From programmer to Project Manager (17): Don't try to be friends with subordinates

In the project team often have some more competent staff, for the project manager to solve problems, so gradually get the project manager valued. Because of mutual dependence, the two can easily develop into a friend relationship, and some project managers even regard the staff as "confidant" to the staff, this is actually a very unwise approach.

Broadly speaking, co-workers are also friends, and there are friendships among colleagues. Under normal circumstances, the project manager's distance to everyone is equal, and the entire team maintains a balance. If the project manager has an overly close relationship with an employee, the balance will be broken, affecting the cohesion of the entire team.

1. The loss of the friend relationship

On the surface, work is not contradictory to friends. Vegetated, dead? It is understandable that long-term work creates friendships between colleagues, and it helps to build gel-based teams. But for a manager, if you show a close relationship with your subordinates, it's really inappropriate. In the project, a friend relationship not only greatly reduces the prestige of the project manager, but also has many other negative effects on the whole project team.

( 1 ) cannot be objective and impartial

Once a subordinate becomes a friend, it is difficult for the project manager to be as impartial and objective as before. After all, in the company's work is mainly about principles, and friends are to talk about feelings, if friends this everywhere to the truth as the basis, to the cardinal principle, such a friend estimate is not long. Also, if you bring too much emotion into your work, your work will become difficult to carry out.

We might as well imagine how you would deal with the following situations when you were friends with them:

Do you criticize a friend who makes inappropriate remarks in public, or disrupts the hierarchy and workflow within the project? Or do you use a hint to remind someone that they might not understand?

In the performance evaluation of employees, you will not because of emotional reasons, unconsciously to make up some of his points?

Are your requirements less or more resilient when their tasks are not guaranteed to be quality and quantity and completed on time?

Are you not going to check out his work as naturally as before?

Did you feel embarrassed to guide me when I checked his work and found a technical problem?

Are you helpless when he becomes self-righteous and often makes unrealistic suggestions and demands on you?

One side is the principle, one side is the friendship, how to choose? This is the dilemma that the project manager faces after bringing friends into the work. In the face of these problems, the project manager to keep the middle road, you must abandon the emotional factors, the principle-oriented, based on the facts, to make a cool choice. In this way, no matter what will happen in the future project, the project manager can have a clear conscience, and the situation.

( 2 ) illusion and distress to all members

The relationship between friends at work is not only inconvenient to both parties, but also gives other employees the illusion and trouble, thus affecting the cohesion and combat effectiveness of the project.

There has been a famous "Tokyo incident" at IBM's headquarters in Japan:

The cause of the "Tokyo Incident" in IBM was IBM Tokyo's top decision to secretly ample rewards a few of the best cadres. It was a secret, and it was a routine incentive for IBM in the United States, but to the surprise of the management, some of the people who had received the prize had just gone, and some of those who had not been rewarded ran to ask for their resignation. They do this is not out of disgruntled, the reason is very simple-others were ample rewards, and they did not get the reward, prove that their work performance is not outstanding, not to the leadership recognition, continue to "mixed" down boring, as well as their own discreet point, unsolicited application to leave, lest the boss cut off so embarrassed. To the management's surprise, when these people just left, those who were rewarded came running to ask for their resignation! The reason is simpler--because of the ample rewards of his boss, his colleagues have lost their jobs, and the resignation of a colleague has caused the company's work to become passive. So is both sorry colleague and sorry company, had to resign resolutely to Xie colleagues and the company.

The incident looked bizarre, and the rewards for the backbone staff would have led to the resignation of all employees, but it was also understandable, because individual secret rewards undermined the balance between employees. It also makes me very impressed with the Japanese team spirit, and I think this is where we should study hard.

Although the story is a part of the staff of the material rewards, and we talk about the relationship between friends does not seem to have any connection. But the two are equally destructive to the team's harmony, and we can all do analogies. The relationship between the project manager and his subordinates is, to a certain extent, a special reward for individual employees. Other employees will think, "since the manager is so close to him, so alienated from us, presumably we have no value", so the morale of the team must be greatly compromised. The project manager's colleague friend looked back, perhaps thought that "the manager is so good to me, certainly will cause other people's dissatisfaction, I still is far away from the manager to be good". As a result, the entire team is trapped in unnecessary distress.

Within a harmonious team, there is a delicate balance between the employees, which derives from the equal, respectful relationship between the members of the project group and the receptive evaluation and perception of each other. Once there is a special relationship within the organization, the balance is compromised.

If the project manager builds close friendships with individual employees in the project, it will have a big impact on other people's ideas, and others will "destroy the three views" as well:

A view of oneself

They're going to wonder if the manager thinks I'm bad? Isn't it important for me to be in the team? Will the project manager also be selective when assessing or assigning bonuses? Do you think the manager was mean to me when I was criticized? No, there seems to be no future, to leave!

The view of the project manager "friend"

That guy doesn't do well with programming, so what's wrong with asking me? Only rhetoric, to win the manager happy.

View of the project manager

The project manager is not good, has no prestige, likes to listen to the good words, followed him to do not have the future.

Maybe the subordinate is really superior, maybe the project manager can try to grasp the fairness and balance, but these are not enough to save the project manager on the surface "eccentric" to bring harm to the team.

2. Correct understanding of the relationship between employees and the company

Why is the project manager difficult to do? One important reason is that the project manager has a dual identity. When faced with employees and clients, he represents the company, and in the face of the boss, he represents the staff. Therefore, the project manager often needs to deal with some problems between the company and the individual, an experienced project manager, also must understand the relationship between the company and the staff.

Many companies in order to improve cohesion, claiming that "employees are masters", "the company is a large family" and so on, which has been recognized by countless people. Since the company is a family, that employee is a family member, so it seems that the relationship between employees and the company should be very close, employees should also be like brothers and sisters in general, the project manager and staff how to do not even friends do?

Writing here, I can't help but think of in 2004 Lenovo's layoffs in the storm, there was a widely circulated article called "The Company is not a home." The author saw a colleague who had worked together for a dream, a family of Lenovo, and was dismissed within a few days. The employees were completely unaware beforehand, before the interview, all their procedures have been completed, the mailbox, human map, IC cards are all written off, when they know the news, within two hours must leave the company.

"I suddenly remembered what a famous general said during the Second World War:" When I let soldiers go to war, I think of them as a bunch of ants, not people, "wrote the author in a sad note. Because when I think of them having wives, children, and parents, I can't bear to let them die. "Do not know the leader in the discussion list, is to think of us as ants?" ...... I think I have a lot more experience than many people. The relationship between employees and the company is a matter of interest, never to be a family. ”

Lenovo chairman Liu also responded to the article, saying: "I am sorry to say to the author of the company is not a family, we consider the issue from a different angle." Yuanqing can only from the perspective of enterprise development, from the perspective of the overall situation, this is the most fundamental people-oriented, the most fundamental for the staff responsible. If Yuanqing really used for the local staff responsible for the method to consider the problem, the enterprise will fall into a ernvqingchang, completely unable to develop, China will lose association. Therefore, the main melody of enterprise forward can only be war drums, is passionate. ”

It is a terrible thing to lay off a job, but it cannot be blamed on the company, and its survival rule dictates that it can only do so.

Through the association between the employee and the boss of the dialogue, in fact, has clearly put the relationship between the staff and the company, in fact, the company is not what home, just the place to work, the company paid staff to work, so simple. Liu said that the downsizing is to better people-oriented, if the company is home, then it is like parents to the child said: "In order to let the whole family have food to eat, I have to put you still lost", not absurd? So those bosses who claim that "the company is a big family," if you do not have to never lay off, and always give employees the protection of life, it is still ask you to withdraw this hypocritical mask, because no family will abandon their brothers and children. As an employee, it must be clear that you and the company are a kind of interest relationship, you are working for yourself, not for the company this "home". The reason why you work here is the need of both sides, not the cause of affection. Mr Liu said that "the angle of consideration is different" and that its essence is only a different interest.

The words have been so white that they look a bit cruel. Some people feel sad, as if their feelings for the company was a stick into the icehouse, like a living person, suddenly lost flesh and blood, become a skeleton. In fact, it is not necessary to think so. Employees and the company have their own model, but this model is not a family model, nor is it a friend mode. We should face it calmly, carefully try to grasp it carefully.

The project manager, as the manager, in the relationship with the staff, he represents the interests of the company, this position can not be wrong. Wrong positioning, everything will follow the wrong. When a manager is a friend, it is a mistake of positioning, both sides should understand this.

3. How to treat the people you rely on

Chinese people have "the death of the soul of a friend" complex, so many managers want to the backbone of staff to engage in emotional netting, so that its long-term service for the company, which can be understood. An organization can rely on employees, is a good thing, but how to use these good people, you need to think carefully. Emotional netting is actually possible, but to grasp the right sense of propriety. Remember: Officialdom can have "confidant", but the workplace is not.

In dealing with the relationship with the backbone staff, I have the following suggestions:

( 1 ) Let everyone stand on the circumference

That is, all members are treated equally. The famous professional manager Tang June has put forward a management and employee relations in the "Center theory"-the company all employees are around the circle, managers in the center, that is, managers and each employee distance is equidistant.

This center distance is an ideal relationship between the superior and subordinate, in this mode, the team maintains a relative balance, once employees do not have such a balance, there will be a crisis, worried whether they will fall out of favour tomorrow. This center theory is to let everyone feel that everyone has the same opportunity, only to work hard, work hard to create results is the true development of the road.

There is a famous proposition in aesthetics: "Distance produces beauty". People get along too close, but not good, like two hedgehog together, only to maintain a certain distance, will be peaceful, of course, not too far, otherwise there will be no warmth.

To maintain this distance, there are a few points for the project manager to pay special attention to:

Do not treat employees as a conversation object. Don't tell your employees about your emotional life, the details of your family life, and so on.

Do not express your dissatisfaction with the staff, in front of employees, is always a positive positive image. The project manager, even if there are thousands of dissatisfaction, do not say to the staff, but to communicate with your superiors.

Don't show a different relationship to an employee. For example, don't go out to dinner with an employee on a regular basis.

The project manager's words and deeds should have "temperature", not li away, appear unreasonable.

( 2 ) Don't confuse the boundaries of "reason Law"

Most of us live in three circles, that is, friends and family Circle, the workplace circle and officialdom circle, corresponding, we are the main basis for doing things are divided into emotion, reason, law. That is, when dealing with family members and friends, to talk about feelings, in the company's work, to be reasonable, principle-oriented, and for those who have the honor of the official, then everything to the law as the yardstick.

Figure Circle and Reason law

Every circle has its own way of life, and all three can be substituted for each other. In the family and friends, do not go to the past seriously, anything to reason, the FA, otherwise the family will be less a warm, friends will be a layer of estrangement between, in officialdom, more to converge their feelings, to speak the principle of the doctrine, no matter what principle, if the law against, also can not act as a criterion. The workplace has the rules of the workplace, it is between the family and officialdom, the work should be appropriate Valentine, but not for the situation, but also to the FA, but the law is not the main theme, the most important in the workplace is the rationale.

Chinese people tend to confuse the rational law, the place of the sentiment is too harsh, the reason and the law of the place, but always mixed with too much emotional factors, said what "human greater than the day", depending on the rules such as nothing, which should arouse our deep thinking.

( 3 ) to maintain the "majesty" of the manager

There is no doubt that managers should be dignified. No majesty, it is difficult to obtain the respect of employees, instructions will not be smooth, even if not, leadership can not talk about.

The so-called Majesty, namely prestige, strict. Managers must maintain a proper distance from their employees, especially if they are not joking with their employees, talking about yellow jokes or teasing others. Confucius said a word: "Pro to the village, then to." It means that leaders should not be too close to their subordinates, to maintain a certain distance with them, to give subordinates a solemn face, so that they can gain their respect.

Maintain the majesty also has a degree of problem, do not accidentally turn it into imposing, stern, even went to the opposite side, become inhuman. A good manager should be Wei and not fierce, strict and not harsh.

( 4 ) Work can not talk about feelings, but to have "human touch"

Since people are emotional animals, why can't you talk about feelings? Note that this is said to "talk about feelings", refers to doing things with feelings-oriented, by the feelings around, this is the work of the taboo.

Can there be cold interests between managers and employees? Also is not so, the sentiment is lets the team to produce the cohesive force "the binder", the manager cannot speak the sentiment in the work, but should have "the human touch". A person without human touch, no one would like to associate with him, a impersonal company, and no staff would be happy to serve it. Therefore, as a project manager, be sure to play a good relationship with this card, to be a graceful, also have the temperature of the manager.

There are many areas where project managers can be more humane, such as:

Considerate of the family difficulties of the staff. For example, some employees for family reasons, can not travel, project managers to understand, not forced;

The staff is unwell and can go to the hospital to visit;

Employees marry and have children, can send their blessings;

Staff birthday can organize a meal together;

Employee family difficulties, encounter changes can organize donations of love and so on.

Managers should be more concerned about their employees, which is not contradictory to keeping a distance from their employees. Even if you do a little care for one or several employees, other employees will feel that they are cared for, because everyone is equal, or perhaps the next person to be cared for is him. This is a kind of equal care, staff not only not "jealous", but also feel the warmth of the heart.

( 5 ) trusting employees instead of being friends

For the backbone staff, if you want to netting him, the best way is to trust him, and entrusted him with the task, for example, asked him to act as a team leader in the project. He is responsible for the work, under the premise of clear objectives, do not intervene too much, if there is no big deviation, just a little to ask. On the staff's shortcomings, should also be tactful to raise points, which is also a way of trust.

From programmer to Project Manager (17): Don't try to be friends with subordinates