Eight ways to improve EQ

1, learn to delimit the appropriate psychological boundaries, which is good for everyone.

You may think that it is a good thing to be ignorant of the boundaries of others, so that everyone can get along as they please, and not haggle with each other. This may sound plausible, but its disadvantage is that others often hurt your feelings and you don't.

In fact, it is not difficult to look closely around you find that people with poor boundaries are prone to morbid phobia, they will not fight against the attackers, but more willing to talk to the third party. If we were the one who violated the psychological boundaries of others and found out the truth, we would feel like a cold-blooded idiot. At the same time we feel hurt because we blame ourselves for our own mistakes, and we resent the fact that a third party is involved in judging us.

Clear boundaries are good for everyone. You have to understand what others can and cannot do to you. When someone violates your mental boundaries, tell him to correct them. If the mental boundaries are not always clear, then you need to improve your cognitive level.

2, find a suitable method, in the sense of losing the sense of sanity to calm down, so that the blood left in the brain, to make rational action.

Americans joked: When things go wrong, sensible children get their blood into the brain and think intelligently, and savage children get blood into their limbs, their brains empty, and they're crazy impulses.
Yes, when the blood is full of brains, you are clear-headed and well-behaved, and conversely, when blood flows to your limbs and tongues, you do stupid things, impulsive tempers, a smack in.

In fact, scientific experiments have shown that when we get too stressed out under pressure, the blood does leave the cortex and we behave erratically. At this point, the nature of the animals in the brain plays a leading role, so that we act like the most primitive animals. You know, in a civilized society, acting like a primitive animal can cause a lot of trouble.

There are a number of strategies for controlling emotional outbursts, one of which is to pay attention to your heart rhythm, which is a precise ruler for measuring emotions. When your heart beats more than 100 times a minute, it's important to straighten out your emotions. At this rate, the body secretes much more adrenaline than usual. We're going to lose our mind and become a combative cricket.

When the blood begins to flow into your limbs, you can use the following methods to calm your mood:
1. Take a deep breath until you calm down. Inhale slowly and deeply, letting the air fill the lungs. Put one hand on the abdomen and make sure your breathing method is correct.
2, to himself. Like saying to yourself: "I'm calm." Or, "Everything will pass." ”
3, some people use water therapy. A hot tub may make your anger and anxiety disappear with the bubble of bath soap.
4. You can also try the American psychologist Donald Aiden's method: Think of unpleasant things, at the same time put your fingertips on the forehead above the eyebrows, thumb on the temple, deep inhale. According to Aiden, it will take only a few minutes for the blood to return to the cerebral cortex, and you will be able to think more calmly.

3. If you want to complain, stop and ask yourself: "Do I want to continue to endure the seemingly immutable situation, or do I want to change it?" ”

For endless complaints, we call it nagging. Complaining consumes force without any result, useless to the problem, and seldom makes us feel better.

Almost all of us find that we feel better if we confide in a sympathetic third party and he will be angry with him. Someone says to you, "poor baby." "It's a great comfort to you, and your stress seems to be easing, so you can re-face the situation, even though things haven't changed."

But if you don't complain, you'll feel a great deal of psychological pressure. Stress is sometimes not a bad one, yes, it may make you feel uncomfortable, but it is also the force that motivates you to change. Once the pressure is reduced, it is easy for people to maintain the status quo. However, if the pressure is not lost in the complaint, it will accumulate and reach a limit, forcing you to take action to change the status quo.
So, when you're ready to complain to a friend who is sympathetic to you, ask yourself: do I want to reduce the pressure to keep the status quo, or do I want to keep the stress going and make me change it all? If it is the former, let the pressure go away by complaining. When people are complaining, it makes us feel better for the time being. But if things really need to change, make up your mind to act!

4, to sweep away all the waste of energy things.

What is not conducive to our ability to increase emotional quotient? The answer is anything that wastes energy.

Many people's nervous system is like the father's hand as long as the thick callus. We have become accustomed to the consumption of energy without consciousness. The energy is subtle, but it can also be noticeable, such as when the good news is heard, the adrenaline surges and when the bad news is heard, it feels exhausted. We usually don't pay attention to the subtle consumption of energy, such as getting along with a negative person, looking for a piece of paper around the table, and so on.

What are your life's slow and draining energies? The corner of my house was stacked with a small carpet, and every time I saw it, I thought maybe someone would stumble over it. It's not a big deal, but it distracts me. That's how we define distractions--every time we touch, we feel our energies are scattered. Sometimes it's the same with friends--they suck and give energy to each other--but some are energetic vampires, they just suck your energy. There are two options: one is to face the problem, to establish psychological boundaries to continue to engage with them cautiously, and the other is to reduce the association with such people.

Indeed, we need to get rid of things that are slowly wasting energy and focus our energies on improving our EQ.

Want to accelerate-you can choose to reduce resistance or increase motivation.

Try the methods we offer:
1. Always list the things that consume your energy.
2. Systematically analyze the list and divide it into two parts:
A, can make a difference.
B. Non-change.
3, solve the problem of a single. For example, for me, hang the car keys on a fixed hook so you don't have to look everywhere.
4, and then look at the question in the B single, are you sure? Is there any possibility of moving some of them to a single address?
5, give up the problem in the B single.

5. Find a living example in life.

We have all experienced the age of example, and those examples are noble and distant to us. So we learn the example of the enthusiasm in the distance with the example is gradually extinguished, because we know that they may not be a life of the Big hero.

Yes, you can't be a big hero, but you can be a happy person, like your friend tannin, she's energetic, young, generous, smart and fun. She runs a gynaecological clinic, a corporate consultant, and regularly writes columns for a city, with a handsome husband and a lovely daughter.
Do you have such a great person around you, take him as your role model! You can think: I can do what she can, but our style is different, and I can't do what she did in her way. But I will imitate her to do some things, in my way to finish. From her you can always see your own potential that you have never noticed.

Find your role model in the people around you! They are smarter, better educated, taller and more persevering than you are. You will naturally improve your EQ in the process of catching up to them.

6, parenting.

Parenting will teach you a lot of things. When the child screams, "Why don't you buy it for me?" I hate you! "When you can't despair, can't rage, you need to understand him and accept the reality of extreme resentment. You know, this is the best gift a child can give you, and of course this hate doesn't last.

Raising a child is a winning outcome. In raising children, children learn how to get along with young parents who are not yet mature. We, as parents, are sharpening the edges and corners in the process of suppressing our needs to meet the needs of our children. Raising a child automatically increases our EQ and makes us a better parent.

If you don't want to have children, try to see your kids for friends and get along with them to really improve our EQ.

7, from difficult to get to the person to learn something.

There are many people around us who are grumbling, as if, and brave, and how we wish these people to disappear from their lives, because they make people angry and desperate and even crazy. Why not circle these people, buy a plane ticket, send it to a small island, where they never

Will disturb the others. However, it is better not to do so, these difficult people are our help to improve the emotional quotient. You can learn silence from a talkative person, learn patience from a grumpy person, learn kindness from the wicked, and you don't have to be thankful for these teachers.

What's more, the "hard-to-get-people" you define may prove to be just someone different from you, and you're a hard-to-get person for so-called hard-to-get people.
The most effective way to cope with difficult people is to be flexible. In other words, find their way, in the process of interacting with it, as flexible as possible to adopt the same way. If this person likes to chat and talk about business first, your reaction should be to relax and talk about the homely. On the other hand, if the person is straightforward, you should also gossip less and head straight to the subject. In this way, it is more efficient to deal with people who are difficult to get along with and find that they are not so difficult to get along with.

The 2nd to deal with people who are difficult to get along with is to treat them as gifts. Judy was married to a bossy man. Marital life is full of frustrations for her because she has no clear boundaries. After years of breakup, she learned to thank him because he taught her the importance of establishing and maintaining boundaries. She doesn't care if you meet a man like that again. Judy said: "When you live with him, these guys will not be in your eyes at all." "If she had been married to an easy-going person, she might not have had a clear line at the moment, and it would have been hard to deal with the tough guys," she added.
However, if you can choose, perhaps we will never choose difficult to get along with people.

8, from time to time to try another completely different way, you will broaden your horizons and improve EQ.

Are you a cheerful, outgoing person or someone who is introverted, likes to be alone or with a few close friends? Do you like to plan every day in advance to know what to do, or have no plans? Everyone has their own preferences, and if they can choose, everyone chooses the way they prefer. However, the sudden routine of trying the opposite action will be more conducive to our growth.

If you are always interested in being a central figure in the party, change it, and try to get the people out of the ordinary. If you're always passively waiting for someone to talk to you, take the initiative to ask each other a good question.

Eight ways to improve EQ