A bitter Diary

September 1

Today is the day of school.
The campus is filled with a festive atmosphere. Two months later, the students looked friendly and enthusiastic. They greet, hug, scream, and celebrate the long-time reunion in their respective ways.
"Oh, how did you look like this? It's black and thin. It's a little old man !" Someone asked me again in this way, which is already the fifth person. I look back, it's strong. We are a cool guy ". His white face showed a healthy red halo. My thin body stood with him, and I felt very uncoordinated.
"I have been wandering on the street for two months ." I answer. Listen and laugh. I also smiled and felt bitter.
It's really wandering! During the two-month summer vacation, I had a tutor, a sales promotion, and a job in a restaurant.
It's all about earning a tuition fee!
Those who don't have to worry about tuition and just want to "exercise" during the summer vacation should be satisfied if they have such experiences. But I am myself, and I know clearly that what I want is to make money, make money, and desperately make money. I want to make money to pay tuition and earn money to support myself. Go to his "exercise". People without money are not qualified to say "exercise "!

However, the money I earned in two months can only maintain the cost of living for two months. What about tuition?
Half a month ago, I sent a letter to my home, but I still haven't heard back. In fact, everything is expected. My poor parents will surely drag their tired bodies to beg for help. I hope they will get less white-eyed.

June

The counselor gave me a message and urged me to pay the tuition fee as soon as possible.
"I will pay it sooner or later ." I replied in this way. After answering the question, I asked myself: "Is it true ?"
I received a reply from my father today. I felt very cordial when I saw the font familiar to my father. Dear poor and respectable father, I haven't seen me for a few months. I have a few more white hairs on my head. Should I add some wrinkles on my face?
In ancient times, the age of 20 was called the "weak crown", indicating that the adult can live independently. Foreigners are said to support themselves when they are 18 years old. I am 20 years old and I am a sophomore. What can I do? I still have to rely on my parents to save my life. I think that I am the most useless person in the world.
My father said in his letter: this year, my home was flooded and I was unable to pay the tuition fee. I will send you a proof of the disaster area. I believe the school will solve the problem for you ......
My father has always had a reverence for his University and has always believed that the university is the most noble and selfless place. I also believe that how can the school abandon a person who cannot afford the tuition fee?
But what can I pay? What do you get? The father said that the school will consider the actual situation to give relief if there is a proof of the disaster area. Maybe you can, I guess.
But I don't want to ask for a school, I don't want others to know that I didn't pay tuition, and I don't want others to look at me differently. I don't want to. I really don't want. I hate chargiving, even if it is a kind of chargiving.
It is said that no tuition fee is paid and no graduation certificate is provided after graduation. Without a diploma, it is difficult to find a job. If I cannot find a job, I cannot repay my parents. If I cannot repay my parents, it will make my conscience uneasy for a lifetime.
Forget it. For the sake of myself and my parents, I 'd like to apply for a special hardship from the school.

Cloudy in September 4

Last night, the father of the child I taught called and said that his child no longer needs tutoring. Put down the call and I felt sad: I finally lost my last job that could earn some money. What should I do? My application for tuition fee relief has been handed over to the school, but there will be no results in the short term. What can I do besides finding a job as soon as possible to cope with the fierce tuition fee?
In the morning, I took the cart with my "tutor" and rode my car and set off again. I parked my car in a crowded place, took out the cart and put it at my feet. Then I silently looked forward to the visits of my parents. People may look at me with surprise, sympathy, or disdain. I have no blushing, no heartbeat, and I have suffered too many eyes during the summer vacation. I am used to it. If this kind of endurance is enough for my tuition fee, what does it mean?
I kept standing like this. After more than five o'clock P.M., I gave the dormitory phone number to several respondents. They said they would reply to me at night.
After I got back to school, I couldn't afford to eat, so I sat down by the phone and waited. One minute and one minute later, while the phone call was silent for one minute, my heart was also heavy at 1.1 o'clock. I was totally disappointed when arrived. My hard work and hope for a day finally broke through the soap bubble!

September 6 cloudy and sunny

Today, new students are reported. The slogan "warmly welcome new students" on the school gate is particularly eye-catching. The campus is crowded with all kinds of cars. Many new students report with their grandparents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and aunts. They drill out of the car one by one and walk around the "proud girl" to the registration place. Although I hate the arrogant look of new students, I can't help but envy them. They are so happy! I can't help but remember what I had reported to my school.
I reported to the school by myself. For a person who has never been far away and has not been deeply involved in the world, the first time I went to school alone thousands of miles away, I really need a person to accompany me. My parents, friends and family also want to report with me, but they have no money. When the train started, I clearly saw my parents' eyes and my grandparents' tears ......
There was a sudden cry at the registration office. I walked over and saw a new girl squatting on the ground crying. Her counselor stood by and comforted her loudly. I also heard a bunch of people talking about it together. I heard that they were crying as soon as the girl paid the tuition fee. They also stood by and talked with a little excited and excited. Her counselor also stood by and comforted her, And she squatted on the ground and cried ......
I squeezed out the crowd. A pretty girl gave me a look. "What do you know ?" I suddenly shouted. They suddenly quieted and looked at me with surprise, just like watching an alien. I said to the counselor, "let me come, teacher. I can make her quiet, because I know what she needs most and what it hates most ." I squatted down and said to her, "I was just like you when I first came. Let's avoid these people. I will tell you what to do ." She looked at me, stopped crying, and stood up.
Come on, my dear sister-in-law, I will tell you how we can survive and how we can cope with endless discussions.

September 8

In the evening, go to the counselor's house to ask about tuition fee relief. I almost shed tears to my trusted counselor about my difficulties. The counselor said, don't worry about believing that the school should study with peace of mind. At the end, I was told to write a "repayment plan ".
Repayment plan? I smile. If I have money, will I come to you? If I can pay back on time, do I still need to apply for extra difficulties? I don't want to ask them to borrow money to pay the tuition fee first? If I can return it back to them.
"My living expenses have become a problem this semester, so I ......" At that moment, I felt that I was the most serious person in the world.
"No, this is a rule. You must write it !" The counselor insisted. "Even if you pay back the money as planned, you have to pay the late payment ." The counselor added.
Late payment? I suddenly had the urge to cry and laugh. "I am a poor man, let them accept it !" I raised my voice to a strong taste. The counselor gave me a surprised look. Maybe he was surprised by the changes in my voice. I found a very thorough feeling from his surprised eyes.
"Whatever you do, you have to follow suit. This is a school rule and everyone has to follow it ." Yes, everyone, I read it in my heart. Then I said: I write, I won't bother you! The counselor smiled. I smiled.
 

June

I am a good student and a very good student. Despite my inability to guarantee that my tuition fee is paid this semester, I wrote a "repayment plan" based on school regulations and prepared for the late payment. But when I write a "repayment plan", there is a sorrow of self-deception. It would be nice if I could pay the tuition fee as planned.
The monitor is issuing a registered student ID card. The student ID card was swallowed up by the class monitor. I'm so funny: Are there even fewer student IDs I have handed in?
However, I am wrong. I still don't see my student IDs until all student IDs are issued. "What about mine ?" I asked the shift leader. "Didn't you pay the tuition fee? According to school regulations, if no tuition fee is paid, no student ID card is provided ." When the class leader spoke, his tone was neat. The eyes of several of his classmates suddenly focused on me, and my eyes were full of pity.
I have a speech. Yes. If I didn't pay the tuition fee, I should have no student ID card. Why can't I think of such a simple principle? Why is it fun?
I suddenly envy the class monitor and the students who received the student ID card. They are so happy! Because they have student IDs, but I don't have them. I am a student without a student ID card. If I leave the school, someone else will not treat me as a meal.

When I was in class, I was in a daze. Someone handed me a piece of paper: "Life is like a mirror. You smile at it, and it also smiles at you. You cry at it, and it also cries at you. Why don't you smile at your life ?" It's Cher's handwriting! I was touched, cher. Thank you for your attention. Thank you for your understanding. With your care and understanding, I will smile in the mirror of life.
 
I liked Cher that way. The elegant long hair, big and slightly melancholy eyes, elegant face, delicate body, all have a similar feeling. I know that she is the one I dream about many times.
But even so, what can I do?
How can I be qualified to possess the beauty and gentleness of Cher? Although Cher approached me, Cher said she liked my simplicity and kindness.
However, what is the use of simplicity and kindness? It cannot create romance. It requires money to create romance, but I don't. No romantic love is difficult to survive in the present era. If love cannot survive, will I lose Cher? I think, it is very difficult to think.
I finally did not take another step forward. I tried to use "friends" to identify my relationship with her.
However, I am wrong again. I forgot a hopeless love that is easy to dry over time. That night, my heart broke when I saw her walking on campus with a boy holding her hand. I feel that the world has stopped. I stood there and couldn't do anything, so my heart felt a sharp sting ......
That night, I drank a lot of wine. I was thinking that wine is really a good thing. It can paralyze people. It can make people forget the reality, forget my poverty, and forget the trauma that poverty brings to me.
Xueer, didn't you say that I was as unpredictable as the cloud, as the cloud was, suddenly and suddenly near? In fact, you don't understand my heart! I will cherish your paper, and I will remember your care. My love for you will be buried in my heart, as a reason for my memories forever.

June

In the morning, when I walked into the classroom, I saw my classmates enjoying joy. Originally, the Life Committee was sending a monthly living fee. I was so happy that I really needed a "subsidy" of dozens of Yuan ".
However, my share is not sent to me, although I need "subsidy" most. "You did not pay the tuition fee. This month's subsidy is deducted until you pay the tuition fee ." The Life Committee said so. My brain is blank.
Tuition fee again! Damn tuition! Why can't I pay tuition? If you pay the tuition fee, you will receive a subsidy!
The shift leader wrote a notice on the blackboard: anyone who has not paid the tuition fee will register with him if he has applied for a special hardship. Still registering? Didn't I submit my application for special hardship? Didn't the counselor have a list early? Why should I register under my classmates? Do you have to let the class know that I can't afford the tuition fee to stop? But now, what if I don't do it?
I walked to the monitor in the audience. The squad leader and a group of people are scanning the list of reporters and the reasons for applying. I hate these boring people. How curious are they? I can't help but envy the leader's authority. He is really awesome: because he has mastered the list of people who have not paid tuition and their families. I hope he won't talk about it everywhere. I pray.

September 12 rain

After these days, I finally have a saying that my tuition fee is reduced by 1/2. Even though I only reduced 1/2, I am still very happy. I will ask the House to try to send the other 1/2 in any case. If I have paid the tuition fee, I will have a student ID card. If I have a living allowance, I will not be living under the mercy of others every day. When I came out of the counselor's office, I felt a lot easier.
I walked into the classroom and saw a bunch of people in front of the "posting bar. When I came in, someone hurriedly greeted me: Congratulations! He was sincere when talking, And I nodded awkwardly. On the "posting" Page, all the students whose tuition fees are exempted are listed. Doesn't the counselor say it's not public? I was furious. The name of the list was written as follows: in order to allow more students to understand the school relief policy and increase the transparency of the school policy ......
What can I say? I just thought that, if possible, I would rather return half of the tuition fee, and I would not want to be "publicized" in such a list ".
When I had lunch, I just made a long-awaited braised pork ribs with binary money. I heard a classmate speak out and ask: are you also eating such expensive dishes? I really wanted to cry. What happened to me? I am not reduced by half of the tuition fee? Aren't I a special speaker? Is there no right to eat a good dish? Are you monitoring me for dinner ?......

September 13 cloudy and sunny

Today, on the road, I heard two people talking about it: Some people are not affected, and they are not particularly difficult, but apply for extreme hardship, and use the money they have applied for to bid ......
Will it be me? I just want to be sensitive. But I am not really poor! If my family is not affected or my younger siblings go to school, I would rather not eat, I would rather not buy books, and I would first pay the tuition fee. I don't want to be the focus of others' attention because of poverty. I really don't want.
My heart has been very tired after so much emotional torture for tuition fees. Really want to find a quiet corner, to avoid everyone's eyes, just like a song:
Give me a space/No one has walked through/feel cold/give me some time/No one has spent/brave face to loneliness ......