How to improve communication skills

 

The so-called improvement of communication ability is nothing more than two aspects: one is to improve the ability to understand others, and the other is to increase the possibility of others to understand themselves. So how can we improve our communication skills? After research, psychologists have proposed a general program to improve the communication ability.

 

1. General steps
(1) List communication situations and objects
This step is very simple. Close your eyes and think about the situations in which you are communicating with people, such as schools, families, work units, parties, and various daily human-related situations. Think about who you need to communicate with, such as friends, parents, classmates, spouse, relatives, leaders, neighbors, strangers, etc. The purpose of listing is to make yourself aware of the scope and objects of communication, so as to comprehensively improve your communication skills.
(2) Evaluate your communication status
In this step, ask yourself the following questions:
· Which situations do you feel happy?
· Are there psychological pressure on communication in which situations?
· Who are most willing to communicate?
· Who do not like to communicate?
· Is there frequent pleasant communication with most people?
· Do you often feel that your meaning is not clear?
· Do you often misunderstand others and find yourself wrong afterwards?
· Do you have regular contact with friends?
· Are you too lazy to write or make phone calls?
......
An objective and conscientious answer to the above questions helps you understand the situations in which you can communicate with and who you want to communicate with, and the situations in which you need to improve your communication.
(3) Evaluate your communication methods
In this step, I mainly asked myself the following three questions:
· In general, do you actively communicate with others or passively communicate with others?
· Is your attention focused when communicating with others?
· Is the information sufficient to express your intention?
The communication status between active and passive communication is often significantly different. Research shows that active communication users are more likely to establish and maintain extensive interpersonal relationships with others, and are more likely to succeed in interpersonal communication.
Maintain a high degree of attention during communication, help to understand the psychological status of the other party, and better adjust the communication process according to feedback. No one is always looking around and absent-minded in their conversations.
When expressing your intention, be sure to make yourself fully understood. If the speech, action, and other information during communication is insufficient, you cannot clearly express your meaning. If there is too much information and redundant information, the information recipient may be uncomfortable. The most common example is that if you accidentally step on others' feet, you are sorry enough to express your apologies. If you continue to say, "I really didn't mean it, someone squeezed me out, and somehow I got stuck ...... "This is rather annoying. Therefore, sufficient information without redundancy is the best way to communicate.
(4) formulate and execute the Communication Plan
Through the previous steps, you will be able to find out in which aspects you are insufficient, so as to determine which aspects are important for improvement. For example, if the communication scope is narrow, you need to expand the communication scope. If you ignore the contact with friends, you need to write a letter or make a phone call. If the communication initiative is insufficient, You need to actively communicate with others. Make these into a step-by-step communication plan, and then put your plan into action to reflect the specific things of life. For example, if you feel that your communication scope is narrow and your initiative is insufficient, you can set yourself to greet two strangers every week, such as asking for directions and talking about the weather. Don't be shy. No one will make fun of your initiative. On the contrary, the other party may still appreciate your courage!
When formulating and executing a plan, pay attention to the principle of small steps, that is, do not put too high requirements on yourself, so as not to achieve it, but to dampen your enthusiasm. After Small requirements are met and consolidated, we will put forward higher requirements for ourselves.
(5) Supervise the plan
This step is crucial. Once the supervision is ineffective, it may cause a loss. It is best to monitor yourself, such as recording your development status with diaries and charts, and evaluating and analyzing your own feelings.
The execution of the plan requires confidence and confidence in your success. Remember: a person can do much more than he has done and believes he can do it.

2. Improvement of physical language communication
We have understood the role of body language in interpersonal communication. However, it is not easy to apply physical language effectively to interpersonal communication. This requires us to do two things: first, understanding others' body language, and second, using our own body language properly.
(1) understanding other people's body language
Body language can express more information than verbal language. Therefore, understanding others' body language is an important way to understand others. From others' eyes, expressions, body movements and postures, and the distance between each other, we can all perceive the psychological status of each other. After learning about the joys and sorrows of each other, we can adjust our interactions accordingly. However, to understand other people's body language, you must pay attention to the following issues:
· The same body language may have different meanings in different personalities
· The same body language may have different meanings in different situations
· Consider from the perspective of others
· Cultivate your observation ability
· Do not simply draw conclusions
The same body language may have different meanings in different personalities. A lively, cheerful girl who is willing to interact with others will use a wide range of physical language when communicating with you, and will not care about keeping a close distance with you, and often talk to you with sweet expressions. However, this may not have any special significance, because her interactions with others are similar. However, if you change to a quiet and introverted girl, the above information may mean that she is beginning to like you.
Similarly, to explain other people's physical language, consider situational factors. It also means laughter, Sometimes it means goodwill, Sometimes it means embarrassment, and sometimes it means ridicule, which all need to be differentiated.
The most important thing to understand others' physical language is to consider the problem from the perspective of others. It is necessary to experience others' emotional states with care, that is, to pay attention to "empathy" in psychology ". When others are indifferent to you, it is very likely that the other party has encountered a bad thing, so do not see others indifferent and feel that the other party does not pay attention to you. In fact, such misunderstandings are the easiest and most likely to lead to gaps between friends and lovers among young people. From the perspective of others and think for others, we can make interactions more humane and more profound.
It should be noted that you should cultivate your keen observation and be good at discovering the real status of the other party's heart from the unconscious posture and eyes of the other party. Do not simply draw conclusions. For example, Chinese people like customization. When a visitor gets up and wants to leave, he often tries his/her best to retain them. However, many times, these retention attempts are not sincere, we can see from the host's posture that it is verbal and slow, but it has long been a form of customer delivery.
(2) Use your own body language properly
The proper use of our own body language requires us to do the following:
· Frequent introspection of your own body language
· Consciously use body language
· Pay attention to the situation of physical language usage
· Note that your role is commensurate with your body language
· Pay attention to consistent words and deeds
· Get rid of bad language habits
The purpose of introspection is to check whether our previous use of body language is effective, natural, or misleading. Knowing this helps us adjust our body language at any time so that it can effectively serve our interactions. People who are not good at introspection often have problems. Some cheerful girls are always very close to each other in their interactions with the opposite sex. One of my friends met a girl like this. As a result, this friend fell into a lovesickness and suffered troubles. In fact, girls have no special meaning at all. For my friend, he should enhance his understanding of others' physical language to avoid misunderstanding: the girl should be self-reflective and whether she is always misleading. If yes, pay attention to your own behaviors. It may be dangerous if you do not pay attention to introspection.
We may notice that famous speakers and politicians are very good at using their personal physical language. These distinctive body languages are not inherent and are often the result of conscious use.
When using body language, be sure to adapt to your role and life situation. A graduate from a famous Peking University went to a company to apply for a job. During the interview, the self-satisfied college student sat on the sofa as soon as he entered the door, raised his legs and shook his legs from time to time. If you are at home, this is a normal posture, but in the interview situation, it is not suitable. As a result, the person in charge of the interview did not even ask a half question, but politely said, "Go back and wait for the message. "As you can imagine, he lost a great job opportunity.
The significance of changing bad body language is to eliminate bad body language habits that do not help communication but reduce communication efficiency. When talking to people, people often get used to combing their hair and getting started with fingers. Some people also have small actions to pick up their ears and pick up their nostrils, which will leave a bad impression on others, sometimes it is rude. At the same time, these meaningless body languages will distract the other party's attention and affect the effect of communication.
Sincerity is a virtue, while consistency of words and deeds is a manifestation of sincerity. The inconsistency between verbal language and physical language makes people think that you are hypocritical, just like talking about customers, and your physical language is already delivered to customers. You must remember that you cannot hide anything. Your eyes have already explained everything.