Super payer is a very terrible experience

My friend M is a person who is especially willing to pay, but has a painful first love. His first girlfriend, F, is a talented person, but eccentric and extremely selfish, and has a special liking for her, recalling that at the time See her a little perverse and a little proud of the look, it touched the heart, and secretly vowed to conquer her.

His conquest went well because F felt a great deal about him. Early love, both of them are very committed, but with the deepening of relationships, M heart more and more dissatisfaction. He found that his girlfriend enjoyed his work very much, but she never paid for it, and she was asking more and more, as if whatever he had to pay for her.

After a year of being in love, M feels physically and mentally exhausted, his anger against F is beyond control and F breaks out.

When she broke up, M swore that he would never fall in love with someone like F, and he was determined to find someone who was as willing to pay as he was.

Fate is generous to him, of course, he then found a girlfriend L, she is more considerate than he is, more willing to pay.

L's parents are dissatisfied with M, think he is not worthy of his daughter, M and L after a hard fight, finally came together.

But after getting married, M found it to be a more horrible nightmare because L's family was a seemingly glamorous one, but actually had a lot of debt and little-known difficulties. To pay off these debts and resolve these difficulties, he must make ten times more efforts than his first love, and it is not necessarily the result. To his particular distress, he noticed that many of W's brothers and sisters, like F, only solicited non-paying people, and no matter what he did to them, they felt relieved that there was no guilt in their hearts.

He also found that father-in-law is a more powerful payer. If we say that M is paying 10 points, his father's pay can reach 20 points. This made M feel crashed. At the same time, he gradually realized that his wife and sisters and brothers became the only "wicked" and "wasted" people they asked for because of the extreme sacrifices made by their father-in-law adults.

When chatting with M, I asked M what these encounters had taught him. From the very beginning, he replied that the lesson he had learned was that he should divorce his wife. It would be best to live alone for some time before reconstructing the family and never looking for someone like his wife.

I ask him again, his wife is to pay, you want a divorce; first love girlfriend is a solicitor, you have also broken up: So what kind of person should you look for? If you say that the client is not your right lady, who is not paid, then your right lady what kind of person?

It looks like the answer is a woman who has a balance between asking and paying. However, M seems to feel no sense of such a woman, but also feel that they can not attract this balance, flexible and relatively healthy woman.

I continue to ask him, if each fate is a homework, what did he learn from these two homework?

M said he already had some lessons: The lesson of first love is not looking for a solicitor; the lesson of this marriage is not to look for an extreme payer ...

I cautioned, it sounded like this, the answer seems to be pinned on someone else. I said: "It turned out that your life depends on happiness to find what kind of wife, found OK, can not find pain, but the pain of responsibility is not on themselves but on each other."

At this moment, he came to understand and said: "I have to change myself, neither to continue to be a pure payer, nor to be a pure taker, I need to learn to balance, or I can be a payer, As a solicitor, I can choose. "

The reason we choose to be with someone must have the same meaning - I want to be like him or, more accurately, I want to have some of his qualities.

Specific to the M's story, he initially chose to fall in love with F, because the super paid him, but also want to have the quality of the F body - for their own consideration.

Despite learning to supervise love and attention in the native families, M still has a longing craving and longing sometimes to think about himself. But he could not do that, because in that case he would be marginalized in the native families, so he pressed that desire down. But this will not disappear, it is just hidden in the subconscious it.

M F love at first sight, he was F's perverse and pride to attract, and perverse and proud of the fact that is, I do not have to care about you.

Many people have the meaning of understanding: "I think so much for you, can you think about it for me." So, people who understand things are often hesitant to do things.

F attracted by M, also have the same meaning.

F looks like an extremely selfish person, but the reason why she forms this quality is also due to love for her parents. It can be speculated that one of F's parents is super paid, the sense of value is based on paying for others, and F is to meet the needs of parents to become a known only to know who to pay, because of her Say, when she claims the parents will be close to her, but parents will feel overwhelmed when she pays. So she is in this way the super-paid parents to express love and close desire.

F is the same as being restrained by her own system of self, and she also desires to have an understanding of the subconscious. So, she is also attracted by M.

Of course, F is attracted to M, but also because M is able to meet her needs. If she encounters a person like her, she has no possibility at all. It is just as if she had to ask for and pay for her balance.

But in the end, F and M broke up. In fact, breaking up is said that the super paid M can not always play the role paid, super-requested F can not always play the role played. They should learn from each other.

If M learns some of the qualities of F, it can be properly claimed, and F learns the qualities of M, which can be properly paid, which means that they all passed this homework.

However, as a general rule, there are few people who can pass this homework, and most people later become more committed to their own logic. M said that F later fell in love many times, and she found that she could never find the same person as M was willing to pay for her, so I kept thinking of him all the time.

Similar to the M and F story, I do not know how many heard, which led me to sum up a law: because of some pain of childhood, we have a longing, growing up, we will follow this longing, and this Longing for always or even over-fulfilled, but in the end we will find that over-satisfaction often means terrible pain.

M's desire to play a super payer, and he is proud of, but F told him that really become a super payer is a very terrible experience.