I can't share what you're leading.

Many do the leadership, think oneself in the organization has the power, can about subordinate salary, bonus, can punish subordinates, can justifiably instruct subordinates, feel that they have leadership, influence and management ability, do things to some take for granted, do not consider other people's feelings, The results often find themselves engrossment trying to do a good job, but all four enemies backfire. One of the most important is that managers change their shoes to walk, no longer understand the frontline staff, lose empathy (and may never have ^_^).

Forcing people in distress

I was a project manager encountered one thing, gave me a bigger touch, always feel a little guilty. Now I return to the development post, re-experience the situation of the first-line staff, think of that thing is more regrettable.

There is a man, I once gave him a higher rating, recommended him to participate in the company's Innovation Awards. But for a period of time, he did not have any passion, the task on hand, a few days to see progress, ask, move, do not ask, do not move, there are problems and not to say.

I am not satisfied with his situation, to find him to talk about a few times, he passive, words do not say a word, look out also does not cooperate very much. I asked if there was any problem and he would say no problem. Several times down, I was disappointed, also did not conceal my disappointment.

Performance evaluation I gave him a very low score, according to this score, will pay a salary, will be the company dismissal. Later my superiors asked me how the matter, why the people who have been bullish now performance so bad, I can't say why, so my leader to find this guy chatting, want to put him to another project team to do some things. The leader later told me that he knew he was facing the problem of buying a house, getting married and so on, and the salary was so unbearable that he was overwhelmed by life, and did not know what to do and was stuck in a dejection dilemma. And my practice, it is tantamount to stepping on his foot.

Eventually the man left, but I did not feel relieved, the heart has been very ashamed: why I did not find the actual situation of this small partner? What I did at that time was a real insult to despair!

Self-centered is our default setting

American writer David Foster Wallace a graduation speech for Kenyon College in 2005, the speech was named the most influential ten graduation speech in the United States, and later a book, called "The simplest and hardest thing in life", according to his speech collation, the impact of far-reaching.

The 39th page of the book, "The simplest and hardest thing in life", is as follows:

There is only one sentence on the following page: This consciousness is the default configuration that we have since we were born .

Yes, self-centered awareness is our default setting, we do not in the daily work, life is not automatically in accordance with this model to see, understand the people around us, things, objects.

Give me a few small examples to see.

1. A female manager, speaking about one of her pregnant subordinates, said, "It takes a couple of seconds to walk, is that so exaggerated?" She go out to ask for leave, said uncomfortable to rest, do not know the real fake, I was pregnant when the work overtime every day! ”
2. A friend of his staff do not work overtime, said that the guy 5:28 shut down the desk every day, 5:30 on time clock out, no matter the progress of the job. It also suggested that the man did not work a few times, and that the man did not know what to do.
3. I also saw some managers most love in front of the big guys to scold subordinates, think that on the one hand can show their own power, on one hand can let the party long memory.

Do you think that these managers are self-centered in dealing with things? Their approach, in the final analysis, must be at this point: How to let subordinates do not affect their performance .

However, this self-centred (lack of empathy) approach is often ineffective, because: everyone can feel that you do not really care about him, but only worry that his actions affect your goals before you have to take care of the appearance .

The so-called common sentiment

Empathy refers to the ability to enter into each other's inner world and experience each other's inner feelings, and then to express the understanding of each other's feelings in their own words, so that the other person feels understood to be accepted. Empathy is from the other side of the point of view, rather than from their own reference system to understand each other's ability.

Back in front of the thing I went through, there was a large part of the reason for the lack of empathy and self-justification, failure to consider the feelings of the staff, and subjective reluctance to spend time understanding the real causes behind their negative behavior.

When a team member has an unusual performance, there must be something in the background that you didn't think of that led to his job performance. If you only want to solve the problem, and do not want to understand the cause of the problem, often solve the problem, it is only the surgeon cut the tail.

Some problems only you really care about this person, it is possible to solve the problem, if you do not care but pretend to care, in fact, it is very easy to feel, so that the trust between each other is difficult to establish, without trusting others it is difficult to open your heart. That's why I've been talking to that guy a few times and he's not willing to tell the truth--I don't care about him from the bottom of my heart. I'm just starting from my perspective, treating him as a problem that has to be solved, and my concern and concern are the bubbles floating on the surface, a poke that breaks, and only makes him bored and takes the strategy of alienating me.

As a manager, to be concerned about employees, to have empathy, to be able to understand the situation and mood of subordinates, to better manage the organization to achieve the goal. Let's take a look at some of the small examples in front of us, where managers deal with the situation in a shared manner.

• If the manager, who complains about the slow and often absent work of his subordinates after pregnancy, has a feeling of empathy, she may think: "Maybe she has a low placenta and a tummy ache?" Maybe the doctor told her to stay in bed Baotai? "Then the manager may adjust his job according to his subordinates and let her do something less important than the critical path."

• If the manager is willing to wear subordinates shoes walk two laps, may think: "Maybe he wants to pick up the children, maybe he has sick in bed in the elderly need to take care of, maybe he has a date in the evening, maybe he is reading in-Service graduate student ..." then the manager may be able to understand the actual situation, Really care about this colleague, and then take the approach that suits the colleague: give him clear job assignments, set results instead of the implementation path and working hours. So both sides are good.

• If the love to scold subordinates in the staff put themselves in the scene under the reprimand, may be able to understand that this is not good for anyone, you can understand to make a fool of others is to embarrass themselves, is to set their own obstacles, will be as far as possible public praise private criticism.

Interpersonal relationship is the root of all management

All management, on the basis of interpersonal relationships, want to get out of the human and just manage the affairs and turn the organization to achieve success, difficult than the sky.

Therefore, the management work of the annoyance, but also most of the trouble of interpersonal relationships. When you have trouble with management, you should go back to the relationship, see if you really care about others, see if you just want to urge others to complete the task as soon as possible to achieve their goals and do not care about other people's goals and emotions, to see if you have the ability to share, to stand in the position of others to consider the problem, See if you respect others, see if you give others the opportunity to choose, see if you create the conditions for others to grow, and see if you have a harmonious relationship between the subordinates ...

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I can't share what you're leading.