No desire is a kind of feeling

Ever since I graduated, I have vanished from my previous ambitions. Just started to find a job and find a house, because from the college training out of me, no experience and no ability. Can only find a job that they can do, on the web to find job on the site to vote a lot of resumes, although soon there is a reply, but some work is not my ability to. Finally, I found a job, and then stayed in the company for a long time, although there is no important task to me to do, give me is within my ability. After completing the task, most of the time is self-learning, charging. Company years later because of some economic difficulties, a few months of wages are not out, in the company's other colleagues are preparing the posterior, and then I, not thinking too much, I just want to stay as long as possible, but my friend learned that my situation, advised me to quit work and find a job, or to Shenzhen. At that time I wanted to be in Zhuhai This company for a year to go to Shenzhen fast-paced city development, but listen to them, I am a little started to shake, quit the job now go to Shenzhen. Because now the company this situation, in-service colleagues are not many, every day after the class only own a walk back, on the way I began to think I graduated from school to the present experience of the little drops. Recall that I entered the company to the present, because of their limited ability, my superiors will be based on my ability to arrange tasks for me, of course, I know that I do not and I come up with the Beiligong classmate so capable, he in the company to do things more than I several times, because he has not graduated so wages and my positive salary is the same, I don't mind that my salary is the same as the salary of the intern, because I have to pay to get it, my ability can only take these wages. I am very grateful to the company, he can give me a growing environment. I want to study hard, I will stay in the company finally, if the company can cross this sad, I will not leave the company, when I grow up I will stay in the company to continue to give my meager strength, in order to appreciate the company to my growth. But in this period of time I do not have a little goal, do not know why, every day do not know what to do. But when I'm awake, I know that I can't be like this now, and I'm starting to think about why I've become like this?

A few days ago, and the family telephone, my mother called me, told me that your father went out and then heard the neighbors said that the family work, your father wants to come back. If your father came back to the company do not want your father, every day at home how to make money, no money to find fault, and I quarrel, said I give you to go so expensive school, go out is not the same. In fact, I know that I spend a lot of money, home because just do the house, no money, are my parents every month's wages and to relatives borrowed, and now have not yet finished, my mother wants to do another floor this year, next year decoration good, otherwise she will always feel that others are teasing us. In fact, my mother is an old like and other than the person, she spent her life with others, in my memory he in order to and other people than every day and my father quarrel, in I just have memories, once almost make a divorce. I talked to my mom and I found out we really didn't have a point of communication, and I was a little disgusted with her thinking. I chatted with my father, he just found the work is very hard and tired, from 5:20 to work, until 17:30 to work, noon No rest, must eat meal will rush to do, Dad said the telephone time is not. I really don't want my dad to be so hard, he really did too hard when he was young, and now the body is more and more thin, do not want to eat. I just want my dad to be at home now, whether he earns money or not, only he is not so hard. My mother didn't think so at all, thinking about the house every day, compared with other people. In fact, in my world, a person, not old compared with other people, if you really have the ability, you want everything will have, no ability you want to more is fantasy.

Chatting with my friends, I told him about my family, and he said that my mother wanted to be a good Wife for my family. Then I began to reflect on my thoughts are wrong, I think so is not very well-motivated, self-vulgar, very degenerate a state. Really, I feel that I really have no desire, before, want to wear clothes, go to the high-class restaurant to eat Western food, live in the villa. But now, every time with friends go out to eat to say here is too expensive, casually to eat a bit cheap is good. Winter clothes, still can wear to continue to wear, Zhuhai this weather, not many days is cold, work is basically that several. The shoes, that's the pair. Buy more than a waste of money. There is no desire now, just to be willing to survive in this city is good. May be this kind of cheap to eat a little better, with a little cheaper on the good, can live just fine. Gradually, there was no desire.

To be Continued ~

No desire is a kind of feeling