What a vain life I have been

Before I was ill, I was selected by the American Times Magazine as one of the "influential hundred big men in the world", and I went to the United States with great enthusiasm, and deserved it. However, paradoxically, I found myself ill after a few months of receiving the prize. The disease is naked exposed in the storm of pain, and then big influence, and then high visibility can not help, in the clinic, in the hospital bed, I am nothing, is a time may be in the breath between the loss of all patients.

At that time, I often groan, blaming God for my injustice, I cry from the deep inside: "Why me?" What have I done wrong? Is this karma? "I am favored!" I have the ability to change the world, for the benefit of mankind, God should be special favor to me, how can I be thrown into the mud of cancer, like a group of people here struggling to survive?

Friends See me very painful, specially take me to meet the Nebula Master, and in Fo Guang Shan stay a few days. One day, the morning class just past, the days are not all bright, I was arranged with the master with the early fasting. After the meal, the master suddenly asked me: "Open complex, have you ever thought, what is your goal in life?" ”

I answered without hesitation: ' Maximize the impact ' the world is different from me '! "This is my long-standing belief in the extent to which a person can change the world, to see how much influence he has, and the greater the influence, the more effective it will be." This belief is as long as a tumor on me, tenacious, stubborn, and rapid expansion. I have never doubted the correctness of it.

The master laughed and hesitated, and after a moment of hesitation, he said, "It's too dangerous!" "Why?" I don't understand! "I was so surprised!" "We people are very small, one more me, one less me, the world will not increase or decrease." You want ' the world is different from me ', this is too arrogant! The master spoke very softly and slowly, but a word was clear. "What is ' maximizing influence '? If a person wants to enlarge his influence, you think, it is in the pursuit of fame and fortune Ah! Ask your heart! Never cheat yourself ... "

Heard here, almost as Thunderstruck, no one has been so direct, so gentle and stern point to my blind spot. I froze there for a long while without answering. "Life is rare, life is too difficult to change the world, you do not have to make a good job is not easy." The master paused and continued: "To produce positive energy, do not produce negative energy." "Every word of him falls in my heart:" In the face of disease, positive energy is the most effective medicine. The most favorite thing about illness is worry, sadness and frustration. The worst fear of sickness is peace, self-confidence, and indifference to it. I have diabetes for decades, but I ignore its existence, do what I should do every day, I am not alive now! ”

Those days often listen to the master to open, feel that their past believe that many values, beliefs are flawed. I was also carrying a lot of ego because of identity, fame, status, the master's words I remember, but I did not fully understand, and did not fully accept, and even a little defy the gas.

One day, I think I condemn on Weibo, and also crucified some negative social phenomena. So ask the master to use what kind of attitude to face the "evil" of society. Unexpectedly, the master still responds to me in a consistent tone of voice: "If a man is bent on evil, he will see that he sees evil." If you are doing good, especially by doing good deeds, rather than trying to win fame by doing good deeds, we can guide society and produce positive benefits for society. "But what if we see the negative events of greed, evil and selfishness?" "I want to justify it.

The master said: "To cherish, respect for everything around, whether good or evil beauty ugly, there is the value of existence." Like an ecologically intact forest, there are elephants and tigers, and there must be cockroaches and rats. Perfection and defect are the coexistence, and the difference from the human heart. If there is no evil, how can the light of good be manifested? If there is no selfish narrowness, we cannot see the greatness of generosity and selflessness. Therefore, the practice of truly benefiting the world is not to do evil, but to do good, not to fight negative energy, but to promote positive energy. ”

During my convalescence, the words of the master often echoed in my heart. I think the most is the "influence" three words. In the past, no matter what I did, I would unconsciously estimate how much influence this thing could have. A speech less than 1000 people will not go, every day Weibo can not add 10,000 fans, I think the content is not enough. I never thought there was anything wrong, my schedule was full, my time was limited, and of course I had to filter out a lot of minor, meaningless activities. So I calculated exactly how every minute of the moment was used to make the most impact, and I was almost a bit paranoid about running social media as the focus of my life goals, and looking at the job of getting fan attention.

The Master regained my focus: "The pursuit of the greatest influence, the end will use influence to pursue fame and fortune." People who don't admit it, they just cheat on themselves. "In order to pursue greater influence, I like the machine blindly fast operation, my heart that greedy beast occupied my soul, all kinds of good excuses, shielded the heart of the Beacon, let me lose accurate judgment." I told myself that with the influence, I could do justice, do more meaningful things, my body was honest, I had a long sleep, gout, constipation, and a couple of shingles. These warnings are too weak to shake my more and more powerful belief, people say "hardcore", Crazy heart difficult to rest, finally the body had to use a big disease to warn me, put me to the bottom of life, let me see their ignorance, fragility, small, but also let me from the body of the small universe complex and changeable, Experience the depth and mystery of life in the universe.

The body is sick, I found that, in fact, my heart is more serious! When I was forced to stop running the machine, no longer rely on coffee to refresh, my mind can finally stay awake, and clearly see that the pursuit of fame and fortune of life is superficial, in order to change the world's life is full of pressure. Precious life journey, should hold a beginner's mentality, to the world to keep children's curiosity, to experience life, so that every day than the previous one has progress, growth, do not have to change others, as long as a clear conscience, sincere equality for people, this is enough. If everyone in the world could do this, the world would be better off without waiting for any savior to save.

Now, I find a way of thinking that is more in keeping with my own insignificance, and that is, if I do one thing and everyone in the world does it, will our world be better? If it does, I will do it, but no longer use quantified thinking to calculate the "value" and "meaning" of everything. Life is too deep, many unseen values and meanings occur in the subtleties that we cannot see. For example, after the illness, I continued on the microblog on a number of post-illness sentiment of the article, I just sincerely want to share with you, will never be the same as in the past, in order to increase CTR and expand influence and deliberately create a promotion. I found that for those who really need it, a short essay, a sincere word, can be deeply rooted. It is better to keep one or two people in mind than to let tens of thousands of people forget. Moreover, through this sincere and selfless communion, I get the feedback will be positive energy.

Now, before the engrossed camp to pursue everything, in my heart are gradually light, remove a lot of invisible burden, I have the ability to identify the online many heated, boiling discussion, often filled with negative energy. Yesterday all sorts of things, such as yesterday's death, today's life. Waking up in sickness, Dotage's mind also wakes up. I do not look at the Internet now, and I do not feel I need to speak up online. The eye is not, the heart is not bored, does not want, causes the human heart not to be disorderly, does not bother not to be disorderly, will not bring the physical and mental pressure, otherwise, the pressure is all pathogenic source. Even if I am responsible for my own health, I am bound to stay away from the past lifestyle.

What a vain life I have been