"There is always a man to go first"

(a) fate of the river gently turning
dad found lung cancer that day, I was in adulthood for the first time I cried, my wife was also crying in the season can not self-restraint, but the mother did not show excessive sadness. She just startled for a long time, quietly wiped off the corner of the tears.
Dad was calm, too. After consulting the doctor in detail about the process and the results of the chemotherapy, he stayed alone in the room for a day and announced that he refused to take the cure. In my and small season of persuasion and opposition, mother is always silent, just silent to dad bowl clip a few chopsticks dishes.
Dad has his own health care, treatment costs, the family to bear part, but also the economic strength of the family within the scope, and will not cause embarrassment. But Dad insisted on not cure. He said that his life has entered a countdown, not to undergo treatment, a few months to live. The doctor has made it clear, even through chemotherapy, that it extends the lifespan of months to the year. He did not want to put his last life in the hospital to undergo another painful chemotherapy. Dad said he wanted to live the life he wanted when he had not had much time left.
My father's sincere words finally touched me and the small season. And mom on the one side of silence for a long time after a sentence: "Let us go back home, your father has always wanted to family." "It completely made me accept my father's decision.
two years ago, I married a small quarter, in order to take care of the school from the small city to live in the rural parents, we persuaded repeatedly, they received us. In this high-rise downtown, in retrospect, mom and dad really is not more comfortable. They often miss the countryside out of the visible field of the river, like a simple and seamless neighborhood, not accustomed to the bad air in big cities.
on the third day, I sent them back to the village home in the small season.
on the way back, the season asked me, you say, your mother love your father? Ita problem, in my heart also often subtle existence.
I can't read my parents ' love. In my impression, they are always faint. I have never seen them quarrel, and seldom see them as sweet and rowdy as other couples. Dad has no sweet talk to his mother, and her mother has never been the same as the wife of other families to restrain his father. Compared to other couples, there is too much freedom and personal space between them.
I've never liked the word xiangjingrubin. When I was a junior in high school, I felt that a couple of xiangjingrubin were so sad. In my heart, since the fall of love in the world, is bound to take possession and the fear of the outcome, only enough to love the people, there is room to calmly. It made me question whether there was love between my parents, or like many of those years, just a couple of matchmaker-tied couples who used to kill their lives.
Dad's 53-year-old, the sudden illness let his fate turn change. But his and his mother's emotion, but does not seem to have the novelty. now, Dad's life into the countdown, he gave up the hard struggle, his mother supported his give up.

(ii) leisurely's Twilight companion
when Dad went back, their days were leisurely.
long-deserted yard amazing Grace, Dad go out go to the flower market, bought many flower tree hire tricycle pull home, white wood, bergamot, hydrangea, smiling ... Several strains of pink white flowers rose around the wall and the row was raised lush. I and the small season go back to see them every month, small courtyard of fragrant plantain lily once more prosperous. Spring finishing, summer, in the flowers of the blue hydrangea flower, the two old rattan chair side-to-shoulder, inexplicable practical tacit understanding.
father thin Body shuttle in the Bushes hoe soil, mother in the corner of the yard carry bucket water watering. I advised my mother: "Dad is not well, you persuade him, do not tired of these things." "My mother answered me:" Persuade not to move, I see him to be happy, let him go. "
mother before retiring is in the small city Vocational school teaches the plant course, a lifetime favorite is the flower. Dad quietly told me: "These are your mother's favorite varieties." Your mother always wanted such a yard. When I was young, I always felt busy, had no time to take care of, and felt that tomorrow is long. Dragged and dragged away, actually dragged for decades. If you don't get started, it's too late. "Dad was so romantic!" Mother's wish, father has always been to see in the eyes in mind.
I asked dad: "My mother know these flowers you planted her?" Did you say that to MOM? "Dad answer:" Old wife, do you need it? She is happy to see these flowers and trees every day. "at the dinner table, I saw that my father was not sick to diet diet, meat and pepper or anything, as long as he wanted to eat, mother to him to do.
before I left, I asked my parents if they would like to go back with me, our family happy heart live together much better. Mom and dad have refused. Dad said: "Wide son, Dad accompany you for the rest of your life, Dad contented, you now also have their own small family." Your mother followed me discovers toil, dad the rest of the day is not much, want to with your mother two people to have a quiet day. It's good here. "
My father chose to spend the last days of my life with my mother.
Dad planted a whole patch of beans in the corner of the yard. Father to catch up with a green worm on the vein, and said to me: "This bean I am afraid eat, when you go home with your mother to eat together." "

(c) There is always a person who has to advance
after mom and dad went back, I went home to see them every weekend in the small season. There was a weekend, mom called early to inform us not to go back, said that relatives married, they want to attend the wedding, no time at home. Afterwards, from aunt's mouth, I learned that my parents were out traveling and stayed in Yunnan for 8 days. Afraid of me and the small season will disagree only two people discuss to deceive us first.
I was angry to blame my father for his own body irresponsible, mother too indulgent him, followed the blind stir. Mom later said to me: "Your father's time is not much, we respect him, let him do what he wants to do." People live a lifetime, after all, are going to go, if you can do not leave a defect, it is complete. "I have no words to deal with.
Dad's illness after many things embodied in their views on the surprisingly consistent and tacit understanding, let me feel, their life plain easy to get along with the pattern, perhaps not they do not love, but precisely because, they are similar to the two people. They are the same as each other.
the second week after Yunnan came back, dad was seriously ill. This time, the family respected the father's choice, did not go to the hospital to receive rescue. Dad died peacefully in his own home, in the company and gaze of all of us. Before leaving, Dad didn't seem to have anything to say. He just whispered "show line (mother's name)", Mother hand to him, two lean hands to together, more than 10 minutes later, Dad left the world.
at Dad's funeral, mom kept her business in order. Although sad, emotions are not too much out of control. Coffin into the funeral, mother with her thin arms ring in my depressed crying and trembling shoulder. Mother said: "Guang son, you do not cry, your father has gone, he is there no more sickness." "
just a few hours later, the funeral procession was scattered and her mother was reluctant to leave. She let me and the small season to go back first, she said: "You go, I want to be here quietly accompany him." The ground was dark, and he was a lonely man. "

(iv) take you on a trip
after Dad died, mother's life did not decay, but began to like travel. This short six months, she through the small city travel agency many times with the group travel, respectively went to Sanya, Nanjing and Zhejiang. Without father's mother, seems to have a more free and easy. go home to see Mom, talk about the old. The first time I talked about her and dad to get married, mother said the first time through the matchmaker introduced to see Dad, she felt, this life, is this person. Mom memories when the face of the blossoms across the girl-like shy, clear is love.
mother said, she and dad are about to get married, Dad has a schoolgirl very admire him, often to find him. She heard the wind, the heart is very tangled, and finally decided not to ask him. Mother said, at that time, she used a few days and nights to figure out a truth, love is not something to come, if he is love her, then is love her, if not, quarrel also meaningless. The only thing she believed in at that time was that, with her understanding of my father's character, he would never lie to her. Then the matter did not go away, I heard that Dad refused to clean thoroughly.
mother also said that, decades to go down, she and dad have also had some angry time, husband and wife have never had angry? But often think about, life is just a few decades, the next lives do not know whether you can meet him, the gas will disappear. I asked mother: "You and my father never said a word I love you, do not feel sorry?" "mother said: "Love does not love is not necessarily expressed, in the heart know, better than anything." "
Mother Park Simple real words, let my heart a piece of hush. Perhaps, only to the uncertainty of their own things, we need to emphasize repeatedly. Compared with mom and dad's emotion, this world many love is not impetuous?
Mother opened her travel album. I saw in Yunnan although a sick but a face satisfied father holding his mother's hand standing in the front of the lake, see in the alley in Dali they leisurely shoulder to side, I also see, in Sanya, in Nanjing, Hangzhou and Xitang in Zhejiang, in the mother later alone to go to the many attractions photos, mom hands are holding a photo of them.
mom said, "This is where your dad wanted to go." He was too late to go, I took him there. "
The first time I read a parent's affection.

(v) Love is silent winding
My mother told me a paragraph, I told the small season to listen to the small season cry. mother said: "Every time in the hospital to see those who can not survive the death of poor patients, I am glad I didn't let your father suffer." I know your father, your father is the most dignified person in his life, he is not afraid to die, afraid to walk not decent. Son, don't blame your mother for your father's support, not to get him to fight for treatment. Your father is gone, I am the saddest one. But I'd rather watch him walk happily, than watch him live and suffer. I'm sure it's the same with your dad. "My mother said," Everyone has to go at last, like every river, every brook, and finally to the sea. I would like him to leisurely the past and wait for me there. "
many self-proclaimed intelligent children like me, always like to their own understanding, to analyze the feelings of parents. And I used half to understand, my parents love, originally like a wordless fertile soil, no fancy publicity, do not need shallow expression, but is the most reliable and the most authentic of each other's silent foundation. 　　
This world of Love will bloom a lot of face. And their strains, silent winding, will each other's life into a verdant green.

"There is always a man to go first"