Excerpt/conclusion from the age of 20

Recently, I read a book "What are you going to know about in your 20's life" on QQ, Which is excerpted and summarized as follows.

 

1. cultivate your self-control-delayed satisfaction: it refers to a kind of willingness to give up the option of immediate satisfaction for more valuable long-term results, as well as the self-control ability while waiting, famous experiment "candy experiment ".

(1) remind yourself of your goals-if you cannot bear it, you will be confused.
(2) avoidance of stimulus

(3) divert attention

 

2. Do not speak ill of yourself.

(1). Identify your own advantages, and constantly imply yourself and strengthen yourself.

(2). Strengthen my belief that I can live better.

(3) improve your ability to resist setbacks, and strive to change the bad status quo so that you can live better.

 

3. Play your role well-recognize your role: 1. Develop your own independent living abilities. 2. Cultivate your patience. 3. Cultivate your interpersonal skills.

 

4. Establishing critical thinking-Identification: Whether you have doubts or no doubts, you must first dare to ask questions, ask others, and ask yourself. The more questions you have, the more comprehensive and objective you will understand the problem. The clearer your thinking is, the more accurate your judgment will be, the more appropriate you are to handle the problem! (However, I personally think that you still need some skills to ask others. It depends on the character of the person you asked .)

 

5. Do not blindly follow others-thinking:

(1) recognize the pressure and be yourself. When you disagree with the big stream, there will always be an invisible pressure. You must recognize the pressure and the status quo, take others' opinions as a reference to make your own decisions.

(2) Think carefully and pursue what you need. The best is not necessarily suitable for you. what others have is not necessarily what you need.

(3) discover advantages and express yourself.

 

6. focus on achieving results-Attention
(1) define the purpose and task.
(2) cultivate your own interests in things.
(3) overcome internal and external interference.
(4) Overcome your anxiety.

 

7. Your appearance will speak-the first effect
(1) American famous interpersonal relationship expert Albert proposed a "7/38/55 Law" about first impressions ". The first impression a person gives to others is influenced by several factors, including 7% of the speech content and 38% of the speech modes (speech speed, tone, volume, etc, non-verbal information (facial expressions, posture, behavior, costumes, etc.) accounts for 55%.
(2) Notes:
(1) dress properly.
(2) Pay attention to the details.
(3) Pay attention to your manners and manners
(4) Improve overall quality

 

8. fast Close-Self-Exposure
Self-exposure does not necessarily expose your privacy. The degree of self-exposure, from shortest to deep, can be roughly divided into four levels. The first is interests and hobbies, such as eating habits, interests and hobbies, and daily entertainment activities. The second is attitude, such as views and comments on people and things, such as the practices of a person you do not like, or a company's rules and regulations you think are inappropriate. The third is self-concept, or relationship with others, such as your inferiority, and the relationship between you and your family. Fourth, in terms of privacy, such as personal emotional experiences and ideas and behaviors that individuals do not accept for the society, it is generally your "Hard to tell" idea in front of everyone.

 

9. balance of income and expenditure in interpersonal communication-the law of the seesaw
(1) treat each other equally.
(2) Try to help others.
(3) increase the value of "being used.

 

10. Do not impose your own opinions on the projection effect.
In interpersonal communication, we should avoid the projection effect whenever possible when thinking about problems. For example, start from the following three points:
(1). Change your mind.
(2) Put yourself in the same place, with empathy.
(3). communicate with others for a comprehensive understanding.

 

11. The more interactions, the more close the relationship is-the neighborhood effect
(1) If you want to chase a girl, never write to her every day, because she may fall in love with the postman.
(2) greeting is a good habit.
(3) Send a call to greet a friend
(4) The relationship between people's communication frequency and their liking degree is a Inverted U-shape curve. Too low or too high interaction frequency will not increase mutual liking. In a moderate interaction frequency, mutual liking is the highest.

 

12. Repeat the requirements of the advanced door-entry threshold technology
In order to achieve a goal, sometimes we can first let the other party meet their own small desires, and then get an inch. This is psychologically referred to as the "boarding threshold effect ".

 

13. talking with the body is more touching-Body Language Communication
If you are right, try to gently and skillfully let the other party agree to you; if you are wrong, you must acknowledge it quickly and enthusiastically.

 

14. Accidentally saying the wrong thing-the psychological effect of waterfall
(1) talking to people should also take into account the degree of acceptance of the other party, and whether or not they are talking improperly. Avoid the psychological effect of waterfall caused by your gossip. This requires us to understand the characteristics, habits, and taboos of each other before talking, and grasp the meaning of the conversation. We have mentioned the reflection effect before. Do not think that you are not jealous of things, and others are not jealous of things. Pay attention to this point for some overly sensitive communication objects. Generally, the main topics that may cause misunderstanding and strong dislike are the privacy of the other party and the sad past of the other party. Do not ask about others' privacy.
(2). "The greatest insult to a man is to say that he is stupid. The greatest insult to a woman is to say that she is ugly. "
(3). "Do not face or expose people ".

 

15. First do "yourself" of others-same body Effect
(1) to establish a "self-person" relationship, we must find out the "similarity" with the other party ".
These similarities include:
(1. Similarity of beliefs, values, and personality characteristics;
(2) similarity in interests and hobbies;
(3) similarities in social background and social status;
(4) similarities in age, experience, and other aspects.
(2) When speaking, you can use "we" instead of "I ". Because the word "we" is used more often, it will shorten the psychological distance between ourselves and the other party and give the other party a sense of identity, which is known as "Involvement effect" in psychology ". Many young people do not understand this. When talking, they often use the word "you". This makes people feel that you and him belong to the "you" and "I" camps respectively.

 

16. Accept and then reject -- "Yes, but law"
(1) first listen to the other party, and then acknowledge and accept the other party's ideas, and then deny or reject them. Make people think that "there is always hope To Talk To You", rather than talking about things at the beginning.
(2) After listening to others' opinions, you should make your own statement. If the attitude of others is too stiff, the atmosphere will become tense. It is better to be smooth and leave room for the other party. For example, if I do not agree with my colleagues' opinions, I can say, "you have some reason, but I think it should be more ...... "You can also say," I want to add your opinion! It may not be so good. I hope you can refer to it. "" You have a good idea, but if you can ...... Is it better? "In this way, you feel that you respect others, carefully analyze others' ideas, and provide reference to others.

 

17. use others' opinions to refute others-in-law
(1) Another important skill in persuading others is the Plasma Technique of Socrates, that is, to refute others from the opinions of others. In the process of refuting, It is not straightforward to tell the other party what they should know, but to expose the contradictions in the other party's understanding through discussion, Q & A, or even debate, gradually guide others to get the correct answer.
(2 ). let the other party speak his opinion step by step, and then make inferences based on the other party's opinion step by step, and finally lead to contradictions, so that the other party can realize its own mistakes. At this time, the other party can join in his opinion, let the recipient accept you. This method is more effective than refuting from your own point of view.

 

18. It is better to say more-over-limit Effect
(1). Out-of-limit effect in life: refers to the psychological phenomenon that stimulates too much, is too strong, or has been used for too long, which leads to extreme psychological impatience or reverse reaction.
(2). The language function is not "quantity", but "quality ".
(3). the linguistics LAF once said three principles of speaking: 1. Do not speak aggressively; 2. give others the opportunity to speak; 3. make people feel friendly.

 

19. EQ is equally important to IQ-EQ
(1 ). if your mind changes, your attitude changes; your attitude changes, your habits change; your habits change, your personality changes; your personality changes, and your life changes.
2. To improve personal emotional intelligence, we should first establish an optimistic attitude towards life. Optimism is to maintain a good attitude under whatever circumstances, believe that bad things will always go, and believe that the sun will always come again. In short, it is calm, self-confidence, and self-improvement.

(2) second, we should promptly release our psychological shackles. Inferiority and oppression are psychological shackles that affect personal emotional intelligence. Once you discover that you are trapped by these psychological shackles, you should promptly seek unlocking methods, such as talking to trusted friends, listen to their opinions or suggestions.

(3) treat others with patience and be strict with yourself. To treat others with generosity means to have a feeling of fraternity and to tolerate the shortcomings and personality of others. To be strict with yourself means to enhance self-discipline, so that you can think rationally and act without impulse.

 

20. Emotional Appeal-Positive Emotions
(1) improve your personality.

Pride, victory, inferiority, negative, face-loving, vanity, jealousy, greed, these bad personality or quality are easy to form some negative emotions. Psychology research shows that those who are straightforward and unable to hide their secrets are more likely to infect others because they are more capable of expressing their emotions. On the other hand, people with a weak heart are more likely to receive others' emotions.

(2) be yourself and be independent of others.

Do not determine that everything has something to do with you, do not look forward to your work, do not let others' words and deeds arouse your negative emotions. For example, one day when you were walking down the street, you were in a pleasant mood. Seeing Someone yelling at you in the street center, you immediately felt that he was yelling at you, or that he shouldn't do this, you also followed in and scolded him. As a result, the mood became bad. For example, if you wear a beautiful dress to go to work, some colleagues will not only not praise your beautiful clothes, but also say that you look "fatter ", your mood is greatly compromised. What is the relationship between your comments and comments made by others? When someone else speaks, he always has his purpose. If you are not good, you are not really bad. You can do it yourself.

(3) have enough love and patience.

Any negative and negative emotions, once met with love, are like the ice and snow in the sunshine, it is easy to melt. If a person is furious in front of you and loses his temper to you, as long as you always give love and warmth to him, he will definitely change his previous mood. As long as you have enough love and patience, you can become the most influential person in the world.

(4) Stay away from the scene and calm down first.

When you get angry, one eye and one sentence may become the fuse. At this time, it is better to calm yourself down and wait for a moment before you think about whether it is really worth making yourself angry. One minute is insignificant, but it is very valuable to pause one minute before an event occurs. As the third President of the United States said, "Count to 10 first, and then speak again. If it is still in full swing, then it will count to 100. "

In this way, the tight string will be relaxed a little and your thoughts may change accordingly. 5. Pay attention to beautiful things.

When your mood is low, you will inevitably feel the world is difficult and the world is not beautiful at all, but the little joy in your life is what you deserve. For example, you can taste a favorite dish and watch movies or TVs that make your heart warm or make you laugh, you can get more comfort.

 

21. Do a good job only when you are in good mood-sentiment ABC Theory
When you are in a bad mood, you may wish to ask yourself why you are so unhappy. Are you thinking too seriously or wrong. Change your mind!

 

22. Venting emotions is a psychological need-the hawthorn Effect
(1). transfer your thoughts. Take the initiative to talk to friends or find useful books to read.
(2). Cry out your troubles.
(3) exercise venting.

 

23. Pretend to be happy-Psychological Suggestion
(1). Walk up your chest and head up.
The posture and pace of a person are closely related to the person's internal experience. Often raise your head, walk at a strong pace, a little faster, helps increase confidence. Those who are dejected when walking, even if his life space is clear, he seems to live in a dark atmosphere; and those who are tall and upright are always confident and never give up, maybe he is experiencing ups and downs in his life, but he is confident that he will lead him to a sunny day. Young people should be vigorous and tall.
(2) Learn to smile.
When people are full of confidence, they are full of spring breeze and smiling. Laughter is a manifestation of people's confidence and happiness. The experience of laughter is consistent with that of self-confidence. If you smile frequently, your heart will naturally grow your self-confidence experience. Don't say nothing to yourself, or you don't know how to laugh. In fact, as long as you smile, even if you pretend to smile, your mood will change with the smile.
(3). Find the happy motto.
When we go to school, our teachers often ask what our motto is, so we find a famous saying that we like, as a goal and criterion of struggle. When talking about the motto, some young people may think it is quite old. In fact, it has a stimulating and encouraging effect on you. I often write some self-motivated statements, hanging on the walls of the room, and meditation, which can stimulate your self-confidence and improve your self-confidence. For example, "You only need to get angry for one minute, and lost 60 seconds of happiness. "" Happiness is a kind of mood that has nothing to do with wealth, age, and environment.

 

The above are all excerpts from my reading. In fact, we can understand the many principles mentioned above, but it is not easy to do it in real life! I would like to recommend a book "I am not calling you fraud" here. This book is quite good. If you are interested, please take a look!