Three major obstacles to communication

In the middle of the 80 's 20th century, an American writer, Guerrison Keller, in his work made a fictional town-the town of Lake Wobegon, claiming that the town was at the heart of the Minnesota State. And the town is not really on the map. But he describes this town: in this small town, all the women are strong, and all the men are good-looking, the small town all the children are remarkable. This is a joke, but it reflects a psychological principle: people generally have very unrealistic optimism about their character and ability.

Once a professor did a research: Q: What grade do you think you are at the level of a course? The results show that only 5% of people feel they are below average, and more than half think they can get to 20%, which means they have a large percentage of the definition of 10%. In a business salon, when asked about the probability of a successful entrepreneur's success, most respondents were more than 50%, compared with 90%. So this is called the "Wobegon Lake" effect. In communication, 10% is content, 90% is attitude. And everyone who comes up for a presentation or a proposal or a discussion takes his own advice, and most people are very optimistic about their plans. We all think our plan is perfect. I'm sure you'll appreciate it very much. But in fact? We look in the opposite direction, the people who attend the meeting also think their opinions are the best, the best, compared with me, your plan is almost, I need to give you advice. In fact, before the content of communication, psychological attitude has been formed. This is not to say that everyone is like this, but in fact, everyone will come with such a "box".

Did not read 12 Angry Han classmate suggest must see again, have not seen the bean can be a brief synopsis of the story. The story is about 12 members of the jury convicted of a juvenile delinquency, from 11:1 found guilty of murder to the last 0:12, everyone believed that the murder was not established, the film in a small room for 2 hours of play is shocking. One mistake we can easily make in real life is to confuse facts and inferences. When some inference is in the interest of us, we mistake it for fact. What happens often is that in the course of the discussion we habitually set a hypothesis to each other, what is the purpose of the other party? We always find reasons for other people's behavior, such as So-and-so invited me to dinner today, why? Do you want me to borrow money? Li Huilai's blog has laughed at me for 10 minutes: http:// Www.lixiaolai.com/archives/11054.html. This is a mistake that ordinary people often make and never think of as wrong. We will preset other people's intentions or goals based on our perceptions and inferences about things rather than respecting objective facts. Confuse facts with inferences. This is about why there are Esions Do Junzi. Both sides of the communication are in their own box, lack of comprehensive understanding of the information so that the two sides are constantly speculating on the other side of the goal and then for the purpose of a fierce attack, finally found that the old man and you are wearing a underwear. So it is necessary to understand the facts, to get a complete picture of the information and to avoid a similar bias.

The following are the most intense, when our brains identify a choice, we reinforce all the conditions that support our choices, ignoring those that are bad for us. Psychology is called the self-benefit attribution, "influence" is also called: commitment and consistency. Psychologists in Canada have done an experiment, and they find that the horse's confidence in the horse will increase as soon as they bet on it. In fact, the horse's winning probability will not be a little change because of him. In fact, not only the horse, the stock buyers have this feeling, when we buy a certain stock will be thought that the stock may rise. I remember a time watching TV, said a teacher how to train a backward student admitted to Tsinghua, he let the students "I want to go to Tsinghua" write down on the wall, and then brave to say to others: I want to enter Tsinghua. When people make a choice, there is a strong driving force to maintain consistency. This driving force allows us to turn a blind eye to obvious mistakes and even to explain our own favorable conditions. Shopping when we value the right goods, even if we clearly know not very much need, but will give ourselves a variety of excuses, like the original when buying a touch to find their own excuses is to see can ebook, can use Google Map, you can do time management, you can keep account. What's the result? There is only one function-the alarm clock. So Buthe is a way of thinking that everyone's brain cures. When we start to invent reasons for ourselves to maintain the correctness of our choices, the practicality of our products, and the rationality of our programs, we need to think about whether we are locked in our minds.

So the three major ills that hinder communication:

1, a good sense of self.

2. Assume each other's thoughts on the basis of one's own inference.

3. Self-benefit attribution or "death is not mistaken."

These questions are not individual problems, but entrenched with the human mind of the disease, so many people say that things are not human, and reality tells us that it is almost impossible. All we can do is try to jump out of the loop of thinking, here recommended "out of the Box" a book, in the communication of the time to see each other's needs for their own needs, do not treat each other as a need to meet their needs, talk about cooperation when you want to jump out of their own set of the circle or illusion, respect for the objective facts. The result of communication is not who wins or loses but who compromises and produces the best results.