you opportunities. In short, building a valuable interpersonal relationship requires onlyYou can get a lot of it by tilting your side slightly and not needing to do much.