Founder's Lost Girlfriends: If love, How should love?

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Wen/Yang Birch

Years later, when I put pen to mind, I realized that I had a private chat with Zhu, one of the most famous Chinese in Silicon Valley by selling 3.2 billion dollars to Cisco, which I founded, and had already laid the groundwork for the stories I had described in the years that followed.

That day, I casually asked Zhu a question, you usually like to read what books? As a result, his words punctured the vanity of my profession. "You, the so-called successful people you interviewed every day are actually the top of the Chinese pyramid," he said, "If you really want to know what books I usually love to read, my answer is the" novel Magazine. " What does it all say? A bunch of poor people think about how to sell pirated discs every day, how to make money. Good, why? Because this is the life of most people, this is the real China. ”

To be honest, this answer is quite different from the answer I asked most entrepreneurs to get. This, of course, is related to the legendary experience of Zhu: 10 Peasant life in the field of rice planting feces; After a few years to enter Zhejiang Agricultural University, the 30-Year-old began to learn English; at the age of 36, the gate of the first University of Business administration in the United States, the first contact with computers, 52-Year-old Internet news was acquired by Cisco acquisition of wealth.

Without an early experience, Zhu might not be thinking about it from this perspective. Again, the stories I'm interviewing may not be familiar to most of the high-end readers of silicon, but they are real and even represent a group of people.

"He always asked me to discuss his company's business with him, I do not understand him to scold me stupid, I learned to put forward their own views he said I was wrong." Wang Qing said she was going crazy: "What does this man really need?"

This is the Valentine's month of 2011, China is experiencing the most extensive technological entrepreneurial tide ever. In Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou and even more second-tier cities, young people huddled around restaurants to talk about financing and projects everywhere. Earlier, when the successful listing with Youku had set off a new wave of "demonstration effects", several sentimental stories entered the public eye at the end of 2010:

Tudou on the eve of the IPO encounter founder ex-wife "interference"; Dangdang Guoqing Micro Bo revealed will invite the first girlfriend to participate in the listing bell; Liu very touched: if one day Jingdong Mall on the market, he should invite the first girlfriend celebration, because "Jing Dong" two words from his original name with her combined.

An abstract and fashionable noun "technology entrepreneur" from this three-dimensional, their investment and financing model is the most future of China's entrepreneurship, a group behind them also surfaced, they are the Chinese commercial civilization process of the perceptual witness.

But "Men from Mars, women from Venus" don't seem to fully explain all the emotional friction of entrepreneurs. Psychologists say: Entrepreneurship and working are two completely different mental states. How will intimacy be tested when conflicts in different worlds are concentrated in a couple or under one roof?

Wang Qing, cosmetic salesman, 1985 stranger, distinguished from the successful founder of the stage, her boyfriend is the vast majority of Chinese entrepreneurs-they are still struggling at the bottom of the pyramid or not to invest.

and Wang Qing of the confusion, how much revealed in the high-speed transformation of China, the entrepreneur this special group of a certain kind of people's inner heart secret.

Speculators

How big is this possibly "morbid" group? At present, the Chinese Mental Health Association and other institutions do not disclose the relevant data, but they show a similar face:

In the "Do Not Madness" persistent and excessive expansion of the selfish desires, when the two sides of the coin can not be effectively balanced, this selfish desire to consciously or unconsciously invade the relationship between the sexes, wandering in the boundaries of law and reason.

At the end of 2010, after McCann won 3 million of the venture capital, Rebecca made a breakup. For the man, she had an inexplicable feeling: those experiences were unexplained and accepted by her experience, and she did not know whether to condemn, evade or help the man whom she had loved.

A former electronic athlete, McCann, 32, is one of the founding shareholders, a "pimp" role in technical teams and capital: find a project and quickly package it. At the age of more than 20, McCann pulled a millions of investment and had a glorious experience after a broken capital chain. Before meeting Rebecca, McCann bought a game development team, in addition to working for a gaming company.

There's a term in the game called "Rush," which means beating each other quickly, this has a certain risk, because pushed not to fall the other side basically was the other side down, McCann character has its ingredients-the company registered to the seventh month, he has not drawn to the investment, began to use monthly salary cushion for entrepreneurial team expenses; When the money was tight, he made a decision, The acquisition of another technical team in the South gives the team a better idea, but also faces the risk of losing money faster. In the days after the McCain financing, the network appeared before the company employees exposed its official website has false information.

About the fate of McCann and Rebecca, the friends of Rebecca's opinions, but there is a little bit of the same--not so simple.

When the big four accounting firms met McCann in the summer of 2009, he felt that the study-focused woman was not the same as other women: "They know nothing about handbags." But slowly, Rebecca felt repressed: they seldom had a whisper between lovers, he seemed only interested in his business plan, and his emails were filled with all sorts of questions. Apart from the frequent discussion of his entrepreneurship, it is emotional alienation.

One day, Rebecca asked about his emotional history, and McCann said he has not had a stable relationship: "Because I always feel I can't get married before I succeed." ”

Once, a hedge fund found McCann, wanted to use hundreds of dollars to get the business secrets of his gaming company, McCann is considering, Rebecca said can't do it, another time, never used a smartphone before he saw a mobile internet research report, quickly concocted a business plan, excitedly said "help me change."

Some say McCann is smart, but Rebecca begins to look at him in a complex way: "Morality is a relative concept, only to know the bottom line," Rebecca said, in fact she could not introduce him to any of her friends, because she could not guarantee that he would hurt them.

After endless quarrels, it is to break up. If it is in the United States, some employees to the company's code to the company B, usually the first day of B Company will "Fire" him, and the relevant facts tell a company: "If necessary, you can enable legal procedures." But in China, the contract spirit of one of the required business civilizations is not yet firm.

At the same time, unlike the United States, the lack of complete and thorough due diligence by individuals or institutions before investing is also a breeding ground for McCann, they present the first kind of pathological features: "Operation" of business and intimacy with speculative thinking; feelings are not important to them, but they seem to be important; there are many women, but they never seem to have.

delusional patients

"He wants to be successful," he said. Bao son called, there are some of her feelings are very small benefits he will not let go, at the same time he is not sure whether it is a good opportunity will start to waver, disloyal. Boa thinks the man is delusional: "Really, it's a disease, not a joke." ”

Unlike the capital politics of McCann, Po son ex-boyfriend Barrow is a technical person to write the game code, but the common point is that only two words of success in the brain, if it is four words, that is "one night rich." Before he met Bao son, he had just been in love with four years girlfriend split leg.

This is a lack of life, fighting can be one months do not wash the head does not bathe, Bao son with such words described him: "A shake head, white snow floating down."

For four years, the girlfriend took on all his life, but she often felt that he was not in the world, and Barrow was grumpy and always inexplicably angry. When he left a local company in Shanghai in October 2008 to enter a start-up company in the form of a technical shares, the salary was higher than when he was working. "Rich", desperate she did not say a word with Barrow's friend married.

According to Baidu Encyclopedia definition, "paranoia" refers to the existence of one or more non-grotesque delusions, without any other psychiatric symptoms, the patient's paranoid content in addition to the impact of personal factors, but also by social and cultural influence.

"Paranoia" for entrepreneurs may not be bad, or even a positive word, there has been the realization of the phased success of the entrepreneur told me, entrepreneurship five years, his wife's favorite joke is "XXX, you can temporarily return to the room for a moment?!"

When he said this, the 35-Year-old had just finished a joke: The green sweater was in the wrong place, sitting in the office meeting.

But Barrow embodies the second kind of pathological features: they lack the patience and awareness to communicate with their partners, and they need the absolute cooperation of their girlfriends ' mental and emotional. They also can't control themselves, and their mentality fluctuates with the surrounding situation.

"Insecurity doesn't come from whether he has other women, but because I have no idea what he will look like the next day," he said. "said the treasure son.

Apart from getting up late to work in a PR company, Bao ER takes care of Barrow every day. Usually, he will work overtime to two o'clock in the morning more, when home will be a daze she accompany him to talk about the company. When she said she could not understand, Barrow lost his temper, and slowly she read the advice that he would enjoy, but no matter what she said, he denied it.

One day the treasure son broke out: "I am very busy at work, do not come to talk to me about your work." More than once she confessed: whether you have money or not, I am with you. However, Barrow did not seem to care, and began to complain that she could not give him spiritual support. "That time I very inferiority, feel oneself how to do is not right." But what bothers the most is that the man always seems to be in bad shape.

Barrow's low Ebb peaked in April 2009.

When Barrow followed brother A to the start-up in 2008, the latter promised to give him a big dividend as long as the game was developed. But one day, he accidentally heard a June private talk: No matter from the strength or original intention, a June do not intend to make the game out.

A-June role is a bit like McCann, the main manager of the server and client two parts of the team's title is CTO, but do not understand the technology is responsible for change. Barrow is the client boss, he always thought the game can be done. Now, the dream of "one night to be rich" is shattered. At this point, the company's No. 6000002-phase venture capital is in place, but this is the operating costs, he did not get anything.

He wanted to go and reluctant, when there is a new venture company, he and treasure son began to discuss marriage, and back home. But when he returned to Shanghai, his mood was broken again: the company failed to set up because of the lack of funds.

One day the treasure son is sick, lying in bed want to drink water, she asked him to help pour a cup, he played the game did not utter, three hours later up poured a cup of water. Boa said, can you pass it for me? He said it was too hot. "Do you think the water is hot or not?" She rushed down from the bed and grabbed the cup, and the water was cold, and she spilled water all over him and out the door.

He quickly packed his bags and went back to his old home. In the middle, she flew past three times, but was never able to make a decision to go to that job. This is the most painful part of her love experience: After breaking up, she almost lay for a year.

Revelation

Each start-up company's biggest bottleneck, is the CEO time, the interview these emotional friction cases are not the same, but there is a general common, is: they are very busy, easy to get angry and self-centered.

"I really hope you can resign to help me." In my case now, there is a particular lack of a helper I can fully trust. "January 2011 Night, Hangzhou, the women's website entrepreneur Fan S a dialogue with his girlfriend Lane, who works for the internet company.

She turned him down, and she loved her work. This is the first year of Fan S entrepreneurship, and especially the kind of friction that belongs to the entrepreneur's feelings is slowly beginning to sprout in their relationship.

"When you start a business, it may be very important to communicate with your partner, if it is not that we have had three years of love and have enough knowledge of each other's personalities and ways of speaking, maybe I can't understand her thoughts and feelings very well." ”

Fan S, though disappointed by his girlfriend's final decision, acknowledged that, as she wished to resign, he admitted that sometimes he could not help neglecting or forgetting women's self-awareness in society and "eyeing" the resources beyond their girlfriends ' abilities.

They thanked the fatalistic grace. In Shanghai Jing ' An, a coffee bar, foreign entrepreneur Peter and I expressed his view: "I think China is a very strange people." ”

In Peter's description, this strange expression in the Chinese people always seem to think that their life picture should be two charts, or a straight line, or a fully rising growth line, more difficult to face and accept the ups and downs of life.

"This is also reflected in entrepreneurial mentality, affecting their jagged emotions." Peter also thinks the Chinese have a complex emotional relationship.

This is two different business environment and culture collision, but led a series of problems: In this free age, can love can not love, but if love, how should love? And if "Poverty is the root of all evils", is wealth the only value of life while entrepreneurship is creating value from poverty?