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At the beginning, you often find that you want to do something, but at the same time, you quickly find that you are not good at doing it or can't do it.
So the idea of "I want to do something" was defeated and put on hold for now-what should I do? You are not good at it anyway.
After a while, I asked you, do you want to do something? You answered your question, but then added another sentence, but you couldn't do it.
After a while, I asked you, do you want to do something?
Your answer is changed.
What changes have you made in your heart?
First, the idea of conflict between "do" and "cannot do" is hard to coexist. If they exist together in your mind, they will constantly torture you. After you have been tortured for a long enough time, you will make a choice in your heart, whether to change "what you want to do" or "cannot do ". It is very easy to change to "do not want to do. However, changing "cannot do" is much more difficult, and you need to "do" it.
So you made a decision and gave up "trying to do it ". Change to "do not want to do ".
In the end, you still didn't do that thing, But the strange thing is that you don't think you did it because you don't want to do it, not because you can't do it ". Now you have a good reason. You are comfortable because you don't want to do things and don't do things. This is a natural reason. You will not admit that you cannot do it because you cannot.
Unfortunately, the fact is that you cheated yourself. Why? The reason you don't want to do this is because you find that you cannot do it ". You don't want to do it because you really don't want to do it or are not interested in it, but a compromise on what you can't do.
Psychology calls a process like this "self-interest attribution ". The term is quite good, but it is actually very simple. For example, if you fail to do something, you say, "Alas, all blame XXX (here XXX may represent a representative, or it may represent a bad weather, bad mood, poor road conditions )." (Due to objective reasons, shirking your responsibilities ). For example, if one thing succeeds, you say "Not all of my credit" (it comes down to yourself and raise yourself ). In short, self-interest attribution refers to the situation in which one thing occurs due to its own advantages. To put it bluntly, you can't embarrass yourself or let yourself down. Take credit for yourself and take responsibility for others.
In fact, many things happen for multiple reasons. For example, if you are late for work, your explanation is "poor road conditions", but another reason is that you are half an hour late than usual and have a traffic jam during peak hours. At this time, "getting up late" and "Traffic Jam" jointly led to the "late" result. It is impossible to be "late" whether it is "late" or "congested ". So you are faced with a choice: is the reason for the "late" Incident come to the "Traffic Jam", or is it "getting up late? You choose the former, because it is better for you, it is not your fault.
Is there really nothing wrong with you? Don't forget, if you get up half an hour earlier, the "late" result will not happen again.
For example, you did not take the Postgraduate Entrance Exam this year. How can you say you can't do it? So you said, "Alas, this year's competition is fierce. The newspaper said that the number of applicants for this year has increased by XXX. Besides, no one in our dormitory has been admitted ?". Someone asked you, what did you do beforehand? Why do you mean that the review is not hard enough? So you said, "Alas, what is the purpose of review? Who is it? The day-to-night battle is not the end ."
However, the problem is that "not admitted" is caused by two factors. One is the difficulty of the test, and the other is that you have not worked hard. No matter which of the two factors fails, it is impossible to make that result. You can better yourself by choosing the objective cause of the two reasons.
If someone asks you again, "Isn't there anyone else? Isn't he admitted? It's hard for everyone to take the exam. Why didn't you take the exam ?" At this time, you seem to have no way to retreat, but you can only admit that you are not doing well. But you come up with another trick, and you say, "He's lucky. Even if I had a good review, there was always a flash in the exam. Even if you have a good review, you may also miss it. "You just added the following sentence:" Who is the one? Will you miss it ?"
But the problem is that luck may lead to failed exams, but you have not worked hard to maximize the chances of success, and it will also lead to failure. But you don't think so. How can you admit that you are not enough for others to work hard? You will attribute this to the irrelevant factors, that is, the reason for luck. However, the fact is that you have not worked hard, which makes the high power you might have enjoyed disappear. By denying this, you indent your own protective shell.
On the other hand, once you say "this is not my reason", in addition to your psychological preferences, you also begin to believe that the failure has nothing to do with you, you don't need to make any changes (because you don't think it's your problem) in this regard, so you won't succeed again next time.
As the saying goes, there is a saying that people seek advice. In fact, our effort is to increase the probability of a result, rather than for a definite result. Don't expect that you will succeed if you work hard. You won't. Do not use this reason as the reason for not trying hard. If you do not try hard, you will never succeed.
Increasing the chance of success is the reason for our time.
Why is this simple principle ignored once by people. The reason has nothing to do with this truth, but also with people's IQ. It is a problem rooted in our hearts: self-interest attribution.
There is another manifestation of self-interest attribution. There is a famous saying: "Attention equals facts ". This sentence actually reveals a profound psychological phenomenon. In the field of psychology, it is "the role of observer bias is like a filter ". In M $, it is "WYSIWYG" (WYSIWYG ). In the words of the idealistic human choice principle, "the world looks like this because I see it ".
Each of us has an internal idea that filters all things we see. Distort them to bring them into our own subjective consciousness. When conducting a psychological experiment, psychologists have invented various techniques to prevent the subjective judgment of the observer from affecting the objectivity of the experiment.
The greatest psychological experiment in the 20th century mentions such a thought-provoking experiment: A famous psychologist who suspected that the subjective judgment of doctors in a mental hospital would affect the objectivity of diagnosis, as a result, he and his seven friends set an example. They spent a week dressing up all their aspects as mental illness, and then went to the seven largest mental hospitals in the city. Since they pretend to be very similar, doctors all think they are mentally ill-that's understandable. But then the surprising fact emerged, they made an appointment. Once they were in a mental hospital, they began to immediately show all aspects of normal people, that is, they immediately restored their original normal state. But as a result, every time they asked to leave the hospital, they were all blocked by the reviewed doctors, who wrote on their medical records, "there is a clear delusion and psychological forced tendency; trying to make others think of him as a normal person ..." And other subjective judgments. Obviously, the idea of "they are mental patients" that has been formed in the minds of doctors affects their objective judgment, they will interpret and distort the actions of psychologists who pretend to be mental patients in a way that fits their existing ideas. But the real mental patients in the Mental Illness saw that something was wrong with them. A guy sneaked in his ear and said, "You are not a mental illness. You must be a reporter or a professor ". After the psychologist came out, he published a paper titled normal people in a mental hospital, which caused an uproar in the academic field.
There was another more interesting sequent afterwards-mental illness experts were furious with this experiment and felt that their dignity was challenged, so they opened a war book: In the next X months, even if you send someone to install it, we will use the eyes of your eyes to see it. But what is the result? Five months later, psychiatric experts confidently said they identified XX counterfeits, but in fact, they did not send the other person in those five months.
In other words, this is not new. As the saying goes, "public opinions are justified ." You dare to express your opinion. He says you like to show off. When you look down, he said that you are a human with your tail; you are proud of your achievements, and he said that you have forgotten. You are a simple person, and he said that you are so boring; you say that a tough life does not need to be explained, he said that you are crazy. You say you are expensive and knowledgeable. He also said that you are a man, how can you struggle ?...
For example, you are not proud of your life. After one or two years of college graduation, the company changed three or four companies, earned 5000 or 6000 yuan in salary, and suffered seven or eight disconnections. In short, it seems that all the depressing things are under your head. Do you think you have to move the house in your hometown to the nest? The original feng shui is not good, just built under the WC of God's old family. If you want me to be lucky, I will have a big cone left behind by his mother. However, if it is only for these reasons that it will surely lead to the results you encounter, those who come out of the predicament will not exist.
In fact, there are two reasons for your dissatisfaction. One is the external cause, that is, the reasons you complain about, and the other is the internal cause. No matter which factor is not true, it will not cause the current result. If you're lucky, your stock has soared three times a week. However, the external reasons are largely beyond your control. If you don't sell it when you die, you may even die. Another factor that can be controlled is your own initiative. No matter what the external cause is, as long as it is not beyond the control of human resources, you can give full play to your own free will and subjective initiative, and always get the same good results. If GFW is capable of "Chinese network, sealing the world", will we not be able to use tor? As long as the submarine cable is not broken, and even if the submarine cable is broken, wireless Internet access is not required. Slow speed is slow, but it is already the best choice under objective conditions. On the other hand, if you want to change the objective reality, you can use your own actions instead of complaining.
It is the full embodiment of the free will and subjective initiative of mankind. If you say "the soldiers are soft and the water is on the ship", you can find a lot of reasons for your own embarrassment. Anything except that you are not capable. So remember, don't give yourself a reason, because it is equivalent to saying "I Can't _, I don't have _" (fill in the blanks by yourself ), deny your free will and subjective initiative. If everything goes beyond your own attribution, you will be able to get rid of it. In order to "where is the long road? The road is at your feet ."
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