[Reprinted] 130 hilarious quotations

An important task after 1.80 is to manufacture after 08.
2. Facts prove that feelings can withstand the storm, but cannot withstand the plain; friendship can withstand the plain, but cannot withstand the storm.
3. People have backgrounds, while others have backgrounds ~~.
4. Gold always shines, but when the earth is full of gold, I do not know which one I am.
5. Remind everyone to learn to repair their own laptops. This is very important! Once upon a time there was a person who would not repair his notebook... and now everyone knows about it.
6. I'm not counting on the square. I can't tell you so much about it.
7. It's not that the end of the story is not good enough, but that we have too many requirements for the story!
8. Love is like two rubber bands, the one who is hurt is always unwilling to let go.
9. flowers often do not belong to the flowers, but to the cow dung.
10. The difference between a lie and an oath is that the one who listens to the truth is true, and the other who says the truth is true.
11. It's not difficult to be single. What's hard is to deal with people who want you to end up being single.
12. Sometimes, not the other party does not care about you, but you take the other party seriously.
13. Even if it is believe, there is a lie in the middle.
14. If you give your heart, you will get the heart, but it may hurt you completely. Keep the distance to protect yourself, but it is destined to be lonely forever.
15. A real good friend is not talking about endless topics together, but together. Even if he does not speak, he will not feel embarrassed.
16. The other half has no 100 points. Only two people with 50 points!
17. indifference, sometimes not heartless, is just a tool to escape from being hurt!
18. If there is a distance of 1000 steps between us, as long as you step out, I will go in your direction to the remaining 1st steps.
19. People who are willing to stay and quarrel with you are the ones who really love you!
20. There is no rehearsal in life, and live broadcasting is used every day. Not only is the audience rating low, but the salary is not high.
21. The problem solved with money is not a problem, but the problem is that I am a poor person.
22. When spring arrives, the small trees sprout and the stock market turns green.
23. Women and heroes are both sad and hard to find their wives and work.
24. don't complain about your life all day. You don't know who you are, let alone what you complain about.
25. People who only know what they are, will inevitably be broken; those who are soft will eventually become a coward.
26. Ask a colleague: "Have you bought CNPC ?" The colleague said, "Sorry! You bought CNPC. Your family has bought CNPC and Sinopec !"
27. belief is not a saying. It is made. Glory lies in being dull, and difficulty lies in being long.
28. What is important in life is not the position of the station, but the direction.
29. If you are not old in qinglou, please use huiren Shenbao.
30. Wedding notice: The requirements are as follows: a active, B female.
31. Give me some sunshine and I will rot.
32. You need to take appropriate measures to lose weight.
33. Shake and shake to nahe bridge.
34. You are coming back soon. I can't hide myself!
35. Do not be familiar with Earth people ~~~
36. I don't want to be a tailor for a cook. I'm not a good driver.
37. People who love me, I do not love those who love me, but I do not love those who love me. So I wonder why so many people get married.
38. Love is like a fast food. No matter what the taste is, you can fill the physiological needs.
49. Love is like playing basketball and desperately trying to catch up with it, so I don't hesitate to throw it out.
40. Let's get married for better divorce.
41. The term fate is an individual in conflict. Why?
42. Tigers give you the face of Hello Kitty
43. On that day, I saw a big mom burning paper and muttering while burning it: Never buy any funds ~
44. If 10 million is in the middle of the market, I will buy 30 houses for rent to others and collect the rent once a day. Wow ~~ Enrich!
45. Anyone who kisses in public in front of the canteen, Study Room, and teaching building cannot afford the room !!!
46. After my internship at a Japanese company, my female came back and said, "no matter how many high-end conferences and people attended the conference, the Group was holding a meeting with you on the stage, while there are always people touching your thigh!"
47. My female and I are separated. In fact, our sex life is still quite crab-I am incompetent, and she is cold ......
48. Now, the more clothes a girl has, the more she shows. The fewer clothes she has, the less she shows! 49. There are a lot of inexplicable elements on the body of the girl from the People's School of literature and technology, and the girl from our school of work is wearing a coat and trousers, and the two pieces are wrapped in a tight and solid body!
50. Just like hanging Q, a girl can spend at least two hours a day. After a certain number of days, she can see the sun ......
51. If you want to give a girl a safe environment, she will be able to drive you to death!
52. A friend's wife is called "rong". He is so happy ~ My favorite is "yeshan "......
53. PPMM is an eye-catching floating cloud. It is always the warm right hand ......
54. You need to feel more about women. Don't think about it with your turtles!
56. Because of you, there are sea monsters in the Qingdao Waters !!!
57. I am so embarrassed to arrest you. How can you steal it?
58. You look Infertility!
59. Are you the sister of Zhu shimao, a partner of Chen pest?
60. I'm very happy. I have enough money to make up for 1 RMB 5 and finally I can get online again!
61. Prices are in line with Europe, housing prices are in line with the moon, and wages are in line with Africa ......
62. Don't talk to me about ideals. Quit!
63. Mom said: it is best not to miss two things. The last car to go home, and a person who loves you deeply. I want to take the last bus to the person who loves me.
64. We would rather be arrogant and moldy than humble love!
65. Love, just as if you have never been hurt; singing, Just like no one listens; dancing, Just like no one appreciates; working, just like no salary; life, just like today
66. Have you been paying off debts in your life?
67. Men rely on them, so they must be reliable. Women love them, so they must be cute.
68. Men like obedient women, but if they like a woman, they will listen to her without knowing it.
69. You asked me to roll. I rolled. You asked me to come back. Sorry, it's a long journey.
70. What are you unhappy about? Make everyone happy.
71. iPhone users all have one thing in common: Sorry, it is not easy to use.
72. If a child is like Sun Zhongmou, he will look for Kim Il Sung if he finds his father.
73. Meng jiangfemale cried Great Wall Dry Red, White Lady Water man Kingsoft word overlord.
74. You are a real bitch.
75. when the wind blew the skirt, a monk said the wind, a monk said the skirt, I entered the saying: Non-wind, non-skirt movement, the color of the heart!
76. As a smoke customer, three conditions must be met: Smoke, lighter, and the shameless charm exposed during smoking.]
77. In the dark night, I suddenly wanted to learn, but when I found the candle, it was already bright ......
78. The current master's degree is like a grain of rice on the soles of your feet. If you don't feel uncomfortable, you can't eat it once you get it.
79. I put 10 thousand vows in a machine gun to scan you, and you fell into a pool of blood, filled with Cupid's bullets!
80. I struggled to climb the top of the ladder, but found that the ladder was wrong ......
81. The child is dead. You're here!
82. Today's mentors are neither mentors nor bosses, nor research contractors!
83. Carry a flat flag ~~ Write two big words: Good Guy !!
84. If you are bored, you can use your nose and bubble to play games.
85. The direction of the wind is more suitable for flying. I am not afraid of blocking, but I am afraid that I will surrender.
86. Good love means you see the world through a man. Bad love means you give up the world for one person.
87. Are you bored at work? Play with a coin. Go online on the front, go to bed on the opposite side, and work on the erect side. If you work hard on the tilt side, apply for overtime when you smash it. If you break out two coins, you will fall down every day!
88. comrades: Do not stock up. The risk is too high. It is still the safest to make tofu! If it is hard, it is dried bean curd. If it is thin, it is made of bean curd skin. If it is not made of soy milk, it is stinky! Make steady profits.
89. After all, I failed to get over the BMW. I could only watch it go in the sunset. It wasn't my bad engine, but my car crashed.
Take a chain and think it's classic ~~~~~~
When a woman took a fake banknote to buy breakfast, the hawker was annoyed: "elder sister, you can even pay for the fake banknote. At least it is printed. You actually painted this banknote! You can draw ten or five pieces of data. You can also draw seven pieces of data! Seven or seven. At least we have to draw the color. We can use a pencil. Even if we forget it, black and white are just black and white. Can we use hand paper for painting! The hand feel is too bad. You have to cut the side with a scissors even if it is a hand paper. The hand is torn with a hand. The hair is too exaggerated. I can't help it, too, but you also need to tear up a square shape. This triangle is too much to say.
After 89? Who else has seen it? Hey hey --
90. In the past, when I was lonely, I had my fingers on the hand index. In the past, I lost my breath and lost my heart. In the past, I had been alone for a lifetime...
91. spherical shape is also a kind of body!
92. My wife is a TV, my lover is a mobile phone, watching TV at home, carrying a mobile phone out of the door; selling TV in bankruptcy, making a fortune for a mobile phone; occasionally watching TV, playing with a mobile phone all day; Fixed TV, mobile phone; channels are free and mobile phones are charged. All men want to watch TV with their cell phones.
93. Other people's money is what I am.
94. Nonsense is the first sentence of interpersonal relationship.
95. uplinks: Jinsha River, Jialing River, Heilongjiang River, and jiangjiang River! Downlink: The Lab Building, teaching building, dormitory building, and building can jump!
Batch: unprecedented
Shanglian: patriotic family, love teachers and sisters! Downlink: fire prevention and anti-theft engineer! Horizontal approval: free love
96. The wife is like a dress-the clothes are so popular, and the expenses of the clothes are getting more expensive. A man does not have a good thing-but it is, after all, the biggest buyer market for women.
97. Old unmarried men and women have taken bus to the station. Sometimes it is because the seats on the bus are too comfortable to get out of the bus. Sometimes it is because you don't know your own platform. What about men and women who are not married for life? They are bus drivers.
98. The person showing love is an animal and the person being loved is a plant. If love is rejected, it is of course an animal to leave, because plants will not give birth to their feet to run.
99. With her own house, unmarried women are just a few years old out of thin air. They are patient and slowly choosing their lover. A man asks a female for advice: Do we rent a house first, get married, save money, and then buy a house? Female answer: I 'd better rent a husband first.
100. I am ugly, but I am gentle. Today, men and women have adapted Zhao Chuan's version: I am not perfect, but I am real. I am not beautiful, but I am very cool; I am not rich, but I am very happy; I am not successful, but I am confident; I am not passionate, but I know how to cherish.
101. birthday is a stage, a test, and an opportunity. In love, men are more likely to take advantage of this; after marriage, women are more likely to take advantage of this.
102 when I was young, I took many photos and put them in the living room to show them to others. When I got old, I realized that the photos were for myself. The camera of a thick life is in front of us, and even the memoirs are saved.
103 when I was a child, I was very happy to eat 20 steamed buns at a time as my ideal life. When my monthly income exceeds 5000, I still don't feel happy. When there is no shortage of career, love, family, or money, people often lack one thing-hunger. The desire to keep the bottom line is happy.
104. An unmarried woman lamented: Why did mature men and good men become their husbands? Some people reminded her that the wives cultivate good husbands by themselves, and no man can learn by themselves.
105 men think they are flirting women think they are feelings
106 more people say that they are taking more bridges than you do. They eat more salt than you eat. Today, there are more fart, so the phrase "my fart, the shit you pull is weighty" comes into being.
107. after reporting to the school, I came to the dormitory and couldn't wait to open the computer. As a result, the school had not activated the network cable, so I thought of solving the historical problems left over last semester --- dirty clothes, smelly so
108 if they are driving slowly towards that place, and she and I are farther and farther away from it in the south of the country.
109. There is a coin in the flower bed, But the sign on the edge of the flower bed says, "Step into the flower bed, a fine of three yuan !", It's really embarrassing.
110. If you look in the mirror to raise taxes, I am afraid some women will go bankrupt.
111 in order to select the most popular radio programs listened to by the audience this year, the National Bureau of Radio and Television conducted a random telephone access, which lasted three months and investigated 10000 families, for "Please Tell Me What program you are listening to now?" The answer is surprisingly consistent. The answer of about 80 percent is "listening to my wife nagging ".
112. A man wants to divorce his wife after making money. If a man cannot make money, his wife wants to divorce him.
113 "Do you still love me?" A woman may ask several times when she kisses a man for the first time, is touched by a man for the first time, goes to bed with a man for the first time, and makes the first money. "Do you still love me?" A man may ask several times when the first attempt to kiss, the first attempt to touch the other person, the first attempt to go to bed with the other person, and the career slump.
114. A woman collects private money to spend money on her husband in the future, and a man collects private money to spend money on other women in the future.
115 men are the first to wear a suit to go to work, and women are the first to wear a sling skirt to go to the streets.
116. When a woman pays one thousand yuan, she will tell the man to pay one thousand yuan and tell her friend to pay five hundred yuan. The man pays one thousand yuan, he will tell women to send five hundred messages and his friends to send one thousand and five messages.
117 there is a noodle restaurant marked as "northwest flavor" in Chengdu. If you have never tasted it, you can try it.
118. Wu tenglan and Master Kong spent New Year's Day with me...
119 it is said that there is a kind of food that can make people feel excited and sweaty! That's right! This is spicy hot!
120. The so-called mortgage is to say that ZF, developers, and banks together Place buyers on the ground to reveal your skin!
121 Carrefour pirate !!!
122 the Public Security Bureau received a report from the masses saying that there were two major bombs under the overpass. The police and the queuing experts went to the scene and found a red bag under the bridge, experts and policemen carefully split the bag, which contains several layers of newspaper packages. The police split the bag layer by layer and finally found that there were two major bombs: four two, two kings !!
123. In the spring, I hit a tree. ** in the autumn, many people got married-Ginseng dolls!
124. A male who got married not long ago is called... It's always in the kitchen, so you don't have to cut your hands...
125. If you have eaten Baier white, it is white. Hey! White ~ After eating rattan food, it is handsome. Hey! Handsome ~
126 in my ten years of elementary school and twelve years of middle school, I was named the most familiar face of the whole school. When new teachers came, they asked me about the school's insider ......
127. one cent of money, one cent of food porridge, not hungry ~!
128 I am the son of Jesus, coconut ~!
129. Gold that does not want to be deformed is not good steel.
130. sweet-scented osmanthus summer night, month, like silver disk; tree, if dancing mother; wind, such as light. I, standing in the water room. Fresh teeth, paste Bai Shengxue, brush your teeth.