Say your glass heart wants free bullying

First tell a story, you help analysis, see F is what others often say the workplace glass heart or the leader deliberately finishing him.

F and the leader's story

A friend F, for the first time to talk to me is two months ago, he said the department for the manager, the new manager particularly strong, on his crabbing about, always crush him, he thought of work is very painful, work hours can not concentrate on work, old worry manager suddenly pick his not.

He also said that every time a technical discussion or project start-up meeting, what others say is OK, even if the topic unrelated to the project, and the topic is not related to the technical topic is not relevant, the manager is smiling to listen, even if others say the technical insight is clearly wrong, the manager will be tolerant, at most change the topic. And he's different, as long as he talks, the manager either says, "This needless to say, I know, there's nothing else?" "He pressed the battered mood, hollowed out his head and said something else," and the manager often interrupted him with impatience as he spoke-"stop it, it's pointless, it doesn't happen" ...

He also said that every time the weekly, or the project status, the manager is not that you wrote the wrong word, the problem has not been solved, that is, the task is not a good way to achieve the reason why not a better, or the letter issued in Thursday, the idea and wording are not correct, the leader and other team of people see the idea ... Always pointed out the shortcomings and criticized him, to his list of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 so many work results to see. and other colleagues, managers are not the same.

In short, F feel that the leader can not see him, have a problem with him, deliberately targeted at him, want to pack him up, let him know badly. He felt very wronged, his work in advance work late, the leader of a fart words are orders to carry out, work meticulous, get down instead of those late early to steal tricky colleagues to be seen. He said he did not think, the recent pressure, the thought of going to work to face the manager is awkward, scared, disgusting, ask me how to do.

I told F, the leadership is generally more busy (he immediately pointed out that the leadership is very easy to see he does not do is to browse the Web to open a meeting or a meeting while browsing the web), do not aim at what you do, nor that time to calculate you, he will calculate the same level of manager or superior, you this kind of shrimp, he is generally , to impose on you what he feels is right, logical, to be enforced.

But F always doubt, think the manager look at his eyes with contempt, suspicion, look at others is not the same.

After more than 40 days, F said to me, they change the manager, or a woman, very nice and beautiful, do things often ask his opinion, he felt no problem, he wanted to go closer with the female manager, thought to work on the expectations. I just say, that's good, sometimes we feel uncomfortable is the leadership of the decision-making way and we do not match the result, change the environment or change the person may be good. He was "right, right, very right."

Unexpectedly, a few days ago he came to me again, a face bitter forced to be abused, meet did not say two words, said he that female manager, too outrageous, is a workaholic, recently always after midnight call him to meet, do not consider other people's time, feel. Once he was with his girlfriend to touch the DA, ready to Hey hey, the leader of the phone came in, his girlfriend heard him and a woman on the phone and the heat of their own side of the body, a week ignored him. But he did not dare not answer, because you do not pick up, the female manager will be able to talk to you the next day one hours to say that you are covered with hair, you feel like you're a guy who's not evolved. He said, "Besides, all the colleagues around me can accept what I don't accept?" If I don't accept it, it doesn't seem like I'm too much of a match. I'm sure the leader won't talk to me about it.

Speaking of the female manager to talk to him, he suddenly excited to say that this woman is very cunning, two-faced, he thought the manager was just looking for him to discuss, who know that is not so, the manager actually did not trust him, this side asked himself, back to carry his own not present on the same question to ask other colleagues, Then back to the project discussion, the decision to do, unexpectedly, and the manager to discuss with their own consensus reached the contrary!

He also said that, hateful is, this looks at the beautiful man and the female manager, is a fox essence, to who all smiles yingying wink like silk, in fact is to use sweetener let you powerless to resist, you were she sold also embarrassed said she also had to pretend not to know to show very enjoy. And she turned the thief fast, the evening call you do not answer, SMS, immediately chase over, the next day to say you a getting yelled at.

Oh, come on. After the good few moments, F said, since he thought that the female manager is such a way of doing things, can not stand, said she used the gentle knife pressing, unlike the former manager, straight not relent, but at least what to say what is more easy to accept. Now the thought of going to work to see the female manager smile like a flower like a fly, strange is around those colleagues seem to enjoy, each day is also flattered.

Finally, F said, you say how I met the leadership is not a good, not to dictate simple rude is nasty gently kill you.

I have a wry smile, you tell me how to say it ...

Wang Xiaobo said :

As a Chinese, the greatest pain is to endure the number of "empathy", more than anyone else in the world.

Sometimes, you have to look in reverse.

OK, now let's take a look: Why F Old think the leader is deliberately crush him .

In fact, this is a pseudo-problem, as I said before and F, the leadership will not crush you for no reason, the leadership is human spermatogonial son, this kind of harm not self-interest and damage team morale and co-ordination of things he is easy to do, you will save the heart don't bushel. So the reason you have this "deliberately crushed" feeling is that there are actually several reasons:

• The conflict between different personality preferences
• Projected
• Power not properly used because of administrative authority, personal disobedience
• Personally accustomed to being abused to explain the pattern

All right, a little bit of a start.

The conflict between personality preferences

Here we talk about leadership and subordinates (or decision-makers and performers) there is a character matching problem, two people do not match, eye not eyes, sometimes born. You see this person is bored, see that person is inexplicable like, is this situation, is the character dictates. There is a song called "Inexplicable I Like You", you can listen to ... "I like you, I love you deeply, there is no reason, no reason" ...

On the job, as in the case of F and his first manager, it may be that the two are making decisions in a way that is inconsistent with the personality dimension .

There are two ways in which we make decisions, one is the **f**eeling of emotion and the other is the reasoning of logic (**t**hinking). This preference for decision-making is innate, and when we are in the best position to act in our own way, we feel most capable, natural and energetic, and feel awkward and unnatural when we do things against our preferences.

For those who have T -preference in decision-making, he attaches importance to logic, takes logical thinking when making decisions, usually objectively analyzes the causes and consequences as the basis of judgment, gives people a sense of directness, severity and impartiality, often seeing shortcomings, discovering problems and shortcomings, and giving priority to criticism. Extreme will make people feel a lack of human touch, cold, cold.

Most of the leaders naturally prefer to think in decision-making (thinking), even if the feeling leader is trained to have a clear t -preference-because t -preference is easier to achieve in the workplace and politically. People who have T -Preferences at work (people who are trained to T in the background often work at t) are less accustomed to adapting according to human factors, showing a non-discriminatory style, showing little emotion and not liking others ' emotions.

and the emotional type (feeling), people-centered, value-based, decision-making usually from the self-values, to make some of their own determination is the decision, more concerned about the decision may bring the emotional experience of others, a more concentrated human touch, pay attention to the sense of propriety, do not hurt the feelings of compassion and harmony, Attaching importance to the exception of the rule and the uniqueness of the people, see the advantages more naturally and tend to praise.

When T and F meet, it is relatively easy to create inconsistencies and conflicts. Think of the T-type boys and F-type girls quarrel (about 2/3 male T,2/3 girls biased f), boys always think girls vexatious inexplicable is not a sentence is not because of the work busy late for a while about Rice late for the birth so atmosphere, Girls always feel that boys do not pay attention to her heart without her regardless of her feelings will speak without human touch will not abide by the agreement.

When the T -type leader and the F -type meet, it may be out of tune. Leadership to see your briefing priority critiquing tend to criticize, subordinates will feel that leadership is so unreasonable I have a lot of results you do not praise me is just biased, and the leadership actually thought that the completion of the work is a matter of course it is not necessary to say how good you are; t-type leaders think you are wrong and will not meddling, Ambiguous, he is saying that you are wrong, even say you have no brains, and the F-type subordinates feel that the leadership is too face let people don't worry about their emotions and then feel self-esteem injury and complaints ... In short, a mess of such a lot of things, many times because of personality.

In fact, in the way of making decisions, people may use both, but a performance is obviously not so obvious. If you find that the other person is T and you are F, then you can understand it from the point of view of T, let yourself be a little bit, and conversely, understand from the angle of F and let yourself f some. Either way, believe that the leader does not have so much space to deliberately find your fault, so as to go down.

Friends who are interested in personality preferences can learn about Jung's mental type and character type test

Projected

There is a word in psychology called "projection", what do you mean, for example, you particularly dislike a person is very stubborn, it is often because you see his "stubborn"; you particularly hate a person to do things irregular not plan free boundless willful, it may be you suppress your own slack hard to keep the withdrawal caused by You especially despise bandwagon sycophant and then Xiaorendezhi Masinier, in fact, in the heart hate oneself why do not do that kind of thing is hoping that oneself also can change a bit and then rise up ...

To put it simply, you hate what you dislike, because what you see is hidden in you, and you are not willing to release it for some reason, especially taboo.

Therefore, not only the T-type and F-type easy to fit, similar people in the relationship between the subordinate, also easy to mutual suspicion, will be seen from the other side do not want others to see from their own performance and attack each other.

The story of the friend F and the female manager we talked about in the first place is a bit of a "projection". Of course, the female manager may also be T oh, just disguised F to achieve the purpose.

Vertical interpersonal relationships in the workplace

In the workplace, the relationship between leaders and subordinates belongs to longitudinal interpersonal relationships. From a longitudinal perspective, the leader may have the following 5 areas of influence:

1. The power of remuneration, which is what we often say, is owned by a superior who has the authority to determine the performance, salary, and bonuses of subordinates.
2. Force, that is, the boss from the executive sentence and the influence of the subordinate
3. The proper power, that is, the boss has the right to give subordinates instructions, guidance
4. Refer to the forces, because subordinates will be the boss as his ideal character and hope that they can also become the boss of the character of the force (this power to the leadership of all Oh, is the force of example)
5. Professional force, because of a wealth of knowledge and expertise to obtain subordinate recognition

The first three types are post-derived, and the latter two are created by personal charisma.

Leaders as managers (decision-makers) are eager to have leadership, influence, where to play or curried, and sometimes they mistakenly assume that the power derived from the administrative level can be used to achieve this (the charisma of the leadership is very difficult to say). The so-called official large-level pressure dead. However, sometimes it is easy to cause resentment, leading to policies under the policy, those who believe that life, such as play by acting subordinates on every day responded play code, and those who do not have the power of the cold or rejection of subordinates are full of complaints stomach Fei such as tide. So a person to rely on power in the field of battle, often and subordinates dubious, subordinates also hate this kind of leadership, think ya have no ability will bullying.

In the workplace, if the leadership of the role derived from the management, will let subordinates have the feeling of oppression, has a very serious adverse effects, let people have "trumped-up", "be unreasonable crush" feeling, greatly weaken team morale and combat effectiveness.

Unfortunately, many leaders in the workplace are either directly flinging, or try to make other attempts at the end of the flinging, and if you wronged you, you become the "glass heart" of their mouth.

The pattern of coping with problems

Our response to one thing is broadly divided into three parts:

1. Event
2. An individual's interpretation of the event
3. Results

The event is objective. It happens, it can't be changed. When we mention one thing, it is past, and it cannot be changed. But the events will affect our moods and moods because of different interpretations, and the impact of the events will continue, though they have passed. Once we are affected by an explanation and the mood gets worse, we take some action that leads to some kind of undesirable outcome. This is the [ event-interpretation-result ] model.

A lot of people deal with the pattern is already become conditioned reflex, in case there is no time to think, reaction in the milliseconds between the completion (although it looks like three steps). So, I used to be abused to explain the pattern of f always feel why this happened to me, why the leadership against me, why I am so unlucky to meet the leadership of a less than a ...

To change this situation, it is necessary to deliberate, deliberate practice, dismantle their own handling of the incident mode, restrained reflex thinking, to anger to be angry to learn Guofu-deep breathing, shout stop, "The world is so wonderful, I am so grumpy, so bad."

There are two books, "self-training, changing the habits of anxiety and depression" and "holding back at that time", recommended.

We will encounter all kinds of things in our work, it is very important to be able to maintain a relatively comfortable and happy working mood. In fact, many let us feel that there is a tendency to the matter, if a different point of view, we will come to various conclusions, resulting in different results. This state is up to the OH. Only need to cultivate, but for their own happiness, pay some effort is not what?

There's no glass in the world.

F and many because of the work of the old shouting wronged situation, often called the "Glass Heart" (refers to easily be hit, the heart is too sensitive people. ）

In fact, there is nothing in this world "glass heart", called "Glass Heart", are leaders, strong, vested interests, they are irresponsible to label you, in order to ignore and cover up your uniqueness, so they create a "moral high", convenient for their own simple and rough treatment of others, do not change their own, No need to worry about how to face the talent of other people, not to bother to make everything harmonious operation.

They are labeling you, just want to save the matter, is to let you live according to their rules, is to kidnap your mind to put on the yoke, accept their crush!

Don't be on their own!

Environment can be alienated people, the expectations of others, pressure can also be alienated people, this is as "Yanzi Spring and Autumn" said-"Orange born in Huainan is Orange, was born in Huaibei, and the leaves are similar, actually taste different." Water and soil vary. ”

So, most of the time, you just have a relationship that you're not comfortable with, you just get into a situation that doesn't match you , where you can talk about the glass heart that you don't know.

And the relationship, environment and individual adaptability, can be selected, can be changed. Once you pass our previous analysis, understand the decision-making preferences, understand the projection, understand the various vertical forces in the workplace, and then deliberately training our stress mode, you can have targeted adjustment of their coping style, do know, not for the wind. Even you can be strong to the whim of the moment, do not want to endure them, just dashing and say goodbye to them, to find the right environment for the people.

Mr Russell says that jagged polymorphism is the source of happiness. Everyone has to be his own right and freedom, do not have to cater to those who call you "glass heart" want to give you on-the-spot picture of the guy, along with your character, talent, preferences, to become a better self can.

To believe that you will eventually meet the things you want to be yourself, you will eventually get rid of others expect to become yourself.

Related reading :

• Programmer, these 12 questions make the manager more miserable than you.
• Become a technology leader
• Programmer, learn this trick, stay away from the abuse of heart

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Say your glass heart wants free bullying