Is learning important, or is business contacts important? Li xiaolai)

I once met a student at Peking University and asked me, "Teacher, do you say learning is important, or do you have business contacts ?" Looking at his face, I took out my notebook and noted down the problem. Then I told him that this is a big topic. I will write an article carefully on the Internet, then I gave him my blog address. Then I added, "Believe me, even if the so-called contacts are important, they are not as important as they are ".

Let's talk about it from the beginning. Start by thinking about who you are willing to become friends? From kindergarten, everyone has already had some principles of choosing friends-though not self-aware. In fact, uneven resource distribution will inevitably lead to a certain dependency between people. Observe the fact that many children with toys in kindergarten are more likely to be treated as friends by other children. So what are the greatest children and friends with the most toys? The answer is not yes. If you have the opportunity and are willing to spend more time talking to the child with the most toys as I do, you will soon find that in his mind, like all adults, friends are divided into "real friends" and "ordinary friends ". Let's call the child with the most toys "Xiaoqiang ".

At that time, I was curious. Wait patiently and tell me who is his "real friend ". Finally, he told me that there were only two real friends. One is a boy and the other is a girl. Then I asked him, "Why do you think that boy is your real friend ?" Xiaoqiang did not hesitate for a second and told me, "He never snatched my toys. He changed it with me ." I asked him again, "Well, why do you think that girl is your real friend ?" This time, Xiaoqiang hesitated for a while. After confirming that I would keep him confidential, he said, "She looks good. I gave her all the new toys first ......" I smile. After a while, I asked him, "Do you think you are good ?" Xiao Qiang stunned and looked innocent. "I don't know ......" I asked again, "Who is the current toy in her hand ?" Xiaoqiang suddenly looked very nervous, "not mine ." I decided not to ask the little girl any questions. For various reasons, there are always only a few people in life who want to make friends. But for a variety of reasons, most people do not know how minority people understand the behavior of most of them. Just now, Xiaoqiang said that his "real friend" never "snatched" his toys, but "changed ". Note these two words.

Here we will not discuss the so-called "mind calculation ". It is true that some people have a deep City, at least more advanced than others. They can achieve their own goals even if they do not think of anything else. Here we will only discuss the most common cases. All people like and attach importance to or even prefer an exchange, "fair exchange ". John may not realize that the number of toys he owns makes it difficult for him to have a "fair exchange" from the perspective of probability, because the vast majority of children do not have many toys or even have no toys at all, therefore, the children do not have the opportunity or the ability to "have a fair exchange" with them ". For him, an unfair exchange is equivalent to "snatching", and no one prefers "snatching ". The boy who "changed" with him made Xiaoqiang feel fair. Xiaoqiang also has what he wants but does not possess. Therefore, he also "Changes" instead of "snatching, "because he doesn't like" getting robbed "-Give the girl the latest toys first ......

In a sense, although the vast majority of people do not want to admit that their so-called "friendship" is actually just "exchange relationship ". However, if you do not have enough resources and are not good enough, it is more likely that you will become a "requester" and cannot do a "fair exchange", which will eventually become a burden on the other party. In this case, the so-called "friendship" will be slowly lost. There are also continuous periods, but it is more likely that the other party is patiently waiting for the next exchange, in order to achieve "fairness ". In the movie "Godfather", what is the boss of the coffin shop? When bernasila was determined to seek justice from The Godfather, Corion, for him and for his daughter, Amerigo was the "requester ". Many years later, the godfather Corion finally opened the door of Amerigo in the middle of the night ......

As you can imagine, many people prefer and are more likely to exchange resources with people with the same number of other resources or with equal resource quality. In this case, "Fair Transactions" are more likely to be produced. In fact, such examples are everywhere in life. Even on campus, the essence of "Exchange" is not so obvious, but it is not uncommon for behaviors of the same nature. For example, a recognized talented person in a department will encounter a "Chance" with another recognized talent in another department and then become a "dead party ". As it is often said, "heroes see each other slightly differently" may be the same reason. Therefore, conversations between them and any other activities often make them feel "speculative ".

There are too many such examples.

When Shen nanpeng, 15, and Liang Jianzhang, 14, met each other for the first time, the two ignorant teenagers did not realize that they would join hands in 17 years to create a miracle in China's Internet industry. In the first national middle school student computer competition in 1982, the two mathematical "prodigy" won the prize at the same time. It is not because the two of them are superior. But because they are both very good, they may be very good, and then the collision of fate produces a brilliant spark. In turn, people who are recognized as good are often not "low-key" or "approachable ". They did not mean this. They have no intention to annoy people who seem "mediocre" to them, but they have this kind of experience-"communication with these people, communication costs are too high ......" Unless one day, these people finally realize that they should protect themselves, because some misunderstandings have no chance to explain. As a result, they began to "humble", they learned to "low-profile", they appear "approachable ".

Many years ago, I noticed a phenomenon that when someone turned to me for help, I often had a conflict, but I was afraid that others would say that I was a so-called "uninteresting person ", as a result, I tried my best to do things I didn't like. When I was particularly hurt, I suddenly burst into a flash and wanted to understand that the original embarrassment did not come from my lack of "helpful" character, but from my own energetic resources, I am not strong enough to deal with my own affairs, but I still have a lot of time and energy to help others do things-in fact, I am already a dashboard crossing the river. Later, I began to doubt whether Leifeng's leadership was too idiotic because he did not assign enough work to his subordinates. -- This was a big surprise for me that night, because I found that I was thinking independently. Recognizing your limited abilities is a prerequisite for mental health. From the day I rethink Leifeng's leadership, I struggled to learn how to do what I could. It is funny to say that my IQ is limited to the past and I did not expect "Do What You Can" to be such a difficult behavior model-1) admit that I have limited capabilities; 2) not afraid to show up in front of others; 3) dare not prove that you are a good person "......

Therefore, only excellent talents have effective contacts. And because these people may have to avoid "unfair exchange" at any time and place, they pay more attention to their own quality and know that they do not create troubles for others. Being alone is a virtue. It is often said that "too many people leave" is a very accurate observation. Those who are not good often do not know such a simple truth. They do not even realize that they are in a situation and can only assume the role of a "solver; in this way, each "Exchange" becomes an "unfair exchange", which in the end is more likely to make the exchange fail-because no one prefers "unfair exchange, both of them further cause their own losses, making their own resources either less in quantity or less in quality, and further making themselves more likely to be "sorters"-a vicious circle, or even never turn over.

There are still some people who are too eager to build so-called connections and ignore their own circumstances. For such people, some special words are often used to describe them, such as "Mei", "ba Jie", "Mei Shang", and even "consortium and private. Such people often do not mean to do so. They just vaguely realize that their own power is too small, so they hope to use other power. The more small a person is, the more strong his desire is. Such human characteristics are very obvious. One of them is that in daily life, they often intentionally or unintentionally refer to people who look up in an intimate way, whether they have a private relationship with the "Big Man" or not. In the Chinese context, they only say the name is not the last name: Li Kaifu is not called "Li Kaifu", but "Kaifu" in their mouths "; li Yanhong does not call "Li Yanhong" in their mouths as "Yanhong", Shen nanpeng does not call "Shen nanpeng", or "Nan Peng" in their mouths "; recently, I have heard of even more terrible people, and even more specific people, such as "Yu Minhong", "Xiao Deng" (Deng Feng), "think" (ideal )...... On the whole, network connections are of course important. However, for an individual, what is more important is his resources. Some resources are hard to obtain instantly, such as money, status, and reputation, especially in the real world where these resources are more dependent on birth and luck. However, some resources can easily start from scratch, such as a person's talent and knowledge. Talent or knowledge is something that can be obtained through hard work. Once a person's mental ability is enabled, he will find that in this world where information is readily available, he can easily become an expert in at least one field as long as he works hard and has patience and time to be friends. Effort is not as hard as the legend suggests, but "at least six hours of study and work every day"; patience is far greater than most people think, "It takes at least five years for a short period of time, but 20 years for a long period of time ". Today, many years later, I have discovered that I cannot understand or predict other things that I thought about when I got my IQ even years ago (of course, I still have an average IQ, but I am only a little more intelligent ): when a person is surrounded by excellent people, no one asks him for help-because almost all the excellent people around him are ashamed to delay others' time. At the same time, these people are considered excellent only when they encounter problems that can solve the problems.

If, one day, you have become an expert in a certain field, you will be pleasantly surprised that a truly valuable so-called efficient network of contacts will break into the door. The people you meet will come from a completely different level, from a variety of unexpected different directions. And you are no longer the one you used to do nothing in the past, you are no longer a "solver", and you are playing a "helpful" role-few people hate good intentions for help, what's more, you are here to help. You may even receive unexpected help. If you are a good person and a valuable person, there will be many other outstanding people and valuable people to help you. In this case, such help is often "selfless. Just as no doctor is angry and angry just because the reward is too small, those who are of excellent quality to a certain level, and who are suddenly at a certain level, it is often true that "Shi en does not give a picture ". For them, being able to "verify their ideas" is more important than anything else and can make them physically and mentally pleasant. However, the really interesting phenomenon is that, because you are not an ordinary person, you must understand the truth of "the grace of dripping water, when the spring is reported. In the end, we are all happy because the communication cost is almost zero. At the same time, the effect is naturally "the exchange benefits are infinitely magnified ". A virtuous circle.

The wisdom of life is to focus on changing those that can be changed, and temporarily ignore those that cannot be changed. Focus on building yourself and building yourself into a good person, a useful person, and an independent person is more important than anything else. Building yourself is equivalent to building a network of people-if the network is really as important as they say. As a matter of fact, I always think that the legend of success caused by connections is actually very illusory, but it is just an illusion that people who do not know the truth have to create. I am not saying that I don't need to care about anyone around me, or I don't need to deal with anyone. Being good at communicating with people is also a skill that requires learning and a lot of time and practice. I just remind you not to overestimate yourself and mistakenly think that you have enough time to properly handle the relationship between you and everyone around you. Check the name in your mobile phone address book. How many of them have not been contacted for a long time? After so many years, I have only met two or three people and said, "The maximum time is no longer than two weeks ." One of them is a very stubborn and special person. In his mobile phone address book, there are only 22 names in total.

In fact, there is only one manifestation of true concern: it is willing to spend time, even if it is a "waste" of time. This is easy to understand. Because, when you spend time on a person, it is equivalent to pouring your life into him-what is the final result? Anyway, that person has become part of your life, whether you like it or not. Everyone's time is limited. So in the end, there are only a few "really good friends. This is really a big topic that can be written into both books. The following are some of my simple suggestions, but they are not so easy to practice:

Concentrate on improving your own things; learn and possess more and better skills; Become a person worthy of contact; learn to stand alone, and do not make trouble for others as a virtue; use your independence to win respect. Unless there are special reasons, we should try to avoid those who cannot stand alone in material life; those who cannot stand alone in spiritual life, even though it is difficult to identify a friend, if you really care about a friend, you are willing to spend or even waste more time on him. Remember, the degree of happiness of a person often depends on the degree to which he can be detached from the external world. (Li xiaolai)