Complete Set of classic misstatements

Source: Internet
Author: User
1. The Bowl fell down, and it was a big scar.
2. For a cultural evening, the host came to the stage to report the curtain: Enjoy the song and dance in Xinjiang, setting off your head! No !!!!!
3. tigers don't send cats. You treat me as dangerous!
4. When I was in high school, my class discipline was chaotic. The teacher grabbed XXX in anger and said, "XXX, please stand on the wall for me !~~ The class is chilly!
5. When I was driving a car, my female colleague suddenly asked, "How do you drive without using a condom ?"
6. Me: that is our physics teacher...
Student: What do you want to teach?
Me: chemistry...
7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher !"
8. When a person in our dormitory drinks too much, he wants to urinate and bring out a cold saying: When the urine drinks too much, there will be a lot of wine.
9. buy oranges. BOSS: one month. Me: It's too expensive. Five yuan, three jin. Boss: No.
10. My friend asked me about the computer configuration. I said that the monitor was a colorful screen. (Originally intended to talk about LCD)
11. The Junior High School Literature and Art gala to answer questions.
Female: "You have noticed that you should not grab it too quickly. When I finish speaking, I start to raise my hand"
Then I began to read the question and said, "Open now ..."
At this time, a contestant is eager to answer the question.
The host said, "this classmate is too anxious. I'm still in the middle of my mouth. Why did you get it"
12. I heard a mm shout "give me a bowl of Viper ~!" in the canteen ~!"
13. At school
One day, I received a call from my classmates and said, "Your mom **."
As soon as I took the call, I casually said, "male and female"
I have been smiling for four years.
14. The classmate's high school student (a boy) threw his hair in the noodle shop with a cool face: "boss, two scallions, don't use rice noodles !" After that, add the following sentence: "More rice noodles !" Boss: "... Do you want rice noodles or Scallions ??"
15. A mom from a dormitory called
I used to say "He is not", but this time I want to say "he is already out"
The result is: "He has... No"
16. gg handed me an ice cake, and I shouted, "It's burning me !"
17. I went to Li Ning to buy my shoes with my sister. My sister said, "Miss, how much is this shoe worth a kilo ?"
18. When I shot my dormitory classmate's stomach, she shouted, "Don't take a picture. I have a urine in my stomach ."
19. In high school, each person issues a badge .. Before an inspection, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, everyone was wearing the bra and checking it .. The audience was full of silence...
20. I went home on the weekend at school and had a cigarette addiction after dinner. I planned to take a walk on an excuse. While I was changing my shoes at the door, Dad asked me why? I casually said, "Let's take a cigarette !" As a result, dad found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a try.
21. A leader from the Education Bureau inspected the classroom exercises. After that, the PE Instructor declared the "disband", but he was in a hurry and forgot his words. After half a day, he shouted, "Retreat !"
22. A high school teacher surnamed Jiang is similar to Luo Jiaying (playing the westward journey of Tang Miao). I asked him a question and blurted out: "Miss Tang, this question ......"
23. One of my colleagues, I was not angry when I was driving on the road and asked where I was inflatable. My colleagues said, "There are tires everywhere !"
24. A teacher tried to play mahjong all night. He was furious when he saw that the blackboard was not wiped. "Who is doing well today? Do not clean the blackboard !"
25. Once my uncle saw my little girl in Taobao, And suddenly shouted, "you have such a good skin. Are you still using Shu Bao ?"
26. The teacher left his homework. I did not copy others' homework. Then I handed in my homework in the office and saw the teacher say, "I have copied it !"
27. On one occasion, when we went to Huangshan for a tour, the tour guide just introduced that the baibu yunti was the Scenic Spot of Liu Xiaoqing's <Xiaohua>. Suddenly a man in our group blurted out: "The director..." Everyone is dizzy.
28. When a few female students came to my house to play, I went to get water. They opened the DVD player to watch the film. I heard Cantonese in the room, and then I shouted and called, the sound was wrong, and suddenly it was speechless. My face was full and purple ~~ Almost fainted ~~
29. Even in high school, I went home from school and even mm. I saw a barbecue sale at the school gate. MM said I had to eat beef, because there were a lot of people on the grill and I was afraid my boss could not hear it, So I shouted: "Boss, five coops" and then the silence, three seconds later, everyone laughed together. I am so embarrassed... The most embarrassing thing is that MM went on to ask me "What is a bull's whip" and I had to answer mm very quietly: "A ox's whip is a ox's tail "..
30. I had a quarrel with my MM phone number. She turned the TV volume very high and I was bored. Then she shouted, "turn off the phone !" Think of it now, it's cold!
31. In the morning, I went to have breakfast with my classmates. One of them only had package stuffing and the other only had skin. We are saying that when the two of them are wasted, the students who eat the stuffing come up with a saying, "after you eat my foreskin," All the porridge in the room is sprayed out.
32. Let's talk about the real thing. Mm asked me, "My computer is not working, and I am always dead. I said: Go back and check the virus. Remember to Upgrade anti-virus software. MM: Oh. Early the next morning, I saw mm again in the car. I casually asked: Have you checked it? How? Then ......... MM said out loud: I was angry with me. I checked it for a long time and said it was no (MEI) poison. What do you say ??? That's cold at that time .... I still remember it.
33. A senior high school student from my dormitory called me. He told me who he was looking for. I said no, and then said thank you.
34. When someone else came to my aunt's house as a guest, he just entered the door. My aunt is about to go to the bathroom. She hurriedly greeted the guest and said, "You have a seat. I'll bring you some tea in the toilet !"
35. We used to have a political and economics teacher! I once talked about the strength of Meiyuan. He does.
"You know why only the US dollar is called 'dollar ', but you have never heard of it as 'English
King', 'faking '?"
36. during military training at the university, the instructor shouted: Use your side light (yuguang) to align ~~~~ I'm so sad that I can't laugh at it ....
37. My female and her cousin invited me to dinner and asked me to eat more. I don't know how to make the following mistakes.
"Thank you. I have no sexual desire recently. Please eat more !" At that time, everyone sprayed rice ..
38. Our company had a shuttle bus at work in the morning. Because the car was not big, once, one MM got on the bus and there was no seat.
A man sitting next to me stood up and greeted her enthusiastically: "You can sit on my ass !" I was so angry that I got off the bus ~!
39. I used to be obsessed with online games and often used to kill in Internet cafes. After the end of the semester, I went home with a bunch of friends and the train was about to open, but we didn't find a platform yet, I was anxious to say, "MD, how can I connect a coordinate here (in fact I want to find a signboard! ~" Burst into laughter ~~ 40. When I was in school, I went to the upper and lower bunk beds. One a mobile phone needs to be charged. However, a bed has a socket, and a desk lamp cannot be used to charge a book. Therefore, a inserts the charger on B. B wants to listen to music in the evening and sees a's Charger shouting: "Hey, I said, why are you always plugging me in? Why not ** below ?" After a storm, sweat ~~
41. When I was in college, a classmate argued with me about the problem. At the moment, I was in a bad mood. In a hurry, I got up and shouted, "You are not stupid, I am not stupid!
42. When I came back to my friend, I asked him how he was doing. The girl was really rough. At noon, two people went to a noodle shop with beef. The girl shouted to the teacher: Hey, pull two bowls ~~~ The ramen master said: Do you want to eat? If you eat it, pull it.
43. When I was a child, popsicle ice cream was generally sold with a bicycle. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the room: new ice cream, hot. (It is estimated that aunt used to sell fried dough sticks)
44. My roommate burned water with high heat. When the water was opened, he could not read the book, but said, "Should I pull it out? It's loud .." No response. 15 seconds later, I added: "It's very hot there. It's so easy to plug in .." No changes. After half a minute, the water was full of boiling water. "That's what it is. The sound of a lot of things is getting bigger and bigger .. Are you sure you don't want to unplug ?"... A thick book flew in front of me !!!~
45. When I was in high school, our class teacher taught mathematics ~ When drawing a ray ~~ Just say it out loud ~~ 'The students have read it ~~ I shot it.
46. when I went to college, I went to Hengshan for a visit. I climbed the mountain and climbed halfway through the mountain. When I was tired of waiting for a break, I saw a tobassan who bought souvenirs on the side of the road. When I went up, I asked: "Wife ........"
47. When I was studying, everyone was reading the review. gg said to mm, "I just memorized the words and helped me write them silently ." MM doesn't want to talk about it. gg asks her. You (touch) Me, (touch) Me !! As a result, MM really couldn't stand it. he shouted, "You see, I don't want to touch him." He wants me to touch him ~~~!!!
48. one day, I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in and wanted to call his uncle. The result was wrong and said, "Dad, come here! "~~ Cold! Big Bang students are dying
49. My colleague entered a quarrel with someone and said, "Do you think I grew up eating ?" I have been wondering what he grew up eating. "
50. when I was in elementary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow a rubber. If I didn't borrow it, he would be entangled. Then I used all my strength and shouted, "I don't want to marry (borrow) here you are. "The students immediately calmed down ,,,.
51. one KTV, a song, And a mm shouted: Give me a click on the "Double stick" for the first week "......

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