Humor related to it and programmers

Reprinted from: http://www.oschina.net/question/30362_4046

 

 

Bicycle

OneProgramThe clerk rode a very beautiful bicycle to the company, and another programmer saw him and asked, "Where did you get such a beautiful car ?"

The programmer who rode the bicycle said, "I just came over from there. A pretty girl rode in this car and parked in front of me. She took off all her clothes and said to me, 'You can do everything you want '".

Another programmer immediately said, "You have definitely made the right choice, because you may not have worn the girl's clothes ".

 

Train

A young programmer and a project manager boarded a train in the mountains. They found that almost all the trains were filled with only two vacant seats, opposite the vacant room was a grandmother and a young and beautiful girl. The two sat down. Programmers and the girl look at each other in an ambiguous manner. At this time, the train entered the cave, and the carriage was dark. At this time, I heard only one kiss, and then I heard a loud slap. Soon the train went out of the cave and none of them spoke.

The grandmother muttered, "Why is this young guy so rude? But I'm glad my granddaughter slapped me ".

The project manager was thinking, "I didn't expect this programmer to be so bold and dare to kiss the girl. Unfortunately, the girl typed a wrong person and beat me ."

The pretty girl thought, "It's nice that he kissed me. I hope my grandmother didn't hurt him ".

The programmer sat there with a smile. "Life is wonderful. I have several chances in my life to slap the project manager while kissing a pretty girl"

 

Q &

Q: How do you differentiate an introverted programmer from an external programmer?

A: an extrovert programmer will watch your shoes talk to you.

Q: Why can't programmers distinguish between Halloween and Christmas?

A: This is because Oct 31 = Dec 25! (31 = 25 in decimal format)

 

Brake failure

A physicist, engineer, and programmer drove a car in the Alps. When they went down the hill, suddenly the brakes of the car failed and the car could not be controlled to rush down, the front is a cliff, but fortunately there are some small trees in front of the cliff that let their car stop, instead of falling down the hill. The three men climbed out of the car uncertain.

The physicist said, "I think we should establish a model to simulate the failure of the brake pad during downhill loading at high temperatures ".

The engineer said, "I have a wrench in the trunk of the car, or we should take the car apart to see why ".

The programmer said, "Why don't we find the same car again to reproduce this problem ?"

 

About Programming Language

If C ++ is a hammer, programming becomes a big finger.

If you find 1 million monkeys to beat 1 million keyboards, one monkey will knock out a Java program, and the other will only knock out the Perl program.

There was a rush to knock on the door. "Who is it !", After five minutes, "Java" came out ".

If Java is good because it can run on all operating systems, it can be said that anal sex is good because it can be used on all gender.

 

Qilu

A person driving a hot air balloon found him lost. He lowered the flight height and recognized a person on the ground. He continued to drop his height and shouted to the man, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am ?"

The following person said, "yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering in the air of 30 feet ".

The person on the hot air balloon said, "You must do technical work in the IT department ".

"That's right," said the person on the ground. "How do you know ?"

"Haha", the person on the hot air balloon said, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but it is useless ".

The people on the ground said, "You must be from the management layer ".

"That's right," said the person on the hot air balloon. "But how do you know ?"

"Haha", the man on the ground said, "You don't know where you are, and you don't know where you are going. You always want me to help you. You were in the original place when you met us, but now I am wrong ".

 

Warning

A young man smoked a cigarette at the door of an office building. A woman passed by and said to him, "Do you know this is harmful to your health? I mean, have you noticed the warning on the cigarette holder )?"

The young man said, "It's okay. I am a programmer ".

The woman said, "What is this ?"

The programmer said, "We never care about warning, but about error"

 

Shepherd and

Once upon a time there was a shepherd who had a lot of sheep. One day he rushed his group of sheep to the side of a road. Suddenly, there was a quickshield who was sitting on it with a young man dressed in Armani, Cerutti leather shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, and tag-Heuer watches, previous Versace ties.

He walked up to the shepherd and asked the shepherd, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, can you give me one ?"

The shepherd looked at his large group of sheep that could not count, and said, "Yes !".

The young man turned on his laptop, connected his cell phone, and entered the NASA Webster. He located the device through GPS and started scanning. Then he typed an Excel table with more than 40 pages full of logarithm calculus formulas, and finally made an analysis report of more than 150 pages through his high-tech mini printer. Then he looked at the report, go to the shepherd and say, "You have 1586 sheep!"

The shepherd clap his hand and said, "Oh, you are right. Pick one ".

Then the young man picked one and prepared to give some documents from his Porsche to the shepherd. Then the shepherd said, "If I can guess what you are doing, can I go back to my goat?"

The young man said, "Why not ?"

The shepherd said, "You are an IT consulting consultant"

The young man said, "How do you know ?"

The shepherd said, "It's very simple. First of all, you are here if I didn't call you. Then, you start to charge me for something I already know. Third, you don't know my business at all ......, ."

 

Programmer sleep

A standard programmer prepares two cups when he goes to bed. One is empty and the other is filled with water. A cup filled with water may be thirsty when you go to bed. A blank cup is just to be thirsty during sleep.