Lee Kai-Fu's third letter to Chinese students: success, confidence, happiness (Part I)

May 2004

Before that, my many exchanges with Chinese students were focused on how to achieve excellence, and how to become a leader. Recently, in the Sina chat room and many e-mails I received, I found that more Chinese students need to know not how to be good to excellence, but how to from confusion to positive, from failure to success, from inferiority to self-confidence, from melancholy to happiness, from fear to optimism.

An extreme example is the MA Jiajue event that took place at Yunnan University in February 2004. Ma Jiajue brutally killed 4 of his classmates. But after Ma Jiache was arrested and the psychologist's dialogue content, he should not be an evil person, but a lost direction, lack of self-confidence, character closed children. Like many college students, he is eager to know how to achieve success, confidence and happiness.

My letter is for those who want to succeed but also feel that success is unreachable, eager to be confident but always self-pity, eager to happy but do not know what happiness is to see. I hope this letter will give readers a new definition of success, encourage readers to recognize and affirm themselves, to be a happy person. It is also hoped that this letter will help readers understand that success, self-confidence and happiness are a virtuous cycle: success can be achieved through confidence and happiness, happiness and success from self-confidence, and success and confidence in happiness.

Success is being the best of yourself

American writer William Faulkner said: "Don't try to compete with your peers." What you should care about is that you are stronger than you are now. ”

Chinese society has a common problem, is to hope that everyone according to a pattern of development, the measurement of whether each person "success" is also a unified standard: in school to see the results, into the community to see fame and fortune. Especially in today's China, people's pursuit of wealth is the first, all walks of life, the evaluation of a person's success, more personal wealth as the indicator. But is it possible to contribute to society with the best results? Can you be happy if you have fame and fortune?

True success should be diversified. Success may be that you create new wealth or technology, perhaps you bring happiness to others, you may be in the workplace to gain the trust of others, it may be you find a return to the self, a way of life. Everyone's success is unique. So the important conclusion Lingzhijun in his book "Growth" is "to be the best of yourself". In other words, success is not to compare with others, but to understand themselves, to explore their own goals and interests, and strive tirelessly to pursue progress, so that their every day is better than yesterday.

The first step to success: to grasp the goal of life, to be an active person

In Sina chat room, when the Netizen asks my life goal is what, I answer: "Life only once, I think the most important thing is to have the biggest influence (impact), can help oneself, help the family, help the country, help the world, help posterity, can make their life better, more efficient, Can bring happiness and happiness to them. "I don't have to think about this when I answer this question, because I've taken" influence "as my life goal since I was a sophomore in college.

For me, the goal of life is not a slogan, but my best think tank, it has helped me to solve the problems of work and life many times. I gave up my job in the United States and came to China to create the Microsoft China Research Institute, because I felt that the latter was more influential and more consistent with my life goals. In addition, when I received a letter from a confused student and wrote to them, I also thought, "How can I make the reply more influential?" "The three letters to Chinese students that I have openly published are so born."

Ma Jiajue also realized his life goals, but unfortunately he was arrested after the murder to realize. He said: "Sister, now I tell you the truth, I this person's biggest problem is that I think the meaning of life in the end is for what?" ...... After this, I understand now, I was wrong. In fact, the meaning of life is that there is truth in human. "If Ma Jiajue can realize his goals in the early months, he will ask himself before he does something foolish," the parents and sisters who are full of true feelings will see this matter. In this way, he may not go astray.

So, whether for the sake of truth, for influence, or for happiness, family, morals, tranquility, knowledge, innovation ... Once you have identified your goals in life, you will be able to make decisive decisions in your life as much as I do in the direction of your life goals. Everyone's goal in life is unique. The most important thing is that you take the initiative to grasp your life goals. But you must not be too hasty, let alone to pursue the so-called "lofty", or to imitate others and casually determine their goals.

So, how do you find your goals? Many students ask me what their goals are. I can't answer, because only one person can tell you what the goal of life is, that person is you. There is only one place where you can find your goal, and that is in your heart.

I suggest that you close your eyes and record the first ideal that emerges in your mind, because the answer without thinking is the truest. Or, you can look back and see if there is something in common in your happiest and most fulfilling time. They are likely to be the most motivating goals of your life. And, you can imagine, 15 years from then, when you reach the perfect state of life, what kind of environment will you be in? What kind of work? What's the happiest thing about it? Of course, you might as well talk to your friends and family and listen to their opinions.

The second step in success: try new areas and explore your interests

In order to be the best of yourself, the most important thing is to play all your potential and pursue the most interesting and passionate things. When you're interested in an area, you'll be obsessed with it when you walk, class, or bathe, making it easier to succeed in that area. Further, if you have a passion for the field, you may be able to sleep on it, and even remember an idea when you go to bed, will jump up. At this time, you are not working for success, but for "enjoyment" and work. There is no doubt that you will be successful from now on.

Relatively speaking, do not want to do their own things will only work less, there may be nothing. Even if you can do it well by qualification or talent, you have absolutely no potential to unleash. Therefore, I do not agree that every student is chasing the hottest majors, and I think everyone should know their interests, passions and abilities (that is, "self-awareness" in EQ) and make full use of their potential in their own fields of love.

Bill Gates once said: "Every morning when you wake up, the technological progress of the human life brought about by the development and improvement of the excitement." "From this sentence, we can see his interest in software technology and passion." 1977, because of the love of software, Bill Gates gave up mathematics major. If he stayed at Harvard and went on to read math and become a professor of mathematics, can you imagine the extent to which his potential would be suppressed? In 2002, Bill Gates, who led Microsoft for 25 years, took the CEO's job to Ballmer, because only then did he devote himself to his favorite job as chief Software architect and focus on innovation in software technology. Although Bill Gates was an excellent chief executive, he made a significant contribution to the company's technical direction after he gairen the Chief Software Architect, and more importantly, he was more passionate and happier, which encouraged the morale of all employees.

Bill Gates ' good friend, America's best investor, Warren Buffett also recognizes the importance of passion. When the student asked him to indicate his direction, he always replied: "I am no different from you." If you must find a difference, it may be that I have the opportunity to do my favorite job every day. If you want me to give you advice, this is the best advice I can give you. ”

Another revelation that Bill Gates and Warren Buffett give us is that they love not the vulgar, the unified of fame and fortune, but their ideals and passions. A well-known American School of Economics and Management has conducted a survey, and found that although most students want to chase fame and fortune when they go to school, 90% of the alumni with the most fame and wealth are those who chase ideals rather than fame and fortune at school.

When I first entered college, I wanted to work in law or politics. More than a year later I found that I am not interested in it, the study results are only in the middle. But I fell in love with the computer, crazy programming every day, soon aroused the attention of teachers and classmates. Finally, the sophomore day, I made a big decision: to abandon the previous year in the United States in the first three of the Columbia University Law department has been completed credit, to Columbia University in the nameless computer department. I tell myself that life is only once, and should not be wasted in areas where there is no happiness and no sense of accomplishment. There were friends who told me that it would cost a lot to change a profession, but I told them that doing a job without passion would pay a greater price. That day, I am elated, energetic, I promise to myself, three years after the University of every subject to take a. If it were not for that day, I would not have had the success of the computer industry today, and I would probably just be a unsuccessful and unhappy lawyer in a small town in America.

Even so, my passion for career is far from comparable to my father's. I had always thought my father was a stern man, until last year when I saw my father's two favorite students (who are now professors), I knew how much my father loved his job. His students told me: "Miss Li sees us always grin, he often discusses in our favorite restaurant in order to make us like our subject more." He spends a lot of time and money on us, far more than his meager income. "My father was at the age of 70, and he found his favorite-teaching, after a career in the army, in politics, in writing, and so on. After his death, the students found his two words in his drawer to encourage himself: "The old cow knows the setting sun is short, do not swagger from the hoof." "The most gratifying thing is that he found his favorite in the last part of his life.

So, how do you find interest and passion? First, you need to separate your interests from your talents. It's easy to do what you're gifted at, but don't think that's what you're interested in because you're doing well. In order to find true interest and passion, you can ask yourself: do you have a desire to repeat it for something, and do it happily and successfully? Have you ever been longing for it? Can you always learn it quickly? Does it always make you satisfied? Do you really love it from your heart (and not just from your mind)? Is the happiest thing in your life related to it? When you ask yourself this, be careful not to incorporate your parents ' expectations, social values and friends ' influence into your answers.

If you can answer these questions clearly, you are lucky, because most students are groping or regretting for four years in college. If you still don't find the answer to these questions, I have only one suggestion: give yourself the most chance to reach the most choices. Remember when I first entered Carnegie Mellon's doctoral class, the school had a mechanism to allow students to pick teachers. In the first month, every teacher made a full coefficient to attract students. Because of this mechanism, I was fortunate to meet my mentor, Professor Riddick, who chose my PhD topic, "Speech recognition." Although not all schools have such a mechanism, you can fully learn about different schools, majors, topics and teachers, and then choose your interests. You can also find hobbies through libraries, networks, lectures, community events, friends, e-mails and more. Only touch you can try, you can only try to find your favorite.

My colleague ya once said, "those who dare to try must be smart." They won't lose because they can learn from it even if they don't succeed. Therefore, only those who do not dare to try, is the absolute loser. "I hope that all of you will try to open up their horizons, not only to get lessons, but also to find their own interests."

The third step to success: Focus on interest, set milestones and step forward

Find your interest, the next step is to set specific goals, step by step towards their ideals.

First of all, you should objectively assess the distance from your own interests and ideals what is the difference? Do you need to learn a lesson, read a book, be a more sociable person, control your temper, or become a better speaker? What is the difference between being the best of yourself and today's self in 15 years? Or the other way? You should try to make up for these gaps. For example, when I decided that the purpose of my life was to maximize my influence, I found that what I lacked was the ability to speak and communicate. I used to be a student who would blush to talk and be afraid of speaking on the stage. I was particularly poor when I was a teaching assistant, and my students even gave me a nickname for "Opening the theatre". Therefore, in order to realize my ideal, I set myself a number of specific goals to improve my speaking and communication skills.

Second, you should set a phased, specific goals, and then give full play to the Chinese traditional virtues-diligence, upward and perseverance, and strive to achieve the goal. For example, I asked myself to make two speeches a month, and every time I had my classmates or friends attend and give me feedback. I promised myself that I would not rehearse three times and never speak on the stage. I asked myself to go to the lecture every month and ask good speakers for advice. One of the speakers taught me a few ways to overcome my fears, he said, if you look at the eyes of the audience, you can look at the top of the audience, and the audience will still think you're looking at their faces, and in addition, it's best not to take the paper and hold the punch, so the shaking hands don't get the audience's attention. When I practiced my speech skills again and again, I found many more secrets, such as: I would do better without a lecture, by telling a story, and I was still preparing the lecture but only in rehearsal; I found that my ability to answer questions exceeded my ability to speak, so I generally asked for more time to answer questions. , I found that I was not interested in the things can not be good, so I will no longer promise to say those I am not interested in the topic. A few years later, people around me praised me for speaking well, and even some people thought I was a born good orator, in fact, I just practiced the Chinese traditional virtues of diligence, upward and perseverance.

Any goal must be a realistic, measurable goal, not just a slogan or empty talk that stays on the mind. The goal is to make progress, and to not measure you will not know if you have made progress. Therefore, you must simplify the abstract, unenforceable, and immeasurable goals into practical, measurable small goals. For example, a few years ago, I had a goal of expanding my network of contacts in the company, but the goal of "more acquaintance" or "increased influence" was beyond measure and implementation, and I needed to find a realistic, measurable goal. So, I asked myself to "Eat every week with an influential person, in the process of eating, I want this person to introduce an influential person to me." The standard measure of this goal is "one person, one meal a week, and one more person after dinner." Of course, I will not be content with these basic "indicators". The purpose of expanding the network is to make the job more successful, so I will also measure how much information I get from the "weekly meal" and how many of my department's employees are aware of it in such a network. A year later, I did see a significant expansion of my network from those metrics.

You must be aware of your abilities when setting specific goals. It is unrealistic to set goals too high, but the goals are not too low. The goal should be adjusted in a timely manner: if you exceed your expectations, you can improve your expectations, and if you do not meet your expectations, you can lower your expectations. Once you have reached a goal, you can make more challenging goals, accept them calmly when you fail, and summarize your lessons carefully.

Finally, once again remind the students that the goal is yours, only you know what you need. Make the most suitable goal, take the initiative to improve yourself, and measure progress objectively in the process of ascension, so as to be successful, you can become a better self.

Confidence is self-reliance, not pride.

Confident people who dare to try new fields can develop their interests and talents more quickly and are more likely to achieve success. Confident people are happier too, because they don't always worry and beware of failure.

Many people believe that self-confidence is success. A student is the first place, he has confidence. An employee is always promoted, and he has confidence. But it's just unified's success and unified's confidence.

In fact, self-confidence is not necessarily good. No self-confidence will become proud, but will lose the respect and trust of others. Good self-confidence is self-conscious, that is, it is clear what you can do and what not to do. When a conscious person is confident, he has a very high probability of success; he can still try hard when he is not confident, but he will tell others honestly about the risks. Self-conscious people do not need to rely on success to enhance self-confidence, and will not lose confidence because of failure.

Lee Kai-fu's third letter to Chinese students: success, confidence, happiness (i)