Happiness is by your side. Lesson 2. Optimism is a kind of spiritual wealth [the essence of Harvard happiness course]

• I. Accept yourself

  Being accepted does not mean that a person must have outstanding advantages, achievements, or make changes that others want. Self-acceptance is a natural right. Imagine how a person can guide himself up and grow up if he does not accept himself or dare to face up to his own problems? It can be seen that self-acceptance is a prerequisite for a person's healthy growth.

  However, in life, some people who do not accept themselves often use a lot of energy in self-denial and rejection, with many dissatisfaction, disappointment, and even denial and rejection, as the author said :"A person often has self-denying thoughts and feelings and produces some self-denying actions. This is very easy and there is no difficulty at all."Being kind to yourself and be kind to life is the basic requirement of life, but it has become a rare quality for humans. Why?

  Most people think that people's vulnerabilities are reflected in the hardships of life, and people are filled with setbacks and misfortunes in the environment of the day after tomorrow. As a result, people regard frustration and disappointment as a common habit. However, the anxiety and self-denial of human beings do not come mainly from the frustration of the objective environment and the unfavorable environment, but are rooted in the attitude and cognition of people. The essence is:People turn both goals and needs into mandatory and demanding demands.
  
  In life, some people have extremely strict attitudes towards themselves and are always picky about themselves. They are also qualified to accept themselves.

  There was such a singer who, before approaching music, had a special liking for singing, so He persistently devoted himself to experiencing happy times in singing. Due to his outstanding efforts, he had made some achievements in the field of singing. At this time, his mentality completely changed. He constantly urged himself to become a great musician, A famous musician, who lives forever, will lose the meaning of his life. At this time, he is in a dangerous mood, he keeps worrying about himself. What if he does nothing? What if my own songs are not liked by others? From then on, he no longer sings in a natural and unrestrained mood as before. Instead, he became very concerned about others' comments on him, and was very sensitive to unfavorable factors in the environment. He was very worried.

  The reason why the singer is upset is thatHe tried to determine his own meaning of life through success or failure.Another negative consequence is that even if he succeeds, everything is done to his own wish, and he still cannot break away from the troubles. Because he cannot guarantee that he will continue to excel and continue to succeed. Visible,The premise of learning to accept yourself is to stop your demanding demands, stop your opposition to yourself, and stop your dissatisfaction and criticism.No matter how many inappropriate things you think you have done and how many deficiencies you have, from now on, stop being picky and blaming yourself and learn to stand on your own side, maintain the dignity and value of your life.We must face up to our shortcomings and allow ourselves to make mistakes, because no matter what we do wrong, we can choose to learn from them and avoid making similar mistakes.We may wish to take a constructive attitude and approach to our weaknesses and mistakes. First, face up to our weaknesses and let us understand our limitations so that we will not be arrogant, at the same time, it also gives us a better understanding of people with strengths. Secondly, we face up to our weaknesses, don't spend time on self-blame and frustration, and concentrate on discovering our own advantages, in this way, we can avoid detours.

  We can actively imply to ourselves that I may not be able to solve so many mathematical difficulties, and I will not remember all these foreign words, however, I found that I had a special skill in dealing with transactions. I may be less physical and chemical, But I can write well. Maybe I don't know what it means, but I have a pair of hand that is very clever. Maybe I don't even draw a table, but I am good at playing chess, and I also have extraordinary strength. Lu Xun once said:Even a person with general qualifications who has been studying things for ten years can become an expert.What's more, the one you choose is your own strength?

  In addition, while learning to accept ourselves, we also need to learn to accept others. If individuals and society want to enter a virtuous circle, they need to cooperate with others. A person who cannot accept others cannot cooperate with others. A person can truly accept himself. Similarly, he will accept others. On the contrary, it is difficult to accept others even if you cannot accept yourself.

  At the same time, from whether a person can accept himself, we can also infer whether he can accept others, or whether a person can accept others and determine whether he accepts himself. So,If we can learn to accept ourselves in good faith, we will naturally accept others.
  
  Of course, you can try to accept yourself by learning to accept others. If we accept and respect others, others will usually respond positively to us. Over time, we will feel the value and dignity of our lives in others' acceptance of us. Therefore, self-acceptance will come, and the results will all be the same.

  There are many ways to make others feel accepted:
  1. Learn to listen.When you interact with others, you can listen to others' comments carefully and patiently.
  2. Respect for others.That is, regardless of the other party, they respect the dignity of the other party's life.
  3. actively interact with people.If you want to associate with him, first you should let the other Party feel your friendship and sincerity.
  4. Be able to discover and express appreciation for others' advantages."Everyone who likes himself or herself is fond of" Expressing appreciation in good faith is always a shortcut to quickly enter the hearts of others.

• 2. Don't be perfect.

  There is no perfect thing in the world, and there is no perfect person. The so-called perfection is just some illusory imagination. Therefore, people must face their own shortcomings,More than one satisfaction, more confidence, will not be influenced by the perfectionist mentality!
  
  Some people constantly blame themselves, because they always have a perfectionist mentality and persistently pursue perfection in their subconscious. For example, if they want to maintain elegance and elegance in their manners and manners, they will try their best to restrain themselves from being nervous when speaking, and they want to do their job best, but the fact is that I often get tired of myself, but my work may not be as good as I think ......

  People have a perfectionist mentality, and it is understandable to pursue perfection. However, this kind of pursuit of perfection is also a heavy burden. Under the pressure of modern society, it allows the perfectionist to see his inability to do anything about the reality, and then become impatient, inferior, or even eager for success and profit.

  There is a saying :"No garden without weeds. "The Arab spoke funny :"There are freckles on the Moon's face.. "In the end, there is no gold, and no one is perfect. There is no perfect thing in the world, and there is no perfect person. The so-called perfection is, to a large extent, just some illusory imagination. For example, in terms of the appearance of a person, is a tall person beautiful? Big eyes or beautiful Danfeng eyes? Big mouth or small mouth? Plump or slim? It is hard to say clearly.

  Therefore, people must take the burden of perfection into consideration, especially in the face of their own shortcomings, with more satisfaction and confidence, will not be tired by the perfectionist mentality!
  1. Admit that you are not perfect.
  2. Do not over-demand yourself.
  3. Do not expect too much from others.The boss expects her subordinates to be motivated, her wife hopes her husband to fly, and her parents want her children to grow into a child. However, when the other party cannot meet their own expectations, they will be disappointed. In fact, everyone has their own path, so why do they need to cater to themselves.
  4. Do not compete for the first place.Dante said: "All your heart is perfect. "Therefore, you must correctly handle the dialectical relationship between your efforts and the competition, and relieve the psychological pressure of the competition in a timely manner. As long as you do your best, you do not have to compete for the first place from time to time.
  5. Do not turn your perfectionist tendency into a burden.There are many people who have a lot of troubles, mainly because they cannot correctly understand life and look at problems from a fair position, leading to their biased perspectives. Therefore, even the right things are wrong in his opinion. correct and fair are the cause of psychological troubles.

• 3. Give up unnecessary labor
  
  The old saying goes well: Do your best and never regret it. Can we also understand this way? When we are dealing with all kinds of things in our lives, as long as we "do our best", we can be satisfied. As for future successes and failures, you don't have to worry about it. In this way, you can live your life with great wisdom.

  There is a story called "let go": A woodman who cut firewood up the hill accidentally fell down the cliff. In a hurry, he grabbed a tree trunk from the mountainside. Although his life was saved for the moment, but he was suspended in the middle of the air and on the bald Cliff, there was no chance to climb up. below is the yagu, which is in danger of being broken. The old monk happened to pass by while waiting for rescue. He told the old monk to say, "Let go! "" Let it go, then I will not fall down? "Since it cannot come, it proves that the only chance to survive is gone. Instead of waiting for death like this one day, it is better to jump down-although not necessarily living, but not necessarily dead, it may be able to ease down a little rush along the mountain trend. Maybe you can still catch the stone. Maybe you don't have it, maybe it will actually die, but there is a big possibility that you may not die.

  In modern society, there are many situations that the poor woodman encounters. They are in a dilemma and cannot fight for or give up. It is like a chicken ribs, tasteless food, abandon a pity. At this time, it is better to give up the support energy, let go, put all the energy into a bid. There are many things that everyone wants to pursue in life. If we put our eyes on the endless and meaningless things, then this kind of entanglement will never stop. Sometimes, you will find that what you are desperately pursuing is exactly what you should give up, and what you should have given up, you are persistently pursuing as treasure, in the end, everything has become nothing, leaving only one sigh.If perseverance is a kind of spirit, giving up is a kind of courage and realm.Life is limited. Don't put your time and energy on things with no purpose. Busy and endless life doesn't belong to you.

  There was a primitive tribe located in a desert place where many black people lived. Although this tribe is isolated from modern civilization, black people's lives are self-sufficient and happy. On a rainy evening, a black man returned from hunting outside and accidentally found a drinking water vessel falling from the sky. So he brought this strange thing back to his tribe. People in the tribe have never seen this "monster". It is a hard texture, and there is a strange light in the sun. They can also use it to make a sound, so the people of the family firmly believe that the vessel must be a gift from God. Next, the utensils were passed by people, and everyone wanted them to stay in their hands for a while. After a while, people in the tribe often fight because they try to get utensils, and their life has lost the silence of the past. The reason is that such a sudden arrival of utensils. Looking back at the peaceful and peaceful past, the peaceful home disappears in their eyes. All they see is this vessel. A wise person in the tribe decides to send this evil thing away because it has changed the life of the tribe, so he wants to return the utensils to God ......

  He decided to send it to the horizon. Smart people do not know how far the sky is, but they know how to make people continue to live in peace and harmony. With such a discard, we can find that the world at this moment is more beautiful and humane than the world at the previous moment. Maybe this is enough. Know to reject something when appropriate. If you have a choice, you must give up. If you have a choice, you must reject it. In this way, we can live happily.

  Someone said :"You must have good taste and good judgment ability. It is not enough to rely solely on intelligence and application ability. It is impossible to have perfect results without understanding and proper selection.This involves two kinds of talents:Talent that can be selected and talent that can make the best choice. "

  There is a story: in areas where baboons often appear, some people may put small-sized glass bottles with little fruit in them. When baboons reach into the hand to capture the fruit, the hidden person will yell and scare the baboons. Because of the food it was reluctant to get, its claws were stuck in the mouth of the bottle, and there was no way to escape with the bottle. It quickly got caught. As long as these baboons are caught, they will not be able to escape their fate. They will be delivered to the circus for a show. The reason for this is that baboons do not have human intelligence. If they were not greedy for those fruits, their claws could be drawn out, hoping to escape. Because they chose fruit, they chose the tragic fate of life. A small animal's mistakes in choice have brought them the fate of selling their lives to others. This is a difference between heaven and hell, compared to monkeys playing freely in the mountains! Sometimes, people do the same. People who are reluctant to put down anything will lose many precious things at the same time. So,A wise choice can be made only by putting your eyes High.
  
  If you give up, you must reject it. Do not be busy with trivial matters. Do not worry about other things, but also prevent others from taking care of your things.Everything is rational, powerful, and well-organized., It will become an endless benefit for your life. And do not let the secular dust blind your eyes, or put your own soul in heavy shackles. Giving up is a wise choice.

  You need to give yourself full freedom to care for perfect things with enthusiasm and maintain your elegance.

  Life is an art. We must be good at choice. A bag, if it is already too full, will be very heavy, very tired. Our life cannot carry a heavy bag. Do not drag your tired body on the road of life. A clear choice for life is to give up. Only in this way will life go lightly and sing a song along the way. Only by learning to give up will we get out of troubles and make our lives feel brilliant and vigorous.

The essence of "happiness" at Harvard University, "Happiness is by your side"

• Lesson 1: You have the right to pursue a better life.
• the second lesson is optimistic.
• Lesson 3 cultivation of healthy emotions
• Lesson 4: accept your unhappiness
• Lesson 5 Happiness is now
• Class 6: Action-driven
• Lesson 7, working, happy
• Lesson 8 happiness is more important than success
• Lesson 9: Be sure you have a good life
• Lesson 10, happy scenery